poetry,
thank you
for saving my life

i loved you
because you loved me
but that isn't even
all of it
you were so special to me
you were, you were
i'm not sure why
but you were

she is so beautiful
and she is so beautiful with words
her delicate fingers
and her ever-colorful eyes
deep and resounding,
people watching
taking in the details
that pass by everyone else
in the streets, lost among the crowds
and yet she sees

she is so beautiful
her face, her mind
her bravery, her insight
her soul
oh her soul

i told her that she is a rarity
she kept bitterly smiling
like she knew
that she was an outsider
to a world so cruel

keep ******* with my mind
i hope it rots you out from the inside
that is, if you have any shred of humanity left inside of that box you live in
keep playing the selfless and innocent roadside victim
your clean and pure palms are so deceiving when you hold out your hands
only i can see the dirt which lies underneath your fingernails
choking, and seething, lying
and you thought you could be my puppet master as my blood drips down the strings
i ruined the play that you tried to create
so wash your hands, and start all over again with a new and false pretty face

he really is mean, you know
really, truly mean
and i know
yes, i know
so why do you keep sleeping in his bed?
it makes no difference
and you, you know this
you are not a person
you are hardly a body
he is so mean
and you fall asleep crying
(you've been crying every day)
but i, i love him, you know
and yet tell me this -
is this love you harbor
worth all of this ache?
this ache you can't escape
you know how to though
but you wait
you wait and wait
purely in vain
but i love him
and he loves me
but he is so, so mean

i'm having a break down in your bed
soaking up the sheets wet
with tears that burn at each and every lying word you spoke
you said you'd be here, well - then why am i alone?
i called you on your phone
you asked, why are you crying? quit sniffling, quit being sad!
(if it was that easy - believe me)
i couldn't tell you that i needed you
that lately my dark thoughts are becoming too strong
you asked me why i want to talk to you all of the time
and there was such irritation and anger laced within your voice
i choked back even more and whispered, i'm sorry, i'm sorry
ended the call that i knew you wouldn't return

i'm having a break down in your bed
wishing that i was dead
if you could please save me, before then?
but you have already left
and it is so selfish of me to ask
and i feel that it would be beautiful
to be needed like that
but i have never been needed,
i am always the needy
and i can keep saying sorry
but that doesn't change this urging feeling
that i need, i need - somebody