Heels real and imagined grind on my skull
To the hospital at the bridge pay the toll
Rich and territorial start up a poll
For how many poor they will cull

Put on vans with the worn out sole
Head to work and fill my role
Everyday I sell out losin my soul
Getting harder to keep my cool

When everything is ****** life or death
Break a bone lose it all in a breath
Cant afford the upkeep on my teeth
So I hang with friends and smoke leaf

All decay all falling apart losing heart
Calls today say your wasting it your so smart
**** them I dont even know how to start
Writing on the wall saw it on a plummeting chart

Collapse into the past we wont last
The fashion is getting trashed
Faded today tomorrow I'm passed
Curtain called coffins filled with ash

Saw beauty once and someone bought her cash
The city lights are pretty but its a world behind glass
City streets are gritty and you'll get taken with the trash
Acid streaks, empty cars, jump and you won't make a splash

Wanna be someone cool but I'm a loser, I'm a cheat
Wanna get a move on but all I have is my two feet
Watchin my life pass me by everyday on repeat

I've cheated liars I've ran from honest money
I've let late nights and party's create a personality
Ive let it escape me, take over me, become me

Have I made it somewhere with this crown
Have I finally walked enough to be someone
Have I become happy now that I'm not alone

**** if I know but it sure is fun
****, I know I'll never turn
**** its so hot I'm gonna burn

This is a game of chicken with no way to turn
This game full of people who cheat for fun
This life of thrill seekers who just wanna burn

And I've taken my throne king to someone
And as king I wear a heavy metal crown
And with its self righteousness  I sit alone

Its not the reputation, nor the money
Its desperation for people to like me
Exasperation and greed to personality

Someone cool bit of a liar and a cheat
Walkin with all I have my two feet
Every day life happens on repeat

A systemic epidemic amid the pandemic
Shots off at capitol hill and alls a panic
Forensics takes money from the shooter
Proclaims the victim to be a looter

Throw lives away like trash on the block
Take poor lives at their sides a Glock
Stocks soar, Deaths soar, **** just our luck
**** on tour at mast is the patriots ****

Peace an option until they grabbed their piece
Take the lease call your tab a life will cease
Six six six its the nature of the beast
Money, greed, and avarice

All they want is every slice of prosperity
They flaunt a salary a workless propriety
Makers, producers, and workers in poverty
Still, they will rule with iron sovereignty  

This goes on for four more I'm going on a tour
Camp on a grassy knoll taking shots of Cuervo
Not enough to throw off my aim though
My contribution is to the body flow

That's just how war goes, no justice no peace
Just taking justice away with a piece
When I feel a debt is to me I pull the lease
And I feel what is owed to me is some peace

That'll never happen till all my friends can eat
I may die in a miserable cell in complete defeat
At least my skin won't be fleece won't be meat
For wolves to eat I'll be a man crushed underfeet

Funny we still fight confederate beliefs
More like fight the degenerate beliefs
Of the weak and the meek thieves
Stealing rights and lives for conceit

Liberty or death is the creed of our founders
Yet when liberty is stolen everyone just flounders
Death is the only retort to fascist panderers
Tired of all this fake comfort as a ponderer

The answer soon to be immutable one last stopper
That can permute this course as the only offer
An election of a conqueror or a molester
Choice between a beast and death or a monster

One mimics ein fuhrer  the other will fester
So whats best here civil war or uncle Chester
Months until the toll bell calls on her electors
To choose hell or tepid **** to quell the defectors

Hate the voices in my head, they talk and talk
They can't stop cause they want me dead

Want love want life want another day
Nowhere left to go not okay not today

Take it day by day thats what they say
Take two pills today take me away

Nothings free especially not me
Soul on the deed sold for free

Tin flavor under the skin
Sins everywhere I've been

I'm the voices in my head
And my tongue is lead

Always been cool, a cool head, and cooler heart
Easy to fool, Not to cruel, sometimes comes apart
Wall to wall, Often on call, A urban drug outlet

Covids breakin contracts, anarchy attracts, broken lights
Fights at night, fires in sight, moneys tight, famines in flight
Proletariat burn bright, Blue heart beats turn the crows quiet

