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The light inside
Of me
Was burning, learning
How to write, despite
The fire was strong
Someone came along, among
Bad choices
Screaming noises

He whom turned of my light,
He led me to fight
All the writing,
Done, on display
He took it, and ripped it away, today
I feel like I should have fought more, war
Should have begun,
Poems should have sung
Several fires would have stung

Sitting here, looking back on what I could have had
Now I have 13 poems
And a fire, half ignited
Could you maybe help me, light it?
Unfortunately, my ex boyfriend commanded me to delete all my poems..
I met with the devil, several
Times I thought I was developing in revel
Even though i was caught in the same level
Of misery and miss behaves, gravel
In my lungs, gravel
Over me, and I see
Nothing else to live for in me
First poem in an awful long time.
  Mar 2017 Katja Sunny Darre
M Harris
****** Escapades & Moonlight Serenades,
The Crystal Apparitions In Her Sanctified Masquerade,

Paper Trails Breathing Under Water,
Out From The Ember, Her Seductions Conquer,

Silhouettes Of Her Castle Clouds,
Injecting Primal Instincts Out Loud,

Eleven Summers In Her Pseudo Emotive Desires,
Holographic Afterlights & Freezing Fires.

Twilight Light Bulbs Under The Liquid Nights,
****** Openings Of Her Sensory Delights,
Unfettered Mythomania & Kaleidoscopic Highs.
****** Verses Scattering Light.

Divine Impulses & Rainbow Divinity,
Spellbound Chaos In Her Dilated Virginity,
Intimate Enigmas Veiled In Shades Of Insanity,
Makeshift Empathy Resonating Sympathy,

Animated Specters Reflecting Crimson Streams,
Oceans Tides Pulsating In Her Silent Screams,

Static Reveries Of Her Cryptic Demise,
Textured Amplifications Emanating Chronic Lies.

- 03:04AM -
X
these days anxiety has
gained full control
of my life
every time i open my
mouth to speak
my voice gives out and my stomach
churns with unease

it's like there's nothing
that i can do without
thinking about it at least hundred
times

and i am
less myself than i was
yesterday
as if i am
losing more of who i
am and who i was

anxiety, it's like
you are my lover these
days

you are there at every turn,
in every shake of my voice,
in the jumpy nerves
that bounce
from here to there
in a matter of seconds

you are here
every single day
and you make yourself
more at home in my body
than i ever was

because of you
i don't eat properly
nor sleep soundly

because of you
i have breaks in
my confidence

and some days you make
me
think too much
about things that shouldn't
even matter

or worse you
make me think of
nothing at all
and all i do is stare at the blank
walls of my room
wondering how i ever
let it get this far

and sometimes,
i get an itch
to break from the reins
that hold me to you
but i know,  
i would much rather
lock myself up in a room
for all of eternity
than ever confront you
Music from my phone, my alarm
Panic thoughts emerges from my head and i know im awake
Stand up, go in to the kitchen, see the pills, i intake
My eyes are still drowsy and swollen from last nights tears
Not ready for a new days thoughts and fears
I get ready, run out the door
My sparkle for life is gone, more than ever before
So i get to school looking like af mess
I know my friends will ask, but im too tired to confess
"Everything is alright dont you worry"
Red alarm lights in my head, and i scurry
Home, lie down, breathe in, breathe out
Just want the voices in my head to stop the screams and the shouts.
Its a weird thing when you are constantly worried of dying
And then constantly worry about not dying
I wake up, alive, and i ask myself why
But then at the same time i fear dying everytime i step up on my bike
Its a weird thing
Life
Life is a weird thing
But i guess we have to deal with the hand we're dealt.
...Hard to explain
I think the last time I got a decent amount of sleep
Was when I was in my moms belly
So don't complain
If I'm a little tired
Cause I didn't ask
For life to turn out like this
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