I deal with fear nearly every single moment that I'm awake.
My past has left me a very fearful present.

I am also afraid and that feels very different.
  To me, being afraid is the current not directly tied to my past.  

Just a side effect.

Afraid of being fragile.
  Afraid of being pitied.
  Afraid of being angry.
  Afraid of being mean.
  Afraid of failing in school.
  Afraid of being abandoned.
Afraid of my husband leaving.
  Afraid of losing everything because I can never grip it tight enough.

I try to wrap my arms around Afraid
because I cannot hold it all in my hands.
  But then a tremor wiggles through my hand.
  And then it works its way up my arm.
  My shoulder shudders.
  My head twitches.
  The other shoulders rolls as my other hand is paralyzed.
  I am limp and worthless to contain Afraid.

Afraid tells me that I'm doing this all wrong.
  That I'm not healing right.
  Good enough.
  Fast enough.  

I am afraid of Afraid.

and that was my life,
day by day we grew up a little more without even knowing.
its like you notice things but they seem surreal.
the girl who used to never talk laughs now.
the boy who got in trouble sits up straight now.
you noticed these things but you didn't actually.
and that okay. because in this point in time that's enough.
waking up, getting dressed, going to school.
that was enough. and this is my life, if i like it or not
this is my life.  
h.d.

For her, it was love.
For him, it was play.

She was very innocent.
He was very experienced.

She was younger.
He was older.

She was positive.
He was negative.

She was sweet.
He wasn't.

She was trying.
He was leaving.

She loved,
She loved with all.
Her love was pure,
Pure as white.

She was young.
She was innocent.
Her intentions were sincere,
Sincere as God's.

She made no limits.
She believed hard,
As hard as stone,
Ending up hurting herself.