I understand, so I know where to stand, and
salt the land, axe the clan, switch the plan
Iron and sand, tax the man, stitch over the pain

Fifths on the curb filth on my breath
Threats between lock-jawed teeth
Crime pays never follow laws, thief
Weak are prey in the belly of the beast

Cut with a sickle human life is wheat
Thoughts are fickle so you best leave
As wealth trickles my lungs heave
So I'll **** for a nickel long past naive

The living don't sleep at night
Thats a ending in our sight
If alls silent if alls quiet
It's violence It's a riot

Apparitions of our misery like a sister to me
Superstition is hidden history and trickery
Suspicions hysteria lead to be-witchery
Submission to superior forces and misery

Look over your shoulder sleep with one eye open
Never be bolder thats a quick order to a open coffin
Break camcorders, records fill folders in folsom
Blood is water never trust your brothers an cousins

I didn't have chains on myself
Free to move about a empty shelf
Free of brain free of wealth
Cleaned off in the rain was free of health
Till I got a job to be free of death

Boss told me "Fill the shelf"
And restocked my empty self

Filled it with Doritos and plastic
Try not to seem unenthusiastic
At lunch eat taquitos that taste toxic
Feel my chest melt, works so caustic

Chains on my body tied by checks
Money to tide me over till the next
Trade my time and self respect
For my chains and my checks

Do it to chain myself to safety I suspect

Say I live in insanity
I say your lost in sanity

I'm gonna die soon all alone
Livin by myself and in my bones
I know I'm gonna die alone
My voice is stuck in a monotone

My soul has no tone its all gray
A boring voice with nothing to say
My heart can't take work and no play
While I'm growing older every may

Running out the clock, need more time
Losing out cause I need overtime
Just put me in a light that's lime
All this pain, what I let out in rhyme

It began on a Despairing Night:
I was the most Depressed Laborer around,
He was the most Fake Delusion.

He was my Friend,
My Fake Friend,
My Delusion.

We used to Sleep so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to Die together,
We wanted it all to end.

But one Night, one Despairing Night,
We decided to Lie too much.
Together we Chased Death.
It was Pathetic, so Pathetic.

From that moment our relationship changed.
He grew so Lonely.

And then it happened:

He Lived Life.
My Friend Lived Life.

The next day I thought my mind had broken,
I thought my Life had burst into flames,

But still, He is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that Night,
That Despairing  Night.

When I think of that Fake Delusion,
That Fake Delusion and me.

Nowhere left in the sky
Now no one will ever fly
Say mayday, say mayday
As all hope goes away
At the cliff feel the breeze and sway
It lifts you to a kneel and sends you away

****** Mary come out of the mirror
And see me with that face of terror
Stay with me in the mirror ever fairer
So ****** a fear blossoms forever

****** Mary what have I done
Oh why wont you come
Does it not seem oh so fun
To put an end to an ugly run

****** Mary answer my query
Why am I not a worthy quarry
Why am I so unworthy
Of you turning me too a slurry

****** Mary, ****** Mary
Come to me and forever be
Last to see my eyes teary
From a dreary sob story

****** Mary don't abandon me
Like those faerie and fantasy
Hidden from reality in story's
Mary I worry your not really

More than just a story

Rinse and repeat and take my seat
Cut into the meat my mouth feels heat
Of a bitter treat sickly sweet
Digress and digest when we meet
No duress when you suggest we eat
Over a meal ideas compete without a defeat

I want to feel like I did at the dawn of day
But dusk has long since been on its way
Night of broken strings I tug and I fray
Thinking on the warmth of sun in yesterday
It never will rise again, I will never be okay

Mayday, mayday I'm swinging low
Into waves and crashing to and fro
A cosmic painting of emotion
Just another drop in the ocean
Blue abounds around me down I go

Can't tell up from right down from wrong
I thrash and fight as I get tugged along
Currents pull me with promise of holy
Belief will be your light, can't fool me
Angler fish in the void you won't eat me

I will grow purple and bloated like the royals of old
Waterlogged in darkness I float into the cold
Decay of flesh leave the bone soon I will be dead
I will be gone from the abyss but I never will have fled
Boldly I resided in the night drowning in the cold

