I woke up this morning,
My body so cold,
Not even blankets
Could warm me.

But I had to rise,  and
Somehow I know,
A day of sadness
Is upon me...

To think of my life
At seven A.M.,
Emotions so endless,
I don't think I can,

I've lived my whole life
With invisible bars,
My cage is my own,
My rage is the cause.

My one only secret
Is doubt and depression,
Twin shadows who
Follow at my heels.

But I still feel lucky,
Since I have my friends,
And they understand
How it feels.

As I swallow my coffee,
And breakfast of pills,
The weariness
starts to fade.

And now I am ready,
For frustration and ills,
As I don my black leather,
And pocket those pills

No matter what happens,
I'll be there,  and chill,
For life is a river,
Which flows where it will...

When I retire,  often late at night,
When the drink and the smoke have awakened my sight,

I close my eyes, and clear my mind,
And just drift away,  leaving earth behind.
And as I pace,  in my silent room,
I journey far beyond the moon.

I see all the stars,  and I've given them names,
And imagine that somehow I'll get there one day.

And then it appears, a desert so deep,
Two suns shine upon me; the sand burns my feet.
This place is familiar; I've been here before.
The sand,  a deep scarlet,  the color of war.

And as I go deeper,  my room disappears.
My eyes are still closed, but somehow I hear.
The voices are faint,  but I follow the sound.

And watch in awe as it rises from the ground.
A city of sand,  of steel,  and stone.
I stand at the gates of a city I've known.
Surrounded by peoples so unlike our own.

A figure approaches,  in patched leather clothes,
Red scales,  and a dragon- like snout for a nose.
He flashes a smile,  his fangs are all stained.

He says "I'd always wondered if we'd meet again. "
He extended an arm and clasped onto my own,
And said,  "it's good to see you home. "

You can take me
From my home,
You can shred
My dignity,
You can leave me,
All alone,
Once you've had
Your fill of me.

You can shatter
All my hopes,
Spread your lies
Upon my dreams,
But deep inside,
I keep my soul,

And you can't have
That part of me.
No,
You can't have
That part of me...

Doctors said,
"Kid, you've got problems.
Not to worry,
We can solve them.
Take this pill twice,
Every morning.
Here's two more for
When you crash. "

I was stupid,
What did I know?
Fresh in high school
Fourteen years old.
Life just seemed to
Pass me by,
Then I took one
And got high.

Freshman year,
In ROTC,
So on point, no one
Could beat me.
Then one day,
They caught my eye;
"You should probably
Meet this guy. "

Fifteen kids stuffed
In a closet,
Huddled around our
Technical sergeant,
In his hands,
Like shining diamonds,
"I've got stuff that you
Should try, man. "

Lortab, norco,
I'd heard stories.
Ritalin just didn't
Do much for me.
Tylenol 4 and xanax bars
Made me picture
Crashing  cars.

Everyone knew that
I had Addy, I drank beer,
And I smoked fatties.
They said,
"What do you want for go-pills?"
I said,
"I'll take ALL of THOSE pills. "

From that day,
My life was over.
Never again would I
Be sober.
Still I pulled through,
In the end,
With some help from
My 'new friends. '

Let's fast forward,
On to college,
Rich kids with their
Parents' wallets.
Track me down with
Midterm chills,
"Hey man, can I maybe
Score some pills? "

Hydrocodone, my
Best friend,
Stays with me until
The end.
Empty bliss that's
Like no other,
Gifted by my
Lovely mother.

Every month, I'd
Throw a party,
Young and stupid,
All invited.
Smoke some ****
And drink and chill,
Waiting for those
Luscious pills.

Talking smack and
Starting drama, waiting
Till we hear my mama,
Twist the **** and
Step inside,
Bongs and blunts were quick
To hide.

I said,  "chill, guys,
She's not stupid.
My mom's cool with how
I do ****;
Sure she likes to take my pills,
Still, she's brought me
All my thrills. "

"Twenty norco, fifteen xanax,
Pill for pill,
Understand that? "
Then she sat,
And smoked our joints,
"Oh my adorable
****** boys! "

Travis said,
"Dude, that's your MOM? "
I said,  "why, man?
Is there a problem? "
He said,  "nah, but ****,
She's cool! "
I said,
"Only since I've been in school. "

I still remember,
That special first time.
I was young, and
IMMORTAL.
I wanted to FIND.

I wanted to FEEL it,
That FREEDOM of mind,
Where PEACE and SERENITY
Leave troubles
Behind.

At first I felt nothing,
No SHOCK or REVEAL .
I asked my best friend;
He swore it was
REAL.

But then, a tingle.
A SMILE; a LAUGH!
My mind filled with
MEMORIES, thoughts
Of the past.

I couldn't believe it;
So much; so fast!
No longer depressed,
I rose from the grass.  

I felt like a scholar,
Or philosopher of old.
I walked to our table
To tell what it showed.

Of course, they were laughing,
But I didn't mind,
I knew what I'd FOUND.
I'd seen the DIVINE.