My mind has gotten so dark now
Only thoughts of death and self harm remain
I wish so badly it wasn’t like this
But I think it’s about time

I’m losing myself slowly
Been that way for months
I’m starting to spiral downward
Into a bottomless pit

Death now seems like the only way out
Cause if it persists any longer
I won’t know who I am anymore
I’ll just be a hollow shell

A shell full of love for someone
Who doesn’t want to be with me
A shell of pain and agony
A shell that will soon crumble

My life is about over
And there’s nothing I can do
To stop this ever growing pain
From causing great harm

My love will be eternal
That much I know
But knowing whether or not it is received
Is something I can’t wait for long

I’ve fallen into the self destructive path
Soon to become nothing but ash
My soul will always be yours
I just wish it was still the same for you

Slowly I fade
Into the black of death
Sorrow and despair take hold
As the life in me dims

I love you with my entire being
And this will never change
But I’m starting to get worse
Right in front of your eyes

Though you can’t see it
Because I’ve hidden it from you
It is happening quickly
Soon I will be no more

I hope you understand
That it wasn’t my choice
But I wish to the heavens
This wasn’t going to be

The spark of darkness
Such wonder of mystery
Such sorrow and misery
Such pain and torment

The darkness inside us all
We feel the sorrow of others
We feel the sorrow of ourselves
We long for peace from the torment

We long for freedom to ring
We long for the light
We long for life
We cling to life as though needed

We wish for peace to ring
We long for life
We no longer wish to walk in darkness
But have a chance at redemption

A chance to grace love
A chance to end the genocide
A longing for life to blossom
A longing for loyalty to reign

A chance for life and love
A chance for liberty
A chance to sing in rejoice
A chance to be free from our torment

I’m so afraid right now
You come to be begging for help
But I can’t make out what you are saying
Your words are so cryptic I don’t understand

You say you are fine now
But why do I not believe it
I fear something happened to you
Something that you wish not to say

But how can I help you
If I don’t know what’s going on
I need to you speak to me
I need you to open your heart

Let me back in and voice your concerns
I’m only here to help
No ulterior motive
I just want to help ease your mind

You know I suffer from delusions
You know my mind creates horrific scenes
So please don’t hide what needs to be said
Or else my mind will imagine the worst

I understand I’m the last person
That you might want to speak to
But you came calling for help to me
And now I’m starting to fear the worst

Did she hurt you in some way?
Were you the one that hurt her?
So many things are rushing into my head
And with the way you came to me none are good


I’m so scared that something will happen
Something that will push you too far
If only you would share that burden
So I can help you the best I can

There is so much history
Between you and I
Some good and some bad
But I’m here to stay if you allow

You will always hold a special spot
Deep within my heart
And I’m sorry it took me
This long to get my head right

I’m back to my old self
The one you met so long ago
But my goals have changed
And I only want what’s best

I can no longer breathe
The air which kept me alive
Is now but carbon dioxide
Burning my lungs to ash

I fear what is to come
I fear what has happened
I fear what is happening
But most of all I fear not having you

My state of mind has gotten so bad
That the simple task of eating
Is making me sick
I don’t know how much longer I can go on

My heart maybe stone now
But that doesn’t mean I can’t feel anything
The pain that was there already
Is trapped inside

It’s spiraling out of control
Pushing me to the verge of destruction
The meds I take are no longer working
And I fear going to sleep

For when I try
I can’t sleep for long
I wake a few moments later
Terrified for my life

These night terrors are getting worse
And it’s so hard to look past them
There’s darkness all around
Destroying me from inside out

Ever slowly the winds do change
I become numb to everything
Hoping for a change
For you to return

But honestly I feel
That I am holding on
To a pipe dream
That will never come true

My heart cries out
My soul bleeds for you
It feels like I will die
From just one more *****

I hope for you to see
The damage that has been done
So maybe you will understand
What I’m going through

So take the time to listen
Don’t interrupt or run
Cause in order for me to get through this
I have to be honest with you

Ripping and tearing
The heart strings cry
Feeling it's soul
Cast aside

Agony grips tight
As darkness closes in
The light that was once there
Now fades to black