My legacy will fade away seconds after I am gone
Nothing last in the colors of the night I have flown
In the colorless sky, a colorless soul never to be found
My whole being frays and I become unwound
Day never comes, the only son has set out on his own

Saltwater fills the tills and the tide won't let me breath
Insects chase my dread roaches burning in my sheets
Whiskey neat to help me drown underneath
How'd I still get burnt standing in the sea

I'm sorry but I don't know what for
This worry I cant stand it anymore
My brain is stabbing  my heart
The pain is pulling  me apart

Brains pulling on the strings
Straining against the heart
Till my blood starts to sing
Of a life falling apart

And my brain wonders why
I feel all this pain and misery
Why do I fall low why do I fly
Its unstable chemistry

One day I feel so alive
The next I might just die
Next all endless drive
To numb and dead eyed

Broken cadence lost in silence
Soaked-en radiance a bit intense
And for all intents ride the fence
Things don't make sense,
They don't make sense

Deaths on the wind
Like *** on my skin
Breath of the end
Violence my hymn

Gods sick threw up all over the floor
The odds slick slidin towards war
A ***** an skin splits with black tar
Tin soldiers march after a dark star
We molder under a tyrants charge
Flickering compliance on the verge
Without defiance suffer the purge
Silent laughter after every surge

A tyrant who defies sense and science
Irate eyes die and fry in noncompliance
Half a brains alliance with petulance
Ants who think themselves giants
A gross death squashed by pseudoscience
Until the breath stills they rave and rant
Many a contrivance for the easily pliant
Really dyin because of words on an appliance

Well well its that time again
Afterwork losing my mind
Afterword nothing to find
Outside the pane is the rain


Watching as I fall behind the curve not doing enough
Shoot dice and put in no effort cause I'm lazy as ****
And its snake eyes again **** just my luck
Now its over and that's rough well tough

Unbelievable its getting worse
Guess that's life running its course
Entropy takes us all back to the source

Evermore and ever less
Nonsense is what I confess

Until there's nothing left

I see a future ahead  we'd be better off in hell
Its hard to get out of bed hard to get out my head
Still put feet forward even when everyone's ill
When no one can pay the bill well, oh well

My side likes silencing and witch hunting
Their side likes killing and witch burning
I have to confide I don't think we're winning
And from inside  it feels like tragedy is brewing

Generation of dead with nothing to lose but their life
They kneel and it hurts their pride the fuse is short
**** your future **** your friend its legal in court
No time for a suture or scripture soon is the night

The time is up the toll is up and I ask whats up
God and heaven above to witness a massacre
Tear gas in your eye I cant see it either
Empty void of space to scream I need a breather

Body pacing while my heads racing
Anger surfacing replaced by euphoric feeling
Thoughts are tangling each dropping like its raining
A thought falling then pooling till they hit the ceiling

What am I feeling, something different than moments ago
Am I happy, sappy, mad maybe I just cant tell I dont know
All I know is feeling are crashing and I'm caught in the undertow
Electricity grabbed me, body pulsing it won't let go

All I can do is sit and wait as every cell vibrates
Wait for time to make it all turn quiet
Patience while everything in me riots
Silence while screaming have to try it

Academia can *******
Had to learn trig to pass
A test pre req for a class

That algebra is all that needs to be known
Intro chem is not a place for tan, cos, and sin
Yet I had to learn and teach it all on my own

After Doing the teaching and learning
They came around and started charging
Hundreds and thousands for nothing

So academia can *******
Had to learn calc to pass
A test pre req for a class

Do your ******* job teach me how to get a job
These administrators are just some ******* slobs
Paid three hundred grand to play with their knobs

If the systems broken fix it or at least override it
Instead you support it while students go into debt
How the **** do you run at a deficit and yet

You take every sweaty blood stained penny
Shake down every downtrodden who looks sorry
Sorry that college was the only choice outta poverty

Academia can eat my ******* ***
Didn't learn **** but I'll still pass
Cause they don't teach **** in the class

Its half past 2 AM and I'm way too ****** up to survive another minute
Same **** another week luck hasnt run out yet man this is the best
Half past faded and I don't wanna wake up get me higher for just one minute

