Dear Earth,...*

Eighty seven times
 Did you circle in your dance
  With grandpa the golden sun
   Many thousand times
    Did you spin him round and round
     And your dance keeps going on
      ...
      But you dance so wild!
       Ignoring that he is tired
        And his uncountable pains...
         Let him catch his breath!
          Can’t you notice his bad cough?
            ...
           Why being so rough?
           Where’s the fun in that?
           He is dizzy now!
          Let him rest the night.
          ...
         Why not dancing slow
         Like most ladies love to do
       And let him for once
      Be the man he always was
     Let him lead the waltz!
    ...
   Why on purpose step
 On his foot and let him limp
Loosing his balance
While you continue the dance?
...
Why the need to sing
Almost scream extremely loud
Making his ears ache
 On the fringe to become deaf?
  Why not hum along
   While you dance to moonlight songs
     Like most ladies do?
      ...
      Why stealing the dance
       With his wife during their song
        But give her away
         To some strange and lonely star
          Quickly getting back
          Not letting him do some talk
          And mingle to share
          Some of his dreams with others?
          ...
          But you are selfish!
          You will keep him for yourself
         While we know that once you’re bored
       You’ll do just the same
      With him, like you’ve always done
    With others and let him go
  After he’s tired and soar
  Let another star take him
And then once he’s gone
You’ll keep going on
Looking for more fun..
Dancing with others...
...
Please...
Slow down...!

I've missed you.
But it's not your fault
you secret little ***** of my pain.
My interest never dies
I swear
though time for you
I haven't had to spare
since I've grown happier
with every passing day.
Do not complain.
I'll pick you up again
when my heart bleeds for no one
standing near.
For in an hour
that finds me lonely
I will want your listening ear
'neath my pen,
taking stains
so I don't have to wear them.
You take them,
hold them,
wait for me.
My little book of verses,
I'll return
with tears like kisses.

I sit and listen to the crickets melancholy tune
I watch the moon start to bloom
The stars pirouette across the sky
Soon the frogs are croaking in relpy
Fireflies light up the night
Flickering their golden light

A single wolf starts to howl
As if to ask the age old question how
I ended up so lonely
And where's my one and only

My dog is sitting at me feet
She looks up at me as if to say, nothing here is off beat
In the cool of the evening
the honeysuckle is smelling much sweeter
Than in the day under the sun's heater

The moths flutter around on silent wings
My heart is so light it just sings
I just sit here for hours dreaming
Under the moon that now is just beaming

My dog gets up and moves to the door
I look at my watch it's way past four
She's ready for the foot of my comfy bed
So I oblige, and make my way inside,and lay down my weary head

His face was dull under the dancing light
almost silhouetted by the blackness around him
totally silhouetted by the blackness inside of him

While everyone but me
talked about their drugs
and I talk about fights I've been in
swapping stories of debauchery
he was sitting there sullen
and I joined him in his silence
for these conversations were not quite my type

Lonely kid

Sneaking smoking into diseased lungs on wet lonely spring nights
Jumping! Free falling,
Heart in stomach
Twitching in sleep as birds begin to sing
And strictly internal weeping
On trails less travelled.

Thusly, I am
Cold like asteroids
and
out of orbit

Chardonnay until
I can reject reality
Sleeping naked sweating shivering
And teeth grinding into
My tree trunk soul


I will see you
one day
Worse for the wear and tattered
And I will be caulked and
stuffed like dead dreams

But with you,
I want
to curl inside your decaying cavities
And breathe smoke out of my own coughing lungs
to smooth you to sleep

Your head on my hipbone
Is time blinking her eyes
in a seismic convulsion –
The outlier of our data
and
we have finished before we’ve begun

Despite the marrow in our bones surging in the tide to

one another ourselves

Moss could grow on our interlacing fingers
And have more intention
than we,
Skulls and vertebrae
Click-clacking off beat
To the tune of no drum

Algal lined membranes
effloresce and become
rainforests of decay and renewal

drip dripping on the tip of my tongue

You know, we're not that different, you and I...
We've got things in common, you and I,
and this could be you up here,my
*** in the seat and you tellin' me why
the world's so messed up with words so sly...

I'm proud to say I'm a poet.
That makes me a wordsmith.

