I will spend a lifetime
Just walking around
Never letting my feet
touch the ground

Once firmly placed here
Now I can fly
Would you ever go back
Why

Like a soul tortured by desire
Like a bird soaring ever higher
Every mile I fly
I take to the sky
Every second
Makes me want to cry

That I could possibly know this feeling
Know this joy I feel
That I could possibly have the feeling
Knowing what this feels like to me

So like a soul possessed
Like a heart beating
I will forever know
My love will only grow
My love
To fly
My love for the sky
My love for the sky

A soul unhinged
A life to live
And all of it fades away
Today

With the sky
With the clouds
With the beautiful sounds
That I hear all around me and I see

The smiles and laughter
And sometimes small disasters
And I know it's up there for me
I know there’s so much to see

And all my life
I've waited to be
Someone who flies
Someone who spends their life in the skies

So here I am
And here I'll stay
This is the way I will feel forever

Finally up
Up there in the sky
In the sky
I fly

I hear the roaring of the brook
so wild, untamed and free.
It’s just… Beautiful.
Catching everything that comes its way.
And I see my reflection smile back at me.
The world as I know it has changed.
Everything is different now.
Everything has been rearranged.
All the lights have gone quiet on the stage.
All the sounds are gone.
Silent.
All the people, at home.
It’s so quiet.
Will it be this way forever?
Has it changed?
Will it ever go back to how it was?

All people are selfish.
Not all people have empathy.
A waltz or ballet dances in my head.
Am I doomed to hear them on repeat until the day I’m dead?

Why can I never write?
Tripping over my words like rope left out at sea.
Now look at that, I've lost all hope of writing an analogy.
Then a rhyme, a spark of joy.
Maybe this could be a song worthy of others to see.

There’s never quiet,
always sound,
never focused,
it's just too loud.

Words used to be my escape but now I can't even write.
I design fantasy worlds where I can fight my inner demons,
the ones that crawl around at night,
as foxtrots in the background are played in delight.

So I'm sitting in a back room, cringing at the slightest sound.
Reusing old lines from old poems and songs.
Things I can't finish,
things I can't start,
and things that hurt my broken heart.
Thoughts that seem stupid but won’t go away,
moments in the moonlight that aren't here to stay.

I'm so tired and yet I've gotten enough sleep
I guess I'm just tired of promises to keep.

There's so much to do
Much I wish that I did
Someone needs to remind me
I'm still just a kid.

Can I have another childhood, can I take it all back?
Would I take back the painful years of torment, of lying and shame?
Would I take back the tears that I have cried?
No. I’d never take back those tears, for they are my story.

There.

Have I done it?

Have I written enough?

I'm tired, so tired, I can't see it through.

Distractions, distractions, they hold me inside.
Inside the dark corners that make up my mind.
So many things dwell inside of my head.
It’s hurting, It’s hurting, make it stop, the little boy said.

Take another step, I know that you can.

I feel as if I will never write again.
I feel the doubt and fear,
paralyzing me until I don’t know what to say or hear.
They hate me, don’t they?
I fear their eyes,
their words,
their tears.

But I cannot speak.

I listen for the footsteps.
Where are they now?
Lighter footsteps slamming the door until I cannot hear them anymore.
Heavy footsteps have gone as well, the door is opened.
There they are.
I feel small,
so small
and little.

The word regression comes to mind.
They are coming closer, switch the tab, and hope that they are blind.

Questions are like landmines, and each one is smaller, still, no matter the size of the landmine, whether you try to confront or evade, they all are set to ****.

I don’t know if I can do this, be anyone I want to be.
Will I be a starving artist and a disappointment to my family?

My name is Fear, I do not grow, I am small in every way.
My impact is big, my job so large, and yet small in stature is how I stay.

Am I Fear, or am I something hidden far below?
If I am Fear, then tell me please why does my power grow?

As soon as I speak I forget the words, the problems, and questions as well.
There are so many things I yearn to learn, so eager to tell.

Growing up is stupid, and you can’t disagree;
so many things have gotten harder with age for me.

Don’t go outside,
don’t say a word,
don’t stay on the path,
don’t be deterred.

Don’t sing,
don’t write,
don’t flirt,
don’t fight.

These are simple things to ask of you.

Don’t listen,
don’t hear,
don’t have courage,
don’t fear.

These are what you know, and simple things to do.
Impossible standards are easy, the simple tasks are hard.
Is it one voice now, or many?
Are you always on your guard?

Listen, See, Do, Be.
These are simple, don’t you see?
Doubt is here, or is it fear?
Or maybe someone new?
All of these thoughts are yours my dear, so what does that mean for you?

I’m so scared
Am I sharing too much now
After years and years of silent doubts and fears
Am I a burden now
Could I take it back?
Now everyone knows that I’m a freak
Should I have stayed silent?
I was a fool to speak

I know others have it harder
I don’t pretend I have it worse
While for years and years my friends and peers
Have had fun and learned to talk
I buried my mind and heart so deep
That I don’t know where they are

Now I fear I’ve dug too deep
And I can’t find a way out
I’ve dug down until my fingers bled
And I sat in silence, thinking about
My stories and fantasy realms
Where are they, can I go there
Can I share a piece of me without being met with stares?

I’m choosing a career path that is destined to fail
Because I can’t even write down an idea in my mind
I feel so trapped inside this place, and I’m ready to bail
The world is going to end up gone before I get there

What can I do
I always somehow knew
But now when everyone wants to know
I have to say I don’t have a clue

People are horrid, and none of them deserve what they have
Do I deserve what I have
What do I have

Betrayal
Lies
Trust gone forever
Death
Bullying
And a bedrock tether

One by one they hurt me
Poison me with their lies
And now I cannot even trust
A single face, a disguise

Who am i
Am I talented
Not anymore
Am I confident
Not anymore
Am I empathetic
I wish I weren’t
Am I cursed
Maybe so

Am I a little coward who can’t face her problems
And needs to rely on meds
Am I worthy of a single minute with a single friend?
Keep your guard up
Don’t say a word
Maybe that will help
Maybe it will hurt you
But it won’t hurt anyone else

Sometimes i forget to eat,
And find that i prefer it
Sometimes i forget to drink
And find that the headaches are worth it
Sometimes i look in the mirror
And find someone i hate to see
Sometimes i think that she is pretty,
And then i see it's just ugly me
But i am not in danger
And i am not rib and bone
So i am not an issue
And i am not quite worthy of calls on the phone

This is but a simple night,
Not unlike any other,
But the lonely figure in the garden
Meets the face of yet another

I become the face I see on the other side of the mirror,
The outside observer, the heinous sight,
Shifting ever slightly still,
So the glass might catch the light.

For it may be the sunny day,
Or the calm and peaceful night,
Yet still, you’ll see the small figure in the garden,
Smiling with delight.