One more spliff two more drinks first in last to stop till my mind snaps
Spin another track my blunt ain't ash yet forget it all while we ball
One less regret and two more mistakes its nights like these I can relax

And when I'm spillin my guts I'll fill back up with ***** and sprite
This is my peak this is my height and I'm loving it things are alright
Im doing okay thats why I binge drink every night

Through a portal, indigo swirls outta volcano
Erupts in Eyjafjallajökull lava flows to the core go
Down below rests angry god Quetzalcoatl
Rhymes on tap no bottle off they rattle
Like those southerner rattler snakes
Sheddin words better than dandruff flakes
Weddin phrases better than catholic Primates
Ancient titles dustier the desert around Euphrates
Files in piles get higher down comes a wire no waits
Paypal cash transfer launder from feds to white sheets
White washers in backwaters sponsored by red cysts
****** wishes in defeat losers too justice
Equal rights, they weep never wanted this
Protests against it in streets in the winds they ****
In Texas first in race to govern to oppress colors
Heaters out to greet ya like 'ello guv'nor
Deport you like a foreigner sent over Charons border
Memoir of the late lead hoarder aka bullet holster
Noir black and white gore at the scene of the ******
A disaster all over white plaster red drips faster
Turn brown oxidize on the alabaster

Take the abuse, yeah I love to abuse
Abuse my lungs I do it for fun
Light up the fuse keep it loose

Outta hand outta grasp
Drink in hand break the cask

Can't hear a word you say
As i drown in rosé

Its not okay, but don't worry
Its all okay, If you dont worry

Young and on the run always hurry
Move-in quick and erratic always a flurry
Grow older every step, what's the hurry
But everyone dies so why do I worry

History made on the daily
Pandemics intravenously
Panic and terror in the citys
Red scare its war with commies
And what was that about the economy  
**** just hit me with the comet Haley

Six Six Six Seven Seven Seven Eight
Hit a spliff stayin even within infinite
Crucifix in politics they intermix
Bull session in recession in depression
Liberate Liquidate Lacerate

I am a product of the product lines
Born to be sold **** like Calvin Klein
Sworn to hold property above human life
So what's a felony what really is a crime

Sanction this **** blitzkriegs end quick
Fash is fashion peasants under siege it's sick
Cash stashin in the pockets of lieges and ******

No message no morals I'm just ******
I'm a vestige like our tomorrows we're ******

Haven't felt poetic in years wrote it all to shed tears

Mycology the sole source of joy
Caps fill my head, wind up this toy
Pass out sheets a real paperboy
Hallucinate happiness so coy

Pull me in while the vapor dissipates
Can't see in the cloud only anticipate
Memory fragments, fragment the weight
Disperse the pressure allow a steady gait

The reality in my head made real
From my dreams, happiness I'll steal
As fog clears I see before me what's real
Existence so unpleasant that pessimist feel

But still, I persist unable to never exist
When I can I visit that place lost in the mist
I must find a way to live with life, coexist  
Or in misery, I must resign to subsist

Happiness a toxin to my sanity
Giddiness breaks down my reality
Joy consumes my heart I'm an amputee
Sadness flows into the hole an endless sea

Diamonds above your head thats a pretty tiara
Tears down your face, are you a primadona?
Morphine to treat your pain, opana

Stick figure body, hollywood thinks your a hottie
wanted for your body just drown your brain young lady
anything for you I'll order the gin and roofies

Neon lights its a neon abyss
Bright nights feel my bliss
Let me fulfill your wish

Fame flashing in the fast lane
Fueled by lust and novocaine
Feel no love feel no pain

Hollywood actress
Isn't it great to be famous
Isn't it great to be tasteless

Hollywood actress in the mirror
Who is this? grey hairs and fear
surgeon knives to ply and tear

Diamonds above your head what a pretty sight
Tears down her face what a lovely night
Morphine,amphetamine, know what I mean?