Fear takes hold
As the soul begins to fade
Am I dying?
Or am I just going numb

I wish I knew the answer
Of this simple question
Was it all for nothing
Or will you come back

Burn the walls
Turn to ice
Feel the cold
Take the beat

Heart slows down
Steal the last breath
Destroy the love
Of a tender heart

Eat the fragile
Rip the silence
Howling sharply
Echoing to the moon

Listen to the beat
Of the tender hearts song
As it slowly ends
Dying the last time

Ice turns blue
Creating cold fire
Incinerating the heart
To a smoky ash pile

Throughout my life
I have seen love blossom
In many forms
Both romantic and platonic

Longing for a love of my own
Hoping to taste the sweet ambrosia
Of a love unbound by societal restraints
A love so true it surpasses gravity

It took so long to realize
That love is all around me
In the air we breathe
The water we drink

The friends we meet
The family that we cherish
The pets we take care of
The sunrise and sunset

We take the small moments
In our lives for granted
When these are the truth
They are the moments where love shines

So take the time
Smell the roses
Take in the small moments
And embrace the love unconditional

The spark of light
Shining brightly with grace
The truth of love eternal
For the darkness

The joy of laughter
The joy of peace
The joy of love
The joy of freedom

The joy of love untethered
The joy of children playing
The joy of children laughing
The joy of children singing

The love of life
The love of death
The love of peace
The love of sorrow

Running around with darkness
Walking hand in hand
Forever entwined with life
Solemn vow of grace

I’m in total confusion
And honestly it really hurts
I care about you a lot
And you say that you do as well

I know things are difficult now
Things are getting in the way
But at the same time
I feel like I’m tossed aside

My feelings haven’t changed
Maybe yours hasn’t either
Or maybe they have
But this whole situation has me in tears

All I want to do is hold you
To call you mine
To kiss your forehead
To play with your hair

I don’t care about naughty stuff
Never really cared for it
That’s not the type of person I am
Cause I’m a sensual lover

I show my love by cuddles
I show it by kisses and hugs
I could care less if anything else happened
I’m still a ****** for a reason

But at the same time
I’m pan
I don’t like or love like normal people
I feel the personality out

I sense what the person is about
Before I try and do anything
And because of that fact
When I click with someone I fall

It’s hard to go back
To being just friends
To not holding you at night
Or smelling your cologne

No more anything
Barely a whisper
And it hurts
So badly I cry

You say you like me a lot
And I tell you the same
But in actuality
I fell for you the first day

Your personality
Your likes and interests
Your dislikes and your smile
All the way down to the way you hold yourself

I’m holding these feelings back
Putting them under lock and key
Because that is your wish
But that doesn’t stop the pain

The longing I feel when we are apart
The excitement I get when I text you
The happiness I get when you respond
The solace I get when I hear your voice

I guess what I’m saying
Is that I’m probably in love
And this whole situation
Is causing nothing but pain

But I will continue
To do as you wish
To hold back my feelings
In hopes of enjoying one more kiss

Love is fleeting
Or so they say
But no matter what I do
I can't get over you

I beg and I plead
to the higher powers above
For months and months
To get over you

But try as I may
The love is still there
Causing heartache
Causing pain

You say lots of things
But never the one thing I need
For you to tell me it will be okay
And that we will get through this together

My love for you has grown eternal
And I fear it will be forever so
Because everytime I see you
It grows a little more

I have walked this world
Full of lies and deceit
Longing for truth to be told
Only to be met with shame

The lies told hide what's inside
The pain we bury
The heartache that breaks us
We cling to false hope

Hoping to not be found out
Hiding all our pain guilt and shame
Making false connections
Wishing to not be discovered

And yet those around me
Those who listen and see my truth
Will always voice their own insecurities
Without even being asked

I feel the emotions
That others bury underneath
The pain and anguish
The hatred and resentment

Though I feel it
I keep to myself
The forgotten safe
Of hidden trauma

I lay here
Crying myself to sleep
While you are off galavanting
With whoever you want

You don't see the tears
Because I hide them too well
Been that way
For many many years

Oh how I wish
That you could understand
The crippling pain
That I am in

But alas you are blind
By this new love you found
Brushing me aside
So you may chase what you can't have