My weapon is words which I create
in the fire of my heart,
temper in my mind,
and forge in my mouth.
The air hits my lungs with crushing force
from the weight of my intentions.
The pressure hammers my tongue to action,
like sword to anvil,
showering hot sparks into the crowd.

And in this battle, I pray not to defeat you,
but grip you, trip you, flip you, and steal you
away from your world, your hate, your depression,
and overcome you!

See, all that baggage is kindling that lights very easily,
so if just one spark ignites in you
the spark of creation flowing through us,
just waiting to be tapped, or ends your solitude
by lighting a fire in your heart bright enough to reveal to yourself
that you are not alone,
but rather surrounded by others just as lonely as you? I mean,
******.

I hope I succeeded, and was not defeated,
but more and more wordsmiths are out there; they're needed!

Even now they hide among you,
and need to be weeded out of the crowd.
Brothers and Sisters.

This is not a poem.  This is a call to arms.

When you hear it, answer.
Don't just be all you can be,
say all that you can say,
and be a Poet's version of "Army Strong"
and join the few, the proud, the wordsmiths.

We are the thoughtmakers.
We are the thoughtshakers.

My word is my sword, which will cut through this silence
until not one doubt lingers...
When I'm through, I snap your minds,
not your fingers.

I tell you now I mean not to offend, but I have this on my heart
Good friends are hard to find, and I have about two-- so that’s a start
I am built with this capacity to love, and need an unconditional friend for Always
I need someone to talk to, I need someone to share and not judge how I spend my days
It’s crazy how you can have a few that say they are true to your cause
But turn around and leave you lonely to speak only to the four walls
I need an ear to be lent without the bitter upchuck of an aftertaste
Someone who won’t use what was spoken during weak moments to later throw up in my face
Someone who can be honest with me, making me better and not kick me when I am down
And when it comes to the wire, they will defend me and stand with me on solid ground
Someone to offer a hug, and a few words of encouragement when I need to just make it through
Someone that I can call on at any time, that will make time for me because our friendship is important to them too
A person whose words can hit home with truth, but are seasoned with salt
Someone who can admit when they too are wrong, instead of making it everyone else’s' fault
A friend who can lend support in my career, but also admonishes me to chase my dreams
Someone who wants to know what makes me smile, understanding my complexities and my amusement at silly things
A person's whose opinion is just as much the same as mine as it is different because we can agree to disagree
Someone that understands and actually takes an interest in the part of me that's Queen Poetess B
Someone who won’t use me only in their time of need, and forget me when times are great
A friend that can share in my successes and accomplishments, and not secretly stand on the side tryna Hate
I try to be the friend to others that I always wish I had, but cannot find
And I become more restless as time continues to pass me by
I am a good soul whose journey feels unreasonably solo despite my attempts to be enough
And the odds of being knocked down are higher than the expectation to keep getting up
Best Friend, I wish I knew you; I have some tears to shed in your presence
I want to know your character; I want to cherish your essence
I want to support you and help further your ambitions
I want to lend an ear and anything I can to help you to achieve your visions
I want to extend a hand for you to hold when words cannot explain how you feel
I want you to tell me what you are afraid of, even if it’s not real
I want to provide a calming word to ease your frustration
I want to be the one you call when your success calls for a celebration
I want to be the friend you are looking for in the darkness, holding the source of light
Most of all, though, I need you to fill this gaping loneliness in my life.

She’s the kind of friend who knows what you think before you think it.
Her laugh is familiar,
Like hot chocolate on a winter day.
Her presence is safe;
She reminds you of that big tree fort you and your brother built to hide from the fairies
And forest monsters.
Her room is home to you.
It’s where you go when something goes bump in the night.
She will never judge you for the out of pocket things you say or do, and
Her watchful eyes make you feel
Protected and seen for who you are.
She leaves tomorrow.
Back to Kentucky, 2,000 miles away.
And now you’re afraid
That you’ll never have a cup of hot chocolate again.
That the monsters and the fairies will finally catch you
Or the bumps in the night paralyze you with fear.
Nobody will ever know your soul
The way she did
And you’re afraid of being unknown and alone again.

Need I say more?
Tired
  Tired of being tired
Sick
with an illness, no one can see.

Miserable.

Need I say more?
I am
   the worst form of lonely.

