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Hayley Neininger Nov 2013
I know I am not really lying on the beach
Eyes facing up towards the sky
Where I really am is in Vienna
In a small classroom filled with fourth graders
Sitting in a circle in a room
That was decorated in glow in the dark stars
And a fake camp fire next to a cardboard cutout of a wolf
I remember learning about the Oregon Trail
And how cowboys would campout underneath stars
Guns close by so other dangerous creators wouldn’t be
And looking at the fake stars in that room
I was in another world, a realer world
Where the cosmos didn’t make stars
Bullets did
Silver bullets meant to hit werewolves
Who were so compelled to howl at the moon
They forwent the odds of being gunned down
And so easily they could be when the moon
Lit perfectly their silhouette  
Naked in plain view
All the stars were silver bullets
One that never met their target and flew
Past the wolfs and up into the black sky
Where they pierced the world’s barrio
The bullet holes became not stars
But un-mendable scars
From men who wanting to mutilate
The sky’s beauty with weapons
There to remind me
When the lights turned on in that classroom
The glowing little stars melted into the white popcorn ceiling
And as we, the fourth graders, disconnected our circle on the floor
The reality of the origin of stars I had just come to know
Never left me and the stars I see at night now
Are not as real as the ones I saw that day.
Venus Rose Vibes Apr 2013
The feeling is never mutual. One person does while the other is responsible. A heart that is mendable because of its tenacity, knowledgeable of the fact that utopia is less than fantasy. Yet, to do it alone.. is nearly impossible. Finding that one is highly improbable. An explanation that will never be audible, so instead we listen to what is. **** the "norm" and **** people, I am tired of hearing mumbled curses. Ridiculous verses of what it truly is, and where it truly lies because it is so difficult to love without taping ones pride. My everything has already fallen, and I am without pity. **** the old and **** the needy. All individuals are entirely too greedy, having gratitude for barely bleeding. I am me; and if you do not see me, it may be for a shallow breathing. Heaving from hallows whilst gazing from clouds, so strung out but highly aroused. Questing for exchanged vows, told to be better off by myself. I have heard to listen to your brain for your heart will stray, though my heart is decisive when my mind is arrayed. Stay, go... Stay, go, stay is how the story goes. A beginning with no close betrayal by those never suspect of foes, yet a wolf in sheep clothes.. Always building up anticipating the blow. Continual drinking, refusal to grow since I would rather not remember the feeling at all.
Ian Moonsy Jul 2015
Monsieur, Madame, buy a memory?
Of someone blue and cold,
whose heart beats on flame,
and dances on papers old?

Or someone who once smiled,
as they danced on golden leaf,
covered in silver linings,
not knowing it will be brief?

Or you'd want something worthwhile?
A silver pendant or a silver blade,
both too beautiful -
enough not to behave?

See here, if none suits,
maybe you'd want the one with a somber black suit?
Standing near a slab of stone,
as he bit into the unholy truth?

Or a dance, one summer's eve,
Yellow lace, blue lace, green and red,
Chatter and sweet nothings said, or
Satins soft enough for your bed?

Pure, ****** white,
or glass slippers and ballgowns,
galas and masquerades,
entranced by your delight?

Or so I've learned what you'd all like,
easy, soft, vulnerable,
one with the sweetest core,
One that never asked for more?

How about this other one,
so full of tempests, untamed and wild,
bred in the worst of nightmares
and broken dreams of a child?

Lovely Madame, gallant Monsieur,
oh, but let me remind you this,
all is not blissful and happy,
or innocent and sweet.

I've had the memories who swam in too deep,
who drowned in their sleep,
who slipped on the ***** too steep -
and all they ever done was weep.

I've got the memories who were shattered like glass,
bright beating hearts who were never meant to last,
residing in Chaos for the pain to pass,
un-mendable, no matter how many spells were cast.

I've acquired
memories too roughly hewn,
too badly bent,
too badly burnt.

I've picked up memories long lost and forgotten,
thrown out and fallen,
put aside as soon as begotten,
cast down and trodden.

But there are... I think,
though I hope not all are taken,
the ones treasured and loved,
the ones held gently like a dove.

A smile of loyalty,
a breath as soft as a feather,
a sigh to signify they've gone so far,
but with much more good moments and a lot of blunder.

A memory of a light,
bright in the darkness, pure and clean;
a helping hand,
who proved not all was Sin.

