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 Aug 2019 Emma Highlander
I always bother you
though I never try.
I hate the tears
but I cant keep from the cry.
you are everywhere I can never find
but by my side
and its pathetic,
I  know it is

and yet...
I cant keep the panic at bay

and still....
anxiety steals my words before i can say

i m i s s y o u

i l o v e y o u

w i l l y o u s t i l l r e t u r n

w i l l i e v e r l e a r n

w i l l y o u l o v e m e i f i d o
w i l l y o u l o v e m e i f i d o n o t
                    the bird
                                                    who flew
 Aug 2019 Emma Highlander
A nother ****** day
B inging, then throwing up; Hunger
C rying, as usual
D eath sounds comforting
E each day is a struggle
F orcing smiles
G one too soon? Not soon enough
H eaven isn't for people like me.
I nternal struggle—i want to
   die//i want to live ..
J ust one more cut .. Oops, too
   many to count
K ill yourself, my thoughts say
L iving is exhausting
M ore scars
N othing inside. It's hungry. Being
    eaten alive
O h, I woke up this morning, I
    wanted to die
P ain .. So much pain.
Q uit  it!
R est in peace [RIP]
S hut up!
T hese thoughts will be the death
   of me. Tired
U nder the facade is a corpse. Im
    a walking dead
V ery soon i will end it.
W hy should I stay alive? Should
     I **** myself?
X friends, x lovers, goodbye
Y es
Z ero thoughts
26 days since my last failed attempt. I will be successful next time. I have to.
 Aug 2019 Emma Highlander
I’m watching
My happiness



a  p  a  r  t

In front of me.
I am so tired
I give you my trust
That belongs to so few
So old, it's covered in rust
It's been years since it grew

My trust has grown tough
Having been broken too many times
It's calluses are rough
Rougher than the skin of limes

I am trusting you
Please be careful with me
Promise you'll be true
I break very easily

I love you
That's a fact
Truer than true
It's not an act

So take my trust
Treat it with care
Lest it be dust
Crushed out of despair
Paranoia gets the better of me all too often, but many times I am right to be paranoid. We live in a lying, cheating, broken world.
You asked me why I like you
But I didn’t want to tell
Some of my reasons are cheesy...
But here is why I fell

I love the way your lips curve
When I make you smile
It makes me want to pull you close
And kiss you for awhile

I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you talk about things you love
I truely believe
You are a gift from above

I love that you are compassionate
You have such a big heart
That was the first thing I noticed
Right from the start

I love the way it feels
When you hold me tight
I finally feel safe
Like I could sleep through the night

I love that you don’t judge me
For my less than perfect self
That is more attractive
Than any amount of wealth

There are so many more reasons
But I’ll start with just this few
Maybe someday
I’ll give this poem to you

My death will be liberating.

And I do not say that in the sense
that I am going to find a cliff
and take a good jump off.


I am just trying to find a
clever way to tell you

that I do not know what is going
to happen next.

You see,

there is a
fine line
dreaming and


I am finding out for myself
that being in love
does not always

being awake.

And for my sake
I fall in love with daydreams,
hazy realities

the hung-over idea

of not being enough.

It is all out of my hands.
                 It is all out of time.

And the only thing I have left to do,

is decide.
Thank you to anyone that reads this.
everything you said is true
everything you say we believe
everything you do is right
but none the less you are wrong

you dont even know what is right
not even listening to what is happening
all you think is that you are right
but no! again you are wrong

its not what you say they tey believe
since you are a mockery of truth
a disguise of a eccentric liar
yes that maybe right for now

you never see whats on the other side
you only want your side to be listened
never hear what other say but boast that you are right
too bad since all you do is wrong

you are nothing but a fox
lying trying to be right when you are wrong
its not envy its insecurity
you are not even sure yet you say perfect

you think everbody hates you
but you only hate yourself
you want to be heard thats why you shout
but never the less more will stil say Insecure

you dont want to be wrong since its not you
but to think what you say to others reflects to what you are
it shows what danger you are to them
what kind of a person you are. Insecure

dont have to be deaf not to hear the words
since insecurity be gets envy
when you envy you are insecure
not know which is right and which is wrong

dont be a fool when insulting others
you might be insulting your self
not knowing the words you say
what is a person is in words of what he says
In the moment just before wake,
The last fragment of a dream eludes my grasp.
As I cannot distinguish thought from memory,
I am astounded that my imagination could conjure such bliss.
If only at will…

Not every night, but some,
I see what I am capable of.
Mind at ease and running free,
Latching on to these ideas
That exceed my perception.
And my attempts to recall or review,
Are but failed attempts, futile.
Deemed too beautiful for consciousness,
But from what I can remember-

I fight, I play,
I sight, I run from beasts.
I find, I make,
I lose, I have the world.
I live, I breathe,
I meet, I die sweet deaths.
I fly, I kiss,
I smile, I love it all.

The fluidity of instances, the current of time,
No-these do not exist in my mind.
Or are rather transcended,
Bent, broken, then mended.
Allowed in my altered state
To transform and create
A world where everything is designed to please me,
While, simultaneously, my fears run free.
Ah, but not too much to handle.
I have fragments, puzzle pieces, crumbs…so little.

Oh sleeping self! I beseech you
Spring alive and come and teach me
All the wonders you have known,
But sadly do always withhold.
Revise my mind, what poor creation.
Have mercy on my indignation.

Am I really to believe
That you are so wiser than me?
Smiling, sleeping beauty, I
Foresee the dangers of the eyes.
Masterfully handicap
My body to this nightly trap.
Thus looming possibilities
Of habitual retreats,
Delights in excess to relieve
Me of my duty to receive
Signals from reality,
Abundant sensory deceit,
Of forlorn mental interactions,
Of achieving distant affectations,
Obtaining hopes and admirations,
Beholding nonsensical perfection,
All this, too more, are so designed
That my mind can never wholly dine
On the enticingly addictive
Highly imaginative symptoms
Of the body’s hidden fluid source
That rarely tends to make its course.
But holds great power menacing,
As well as gently flowering.  

I envy you, my resting mind,
My well worthy unconsciousness,
Whose power is tempted unconstricted,
Whose fascination’s limitless.
Who teases me, a window shop,
An ocean reduced to a drop.
The very inkling I most relish;
Waking memory’s a feather precious.
Delicate and dancing ‘round,
High hopes, in journey, treasure bound.

— The End —