I miss my theater
I miss the lights
I'm finding I even miss
The many sleepless nights

Cause now I lie awake
My head so filled with song
I'm finding that without you
The world just feels so wrong

I miss the chaos
I miss my crew
I miss every little thing
That I used to do

I cannot reschedule
The last curtain call
I cannot imagine
A year without you all

I'm crying, I'm trying
The tears, they never fall
I cannot imagine
A year without you all

I am not the darkness
I am not the light
I am not the daytime
I am not the night

I'm not happy
I'm not sad
I'm not joyful
I'm not glad

I'm not silent
I'm not sound
I am a circle
But I'm not round

I am fire, I am ice
I'm not mean, but I'm not nice

I have big shoes to fill
I'm trying hard to impress
All of you don't realize
You cause me stress

I work real hard and write it down,
all of my plans
but will I ever be happy
I don't know if I can

I'm writing letters and songs and scripts
I'm writing stories and jokes and quips
I've written so much in so little time
Am I running out of time?

Am I off-key, am I off-pitch
Is it my tone or is my diction missed?
Am I speaking, am I singing, I don't know
Where can I go?

Someday I hope you'll remember me
Someday I hope I will be part of your history
Am I an artist who's doomed to be
Never appreciated until she dies
Why?

I'm not a figment of your imagination
I think I could use a little appreciation
I want to help others like me
When I'm grown
If I'm grown
Who will I be?

I am drowning in letters and papers
all of my stories surround me
drowning in letters and papers
can I ever be happy?
drowning in letters and papers
drowning again
drowning in letters and papers
will I ever reach the end?

will you all remember me?
will I be worth anything to remember?
are you like the one I see
when I look in the mirror?
will you hate me?
will you not understand?
will you pity me before I take my stand?
just keep the pen in your hand
always keep that pen in your hand
you won't ever know what the universe has planned
so just keep that pen in your hand

If I  die give 'em all a sight
show 'em all the stories that I never got to write
put me on the stage and for the first in a very long time
let them hear me sing, let them see me shine

sight-reading
that's all we can do
never hearing the melody
but still singing it through

focus on the details
focus on the song
and piece by piece like a puzzle
someday you'll belong

education
The High School for Crying
The College for Artists
who fear much more than dying

special skills
I can see things that are not there
I can take more than anyone can bear
I can work without lunch or dinner
I can let myself get thinner and thinner
I can suffer and still sing
I can be silent through almost everything

goals
I will write until I ache
I will sing until I break
I will give more than I take
I will make a mistake


wait


hold on

no, wait

please don't go

don't reject my resume

please no

Father, do you remember what flowers smelled like?
Do you remember the ocean's calm waves?
Father, what was it like to run in the sunlight?
Or to play outside all day?

Father, do you remember what trees looked like
before they all went away?
Father, what was it like to breathe clean air
when you walked to school each day?

Father, why do you cry?
Is it because you can't see the sky?
Father, what did the world use to be?
What was the world like when it was happy?

Father, where are all the kids like me?

What is a dog?
What is a cat?
What is a bird?
Do you remember that?

What is a dream?
Did you ever have one?
Is it something you buy, like air?
Is it something you hold, and care?

Father, do you remember when people used to care?
Father, do you remember that?

I live in a time when we hide our faces
I live in a time when we still fight for equal rights for all races
I live in a time when school shootings are the norm
I live in a time when history is taking another new form

I live in a generation who jokes about death
I live in a generation who laugh and cry in a single shaky breath
I live in a generation who don’t believe the truth
I live in a generation who never had a happy youth

I live in a world while I scream and shout
I live in a world while no one lets me out
I live in a world while I am trying to cope
I live in a world while I cling to hope

I live in a place where school children are waiting to die
I live in a place where boys are told that “real men don’t cry”
I live in a place where dreams are killed
I live in a place where a higher death count means our leaders are skilled

Still, I live
In this place,
In this time,
And I will survive.

I live in a house
I live in a home
I live in a body I can call my own

I live in a bubble I’m trying to pop
I live in a mind unwilling to stop
I live in a note, a powerful song
I live in a voice that is still singing strong

When news of the pandemic reached my high school, no one was thinking of the impact that year.
We all thought that the government would never close our schools.
They would leave us to die, and we would wait to be killed.
The first thought when we were told that school would not be the same was, well this just means I won’t die by a bullet while trying to pass geometry.
When did trying to survive high school become so literal?
I am terrified that I will never hug my friends again.
I am terrified that I have had my last moments in high school.
I wanted a graduation.
I wanted a prom.
I wanted to sing and perform.
I wanted to be somewhat happy.
I don’t know how to stop this pain in my chest, spreading more and more hurting me beyond anyone’s comprehension.
I am so alone, and yet I crave the quiet.
It’s too loud, but no one is singing.
I just want to have the memories that everyone has.
I just want to hug my best friend again.
I want to worry about college, not how and when, and where I will die.
I want to be a kid, for the next few months.
Because this is the last chance I’ll get.
And the end of my childhood will be marked by months of being alone and devastated.
I just want to be a kid while I still can.

There’s a house
There's a lake
There's a field, a plow, and a rake

There are so many animals
They're my friends
There are people laughing
At every day's end

There are people dancing
There are so many songs
And there are so many wonders
I wonder if the world has seen them all

There are secrets and truth
And elders and youths
There are people, just people
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
It's a mess.

There are clocks
Ever reminders
Present no matter what we do to just ignore

There are so many little things
That life has in store
There are jump ropes
There are ties
There are sweets
There are swingsets and rhymes
There are games we play
So many games we play

And none of us know exactly why
There are books and paintings, and screens galore
There are lion and tigers
I hear them roar
There are children growing up

Guess I was one too
There are so many memories
Of you

There are so many memories
Of you