I have this wound that will never ever be healed.
I have this big hole that will never ever be fixed.
I have this flaw that will never ever be accepted.
I have this scream that will never ever be heard.
I have this disease that will never ever be cured.
I have this value that will never ever be seen.
I have this storm that will never ever be calmed.
I have this emotion that will never ever be stopped.
I have this regret that will never ever be forgotten.
I have this pain that will never ever be gone.
I have this shame that will never ever be overcome.
I have this love that will never ever be expressed.
I have this thought that will never ever be understood.
I have this life that will never ever be good.

I once was a blind bird shackled in the shadow
bestowed with a pair of flightless wings
yet cursed with a pair of sightless eyes
a tiny feather in the middle of nothingness
allowing winds to draw me nowhere
although, I like it this way
I mean, I do not know exactly
I'm being used to it
and I'm afraid I might get addicted to it
but I must not
no matter how narrow the clouds might be
you must always seek for the sun

it was a chaos
a chaos that I ignited
and yet I can't do anything about it
I tried to scream
but nothing happened
I exerted lots of energy to break these chains
and I exerted all of my strength
but these are not enough

and I became exhausted
you would not hear me
nor any sound from me
pure silence
like when an angel walks by

and I hope that an angel would walk by

all of a sudden, the dawn breaks
the gloom fades like a wild animal
there was nothing but light
and for the first time, I was able to see
clouds filled the blue firmament
the cage was broken and gone

I haven't even called Him yet
but He rescued me right on time
how He loves me so much
and I was different
never yearn to go back
a free bird, flying
changed,
new.

I thought I was a night owl
And sunsets would excite me
I'd wait for the sun to falter
So I could fly alone in the sleeping city

Until one time
As the sunset began parading
I suddenly felt an urge to slumber
Without waiting for the moon's consent

Don't know what doesn't want me
To stay up late at night anymore
But whatever it is
It doesn't want me
To wake up in the morning either

I hit the sack way too soon
Through the words of a lullaby.

Entangled with the dream coil,
I found my feet on a foreign soil.
With buildings all gray and sky even darker,
I could not scream nor could I even mutter.
Across the street was a familiar soul—
I was certain, for our eyes met once.
Yet I remained unmoved near a wellhole,
Even though it might be the only chance.

But there must be another way,
I shall ask or go astray.
Clouds now shared the skyscrapers' clothing,
And they led me to a place I found unwelcoming:
An acre of a hundred skeletons,
Guarded by ravens and briars' thorns.
It wasn't a graveyard nor was it a market,
But simply my chained, restricted closet.

All of a sudden, I was being chased,
And went to the woods with an instant regret.
With faltering knees and a heart too dazed,
I heard words I wished I could forget:
"I'm a nightmare cloaked in human skin,
Dwelling on where the light surrenders."
Then a light pierced through my nightly coffin;
Gently, I opened my peepers.

It's not a dream that most would recap,
But it was just enough to wake me up.

Yes, I'm back
and yet I'm back at this stage
where I feel alone
and missing someone
I'm just someone who prefers
to be alone
to be surrounded
by my own self
my own companion
People go and get happy
beside me
But when it's night
they go away
and go far so easily
That's why I hate their presence
I hate it when they're attached to me
and they suddenly drifted away
like a leaf
sometimes I felt like the ocean
pushing the boats to the land
and prefers to be alone

Being trapped in a sort of tragic ballad
Yet, different from the sadness that you’ve had
This sentiment can make the weak become mad
But the strong sees its beauty and turns glad

Bead of pleasure that lurks in the past
This happiness is quite vague and quite vast
Hold onto something, trust me, it’s a blast
Blast built to bring joy and gast

Be careful, you might get lost in this maze
You might drown yourself by giving it a gaze
Why don’t you just stop and set it all ablaze?
Or let this haze leave you in a total daze?

I might be living the tragedy
Of someone who had
A happily ever after
In an entirely different story

And I had been thinking
About rewriting it through a reset
But doing so might make me forget

For we can never tell
If we are to become ghosts
With our memories still lingering on
Or only to be memories
Of others we have left behind

