Message
 Mar 20 Katja
M Harris 

Erotic Escapades & Moonlight Serenades,
The Crystal Apparitions In Her Sanctified Masquerade,

Paper Trails Breathing Under Water,
Out From The Ember, Her Seductions Conquer,

Silhouettes Of Her Castle Clouds,
Injecting Primal Instincts Out Loud,

Eleven Summers In Her Pseudo Emotive Desires,
Holographic Afterlights & Freezing Fires.

Twilight Light Bulbs Under The Liquid Nights,
Sexual Openings Of Her Sensory Delights,
Unfettered Mythomania & Kaleidoscopic Highs.
Opiate Verses Scattering Light.

Divine Impulses & Rainbow Divinity,
Spellbound Chaos In Her Dilated Virginity,
Intimate Enigmas Veiled In Shades Of Insanity,
Makeshift Empathy Resonating Sympathy,

Animated Specters Reflecting Crimson Streams,
Oceans Tides Pulsating In Her Silent Screams,

Static Reveries Of Her Cryptic Demise,
Textured Amplifications Emanating Chronic Lies.

- 03:04AM -

I say sad words
with a contented voice
Smile when i cry
Cry when i laugh
Will anybody
hear my call?
Call for help

Im in here.

Our friendship is one of the things in the world im most afraid to lose
Yet it is the thing i am baddest at maintaining

Im sorry for the yelling and all the screams
Im sorry for the tears i let you spill for me

I dont deserve your devoted love and friendship
But I sure am happy for you staying with me anyways

I promise i will let you know how much i love and care about you
And I promise i will be more supportive of you

I do love you
I really do

This is for my best friend whom i've been neglecting lately.. Im sorry.
 Feb 17 Katja
Midnight Rain 
X

these days anxiety has
gained full control
of my life
every time i open my
mouth to speak
my voice gives out and my stomach
churns with unease

it's like there's nothing
that i can do without
thinking about it at least hundred
times

and i am
less myself than i was
yesterday
as if i am
losing more of who i
am and who i was

anxiety, it's like
you are my lover these
days

you are there at every turn,
in every shake of my voice,
in the jumpy nerves
that bounce
from here to there
in a matter of seconds

you are here
every single day
and you make yourself
more at home in my body
than i ever was

because of you
i don't eat properly
nor sleep soundly

because of you
i have breaks in
my confidence

and some days you make
me
think too much
about things that shouldn't
even matter

or worse you
make me think of
nothing at all
and all i do is stare at the blank
walls of my room
wondering how i ever
let it get this far

and sometimes,
i get an itch
to break from the reins
that hold me to you
but i know,  
i would much rather
lock myself up in a room
for all of eternity
than ever confront you

Music from my phone, my alarm
Panic thoughts emerges from my head and i know im awake
Stand up, go in to the kitchen, see the pills, i intake
My eyes are still drowsy and swollen from last nights tears
Not ready for a new days thoughts and fears
I get ready, run out the door
My sparkle for life is gone, more than ever before
So i get to school looking like af mess
I know my friends will ask, but im too tired to confess
"Everything is alright dont you worry"
Red alarm lights in my head, and i scurry
Home, lie down, breathe in, breathe out
Just want the voices in my head to stop the screams and the shouts.

I no longer know what to write about
My mind is blank
My heart it sank
And im starting to look at myself with doubt

Because i was so sure with you
My mind said yes
Your heart said confess
But we had no chance to look, and be true

So concerned about friends, family and other things too
Your mind was stressed
Your heart was messed
You had to let me go, you ask if i understand, I do.

Its a weird thing when you are constantly worried of dying
And then constantly worry about not dying
I wake up, alive, and i ask myself why
But then at the same time i fear dying everytime i step up on my bike
Its a weird thing
Life
Life is a weird thing
But i guess we have to deal with the hand we're dealt.

...Hard to explain
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