So integral, this feeling
I can't make myself ignore it

The waves seep chill from off the wind
My thoughts, caught up in the current

I found the beauty in the lake
If only for a moment.

I ignored it for so long
But it's mine, just for a second

The calming wind over the lake
Caught in the skin of this horrid face

Scared and truly alone.

If I could only drift away...

Though I see well enough
Lucidity escapes me
Left withering and splintering
In the face of change
In spite of the ending
Something writhes inside of me
A solitary heave
Railing against eternity

But I still cling
To the bits of shade

Every death is unique
As detailed as a fingerprint
I'm still not sure how to communicate
This intrusive thought, it never goes away

Please...
I need is to die knowing
That it wasn't all for nothing
That I gave this life for something

Maybe I've been too detached
Maybe I've been contradicting
Falling fast from what I'm needing
In hopes of finding something real

So outside the mind, enhanced
I see visions of my self
Inside my skull I sit and wait, pondering
If I'm even alive, as eternity
Stretches out before me, but
Nothing scratches that itch
Waiting for a fabrication to take me in
In the days to come...

I'll still cling
To the bits of shade

We are what we are
I am what I am

Nothing but a replica
Of imagined will
For all this effort
Scrapes don't fade
On porcelain skin

I changed my mind
I know I never cared enough
The weight inside
Never seems to let up

Suddenly, I can't find the words to say
I can feel the rhythm of your heart beat in my hands
When I'm alone

Another road
When did I lose myself again?
There's no control
Once the rot sets in

Suddenly, everything I understand
All the seconds in my head just ticking away
Never mattered at all

I'm feeling harmony, looking in your eyes
I always feel alright, when I'm with you
It's this sense of empathy I can't feel otherwise
I always feel alright when we're together

Emotional currency creating dependence
Once dissonant tones start weaving together on repeated listens
Love and joy, the heartache and pain
Harp on these notes till they all bleed together

It'll always be different, don't you
remember how you feel when you're alone?
Suffer from this static human conditioning
Blacking out whenever connections form

Memory doesn't appear to be part of this game
Disharmonious thoughts, that we refuse to explore

In defense of myself, there's nothing I won't explore
Identity flux cauldron, mixture of various inputs
and Impulses I might've felt as a kid or even earlier

That's how it is, but maybe not how it should be
But natural order will sort itself out, so I digress
One thing hardly taken into consideration
Our own aptitude for our self destruction

It's internal loathing, perhaps rightfully deserved
I can feel it too, every second glance in a mirror
Could we still strive for a better end?
Tomorrow is a new day, after all

...

Vanity in sacrifice, adorned in white
Polished posture, so significant it seems
Furrowed brow, heavy with self occupation
Empty vessel, paraded, held in no regard
But the construct of time will tell
Reveal true motivations

Self aggrandizing, should death be your value
Well groomed in your simple wooden box
But inlaid with ivory, paid for with suggestions
Carefully plotted, like paving stones

Considering bitter ends, a new pass time
In some attempt to add a bit of sweetness to the taste

...

I fear I'm deflecting again
You, the brunt of my dissatisfaction
Erroneously placed, if I err, stay with me
Or I might drift away while I sleep

I think it's safe to assume
I will change, but it won't be soon
Maybe once I know what I want to say

You're one tough act that I don't want to follow
Watching you run towards tomorrow
Leaves me wishing that I could have today

You always talk fast, I'm trying to wade through
I can't unpack your constant deluge
Give me a second, let me concentrate

I don't understand the your phantom pressures
I can't figure out how you communicate
Or find the source of your endless grace

There's no such thing as true evil
Across all cultures and creeds, evil exists
All relegated to human existence
It's a byproduct of our own physicality
There's a million neurons firing constantly
Fueling immeasurable transfers of information
Constantly, across the whole of the race
Across the face of the planet
It's just one massive web of ideas
We're all afraid of death, its terrifying
We hate the idea that we won't exist
And our group instinct drives us together
Empathy binds us like that, and we feel a false sense that
We're moral beings, because we treat others with respect
But we're only looking out for ourselves
And we can quickly kid ourselves
Systemic evil is just everyone tricking themselves in a million different ways
All tricks coming in different directions
And when tragedy strikes, we all like to look at the end result
We all point at the ******, ugly end and say
That's evil
And then we try and scapegoat, look for easy solutions
But really, we're all culpable

It never takes much
I wonder what I could possibly do to impress her
She's plucking gold threads in the air
Bits of string she finds hanging all around her
When she's flying like that
When she's hanging like that
Even her feet trace above my head

When she's human
I feel sick
Because I feel lucky

You know those wraps on her wrists
She keeps them bound up for a reason
She needs the memory, but it's not for me

She's not like me
So distinctive, in all the ways she knows
In all the lines she's memorized
And in that saccharine emulsion
Still seeping from her
I hate the taste of it

Gently floating on the breeze
Walking across lilies
I wonder what I could possibly do
To impress her.