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There’s maggots in my eye
Bugs where I lie
And dirt suffocating my heart

What once was beating and red
Is now decaying and dead
And you say it was all my part

Is everything I’ve ever done
Withering the golden sun
Is it all my fault?

I’m not perfect, though I should
Don’t you know I’m no good?

You tell me you care
That you’ll always be there
No matter where
When or how
My heart is a thumping drum
You make it the snare
Anger and a flare
Touch it, but you dare
When, now?

They blamed it all on me
And so if that’s what they want me to be
Sweet, they know I never could
So “dangerous” is what I’ll be
you dont get it, you just dont get it
This gold bar will oxidize more
Rusting onto my hand
There is blood on this marble floor
Stained glass windows are only sand

There is a crown split in four
There are holes in the door
And this is the life you call luxury?

You made these diamonds with chemicals
And try to bribe me with emeralds
But I will not let them touch me

What turns to ash?
What turns to fame?
What is cash?
What is a name?

Our lights are as bright as gold
Twinkling stars over my head
They turn green, turn to mold
I turn to hope instead
av il ylivyu, fvb tbza mpyza yva
Emery Feine Apr 6
I push my fear behind my eyes
Further back than I can see
My dream has been eaten by lies
But I am no fig tree

I'm an orange watching my brethren
Ants chewing on their rotting skin
Their future, I was supposed to share in
Their peel, greenish of sin

I'm watching a rotting fig tree
That I know someone must've seen before
I mouth her, she mouths me
Is this all I'm waiting for?

My future may be determined
A rotting orange is all it may be
I thought it was self-determined
But I am no fig tree.
"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip  of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."
Emery Feine Apr 6
I was looking for a dream in soulless eyes.

You thought that I was just like you
And milked the light from this star
You sold my brightness for profit
And now I wonder how far you are

I thought that you would give me my light back
But you led me into a fire
Lured me in with ink and a page
And now I'm trapped in a burning cage

I watch the stars in the night sky
The ones I once knew
You crush them down to ash
You sell them out for cash

I wanted to be just like you
But that isn't my goal anymore
I will be so much better
Is that what you wanted, too?

I inherited your soulless eyes
Do you see my dream in them?
"you were born reaching for your mother's hands, victim of your father's plans to rule the world. Too afraid to step outside, paranoid and petrified of what you've heard."
-BLUE
Emery Feine Apr 6
I'm glad that it was me.

When the moon turned dark
And you didn't know what you wanted to be
When you hadn't left your mark
I put the blame on me

When the scale started to tilt
And blood was all I could see
I watered your flower to not wilt
And kept mine away from the sea

In the silence between heartbeats
There's a loyalty I must keep
No matter how much I bleed
No matter how much I weep

And when you cause me pain
It means nothing
Because although you understand me
I guess that means something

If I hadn't been blamed
For something I didn't do
If you had been blamed instead
Who knows what you would do

I will carry this pain from mountain to fjord
If it means you will succeed
If it means that you are alive today
Then I know it was meant to be.

I'm glad that it was me.
I am solely a sponge that soaks up sin
Emery Feine Apr 6
I'm not my father.
Water is thicker than blood.
I refuse to rot.
I hate haikus
Emery Feine Mar 27
I feel how I believe an apple with worms must feel. I am aware of my desire to ripen and be eaten, and I am also aware of the *****, crawling creatures inside of me. I will be cut open, and they will see the dirt brown rotting of my core. It is a tragedy that I could've been like those sweet, red apples, and it is a tragedy that I never could've been like them as well.
slowly the **** you eat will taste like hope
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