When the friends are cheaper than the pills
What am I supposed to buy?
When the *** don’t do and horror thrills
Shall I laugh or shall I cry?
When the high lasts longer than a word
Which am I supposed to take?
When the dream is sharp and reason’s blurred
Do I sleep, am I awake?
When the body’s hotter than the heart
Will it keep me warm at night?
When the love hurts better than the dart
Shall I kiss or shall I bite?
When the egos bigger than the deeds
Which am I supposed to praise?
When we cut the wounds and not the weeds
Is it life or just a phase?

when im close do your hands itch to touch me
do your eyes follow me across the room
do you find yourself drifting closer towards me
does you breath catch when our eyes lock
do you imagine what it'd be like to run you hands across my body

i dont
i dont find myself searching for your touch, your eyes, or your heart
but
perhaps tomorrow i will

Rules to being a lady
As told by the women in my life
1.Don't put your elbows on the table
2.Don't chew with your mouth open
3.Let the men get the doors
4.Say please and thank you
5.Don't speak out of turn
6.The oldest man goes first in the house(for anything)
7.Clean the house
8.Lay out his clothes
9.Cook his meals
10.Be a ***** if you need to be but only if it doesn't make him feel uncomfortable
Rules to being me
As told by me
1. Listen to how you feel
2.If it feels right then do it
3.If it doesn't then don't

When I tell you I care, I don’t mean it like everyone else.
When everyone else says they care it means when it benefits them.
When I tell you I care I mean if I have $10 in my pocket and you needed something I would give you the $10 and say a silent prayer hoping that it’s enough.
When I tell you I care I spend far too much time thinking about solutions for your problems that have nothing to do with me. It means I’m awake at 3am crying for you wishing I could make it go all away.
When I tell you I care and I find a solution for you I get angry when you refuse my help, for I am just trying to help ****** and I’m tired of crying for your suffering.
When I tell you I care you could call me at 4am when I had just gotten to sleep after staying awake having your problems troubling me and would make reassuring noises into the phone as you cry about your newest problem.
When I tell you I care I will defend your name with every seething breathe and hell will pay for anyone who dares to tarnish your name in my presence.
When you tell me how ugly you are and how worthless you feel I will take it as a personal attack because I don’t love things that are worthless. You are destroying one of the things I love and how dare you do that.
When I tell you I care we could go years without speaking and if you reach out to me and tell me you need someone, not out of boredom but because the pain you are carrying is becoming too heavy I will help you carry the load and forget about the time between us. I will throw out my back until you feel strong enough to carry on.
When you tell me through silence that I am not a part of your life anymore I will not continue to intrude in your life, I will exit out the back door quietly and continue to pray for you when the thought of you comes to mind.
When I offer you silence it is because I cannot carry your troubles anymore and I need to grow strong again, in hopes that you will hear my silent screams.
When you ask me why I give so much I will tell you my life story that has been filled with abandonment and hurt and how I wish for no one to feel how I have felt before.
Because darkness and I are close friends and I have felt the crushing weight of having no one to turn to. I know how to ****** the darkness, and I would rather toy with it on your behalf then to risk you never coming back; The beauty in darkness can be tantalizing after all.
When you question my cocky attitude I will tell you it’s because I have always had to fend for myself and very few get to see beyond the veil.
When I fight for you it is because I have kissed the ashes of those who have tried to burn me at the stake because no one likes a woman who knows what she needs and will give anything to see others smile. Kindness is often mistaken as weakness and darling, I am far from weak.
When you look at my life and you question how I could be content with it and continue to be excited you should know that my life has been built from a foundation of rock bottom and every brick is a celebration of success.
When I tell you I need you for something be honoured that I feel comfortable asking for help and if met with a bad attitude I will never show weakness to you again.
When I tell you I care for you I don’t want to see a fake smile, I would much rather 10000 tears then a smile that is anything but genuine.
Fakeness is the poison to my charm, when found out I die a little inside.
When I tell you I care it is the purest of love, do not awaken this within me unless you are prepared for a hurricane.
For when I stop caring about you, I will throw you into the same fire as my enemies, and as E. Corona once said
‘She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles’
And guess what love, I’m all fire.

Your eyes are my *******.
Your kiss leaves me breathless.  
Your fingers are my toys.
I submit my body and my heart
For your abuse or adoration.
With you the red bag stays zipped.
Don’t you dare give me a blindfold
Don’t you dare gag my mouth
Don’t put leathers between us.
Only one thing does it for me.
Call it a fetish or call it love.
I just want you.

Someone smiled at me today
Their eyes were warm
Their smile soft, kind, and happy
I found myself smiling back
Like a flower preening at the sun

And for a moment I forgot you
And what you did
And how it hurts

And I forgot how it feels to have wet cheeks
And a throbbing head
And shaking hands

Someone smiled at me today
And I smiled back

You have red, blue, and white pills on your hand
Drink it up and make it stop
All the pains in your heart.
But, you are better than that.
Better than the people who called your body.
Better than the people who called you ugly.
Cause you are wanted.

You have knife on your hand,
Ready to cut your wrists
Bleed out all those aches and worries.
But, you are better than that.
Better than your problems.
Better than your miseries.
Cause you are important.

You have rope on your hand,
Lace it around your neck
Drown your mind, drown your demons.
But, you are better than that.
Better than your ugly thoughts.
Better than the voices in your head.
Cause you are not alone.

And you did the best for staying alive.