Either way, I am not ready
And I will never be

Ngingiti ka na naman;
Lolokohin mo na naman ang buong mundo,
Paniniwalain ang lahat ng tao,
Uutuin maging ang sarili mo--
Na ayos ka lang,
Na wala kang problema,
Na patuloy kang lumalaban
Sa buhay kung sa’n
Ang sarili ang iyong kalaban.
“Ayos lang” ang iyong sagot sa tanong na “kamusta ka?”
At ngayon ko lamang napagtanto na palabiro ka pala.
Lahat nang ‘yan, iyong itatago sa iisang ngiti.
At sa iyong pagkukubli,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Tatawa ka na naman;
Muling ipaparinig ang iyong halakhak.
‘Yung tipong mabibingi silang lahat
At masasabing ikaw ay masaya at tapat.
Pero ang bawat ritmo ay kumpas ng kasinungalingan
Na hindi namamalayan dahil sa lakas ng tawanan.
Itutuloy ang tawa hangga’t ang kasiyahan ay maisilang.
Pambihirang panlilinlang.
Daig mo pa ang hunyango pagdating sa pagtatago.
Lahat idaraan mo sa tawa, hindi dahil masaya ka,
Kundi dahil wala kang mukhang maihaharap.
At sa iyong pagpapanggap,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Mananahimik ka na naman;
Mambibingi gamit ang saradong bibig.
Sasampalin ang buong mundo ng kantang walang ritmo,
Walang liriko, at walang nota.
Dahil hindi tengang handang makinig ang iyong kailangan,
Kundi pangunawa at ang maintindihan.
Mahirap bang gawing salita ang iyong nadarama?
Hirap ka bang magsabi ng kahit ano sa kanila?
Kaya’t mananahimik ka na lang
At paparoon sa isang sulok.
Aawit nang pabulong,
Rinig lamang ang iyong suntok.
At sa iyong pananahimik,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Mangangamba ka na naman;
Matutulog na lang, sasaktan pa ang sarili mo.
Titingin sa paligid at magiisip nang kung anu-ano.
Kahit ano.
Kahit masakit.
Hanggang sa maaawa ka sa kalagayan mo ngayon
At Iiyakan ang sariling takot bumangon.
Malulungkot, magagalit
At mapapatanong kung bakit.
Bakit ganito? Bakit ganyan?
Bakit ang mata mo ngayo’y luhaan?
Minsan tulog na lamang iyong hiling,
Pero pagod ka pa rin maging sa paggising.
Mangangamba at iisipin ang lahat.
Lahat sila,
Lahat ng iyong napaniwala.

Pero hindi ako.
Ibahin mo ako,
Simula’t sapul, hindi mo ‘ko maloloko.
Hindi mo ‘ko mapapaniwala, hindi mauuto,
Dahil kilala kita,
At alam ko ang pinagdaraanan mo.
Alam kong hirap ka na sa pagsubok ng buhay.
Mistulang ang bawat araw ay pare-pareho na lamang,
Walang bago, puro tabang.
Maaaring tensionado ka, dulot ng paaralan.
O ‘di kaya’y dahil diyan sa mga tinatawag **** “kaibigan.”
Pwede ring dahil sa iyong tahanan.
Dahil sa sakit na dulot ng kung ano man.

Kilala kita.
Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo.
Alam kong gusto mo nang huminto,
Gusto mo nang itigil ang laro,
Pagod ka nang bumangon,
At takot nang umahon.
Tulad ng isang dahon na kahit kalian
Ay ‘di maibabalik sa punong pinanggalingan.
At iyo na lamang inaantay ang iyong paglanta.
Sa isang lugar, inirereklamo ang tagal ng pagkawala.
Dahil ikaw ay sawang-sawa.
Paulit-ulit na lamang.
May galit, may pait pagkatapos ng hagupit.
Babangon, sasaya, at muling babalik sa sakit.
Alam kong luha ang ‘yong nais ipabatid,
At hindi ang iyong mga tawa.
Dahil dama ko ang iyong lungkot sa tuwing ika’y masaya.
Alam kong hirap ka na.
Alam ko, alam ko.

Kilala kita.
Alam ko ang pagkatao mo.
Hirap ka nang kumapit, alam ko.
Dahil mahina ka,
At ‘di mo kailangang magpanggap;
Alam ko ang iyong hanap.
Ngunit nawa'y maintindihan mo,
Tanggap kitang buo at totoo.
Pwede ka nang umiyak,
Pwede mo nang bitiwan ang 'yong sandata,
Pwede mo nang ibaba ang iyong kalasag,
Pwede ka nang maging totoo.
‘Wag nang magpanggap na malakas ka,
Pwede kang maging mahina.
Pwede mo nang burahin ang iyong ngiti.
Pwede kang umiyak,
Hayaan **** dumaloy ang mga luha.
Sige, isumbong mo lahat,
Sabihin mo ang lahat sa akin,
Akala mo ba’y ‘di ko napapansin?
Sumuko man ang araw at nagdulot ng dilim,
‘Di kita susukuan at mananatiling taimtim.
Patuloy na kumakapit,
Inaantay ang 'yong paglapit.
Alam kong mapapatanong ka na naman kung bakit.
Bakit alam ko, at bakit ganito.
Pasensiya kung may pagkukulang man ako,
Ngunit hiling ko lamang na ikaw ay magkwento.
At sabay tayong ngingiti at tatawa,
Saba’y tayong iiyak sa drama.
Yayakapin kita,at patuloy na uunawain,
Dahil 'yun lang din naman ang gusto kong gawin.

