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“You smell like you took a bath in whiskey.”

Josie wrinkled her nose.  Her words fell upon the shaded figure slumped against her doorway, silhouetted by a gas lamp across the street.  It was a familiar form; Josie couldn’t exactly remember the last time it had occupied the space.  

“It’s scotch, Josephine.”  
      
     The sentence bubbled out of the shadowed man.  He remained glued to the wooden frame, and Josie pondered closing the door on both him, and the night.  Eventually, the man straightened himself, and brushed off the wrinkled grey suit that hung loosely about him.  He performed a clumsy half-bow and stumbled past Josie into the living room, where he unfurled on the couch.  Josie grabbed some matches and lit the candles above the fireplace to mask the smell of liquor that had begun to fill the room.  

        “I have to ask, what brings you here?”  Josie said dryly, keeping a hand on the mantle, as she turned to face the undesired guest.  The silent void that followed her words was lifted by the man chuckling and sitting upright, bent forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Well, I was in the area, and to be truthfully honest the night’s growing old and I haven't had nearly enough to drink.  Unfortunately, as it were, I seemed to have spent the last of my coin.”

She waited for the man to continue, but he just stared sheepishly at her; She was not fully convinced that she wasn’t still asleep in her room upstairs.

“You picked the wrong home to come to.”

Josie muttered coldly and a small shudder coursed through her abdomen.  She wrapped her arms across her breast, and realized she was still in her silk nightgown.

“It was worth a shot.  Good ****.”

     The man grinned as he acquiesced her words, flashing ivory teeth which contrasted with the dark stubble of his beard.  He ran his hands through his slicked back hair before he locked them behind his head, then gave Josie a quick scan that made her shiver again.  

“So how’ve you been livin’ Josie?  It’s been quite some time.”  The man crooned.

Josie rotated so she wouldn’t have to look at him.  She wished she hadn’t answered the knock on her door.  

“I’ve been living.”  

She attempted to mask the strain it put on her to say the words.  

Josie stood there, holding herself, when a hand gripped her upper arm—she hadn’t heard him move from the couch.  The man whirled her around and grasped both arms tightly.  Josie tried to twist free but it felt as if she was held by two iron vises.  

He bent downwards and shoved his lips onto hers; the taste compared to taking a swig from a bottle and almost triggered Josie to gag. She didn’t have a perception of how much time passed before she was able to breathe again.

“Just like old times, huh Josi—”

She left a red imprint of her palm on his right cheek; the man stumbled backwards with his face held in his hands.  It was etched with confusion mixed with disbelief.

“Leave.”

It was an order.  Josie numbly walked over to the door and opened it in silence.  The man paused and seemed to contemplate whether or not he would obey the directive, then dropped his hands to his sides and trudged across the cream colored carpet. She kept her eyes fixed on the floor as he passed through the open frame with clenched fists hidden in his pockets.

Josie made to close the door, but was halted by a sudden urge.  She ran to her purse and fumbled inside, then withdrew her hand holding a small drawstring bag of change.  Josie stepped into the flickering spotlight of the gas-lamp and heaved the coins at the man; she aimed for the small of his back.  

“Buy yourself something better tasting next time.”  Josie hollered, then crept inside and shut the door.
a work in progress
Dorothy A Jul 2010
It was the summer of 1954. David Ito was from the only Japanese family we had in our town. I was glad he was my best friend. Actually, he was my only friend. His father moved his family to our small town of Prichard, Illinois when David was only eight years old. That was three years ago.

Only two and a half months apart, I was the older one of our daring duo. I even was a couple inches taller than David was, so that settled it. In spite of being an awkward girl, our differences in age and height made me quite superior at times, although David always snickered at that notion. To me, theses differences were huge and monumental, like the distance of the sun from the moon. To David, that was typical girlish nonsense. He thought it was so like a girl, to try to outdo a boy.  And he should have known. He was the only son of five children, and he was the oldest.

At first, David was not interested in being friends with a girl. But I was Josephine Dunn, Josie they called me, and I was not just any girl. Yet, like David, I did not know if I really liked him enough to be his friend. We started off with this one thing in common.

I knew he was smarter than anybody I ever knew, that is except for my father, a self-taught man. The tomboy that I was, I was not so interested in books and maps, and David was almost obsessed with them. Yet, there was a kindred spirit that ignited us to become close, something coming in between two misfits to make a good match. David was obviously so different from the rest. He came from an entirely different culture, looking so out-of-the-ordinary than the typical face of our Anglo-Saxon, Protestant community, and me, never really fitting in with any group of peers in school, I liked him.

David knew he did not fully fit in. I surely did not fit, either. My brother, Carl, made sure very early on in my life that I was to be aware of one thing. And that one thing was that I did not belong in my family, or really anywhere in life. Mostly, this was because I was not of my father’s first family, but I came after my father’s other children and was the baby, the apple of my father’s eye. But that wasn’t the real reason why Carl hated me.