Mine? Oh, no, dear madame, good monsieur,
I have neither owned a memory in my life,
nor held one so dear
as I said: they are bought;

By good deeds,
shared with neither malice nor greed nor wrath nor fury,
although we all have had to bleed,
just for equality and love; hand-in-hand, freed.

You'll see, you'll see!
It's not really bad or will be,
if you bought a memory from me,
the girl who sold Memories.
Claire Elizabeth Jul 2023
How does one lose a creature gracefully…?

Is it possible to just be okay with a quick goodbye under the hum of those awful fluorescent lights? Would it have been easier, kinder, softer, if the lights were lamps scattered about the space, yellow and murmuring? When does the gut-wrneching tightening stop? Will I ever let the sadness of it leave my chest?

Sitting in this complacent grief even months after it all is kind

I know that the grief will let me cry and I know that when I do, it doesn’t judge me for my “I wish things could go back to normal.” Because regardless of how familiar the New Ways become, it still isn’t the same. I am bookended by these two creatures that have and continue to adore the Earth I walk on. But the Old Ways stick with us for longer than we’d maybe like.

But in filling that little empty nook, the small nest where a dog named Nelson used to lie, I’ve forced myself to grow, to become changed.

My adult life started when I got Nelson, and it started again when I had to let him slip through my trembling fingers. And it continues on with this new creature named Franklin, who sits just to the left of that Nelson shaped divot.

Loving things that leave you utterly shattered is what makes us so mendable, forgetful, endlessly desperate for devotion…

The whole scene will replay in 10 years time, and I will be even more ruined then.
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2018
Night whispers your name in the dark
My soul bleeds sin, leaking grey pools,
The sharp blade of guilt pressed against me too tight
Carve me atom by atom, chipping away my molecules.

The missing pieces hurt most
You should know, you've taken them all
My hands tried to heal these gashes
The moment before I do I fall.

Not strong enough to stand without stumbling
Through skin I can see outlines of each bone
Breathing polluted air, lungs poisoned by your absence
Exhaling any positive thoughts I still own.

When I smile it is for the people I love
They hate seeing me dismayed
Day after day continue this routine
Attempt to keep up this charade.

Those around me don't seem to notice
I must have a great poker face
Hurt can only be read in my eyes
No trace of suffering observable in any other place.

Want a dramatic reaction?
Stop waiting for me to cave and show
Not sure what expression you were expecting
Each passing moment I'm suppressing tears that yearn to flow.

It was you who played games with our feelings
I loved you, but you loved the dope
Tried not to let it get to me, bring me down
Quickly found out my inability to cope.

I cut ties with every dream I could
Couldn't break chains you placed on my back
Afraid I've become too intertwined with your darkness
I thought our bond could withstand any attack.

Here I fall, feathers fraying fast,
Hoping to pull through before they snap
Say you will be honest with me
So why are your stories filled with holes and gaps?

Allow yourself to show your heart completely
Freedom to be who you are
There is peace discovered in accepting your flaws
Many times I have seen you move moments far.

Left behind to shrink and fade
Storm is raging through our hearts
Hurricane of sadness ruining our souls
A survivor I stand missing quite a few parts.

Here we are yet again but why?
What should I do? Stay or go?
Think it out for a little while
Choose too fast because I am feeling low.

I am forced to watch my plans depart
Floating away with drifting days
I worked to repair areas from which they fled
I'm simply lacking a way.

Watching plotlines of our story
Distance opening my gullible eyes
I can't edit the screenplay
It's already scripted with lies.

Not sure exactly how our story will end
This may not be mendable and I'm scared
Been drowning in your pain so very long
Cannot find the surface to come up for air.
I dont know what to do these days. How do I be happy? Why cant everything be the way it was before?
Lauren Sep 2015
You "don't want to hurt her" by telling her you don't like her. You continue to talk to her. Flirt with her anyways. Nothing serious. Bored. Selfish. Lonely

By doing this she falls for you. She falls for your words. She believes in your falseness.

You stop talking to her. Cut off.