Sabi ko nga sa’yo, kilalang-kilala kita.
At ‘di tulad ng iba,
Hindi mo 'ko mapapaniwala.
Dahil siyempre, ako ang 'yong ina.

A starless night with a pale lonely moon—
I hope you’re seeing the same view.
Uncertain it is if we’ll meet again soon,
But I surely have missed your usual hue.

We were once strangers to one another
Until we dove in each other’s water.
It was when we learned more than names
That we have fanned the vibrant flames.

All the winters and autumns we’ve outgrown,
The burning cities that never turned to ashes,
And the handful of stars we used to own—
Are now nothing but the past’s slithering leeches.

Our memories have piled up to the skies;
Should I feed them to the butterflies?
They play on repeat inside my head
Like vultures orbiting around the dead.

Now that you’re from a hundred miles,
I’m starting to feel the need to pray.
I wish for nothing but your reassuring smiles
Because they are just enough for me to stay.

With this growing distance,
I wish I could hug you somehow.
Now tell me, this instance,
How can I forget about you now?

I used to fear ghosts
Parasitic enigmas
Infesting random hosts
Cruel nightmare fuel
My fear was never undone
Until I became one

I fear.
Everyone does
I once conquered one,
the fear of being none

Today I fear a lot
I don't fear you, you're wrong
I'm just afraid to be with you
I fear attachments.
I fear moments spent with you
I am afraid I might be used to it
I'm afraid someday those moments
turn into memories
and those memories will haunt me
as I face my next fear
and that is the fear of losing you
for life is like picking a flower from a garden
handle it,
let its thorn hurt you
let it wilt
or let it go

or you can simply just fear it
and be none.

Like a small act of kindness
You make my day
Like cups of coffee
You make me wonder
Like long, tight hugs
You keep me warm
You're just enough
To boost me up

In every moment
I know what I feel
Is not permanent
But at least it's real

Mirror debris
Shattering through the sky
And a dwindling beast
Begins to cower
For he knows the hue of every blue
And he has been to the pit
But what he knows not for sure
Is that he needed it

Breakfasts shared with broken dreams,
A diurnal storm of olden debris,
Series of flaws, and internal screams —
This life was never easy.
And there came a handful of hope.

I've decided to begin another journey —
Knowing not where my feet would take me.
And the moon knows that it is you
Who have been a reason to continue.

We are each other’s favorite
Until the universe decides for it.
Vagabonds we would always seem—
Under the influence of a daydream.

However the world would spin—
Even when the storm is from within—
‘Neath the moon’s nightly wandering,
Ever may you remember,
Rest is what you bring.

An old room
is the best place
to collect dust.

And I am standing
where it is best
to wait for time to reverse.

Although, I guess, it will not...
I am still standing

Distance is a way for us to breathe,
and a way for us to drown.

It was all my fault
Or at least it's what my mind wants to believe
I never blamed you for a thing or two
Because how could I
If you just left without saying goodbye?

Aren’t you bothered by those children
Calling out for the Grim Reaper?

Have you come across the ******* dog
Feasting on the remains of your will to live?

Can’t you see those bloated butterflies
Feeding on your recurring thoughts?

Look at those unburied skeletons
Of the dreams we had to break.

Have you seen how lost souls
Wander with their unreliable feet?

Have you heard the wailing
Of the monster you have become?

Do you still shelter the parasite
That breathes through your pain?

Have you witnessed how a heart
Becomes so used to tragedies?

Listen to the echoing lullaby
Of a dwindling spark of hope.

Have your eyes met the past
Of both the loud and the silent walls?

Doesn’t a single unshared scar
Keep you up all night?

Have you retrieved your mind
That constantly dwells in the future?

Have you forgotten the false hope
We used to distract ourselves with?

Do you still smell the silhouettes of trauma
Lingering in your daydreams?

While most nightmares awaken the asleep,
These ones make us want to sleep more.

In this chaotic world of uncertainty,
I long to be scared with you.

If
our souls
mimic the colors
of the night,
then there
won’t be stars
in the sky.

Unfinished songs, poems,
Letters, and messages --
And here I wait for more.
Perhaps a decent ending,
Or a bit of certainty will do.
But maybe that's just how
Some things are meant to end.

You will smile again,
you will laugh again,
you will glow again,
you will be happy again,
you will find peace again,
you will love again,
you will be loved again,

until...

you get hurt again.

City lights above
Piercing through the darkest night
I don't want to sleep

Raindrops kissing my eyebrows,
I regretted leaving the house.
I looked around and saw strangers
With huge weight on their shoulders.

Empty stomachs falling in line
With minds barely stable,
Was it a new adventure to define
Or just another day to feel small?

Arm wrestling with time,
We’re all heading somewhere —
Finding words that rhyme
Or just a breath of fresh air.

And when the sun slowly decays,
All we need is a resting space.

But as the streets grew darker,
I could only write a poem,
For I am a worn-out wanderer
Who missed the last train home.