Single raindrop you came down from the heavens alone,
Single raindrop against the beautiful street light you form veins forlorn,
Single raindrop on windows in the suns ray you shine,
Single raindrop you look so little on this finger of mine,
Single raindrop from the heavenly shower you are apart,
Single raindrop what goes on within your little heart?
Single raindrop is it  charming to be the one and only,
Single raindrop in your quiet felicity don't you feel lonely ?

It's only at nights when I start feeling lonely
Only at nights when it gets overwhelming
I miss those nights, so real, so true
I miss those times it was just me and you

I still cry to sleep almost every night
I wish you were here to hold me right
Sometimes in my dreams, I'd see you there
Almost as though you're real, I swear

When I dream of you, you seem so far
Missing you has left me a big scar
I called out your name but got no reply
Still I shout, until my throat goes dry

I don't hear your voice of comfort no more
But I shut people out, closing that door
I don't need them for you were all I need
Yet, in reality, who do I kid?

We used to dance under the moonlight
We'd look up to the starry night
A part of you will always have my heart
You light up my world even in the dark

I miss the times you'd hold me tight
And kiss my forehead after every single fight
I loved the way you made me happy
And showed me things I never could see

I miss those hugs and I really miss that smile
I miss the way you drove me crazily wild
Thinking of you used to help me get through
Now thinking of you just makes me feel blue

I lay awake at nights, wondering, what if?
Because right now I'm falling off a cliff
What if you were still alive and well?
You'd be able to pull me out of this hell

Memories of us now seemed like a nightmare
I'd wake up and find myself gasping for air
You're taunting me, you're making me feel weak
Stuff my mouth in my pillow to muffle my shriek

I hate feeling like this, hate what you did
It's not your fault still I blame you for it
I can't sleep because I'm afraid you'll appear
And just when I reach out, you'll disappear

There's this hollow feeling I feel now
You're not here to keep me safe and sound
Hypnophobia is the fear of sleeping
For when I try, I feel like I'm choking

INDIGNANT at the fumbling wits, the obscure spite
Of our old paudeen in his shop, I stumbled blind
Among the stones and thorn-trees, under morning light;
Until a curlew cried and in the luminous wind
A curlew answered; and suddenly thereupon I thought
That on the lonely height where all are in God's eye,
There cannot be, confusion of our sound forgot,
A single soul that lacks a sweet crystalline cry.

God I wish the words
I want to hear you say fell
out of your mouth
onto my lap where
I can take them and feed them to my
lonely soul.

Perhaps
perchance
they think I'm a ******
a ****
a tease
a nerd
too quiet
too annoying
flat-out
intolerable
maybe
they find all others who exist
to be more enjoyable
better fit
to be human
and maybe
it's just nothing
that doesn't matter
but still does
because
it's difficult to think clearly
when the self is self-lonely

It's like a thin-strung rope
Came and pulled out the lungs in my chest
But only for just a second
Before I'm let to rest.

It's like a plan gone broken
Corrup, Erupt, and destroyed.
It's the squeeze of a heart unspoken
A plot without a ploy.

Excused by my drinking, and his gentle manning
Loving is something I mean not to waste
But I found myself hoping
When you gave only a taste.

A friend said god did us ***** at the same time he did us good
But after the other night
I only saw empty from where I stood.

Three times yet
And the one who makes me feel
Makes me regret

I was looking to escape lonely and you were looking to only get laid
Oh how unfortunate that the butterflies always fade.

I once seen an eagle it's beautiful body gracing the sky
      "Who stood beside you to see it"
Just me, myself, and I

Once while fishing I caught a 15 pound bass on a a fishing fly
      "Who helped you pull it in"
Just me, myself, and I

I cooked up that fish,the most delicious fishfry
      "Who was there to help you eat it"
Just me, myself, and I

On a rainy day one side of the road was wet the other side was dry
      "Who was there with you for this phenomenon"
Just me, myself, and I

Once I was playing darts, I made a perfect bullseye
      "Who was there to witness such a feat"
Just me, myself, and I

While sitting on a bench one day, on my finger landed a most beautifully colored butterfly
      "Who was sitting next to you"
Just me, myself, and I

I've seen the dawns sun light up the sky with tints of yellows and reds, it truly did mystify
      "Who got to see this graceful view with you"
Just me, myself,  and I