You hurt her

Hearts are not toys, Hearts are not always mendable, Hearts are fragile. Please treat them with **RESPECT
Emily Budrow May 2015
I am fragile,
Yet I have known a sturdy heart.
And because I've had to carefully piece my heart back together in order to love you,
I know I am mendable.
At first, I was near positive I had only magnified your love for me because of my insecurities
But now I am everything except apprehensive.
My love feeds on your love
And that is how I know it exists.
This is how I know love exists:
Because one dark sky,
3,000 stars,
88 magnificent constellations,
and an extremely uncomfortable park bench told me so.
That night I walked barefoot through the tall grass until the feel of your warm breath on my neck lifted my heart so high I swore I might never find the ground.
And since that night,
I still never have.
For Anthony
June 28, 2014
Keshan Oct 2016
Obnoxious arguments; I rant only
My words, shard glass tearing souls
No exception is there, my wrath is equal upon all
Though for you, are the wounds mendable.
Excuse myself in rage, do I never
A barrage do I release, to free myself
Humaneness, my preach to oppose another
The hurt I inflict, is remembered by my own.
As your silence befalls me, my guilt grows
My thoughts erratic, not whole
What was spoken, can not be refunded
A friend, a foe; my acts deceive.
The loathe towards myself, my cell cast
Forgiveness a key, you grant.
John May 2012
To the bitter end
From the burnt beginning
Photographs covered in blood
Reminders of the spoils of winning
Leaving it all behind
Regrets only real in your head
The truth is all in your mind
Turning it over and out in your bed

Some things only seem real in hindsight
And others only in the moment
Events only palatable after the fact
Places where we all feel the same atonement
And look back realizing everything was ******
Knowing nothing can change what's happened
But find solace in that the future is mendable
Gasping to grip the message in the bottle...
And cap it
liz Oct 2015
I wasn't a crayon
or a pen
or a marker
or a highlighter
or whatever it was you used me for
to fill in your empty spaces.

I wasn't your therapist
even though I'm studying to be one
even though I've always wanted to be one
even though everyone else used me as one
but you were supposed to be different-
even said you would be.

I wasn't mendable.
I'm no puppet
I'm no object of manipulation
I'm no tool for your satisfaction
yet you assumed I was palpable
and your hands were everywhere.

I'm human
not a product of your imagination.
I'm my own color,
my own healer.

I am myself,
the self in which you never knew.

The self that ran away from you.
or you could've just cared
Lauren Dec 2018
To be a willing participant
to be mendable / moldable
To differentiate between
desires / destiny
inner peace / inner desires
to see change
To know what you are talking about
and feel confident to do so
To be in the right place at the right time
And keep trying
Shadiya Zubair Aug 2020
I wish our hearts were mendable,
so that we can prepare ourselves for
many more heartbreaks!
You wish?
K Rainer Oct 2015
Something Real

Oh how I wish it was her who you hurt.
I wish she was the one struggling to catch her breath while drowning in a river of tears.
I wish it was her who realized you are not who you said you were just a little too late.
I wish upon her what I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
or at least I did.

Until I found out.
I found out you were lying cheating ****.
Although she hurt me, she does not deserve the hell that comes with you.
She deserves better. She deserves real.

She will be choking on the harsh breaths brought on by the tears.
Lost in the lust, or the love, that was never anything to you

She's the next victim.
Who devotes time and effort into something pointless something fake,
never to gain any assurance in the end.
That anything and everything she did was noticed.

I feel pity for her.
stuck in a bear trap,
gnawing not at her limbs,
but at her heart.

Leaving her broken,
worn down,
tattered,
feeling worthless.

She will come to me,
Knowing I was right about the horror that is you.
Knowing the inhumane things you are capable of,
and I will tell her what I learned.

She is better, more beautiful, stronger,
then anything you deserve.
She is not worthless, and her heart is mendable.

My words are worth hearing.
You tried to take away my meaning,
but I truly found myself without you,


I found my strength,
my self worth,
and every little thing in between.
Because without you, I am no longer a slave to a worthless cause.

Without you, I am free

-k.r
Lance Dec 2018
Like the clouds in the night sky
To the days that pass by
Not a single night has passed
Since I missed you last

Like the beauty of the stars
To the most painful of scars
I dreamt of having you
When everything else made me Blue

I wished for only the best
As you left me like the rest
I will always want one thing every time
And that is to be with you all the time

But sadly you left for good
And that has left a mood
Neither fixable nor mendable
So I build my walls impenetrable