They are in a relationship
And you are trying to ruin that relationship
Just so you can have them
But you don't even see what's in front of you

Oh how I long
For you to see me
To see how much I care
To see how deep my love runs

But that will never happen
You will remain blind
Cause you refuse to open
Your eyes to anything

They say you need to let things go
Forgive and forget
But that’s really hard to do
With you care for someone so deeply

You can always forgive
But deep down you know
The trust that was once there
Is gone forevermore

Try as you might
You can’t escape the thoughts
Thoughts of jealousy
Betrayal and mistrust

You hammer them shut
Deep in your subconscious
But somehow they keep surfacing
Like a shark who smells blood

You try to numb yourself
Hide the emotion in the thoughts
But that only last so long
Before eventually you snap

No matter how many times you talk
It always seems to be the same
One doesn’t care
While the other cares too much

These things can break you
Shatter your soul into pieces
Rip your heart right out of your chest
In fear of day to day events

Tread lightly with your next move
For every thought that comes up
There’s always a reason
Why they weasel on in

It could be despair
It could be happiness
Just focus on what’s around
And never assume it goes away

Hear my heart
Listen to the song
Feel the sorrow
Of my love

It burns bright
With the fires of damnation
Hearing the pain
That beats in my soul

Feel the torture
Open the cell
Set ablaze the house of pain
And seek out Nirvana

Karma such beauty divine
Such majestic grace
Always there when you least expect
Graceful does her limbs sway

As she passes such judgement
Protector of the meek
Destroyer of the wicked
Such divine wisdom

Her judgement final
None can escape her gaze
For she sees all
In between fantasy and reality

The eternal one
The unseen
The grace
Oh so impartial

Blessing those with hearts so pure
Cursing those who harm the innocent
None surpass her for she is in all
Watching the deeds of mortal and God

High above the fates power
She dictates all
Yet does not interfere
For you reap what you sow

It may not be right away
It may not be in this life
For Karma takes her time
Ensuring you feel a wrath

That transcends time and space
For Karma is a *****
Yet Karma can be gentle
You just have to be patient

I am a free spirit
You cannot catch thee
I have no chains
No bounds placed on me

Running around and enjoying
All the scenes and scenery
Beauty is all around us
You just have to wait and see

Look at the moments
That peace are unto thee
The beauty and the sound
Just take a moment

And look to the sky
The clouds they form
Such magical designs
The earth so serene

The flowers they smell so divine
Their beauty and radiance
They can never be unseen
So delicate yet so full of life

Everything that you love
Holds you tightly through the night
Ensuring a peaceful slumber
And a bright new tomorrow

The angels hear the cry of the wolf
The tears run down the child's face
Fear takes hold and dissipates
For truth of life eternal grace

Peace on earth the holy part
Angels sing a ballad gold
Hear the cry of sovereign bold
Joy to all a hallowed song

See the beauty shine so bright
Heaven comes swiftly through the night
Singing songs of grace and light
Truth be told we are but life

We see beauty all around
Familial bonds they hold so tight
The angels cheer as grace sings her song
Calling back the ancient souls

See the beauty of her sound
Locks of golden red hue
The son calls all those souls so pure
Wishing for all to hear this tune

Come back to the light of divinity
Stay clear of the darkest night
Peace be still in majestic flight
Eternal grace and love of all

Hallowed halls of sovereign hearts
Echoing out the darkest art
Casting shadows and fright
In ancient eyes begin to rot

Seek thee out oh hollowed flame
For thou be swift and come again
Cast thy silhouette over hopes and dreams
For in this night they begin to flee

Run and hide while you can
The screams come swiftly
For in this corridor of lost love
Lurks the greatest pain of all

The ghost of heartache and betrayal
Of misery and agony
Screeching and howling
Pleading for it to stop

But no matter what
The pain stays there
It never heals fully
Always ready to split open again

The pain is always temporary
It will always fade in time
That is what I believe
But you must give it time

Never open old wounds
Because when you do
They begin to fester
And the rot sets in

Once the rot takes hold
It clings fast
And rarely lets go
Until it all collapses

So keep the wound shut
Keep it from getting infected
With more pain and anguish
Though this may be hard

