i wish i could touch your little face; hold your little hand

Blood of my blood;
Flesh of my flesh, for you I prayed, I dreamed...
Gorged with love and an overwhelming feeling of fear.
Your heartbeat was the one thing i never wanted to lose.
I've be blessed with unconditional love,
and crowned with the honor of being called "Mommy"

I laid in my bed, staring out my window, watching the moon play peak a boo with the clouds.
As, i lay there and think, i close my eyes and smile.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

I am living with poetry, breathing on metaphors. I sigh on love and dream you when i write my thoughts down

Lost is the girl,
With the lonely smile.
She waits for her love,
A long and weary mile
He stole her heart
Before she’d even seen
He’d be her prince
And she’d be his queen.
The last thing she remembers is them kissing the night away then the
next day driving away.
Watching in the rear view mirror,
he waved goodbye.

Love is a hidden fire, A pleasant sore, A delicious poison, A delectable pain, An agreeable torment, A sweet and throbbing wound, A gentle death.

In this bed,
That resides in a dark room.
I lay and think
Thinking of...

To find Comfort on difficult days, for
smiles to come your way,
and laughter to kiss your lips.
I wish for sunsets to warm your heart, beauty for your eyes to see,and faith so that you can believe. I wish confidence when you doubt your competency,
courage to know yourself,
patience to accept the truth
This is my wish for you.

Being kind is more important than being right, because sometimes people need a caring heart to listen than a brilliant mind to speak.

And i look up at
The sky, close my eyes
And breath the air
That once
blew Your
Scent.

My dream
Is
To wake up
Next to
You
Every morning, but
Instead i
Wake up
To the smell
Of you
Every morning!

" The truth is rarely pure and never simple"

- oscar Wilde

I listen to the pain in the voice of those singing.
I feel the melodies that fill my room.
I Lay with my eyes open, and i see nothing;just darkness.
I feel a rush of happiness, of saddness of tiredness.
I keep listening to the words of the song and as it fades
I close my eyes and drift away into the melody's.

In the night i write my own lyrics and breath my own melody.

I give you my life line,
the very thing that can destory me.
The thing that pumps the blood that runs through my body.
I give you something that hold my courage, my fear, my secrets.
I give it to you, even when i'm unsure what you will do with it.
I give it;  because maybe this will be
The last time i have too give it away again.

So i give you me!

Your heart is wild and open and is home to many people.
Mine is just for you.
And if one day you leave, then it will be a big hole of nothingness.
Empty.

Although you are not here with me,
your handprint is on my heart.
You were a precious gift to me,
I loved you from start to finish

You left this earth too early,
and landed on heaven's shore.
I snuggle in the memory or you.
oh how i love you even more

you are never far away from us
for your memory's a steady stream.
I will never say goodbye to you,
so i am wishing you sweet dreams

Someday we'll be together again
but until thaat one fine day.
you are the handprint on my heart
where forever you shall stay.

They said, “Don’t Let Anyone Change You”,

I’m sure you feel the same way too.
The perception of having people accept you for who you are and not the ideal of what they want you to be,
Is something in the end we know changes and sooner or later we eventually see.
We don’t see these changes till the very end,
Until the final mark has been made.
But through it all we evolve into a whole new person,
And the old perception of how we used to be slowly fades.
We evolve into someone greater and stronger,
More careful and alert.
The things we want in life and what we want to surround ourselves with,
Are pieces of information we program in our minds to insert.
No regrets of any kind,
Through the choices made in my past.
All the ups and downs life has handed to me,
Feels like a broken leg in a cast.
Can’t make a slight movement or a tiny breath,
That’s how I feel.
Everything then seems to be refreshed,
Once every wounds finally heal.
But it’s the risk that I’ve taken,
That has made my life worth living for.
The love I’ve given and the happiness I’ve received,
Are bits of pieces of memories in my heart that I store.
Because in the end,
I realize the trials and tribulations only benefit me.
To help me become the person I want,
Or maybe the person I was really meant to be.

There is no such thing as love anymore,
the kind that is so strong
that you can feel it in your bones.
You know we used to feel that emotion,
when we looked into the faces of our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, family and friends.

There is no such thing as love anymore.
At least no the deep satisfying kind
that sits on your heart and influences every
decision and action we take throughout each day.

There is no reason to celebrate anymore.
Just empty actions and empty reactions, calculated gestures and financial arrangements. There is no such thing as love anymore...