To no longer feel vulnerable
Its when it was his own decision to distance himself because of my own actions
louella Nov 2023
for the millionth number i can’t count of times you’ve made my heart want to spout out profanities and send a flood a ‘rushing your way
i hate to say
but i will with my entire chest cavity
i do not owe you.
i am not your pretty princess ready to bend to your wind or your will
i am starting these words with “i” because even that you didn’t allow
my opinions didn’t matter, my music taste didn’t matter
for the meaningless songs of yours i just smiled along to and tried to humor you about them so you wouldn’t feel slighted were awful
you can’t treat people like objects who are only supposed to serve you and expect me to love you back
and the audacity for your mind to be so clogged and to think that you will make mine too
i can forgive your crimes, i will forgive your crimes,
don’t you even dare think that i won’t.
you’re pathetic and that’s honestly incredibly sad
that your parents never loved you and all the experiences with awful people is the only love you’ve ever had.
tearing people’s skin off and expecting them to kneel at your feet,
you thief,
you merciless useless shell of a woman
what mercy do you think you will receive when you give me nothing when i have done absolutely nothing to hurt you
and trust me, i’d be the first one to know.
where’s that conscience of yours?
not in that heart of steel, nor in those dying robotic eyes
you are nothing to me
after how you play me like a toy
like a mendable device,
i will still be so nice, so smiley, so personable, so favorable to you
and my brain tells me that you don’t have an empathetic bone in your body,
and it would be a million trillion times right.
it makes sense when your parents haven’t taught you a single moral in your almost eighteen years of living, although you act like you’re three years old with a problem with sharing.
sorry, i’m using correct grammar, something you don’t know.
how many times can someone make excuses to just avoid you?
why will i haul you around this town just for you to call me the b word and act like it’s some kind of silly goofy joke.
i am not laughing.
are you?
oh, of course you are, you plotting sinister smarty
and i feel remorseful for saying those things about you when you say way worse and never move your tongue to apologize.
it’s just one word girl.
oh wait, it might be too hard for you to pronounce.
“i’m sorry” takes too much effort.
you never loved me
and i always knew that, but admitting that to myself would make me feel more alone, but now i don’t care at all
i am completely apathetic to you.
completely indifferent to you.
i never loved you.
come on, it was obvious.
it is obvious.
get a grip.
treating your friends like trash on a dirt road is not how kindhearted people act.
you are childish, childless, erratic, insane, a literal crisis in and of itself.
you are not my friend.
you are not my support system.
you are no one to me except a brutal dictator, picking and choosing what i can and can’t do with my life.
heck, i treat the ground i walk on with muddy shoes better than you treat me.
must be nice to feel so high up, but know deep down that you are just so low.
so low i can’t even see you from here;
i don’t want to.
you are utterly awful and i forgive you for that,
some people just can’t help their insufferableness
i think i just made up a new word,
but it defines you perfectly so i will devote it to you,
you slimy intolerably unempathetic (another word) angsty teenager.
get a grip and be nicer.
it really is not that hard to treat me like a human being.
i’ve been doing it to you this whole time
and you’re lucky i haven’t complained once.
so for now;
leave me alone.
my “friend” *****. ***** you. like seriously. ***** you.

written: 9/24/23
published: 11/8/23 because it’s relevant now again.
Andrew Loman May 2018
So I stand at the cliff’s edge looking down on familiarity. I look down as far as I can see, to the fears, the hurt, the shortcomings, the broken hopes and dreams that were swept away in the waves that still crash into the shore. Waves of repetition, like worries in my mind, with a spray of memory that lasts but a second before circling again to rejoin the ocean’s enormity.

My head hangs down looking below my feet, to the shoreline where centuries of movement show no stopping aside or moving backward. Mountains of sand and rock moving upward with vines of seaweed entangled. I see my faults and the painful roads I chose that washed me to shore, weakened and powerless.  I cannot fix these broken hearts or mend the fences that are not mendable.

So I look up at the clouds, through the air and mist, at the sun that is so powerfully radiant. I feel the air blow through my hair, I close my eyes and for a moment my head is finally clear, forgotten is that mortal world and all its meanings, highways and street cars, polluted air and gravity, all these things we call progress that will become our legacy.

I look up again and I see the empty space and nothing more, no path or road, no guide, but plenty of room for dreams and hopes. Time stands still now reaching into the parts of me that still need such reaching, re-claiming the parts of me that I had owned as a child when the world was an endless road of possibilities and fantasy that were lost in the twist and turns that separated me from my roots.  

It’s time to fly now as best I can, to take this leap of faith off cliff’s edge and expose my shaky wings, with the hope of jumping forward and not back, with no guide other than myself.

— The End —