It can be done
And it will be a test
One of great will
And sacrifice

Thy spark of loyalty
Blissful as you are
The radiance of your joy
The infectiousness of your laugh

You are the bond of truth
You go with love eternal
For without loyalty
Love can never flourish

Thou flames of blue
Thou hue of silver
Thou cyan glow
Thou embers of gold

Thou shine so bright
For truth can see
No other but thou
Is meant for thee

Thy wishful longing
Thy wish comes true
For thou has gifted
Thou soul to thee

Thy soul is yours
Thy spark of love eternal
Thy grace of love
Joins with thou spark of loyalty

For loyal love is most true
It is protective
It is caring
It is that of a mother

It is kind
It is understanding
It is patient
It is graceful

Thou has proven thou loyalty
The playful fox of beauty
Thy slumbering angel
Thou heart of empathy

Rip my heart out
Watch it bleed
Dripping down your hands
As it soaks the sand

My love was eternal
But now turns to dust
As I lay here shattered
Begging to be put back together

But alas my words fall
Onto deaf ears
For you don’t care
For my love no more

You lost the love
You had for me
And now I lay
A hollowed husk

Where do I go from here
After being with you so long
Who am I anymore
What purpose do I serve

These questions are a mystery
And so I ponder
What happens now
To this hollowed husk

I guess I need to find myself
Pull myself back together
Close up the wounds
And never give my heart out again

For this loss has shattered
The last hope I had
Of having a happy life
With someone I held dear

So now lost forever
In a sea of turmoil
I drown slowly
Waiting for deaths embrace

For when I go
It will be with you
Or it will be alone
That I promise you

Belief systems are fundamental
There are many faiths around the world
With none that are superior or less
For belief is through the heart

Forcing another to denounce their faith
Is like forcing someone to remove themselves
Faith is as unique as the soul itself
Built through trust and adoration

We are all set on different paths
It's not a competition
It's not about supremacy
It's all about the heart's desire

Seeing is believing
That's what I was always taught
Yet there are things in this world
That the eyes can't see

The thoughts inside someone's head
The air we breathe
The love that links us all
As we are but one in the great scheme

We build and adapt
Growing stronger still
For the youth inherit the world
So why destroy it with a vicious blast

You may wish for your God or Goddess
You may believe in nothing
And that is your faith
Not to be forced but to be cherished

The stars they shine so bright
Cascading across the midnight sky
As they glow and sing in their praise
Let it be the light so free

Gaze upon thy blissful soul
In deep it dwells
Kindness a bold
Compassion unbarring understandability

Thou cannot contest the passion in my heart
For thou is beauty
As the stars in the sky
Splendid marvel

Thy galaxy shine
Who’s bright light shimmering
Against the silhouette
Of satin sky

Thy blissful red
So crimson
So scarlet
So vital

Thy echoing hole
Inside this soul
Has found its match
In the blissful ******

Of thievened hearts
Thy bold so bright
Cascading
Illuminating

This night time star
Shining brightly thy sins decay
As bliss takes me
Into the heavens in the bay

I don’t see how you can act so happy
While I’m barely holding myself together
I am fighting everyday
Not to breakdown and cry

Yet here you are
All hyper and giddy
With your teeth all showing
Like you don’t care that I’m hurting

I break down and try
To act like I’m fine
But all it brings me
Is this deep hatred inside

This hate that I feel
Is more for myself
While I look at you
Pretending everything’s alright

I feel I must hide it all
Or risk angering or annoying you
So I hide my face at night
While I cry myself to sleep

I see no hope
I see no light
For in my future
There is no sight

I can’t take this pain
It burns me so
But what hurts me the most
Is you’re not in pain too

I can’t keep beating myself up
For every lie that you told
You made me so paranoid
I felt like I was going insane

Now you give me freedom
And what’s sad about that
Is that I don’t want the freedom
From your loving hate

So I beg and I plead
For us to give it another shot
But now I know the truth
You’ve been hiding for so long

Your heart has belonged to another
For several months now
And you hide it from everyone
Thinking that it’s nothing

