There are many ways people define their own meanings of it
I’m not sure how many I’ve written so far

Too many to count
to inscribe on each separate compartment of my evergreen heart
Too light to set in stone and
Never knowing how to start

I entered the world enveloped in it
Felt it’s soft embrace in the shapes of two people who taught me how to chase the world from the safety of movies, books and poetry
In the confines of a family tree with a canopy covering a brother older than me living a sea away with a mum who wasn’t mine
But a dad whose blood ran through both our bonded veins

We soon became three
Another brother, this time younger,
Took the position of the constant company I had never known before
After 6 years of waiting with only grown ups and toys to tell my stories to.
Some say love for a family is compulsory
For me it is a promise I feel lucky enough to keep

Then there are families that you unintentionally choose
Pairings where platonic love flows aplenty
friends you keep and sometimes lose
Fast fading but never forgotten
Memories evoked by reminiscent reminders that cast quiet smiles every once in a blue moon
provoked by shiny new conversations with people you hope don’t leave as soon as they arrived
words fail to compensate the connection unseen yet tangible in unspoken exchanges and belly-aching laughter
A place where paths cross and soon merge into the same road with no horizon in sight
But a sunset worth riding straight into

A sunset similar to the same sunrise that guides a heart to realise
Just how far it is capable of falling without intending to
The heart of a girl raised so well on romantic ideals
she convinced herself she fell the right way first time around
So when she fell out, she forgot how to spell it without him.

Until months of cautious practise soon proved her wrong
seeing oceans in unfamiliar eyes didn’t sting anymore
And the fear of letting someone new in slowly subsided with every secret infatuation
The apprehension of the in-between never tasted so sweet

We fall in love with melodies, allow touches to linger on our bodies or construct imaginary fantasies with strangers who pass gently through our timelines
There are chemical concoctions responsible for the pounding in my chest
I have fought with my favourites and which parts I think I like best
But you’re doing pretty well at keeping first place as far as my fondness is concerned.

Although knowing things for definite is where my weaknesses lie
I can say for certain that I am a person who feels many things very deeply
And although it causes confusion and problems and pain,
it’s something I would never change about myself
I think, feeling everything is better than not feeling anything at all
I can say that the word “love” is something that carved its initials into my own a long time ago

It’s always been the one word that never stopped feeling warm, soft, and safe

It’s something I have always seen myself falling into
and curling up inside
while never being afraid to close my eyes

I know it will still be there when I open them.

Let me have this one moment before you go.
Let me hold on to it before it will slip through my fingers.
All I have are these moments we shared.

They stay fresh on my mind,
The way our flesh entwined.
For once, lost in idleness.
Soon, the moment will lose its sharpness.
As time fades the memory made.

Until all that remains is a fleeting feeling.
A bittersweet leftover of a lover's emotions
shared with another.

The pain of leaving you is creeping in,
Am I detoxing the opiates in your skin?

My fractured heart is in its mould
Held together with hopes turned cold.

The time will come for it to thaw
And expose the damage from a love so flawed.

As it crumbles it will take its bow,
For it's only to blame for the state it's in now.

I really don’t blame you
For expecting the worst.
When the friends I thought true,
Could see my name cursed.

But I am no threat,
I am not poison.
And I will not let
The lies that they’ve chosen
Get under my skin,
Or seep into my blood.
Because I know that within,
My heart is good.

There is no motive,
There is no plan.
So please forgive
What you think I am.

It's a thousand tiny cuts that you receive
From the moment you're born
Waiting for someone to tell you that you are beautiful.
You yearn to stay youthful
You've learned the indisputable fact.
Your inherent value as a person
Reduced to your physical appearance
And given a numerical value online
For what is a selfie without it likes?

This is enough to make anyone cynical
Because everyone is the enemy
Like buskers on a busy street
All are competing for the attention
Of the passing indifferent crowds
All singing to be seen, to be known
Even just for one fleeting moment

It is a strange but primary emotion of the human condition
Decreed at birth to need validation
And this foundation is firmly instilled in us.
We never learn to fuss about it, as society reminds us
That there is nothing to discuss.
Sign up and accept the terms and conditions.
Show yourself to the world.
Nothing beats the sensation of adoration.
Even now, right now, I am showing myself to you.

So tell me I'm pretty, world.
Tell me I matter.
Tell me I exist.