Do you feel like a queen with a crown of thorns
Or are you a demon whose growing out her horns
The dress is torn as your life is gone its all been shorn

Remember a little girl who wanted to be a shooting star
Dismembered in hollywood her agent took the parts on tour
Wonder who you wanna be now, you don't really care anymore

Money, parties, and vice thats the life of the rich and deep
Thats the life they say as the put you down to sleep
Honey its lovely how your body decays as you weep

In the limelight your so alive
And every night you die
The people eat up every lie

The truth is a just little girl who chased after the stars
Got taken by darkness in blank spaces, said you'd go far
Now lost listless, witless, priceless as she plays her part

A thousand words escape the cells, like the sound of crunched gravel
Reverb heard in the hall the silence after a period after a gavel
Shadows still as body's follow suit and the situations unravel
Nothing is found for all of the searching your no Percival  

Crush crush, elation chasing behind as the engine knocks side to side
Pine scented freshener and a Marlboro smokers car out for a ride
Rent a place on the velour till tomorrow till then I smile wide
High speeds but no race just a tour of the passengers pride

We all wanna go missing just for today my driver going nowhere
So many words with no one listening living laissez faire
Blah blah blah ha ha ha don't feel the wind in your hair
Give me more empty words so I can pretend to care

I need water thats the nail in the coffin
Missing some screws on those coffers
No future for a buck thats the offer
Indenture your life forever after

Droughts and heat in the room so take a seat
Its about to beat down our tomb and dig up the meat
Watch brothers cannibalize each other we all gotta eat
We all gotta live but the livings run out so take your seat

The perpetrators stacked the bread up real high
But the wheats all gone and I hope that currencys a lie
Traitors among the starved left their children to die
The elephants got itself a long rope and hung us real high

Mouth dry skin cracked the bones will break through skin
To dry to cry wracked with pain all alone we break in sin
Was the high worth the dead planet was it worth the end
The end is nigh is what they said
Said the Mayan
Said the Roman
Said the Babylonian
Said the Akkadian
Said the Persian
Said the Sumerian
Said the American

Bile in my throat and all over the ground
Doing to much again when no ones around

I bleed as I write can't you see
My heart its been torn from me
I won't cry just give me a sign
That everything will be fine

Wake up covered in ash every day
Smoke drifts in theres nothing left to say
But hey I got older again never be the same again
Colder how do I feel again?

I'd do anything to put out the fire
But all it does is grow even higher
My hardships have only made me falter
The world as I know it is no longer

No hope nothing will change
Even if I gave my life for it
Even though I burn for it
I'd give everything but it's all the same

And if its all the same then I'll drink till I puke
Party all day and **** my lungs with smoke

**** the facts fictions in the diction
****** win that's the corporate mission
They want whats best that's a lie of omission

Pause. Save. Reset.
Start all over again
Every loss every win
Pause. Save. Reset.
Start all over again

Life is a treat from your betters
So step to the letter step with fetters
Mice are good cheddar getters
Up the ladder type in your headers

Office spaces and other empty places
Smiling faces and glassy eyes
Corporate lives where everybody lies
From the top floors how many will fly

/

Hell is sent from the past
All body and *** living trash
Tats plaster like a mask
Let loose and shirk the tasks

Beer bottles in the lawn
Full throttle till I'm gone
Burning alive up and down town
Moths after fires we're drawn

Problems get bigger so pour more liquor
Livers get sicker as I chase a few figures
Faded pictures the past moves quicker

Brushed some people off now their ghosts
Called the plans evil now it'll get changed in post
Hate the fake civil talk about who gets to be shot
Weevils in society spread disease and rot
Devils in rags, devils in suits it matters not
Community's become ***** in a ***

Most never fought for anything except to take mine
Whatever, now I got money growing past the line
Got colder to people who waste my time
Left to the dirt till I was doing fine
Expected to be doing time

Graduated college before twenty four
Didn't think I'd live past twenty two
All these rich people have things so new
All my **** hand me downs growing into being poor
Now it's all gas to the floor gotta be one of the few
To have flew the coop make it past a broken door

No sense of community with the middle class
They let us die in poverty then demand a pass
Treat people like property it's so funny the middle class won't last
Shrinks every year cause of their fealty to hate and the past
Sink down here how long will they last
Among rabid dogs and white trash