I give you my best and in return i get pieces of you,
I've given my time when i barely had time to myself.
I've let you penetrate my mind when you won't even let me into yours.
I've given my body to you without thinking of the consequence that would follow.
I've given my hand to hold so you never have to tackle anything by yourself.
I've given my back, to carry you when you can no longer carry  yourself.
I've given words for thought,
I've presented war with those who question our journey.
I give and receive little but, yet you ask for more.
I can only give so much before i have nothing left.
Nothing, but pain of being stupid enough to let you in.
In my sanctuary, the temple i call home.

Ever since I could remember I longed to be loved. But not just any love, the love that I could see
The love that was lusted by others. Love I could call my own, but instead it’s borrowed.
Borrow from anything or someone because I can’t find the place I thought I left it.
I searched on the top cabinet, underneath my bed but I still could not find it.
I looked in my car, just in case I drove away with it.
I looked inside the heart of the one I call my love but, it was empty or
Maybe I just cannot see what I don’t feel.
I find myself lonely, even though I know I’m loved.
I’m sad even though life is hard enough so why frown but, then
I walked pass my mirror on the way to my room and I notice
The love that I was looking for in me.
I love I remember is that no matter what happens or who enters then exit,
I still have myself!
The only love I can give and except is the love I bear.
Today I’m gonna keep it all because why give it
When it’s rare? When some don’t appreciate the beauty?
But, it’s ok because today I love me!

Today's the day where everyone longs to be secretly loved,
The day that you dress a little nicer, put a little more make up on, today is a day of endless possibilities.
Today your heart can be totally crushed or put back together.
Today is Valentines day!
The day where women cry, and eat way to much chocolate.
The day men spend way too much.
This day is way too much pressure.
Pressure to be good enough, to live up to these big expectations.
So instead, love yourself cause no one can define you.
Happy valentines Day to those not in love with anyone but their selves, and to those completely head over hills from that special someone.
Enjoy!

Ashamed to look in the mirror, so instead I dress myself up to alter the reflections.
Fake nails to distract people from the things these criminal hands have done. I put make-up on to hide the imperfections that cover my face. The words of all the wrong I’ve done.
Eyelashes, to take away the pain that my eyes holds. Brand names on my back to cover up the scars and cuts that can’t be taken away.  My emotions are my own, they use to be easy to tuck away but now it’s so full sometimes it’s hard to contain.
I find myself crying because I can’t feel anything else. No pain, no disappointment, not even numbness just an empty shell. I scream because I can’t put together a complete sentence. When my head is full, and my heart holds an elephant, and my mouth becomes glued all I can do is write. As my thoughts flow from my brain down to my fingertips I become empowered even if I’m muted for a while.
At the end of the day, dress up is over and I wipe away the makeup, take away the eyelashes and take off my clothes and I stare at myself in the mirror. I look at my dis proportioned, scared and unappealing body. It looks so different but,
No matter how hard I try to cover the **** that’s made me this way I will always be me at the end of the day. Tomorrow is always another day, to either accept who I am; the good and the bad or hide behind the mask or shall I say a painted on face.
Decisions, Decisions!

Can you keep a secret?
No, matter how juicy it maybe, Can I trust you will keep it between us?
Do you have my back like you say you do?
When **** hits the fan will it be us against the world or me against you and everybody else?
Are we friends?
Somebody I can count on?
Somebody I know that is real as ****?
Somebody that is worth the meaning of the word “friend” and not just someone I call my friend because it sounds nice?
Are you the love of my life?
Or just another crush, another guy that wants to smash?
Are you the one that god has sent for me, the one to make me happy, laugh and goof off with?
The boy of my dreams, or maybe I should wake up and dream with my eyes open.
Am I blind?
Blind to the fact that I just wanna have fun, and enjoy life as I envisioned it,
But know I have to work hard to get where I Wanna be.
Is school right for me?
Do I even wanna be here?
Am I doing this because I want to, or because it will make others happy?
Am I me?
Have I lost sight of who I really am?
Have I changed to fit those around me?
So many questions, but little to no answers. So I make up my own as I go

The two words I know you can’t stand,
The words that means there’s a possibility that we won’t be together.
For now, I guess you can say is temporary; An uncertainty of what could be, or could happen.
For Now, is my security blanket?
My love is real, and it will last until you no longer want it. So when I say for now I mean;
For now we are together,
For now, we are in love, because nobody knows how long that may last.
For now, I only want you, for now we’re happy.
For now, my heart won’t break,
For now, for now, for now because we’re only human and as humans we change our minds a lot.
So I guess I will love until I’m unloved,
I will feel until I no longer feel anything,
I will miss you because for now, I don’t have you here with me.
Even though I say for now, I really mean forever but forever,
Means commitment that only for now, we say we want but
I’m happy with what we share and hopeful one day for now will be adolescent words of confession.
But until then Ima have to say
For now….