At night I lay my body down, plunge my face into my pillow and cry
      "Who is laying right beside you hold you tight"
Just me, myself, and I

One day I will breathe my last breath and die
      "Who will carry the memories of your life"
Why no one but me, myself, and I

That day in the cold earthen tomb I will lie
      "Who will be there grieving at you graveside"
Why no one, for that coffin will contain me, myself, and I

Lily, you grow delicately like the dreams in your undefiled mind,
internally defiant of your ambition to the people; kind, and graceful;
Loving all; Ivies and cattails envy you when you bloom lonely on single:
Lilypads, refusing to accept anything that you deserve. You must realize,
in time you deserve to be called by something so beautiful, and stop,
answering to everything but your full –
Name.

I feel sad
I feel lonely
I never thought that it would be easy
I never thought you would just leave me
My life is empty
When the only thing I loved left me
She forgot about me
My mind is echoing your name
And my heart is bleeding with pain
Is it that easy to not even say goodbye
I loved you more than anything in the world
I remember every word and every situation you had
I will love you till the end of time
It's very hard to get you out of my mind

Glaucoma, they say, is the Thief of all Sight,
but I refuse to give in, not without a good fight.
It’s not like it’s taken my heart and my soul,
I’m still the same person, I still have a role
to play in this life. A good reason to strive.
The curtains are closing but I’m so much alive.
If this is the worst plan that God has for me,
I’m actually thankful as I know life could be
so much more painful and sad and unfair.
I can live with this sentence, it’s not much to bear.
I’m not starving or lonely; He’s just dimmed the lights.
My world is now darker, my days are now night.
On bad days it’s scary, I stumble and trip,
But the darkness is outside, my mind is still lit.
I can now ‘see’ the future, it’s deep in my heart.
The lights may go off…. but I’m not afraid of the dark.

When I never expected a boyfriend like you,
You appeared.
When I imagined you by my side,
You appeared.
When I contemplated all the memories,
You appeared.
When I felt lonely; worthless,
You appeared.
When i desperately needed your love,
You appeared.
When I had a bad day,
You appeared.
When anxiety took the best of me,
You appeared.
When I cried endlessly,
You appeared.
When we spent over two weeks apart,
You appeared.
When I was heartbroken,
You appeared.
When I was scared,
You appeared.
When I said the words, "I Love You,"
You were there.

*I only hope you can do it once more

I JUST CAN'T DO THIS
I AM SO FRUSTRATED
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT
I AM SO STRESSED THAT I FEEL THAT **** PIT IN MY CHEST
I CAN'T BREATH ANYMORE
FOR ***** SAKE I STARTED HYPERVENTILATING WHEN I GOT BACK MY MATH QUIZ
I'M SOBBING OVER MY ASSIGNMENTS FOR ECON AND FOR TRIG
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M CRYING
I KNOW I'M LONELY AND I KNOW I'M STRESSED BUT THATS NOT IT
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'M SO **** FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE
SO IF SOMEONE WANTS TO COME TO MY HOUSE
AND HOLD ME WHILE I CRY
ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS
please

And the world looked down at her and laughed. It laughed, and laughed, and laughed, the world started crying, and the raindrops then hit her head. And all Autumn felt was now loneliness, sadness and despair. Even though she was surrounded by people that loved her, and that she loved, she had never felt lonelier. And it struck her like a lightning that maybe the world hated her, and she hated it, and maybe it was best for the both of them that she disappeared. Because that was how everything felt at the moment, or the last months. She had never cried herself to sleep that often, she had never felt more pains in her chest, and heart. She had never felt more hopeless, she had never felt more stupid and like a waste of space. And then the world stopped laughing, so the rain stopped, and she felt the earth move. That was maybe the earth’s way to say; yes.

So she climbed up on the top of the building, looked down, and then the earth started laughing, bringing the tears. Autumn felt the rain in her hair, her face, her hands, she was soaked. And then she looked down from the edge, and the earth stopped again. She could feel it spinning, she felt dizzy, she felt sad, she felt hopeless, she felt… lonely. She put one step on the edge, and then she flew away. Like a little bird reaching for the sky, only that Autumn was going the other way.