Nothing ever mattered till it hit their homes
Now they lose that life with a single broken bone
How's it feel to choose food or defaulting a loan
We're all going down look at the oats we've sown
Moved up today but tomorrow down I'll be thrown
Downtown shoved into the ground the life we're shown

We all have to struggle on our own
Struggle through the aches and groans
So cast upon people all your stones
And enjoy living where the rocks were thrown
Claim it all trash heaps and poverty welcome home
Time to claim our plastic throne

I found heaven its inside these four walls
and I found hell its just waiting on the fall

Its time to draw a lot from a devils claw
Born in Soldotna to a family of outlaws
Went below Iowa off  Mound Street In Arkansas

Left  before we attended police court
Landed to heat and haze I lost my heart
Left it complete in yesterdays start

Bounced from hotel to motel
Settled down in a ghetto
And had no choice but to let go

New start became a bookworm
And the people made me squirm
Awkward red cheeks that would burn

The compliments came in often
But it only made me frighten
Called exceptional so often

Test always said I was bright
On every test I would write
Cheating out of sight

A diet of highs
Prizes, Trophys, lies
Gave my ego a rise

Dad did the best he could
Till the oxy popped his hood
Empty eyes haunt my childhood

Came to school holes in my jacket
Wadin in a cesspool a poor bracket
Low income the rule bein empty pockets

Ate at reduced price at the mess hall
Head full of lice, bed bugs on the wall
Mind full of lies, delusion my heal all

Voices in my head told me it would get better
Voiceless thoughts all that held me together
Tomorrow it'll get better, tomorrow is never

At recess I traded and sold pokemon cards
Started with a few old cards made more with words
A dollar here a quarter there robbed kids with a word

A few years later I got a step mother
She was an agitator and instigator
Drug addict waitress, a complete failure

Brought two kids, two chains on my dad
He was playin with roxy, eyes empty and sad
Step mom spent the money things got bad

Stopped leaving my room became a shut in
Years alone only out for school started fallin
Grades got worse, lost my friends, death was callin

Alone for years on end as my father abandoned me
Just like my mom who left so long ago with no apology
Failed my 8th grade year then got sent over the north sea

Departed for Alaska and found that my heart
I left so long ago at the start was forever lost
Not so smart and without a heart I began a new start

I live among many broken men
All of us with dented hearts of tin
Born to work and now work begins
Born separate now make the ends meet
I live among many broken men
Long gone rented out our hearts of tin
Born from labor now the labor never ends
Born desperate men of flesh men of meat

Never will the skin mend
Souls often stolen by the sin
Alcohol takes us all in the end
Spoken foul beaten brow ignorant men
Scars of hard work don't mend
Holes where darkness bleeds in
Tramadol pain killers quicken the end
Broken scowl Silent howl itinerant men

Freedom isn't free and I doubt you can afford the fee
A million for entry and a billion to be a VIP
Be gentry or seethe in envy as your tank hits empty

Grew up in the country of giants where a gun is a common appliance
And if you show the law defiance you'll come to understand violence

One shot and your poverty stains the alley
I want to be somebody who escaped that valley
Its hard to be nobody puking out in the alley
Probably just be another body on the gurney

Moved smart, worked hard, played my part
Five shots in the dark now the heart don't start
Lost the keys now the car stays parked
Still got the gas to get higher stayin sparked

Jesus he won't save us pastors and nuns are just people
Won't save us they told us we were ****** from the steeple
So **** them take my thirty pieces of silver and turn to evil
If that's what it takes to survive and be successful
If that's what it takes to stay alive then I'll be awful

But I tell these kids to keep their chins up and stay out the dirt
Acting like our sins haven't buried them at birth life's gonna hurt

Thats the truth a lot more pain waits than was in our way
So I soak in vermouth to stay sane in the states of the fray

Reflection of us
Inflection of rust
Deception of trust

To soon
It flows back
My own monsoon
Entry through the cracks
I sink, water rises
Stop think, must stop the crisis
Passing thoughts not enough to float
All this depth makes it so hard to breath
So many holes in the hull, stay afloat
Sail while bailing out in the water reflects death
I jump overboard not going down with the boat
Never thought that my life would become a shibboleth
Gasp on as with the strange tides even death may die, a misquote