But what you don’t understand
Is the lives that are involved
Are entangled in this sea
Of perpetual sorrow

So please next time you feel this way
Look deep inside yourself
And ask one simple question
Is this really love or just lust

Cause we confuse the two
It’s in our DNA
We are programmed for procreation
So we have to rewrite our brains

Connect it in our hearts
Feel it in our souls
Watch carefully
As the picture unfolds

Seeing the truth
Being set free
Lies that were told
Now in the open

I see now that you lost your love for me
A while ago
You stopped caring about me
I was no longer your number one

I was always second best
To this new person in your heart
Why did I not see it
When it was so plain to see

But that’s what love does
It makes us blind
To the possibility
Of our love betraying us

I thought we would be together
For the rest of our lives
Have a white picket fence
With children running wild

But now I see
That it will never be
You gave up on us
The moment you saw her

The days are getting longer
Starting to blend in with each other
I’m losing track of time
My mind is slowly collapsing

I try so hard to move on
To push past this pain
But there’s a constant reminder
Imprinted in my body

A constant reminder
Of what you called me
I got it cause I wanted to be with you
For the rest of time itself

But now it’s only role
Is to remind me
I lost you forever
And won’t get you back

I can’t bare to look at myself
For every time I see it
My heart dies even more
Pushing back through that hospital door

I need it removed or covered
Or it will be the death of me
For its only now a reminder
Of how much of a fool I am

I loved you unconditionally
Pushed my beliefs aside
Cared for you when you were sick
Held you as you cried

But none of that matters
Not to you at least
Because you went off to her
Just because she was nice

She has the same habits
That you do to destress
But trust me on this
She can’t love you like I do

She won’t do what you like
That’s something hard to find
You threw away something rare
A relationship with perfect sync

You turned lust into obsession
And pushed me away
We lost our entire lives
Because of one mistake you made

But I don’t blame you
I don’t care at all
Material things don’t matter
But you ripped out my soul

I’m in constant pain now
My heart threatening to fail
At every spike in emotion
But honestly I wouldn’t care

As long as I still had you
Standing by my side
I can’t do this alone
I need my wolf back

This little fox is slowly dying
His heart on the brink of failure
He needs his wolf back
By his side even if it’s one last time

For you see my dear wolf
This foxes time is almost up
His heart can’t take much more strain
And it’s only getting worse with time

His heart is failing
But you don’t see it
He’s been hiding it for years
So you didn’t have to worry

But because of a condition
That he has kept secret
He has now signed his death warrant
And it’s only a matter of time

I doubt you will read this
Or even care to help
But not even doctors
Can properly treat this

They can only treat the side effects
Unless they go into surgery
But you know your fox
And how bad that would be

He has resigned to living in pain
Like he has done for years before you
But unlike before he can’t ignore it now
For the one who guarded him from the pain

Is no longer by his side protecting him
He is now all alone
Surrounded by the demons
Who were too afraid to come out

They are free to roam
Attacking without care
Destroying your fox with such veracity
There’s no longer an escape

He swore to you
He would never end his life
But he could never promise
His demons wouldn’t stop his heart

You look at the material
And see what you want to see
But have you ever taken the dive
To look under your distorted view

To be unique is to be perfection
The mistakes and heartaches
That comes with life
The beauty which hides underneath

The physical is nothing
Just a projection of judgement
Warped and twisted by societal lies
The soul is truth for it holds life

Cleanse your prejudice heart
Gaze at the beauty buried inside
You may be surprised
At what you will find

Love thy neighbor
That's what I was always taught
See the soul residing in the heart
For that is where the truth resides

Shed your bias
You have your own life
Let that which you can't control
Flow down the river as love takes flight

Peace in life
Such a wonderous thing
Such to strive for
Where many never succeed

Times may be tough
And the battles just begun
But take a moment
And remember the fondness

The joy of laughter and love
The beauty of the good times
Where life is at it's peak
Both the good and the bad

Of love and of sorrow
For without one
The other can't exist
For they are entwined

For through sorrow
Love is born
And through love
Sorrow is forged

Rekindling the flames
Sparking the joy of life
For life is made
Of both light and dark