Just hold me tonight,
I want someone by my side.
Let your scented skin touch mine,
Just hold me tonight.

Just kiss me tonight,
Even if it's for the last time.
I can't bear these lonely lips,
Just kiss me tonight.

Just love me tonight,
I want to be with you one last time.
I shall take it in my stride if you love me,
Just love me for tonight.

Like I never felt comfort within lovers arms....
You were my first felt comfort.....
Holding you was true bliss mixed with confusion....
Missing you is misery mixed with regret.....
I think of you more often than sometimes is an understatement...
Like plagiarism of that line is easier to swallow....
Define lonely and accepting your departure equally impossible...
But like fortune turned its gaze you fell asleep in my arms....
You smiled at me when I was busy ignoring your stare...
My fingers played with the tips of yours like childish fantasy....
Behind the person I thought I was a true broken man emerged....
Because the sound of you leaving destroyed my ego....
Now haunting "what if "? And repeated " I should haves"  are too easy....
The hardest part of easy now is seeing how simply loved me...
These are the last words I'll write because you deserve better than sad  poems...
"Believe my love.. lifetime is a bitter acceptance till I can say gospel levity....
You deserved nothing other than the absolute best of me.....
Please never change....You were perfect being yourself...
I thought love and happiness went hand in hand with material and wealth...
Love you forever but have to let you be free....
Be where you belong and don't worry about me"....
Goodbye my love.....

The silent surrender of sacrifice

Can sever the soul's inner pride

Can quench the thirst for suicide

of a  secretly smoldering love inside

Can cure the sickening sound of sorrow

******* the life from today and tomorrow

Can show the side that sanctifies

and sweetens others' lonely lives

Can save the stricken who always hide

the last core of sanity deep inside

Can slowly but surely open the eyes

of fools and fakes who cauterize

and burn the good from all our lives

the sullen soldiers of sacred lies

who fight a war for no one's side

and wish for nothing otherwise

a slient surrender from sacrifice.

A deep dark throbbing void
Thoughts of a long lonely road
Standing at this juncture, self-sacrifice
Half a life gone, of turmoil, turbulence

For better, for worse, for whatever it is worth
That chapter, that door, tightly shut. No more filth!
Never to be open again, never to peek in
Half a life, ya Allah! Have mercy. Show a sign!

Dark heavy clouds hovering around
Sunshine and hope peeking all the same
Peace of mind, a relief at times
Turmoil and angry bursts at other times

Standing alone under the shower
Under the roof of an empty house
Cry into the emptiness, the void forever
Wash away the tears, the fear, and the worries

Walk out to the world with a confident smile
No one the wiser to the dark ugly turmoil
The bursting pain behind the eyes, clawing out a mile
Clawing the sides, clawing up, a bursting skull

Yet, standing tall, standing proud
Is that pride? Is that strength? Is that weakness?
Weakness to reach out, seek help
Alone, alone!

Alone in to the world from darkness to the light
Alone out of the world from these blinding lights
Out to the darkness of gate of hereafer
Time will come to meet the lord, to make things right

Until then play this game of life

War by proxy,
the future of conflict
super powers clashing
on foreign soil
in battles fought by locals
divided into camps
pitted against their own
for differing convictions
not for the lack of reasons;
fuel to the fire added
by their recruiters
propaganda,
subterfuge,
subversion;
no need to worry about ordnance
and military hardware,
ammo and suplies
they will be provided
duly
by the sponsors;
the agenda is
to drown a patch of land in blood,
with an island built from bones
lonely in the middle,
just big enough for a g-man
to set foot upon,
tie the laces of his boot;
an then move on.
But what of all the residue?
Nothing goes to waste
all will be reused
blood to fuel
bones to amunition
surviving souls to generations of hate slaves

If you're elsewhere building an oasis
somewhere peaceful, someplace quiet,
watch your back and keep an eye
on the silent sky
there are birds of steel and wires
with their artificial brains
roaming, cruising, watching,
their senses and their talons
lent to their
puppeteers, mere employees
looking for a chance,
at that multikill promotion
fingers itching at the joystick...
but outside and back at home,
a prison cell of boredom
waits to chew them in slow motion
to the bombed and the bombing,
to the greedy and the mourning,
we don't call this life
hell is real
we're both prey and hunter
madness is contagious and haunting