I still remember,
That special first time.
I was young, and
IMMORTAL.
I wanted to FIND.

I wanted to FEEL it,
That FREEDOM of mind,
Where PEACE and SERENITY
Leave troubles
Behind.

At first I felt nothing,
No SHOCK or REVEAL .
I asked my best friend;
He swore it was
REAL.

But then, a tingle.
A SMILE; a LAUGH!
My mind filled with
MEMORIES, thoughts
Of the past.

I couldn't believe it;
So much; so fast!
No longer depressed,
I rose from the grass.  

I felt like a scholar,
Or philosopher of old.
I walked to our table
To tell what it showed.

Of course, they were laughing,
But I didn't mind,
I knew what I'd FOUND.
I'd seen the DIVINE.

Feeling...
Ceiling...
Crush another can,
Something wonderful!
Wasted now,
Broken house...

Yeah...

Defeat,
Concrete...
Take another hit,
And it's all complete,
Just **** me,
Oh,  **** me...

Yeah...

Can't you see?
It's my creed,
Blood red seas,
So permanently!
And this is me!
Oh, this is me...

Yeah...

Sunlight,
So bright,
I think about a day,
I've never had my rights!
I'm Equal,
And Unequal...

Yeah...

Shadow ball!
Oh,  shadow ball,
Tell me why I never
Had faith at all!
Just let me sleep,
Oh, let me sleep,

Yeah...

Oh, Hashish,
And *****,
I can't imagine when
I've ever felt so numb!
Just guide me,
And hide me...

Yeah...

It's something new,
And something *******,
A form of happiness
I never thought I'd brew,
But still, I knew,
Oh, I knew...

Yeah...

Shadow ball,
Oh, shadow ball,
Tell me why I never
Had faith at all!
Just let me feel,
And leave me be...

Yeah...

I am broken;
A broken man.
Something important
Has died inside.

I swore to myself,
That I would never again
Lose control of my senses,
But now, here I am...

I drank so much liquor,
I poisoned myself.
And now, every day,  
I awaken to hell.

And one week later,
I thought I'd recovered,
But then came the pills,
And calls from my mother.

There's twenty-four hours,
In each of these days,
But for those lost moments,
I lived in a haze.

Too scared to seek sleep,
For the nightmares would come,
I wished to high hell
That I still owned a gun.

I opened my eyes
And a full day had passed.
The last I remember,
I'd fell to the grass.

The cop took some pity,
And instead of jail,
He took me to detox,
It didn't end well.

The sixty-four xanax
I swallowed that night,
Still give me the shakes
And I wake up in fright.

It may not have killed me,
But it might as well,
For someone so "blessed"
I feel broken as hell.

It's been two more days,
And I can't help but think
What may have happened
If I'd stepped to the brink...

No cliff is too high,
No bayou too small,
Even now, I imagine,
Of ending it all.

My friends have all left me,
There's scars on my hands.
It serves to remind me,
I am a broken man...

Nevermind,
It's never mine,
What I've never done;
Never left behind,
I'd never thought,
I'd never find...

Broken,
Shaken,
Never had a thought;
Never crossed my mind,
Never thought I'd know,
Never thought I'd mind...

Shotgun,
Rusted,
Never thought twice,
Filled my veins with ice,
I've never lied,
I've Never died...

But never's fine,
I've never twice,
Played a game of never mind with my life,
I'll never find,

I'm never fine...

This mournful sky,
An endless grey.
Mother nature knows how I feel today...
My kindest friend
Has passed away...

His gentle smile,
The largest heart.
It's hard to believe you're a world apart...
What I would give,
If you could stay...

But what to do?
What can I say?
Every time we met, you'd always brighten my day.
We'd laugh and cry,
We'd drink and play...

With shining eyes,
You'd be my guide,
A part of me was lost on the day you died...
I hope, in sleep,
You find some peace...

The nicest man
I've ever known,
Taken too soon from a love- filled home,
The prime of life
Before your eyes...

But one day,
We'll meet again.
We'll share a drink and reminisce,  two best friends.
I'll see you there,
At heaven's end....

There has to be,
A place to see,
Somewhere they take in people even like you and me,
To keep us safe,
And set us free...

But just tonight,
I think i'll cry.
I'll say a little prayer and I'll whisper goodbye,
To a gentle man,
A friend of mine...

It's three A.M.,
I'm still awake...
Everybody's calling, but it's way too late.
So I decide,
to take a ride...

A hanging fog,
no license plates,
I don't know where to go, but I can find a better place.
I'll  park my car,
inside this haze...

Faded...
Faded...
I know I'm gonna find no peace tonight!
Just make a plan,
to stay awake...

And I'll be fine,
if I can find,
Another way to live without another white line,
without *******,
or Dexedrine...

With how I feel,
I need some pills,
I'll stimulate my brain,  hopping on the 'D' train,
And we can ride
And see the sky...

It's six A.M.,
I'm still awake,
Everybody's still calling, for Christ's sake!
But I don't care,
And I'll be there...

I've stayed alive,
since Friday night,
The week has only started but I know I'll survive,
This isn't much,
It's just enough...

Faded...
Faded...
Just another day when I can ride or die!
Just watch the sky
And nevermind...

A shadow rises in the morning,
A sudden darkness through the trees.
The sun is shining through the doorway,
The spirits whisper on the breeze.

I found myself a lonely island,
A place, I felt,  I'd find some peace,
I missed the cliff as I was driving,
Missed the warm rush of the sea.

Another night on my horizon,
I stole a candle for some light,
I'd never thought much of surviving,
But I feel sure it'll be alright.

The lizard greets me in the morning,
The scaly messengers of kings.
And life is anything but boring,
when all that's left is empty streets.

The bells are calling them to mourning,
The ones who march in silent sleep.
A field of poppies beckons for me;
A shallow grave but three feet deep.