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No Aug 2014
We're passengers of two different ships- going to different places, but everytime we meet on port I just can't help but want to follow you instead.
**** it
No Jul 2014
When the stars were only a fragment of my imagination, you kept me on earth. I wonder how you made me feel like a galaxy and then as little as an atom of dust. You're fire spreading through the meadow and I am the wind blowing. Your words are intangible and my mind is tired of fake things- fragments of my imagination making me soar the sky.
They're not real. We're not real.
Reality grounds me and the magnetic field keeps me down on body, but not in soul. You were an anchor keeping me still- keeping me down, and now that you're not here, my feet is still planted on the ground.
I don't know how to feel better, I just wonder for when it happens.
I guess what we had was more in my mind and it was never really in yours too
No Jul 2014
You're a constellation, a juniper standing tall, the smell of rain, the river flowing, the stars shining and the wind blowing.
I am so ******* whipped and I bet you know it
No Jul 2014
She once told me she liked being sad, sad enough to feel helpless, because she wrote her best poems when the sky was gray. She was married to the idea that artists need to suffer to create. And I told her she was stupid. I told her that all that sadness escalated from the point where you feel helpless to the point where you become helpless. I told her that what made a good poet was their emotions, like paint did to a canvas- blues and oranges and greens and reds and all the in-betweens, were what helped crating. I told her that being sad didn't help if you didn't had happiness to contrast it with. I told her that poems about jealousy and anger and sadness were beautiful, but they were even better when they were about love and stars and trees and bees and how the world was captivating in every aspect. I told her that the sun was better that tears and that kissing was better than hating. I told her that the sky was prettier when it was the shade of his eyes and that even though he would never look at me the same way back, they were beautiful- he was beautiful. I told her that even when her family never loved her much, she had made it through so much and that was brave, and bravery is beautiful. I told her that the best way to write quality material was to love life- to accept everything it threw at you with wide open arms and when it hit, you had to be human. You had to feel.
I'm so angered that people believe being sad is what makes artists what they are.
No Jun 2014
My sins are written on paper, my sadness printed on my bones. I am the storyline of a bad movie and the plot of your favorite book. Intense and saddening, but above all, really messed up. I crave what's too out of my league. You are gold and rubies and good poetry, and my prose lacks your name. I am nothing but a whisper between the trees and you're the meadow under the warmth of the Sun.
What
No Jun 2014
You crave human touch, like flowers crave the sun after a long winter, but you won't believe it when they give it you.
You expect everyone else to mean everything they say, just because you do, but God, aren't you stupid? You're single handedly handing tickets to your own doom.
You see him as summer rain, as sweet ginger tea, as fronds on the living room, you see him as home, but you and I know he barely knows who you are.
You're living the masochists ways. You're craving what you can't have. You're loving who won't love you back
notes to self
  May 2014 No
mark john junor
with mother of silence we're a playground for
the scars we spent and received with lovers now gone
regrets are heavy jagged stones
regrets are written like ******* meant to ******
regrets are loud awake and thousand miles tall  
wishes and hope are just whispers
intangible as wind

echoes of the hearts illusion
haunting situation
footsteps faint give glimpse of a vision of loves return
but thats a wicked crown that threads the pain needle
no witness sees your depths
tastes your darkness
a whiskey candy drunk on its sweet embrace
but clarity is a toy also
diamonds to one hand
dust to another

take back your wicked crown of pains needle
shatter the illusion mother of silence
understand my attempt
emptiness is a disease that rots the heart
lonely is a hunger that eats souls
wishes and hopes are just whispers
intangible as wind
but they are all i have
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