Duality in an eternal dance
Cascading the fabrics
Of time and space
Foreve dancing in divine grace

Such fragileness
The youth take hold
Showcasing bliss in unity
For themselves and all

Such bravery
In the grasp of tyranny
Always fighting
For love of all

Such compassion
For those in pain
Lending a helping hand
To those who need it most

Such honor
To fight for the meek
Raging war on oppression
In all it's many forms

Such kinship
For all forms of life
Finding beauty
Where others fail to see

Life can be a roller coaster
But just gaze at the marvel
Of these passionate youths
Fighting for sovereignty of all

We go through life
Thinking we are just fine
Then suddenly out of the blue
Our inner demons attack

They drag us down
While smiling those evil grins
Hoping to turn us into
Copies of the tragic past

We long for the days of old
Where our thoughts are pure
The joy of freedom
Without a care in the world

So we struggle against the past
Fighting for a brighter future
One of laughter joy and renewal
Snapping at demons of the past

Ripping and prying ourselves free
From the wickedness of our haunted tragedy
Uncovering new issues that hide underneath
Blasting them away with a new light

Shedding the false skin
That was forced upon you
Finally seeing yourself for the first time
In a glow that feels safe and right

Rip away the silence
And break away these chains
My heart of hearts calls out to you
I just hope you are able to listen

My love will never die
No matter what you push me through
My love will only grow
From here on it’s for you

I slowly breathe
I will stand up tall
I can shout from the rooftops
And express my love for you

But would you have done the same
Or has this been completely one sided
I don’t think you ever felt the same
And it’s slowly killing me

I know I need to get help
But I refuse to until I know
Am I just imagining that you loved me
Or did you truly want my hand

I’m running out of time
Hoping so badly that I see
My wish becoming true
But I know

I know that’s only a pipe dream
You crushed my heart
Ripped it right out of my chest
And smashed it to the ground

If only you could see
The damaged you have done to me
Now all I’m able to do
Is curl up in a ball and cry

My life is now over
I can’t see the light
There is no end
To this dark and lonely place

I try and reach out
But I’m just ignored
I call out to you
Hoping you could understand

My love is undying
No matter what I try
My heart just calls out to you
It would rather die than be abandoned

And so I sit here crying
With my knees to my chest
Hoping that one day
I will get another chance

It pains me to see
That you no longer want me
But I must push through
And keep the hope alive

Cause if I don’t
I know I won’t survive
The pain that will ensue
Deep within my heart

Faith is such a touchy subject
Some take it to extremes
While others stay meek and humble
Fighting for the right to coexist

Though your faith may be tainted
With hatred and malice
Look to the past and see
The hatred in your own heart

You say things are done
Out of love and protection
But do your words match
With your actions

Or are you removing your faith
By removing the chance for redemption
For the end of a life through disagreement
Does not state faith but contemptment

See how black your heart has become
See the lives you have destroyed
The pain you are inflicting
All in the name of falsehood disguised as faith

For to take a live in the name of faith
Is the opposition of truth in faith
You act in malice for your brethren
Turning into the very demons you claim to fight

Taking the power into your own hands
Claiming you know more than your God
Turning a blind eye to your so called faith
That turned your soul to molten ash in utter disgrace

Thy Goddesses of death and rebirth
I ask of thee to take me in their stead
To be eternal servant hidden in a realm
Far beyond mortal eyes

I ask thee to bless the lives I’ve ruined
I ask thee to take me instead
Keep them from this eternal torment
I can’t bare to see them suffer

They don’t deserve this pain
None of them do
I alone carry that burden
I ask of thee my sweetest love

Thy Karma divine and beautiful
Weaver of death and rebirth
I ask thee on this darkest of night
Take the ones who curse my family

Not the ones who have no reason to suffer
For they are pure of heart
They don’t deserve this torment
I as of thee in unconditional love

My chosen family of purest divine
I make this sacrifice for you to see
My being need suffer eternal solitude
Stripped from soul and body alike

To free their suffering of darkest fright
They hell is in me and not in them
So I ask with solemn want
Please take me in your heart

Leave this family and friends
For I ask of thee I solemnly accept
Your first touch of contact
For this angel of the Earth