During World War Two, my father enlisted in the army. He already had two small sons and a daughter to look after, and they already had suffered one major blow in their young lives. They had lost their mother to cancer. Louise Dunn was an important figure in their lives. She was well liked in town and very much missed by her family and friends.
  
Why their father wanted to leave his children behind, possibly fatherless, made no sense to other people. But Jim Dunn came from a proud military family and would not listen to anyone telling him not to fight but rather to stay home with his children. His father fought in the First World War, and three of his great grandfathers fought for the Union Army in the Civil War. It was not like my father to back out of a fight, not one with great principles.  My father was no coward.

Not only did my father leave three small children back home, but a new, young wife. Two years before World War Two ended, he made it back home to his lovely, young wife and family. Back in France, my father was wounded in his right leg. The result of the wound caused my father to forever walk with a limp and the assistance of a cane. It was actually a blessing in disguise what would transpire. He could have easily came home in a pine box. He was thankful, though, that he came away with his life. After recovering for a few months in a French hospital, my father was eager to go home to his family. At least he was able to walk, and to walk away alive.

This lovely, young woman who was waiting for him at home was twenty-year-old Flora Laurent, now Flora Dunn, my mother, and she was eleven years younger than my father. All soldiers were certainly eager to get home to their loved ones. My father was one of thousands who was thrilled to be back on American soil, but his thrill was about to dampen. Once my father laid eyes on his wife again, there was no hiding her highly expanding belly and the overall weight gain showed in her lovely, plump face. She had no excuses for her husband, or any made-up stories to tell him, and there really nothing for her to say to explain why she was in this condition. Simply put, she was lonely.

Most men would have left such a situation, would have gone as far away from it as they possibly could have. Being too ashamed and resentful to stay, they would have washed their hands of her in a heartbeat. Having a cheating wife and an unwanted child on their hands to raise would be too much to bear. Any man, in his right mind, would say that was asking for way too much trouble.  Most men would have divorced someone like my mother, kicked her out, and especially they would hate the child she would be soon be giving birth to, but not my father. He always stood against the grain.

Not only did Jim Dunn forgive his young wife, he took me under his wing like I was his very own. Once I knew he was not my true father, I could never fully fathom why he was not ready to pack me off to an orphanage or dump me off somewhere far away. Why he was so forgiving and accepting made him more than a war hero. It made him my hero. That was why I loved him so much, especially because, soon after I was born, my mother was out of our lives. Perhaps, such a young woman should not be raising three step children and a newborn baby.

My father never mentioned any of the details of my conception, but he simply did his best to love me. He was a tall, very slim and a quiet man by nature. With light brown hair, grey eyes, and a kind face, he looked every bit of the hero I saw him as. He was willing to help anyone in a pinch, and most people who knew him respected him. Nobody in town ever talked about this situation to my father. To begin with, my father was not a talker, and he probably thought if he did talk about it, the pain and shame of it would not go away.

One of my brothers, Nathan, and my sister, Ann, seemed to treat me like a regular sister. Yet, Carl, the oldest child, hated me from the start. As a girl who was six years younger, I never understood why. He was the golden boy, with keen blue eyes and golden, wavy hair, as were Nathan and Ann.  I had long, dark brown hair, which I kept in two braids, with plenty of unsightly brown freckles, and very dark, brown eyes.  Compared to my sister, who was five years older, I never felt like I was a great beauty.

I was pretty young when Carl blurted out to me in anger, “Your mother is a *****!”  I cried a bit, wiped away the tears with my small hands and yelled back, “No, she isn’t!” Of course, I was too young to know what that word meant. When my brother followed that statement up with, “and you are a *******”, I ran straight to my father. I was almost seven years old.

My father scolded Carl pretty badly that day. Carl would not speak to me for months, and that was fine with me. That evening my father sat me upon my knee. “Daddy, what is a *****?” I asked him.

My father gently put his fingers up to my lips to shush me up. He then went into his wallet and showed me a weathered black-and-white photo he had of himself with his arms around my mother. It was in that wallet for some time, and he pulled out the wrinkled thing and placed it in front of me.

My father must have handled that picture a thousand times. Even with all the bad quality, with the wrinkles, I could see a lovely, young lady, with light eyes and dark hair, smiling as she was in the arms of her protector. My father looked proud in the photograph.

He said to me, his expression serious, “whatever Carl or anybody says about your mother, she will always be your mother and I love her for that”. I looked earnestly in his somber, grey eyes. “Why did she go away?” I asked him.

My father thought long and hard about how to answer me. He replied, “I don’t know. She was young and had more dreams in her than this town could hold for her”. He smiled awkwardly and added, “But at least she left me the best gift I could have—you.”  

I would never forget the warmth I felt with my father during that conversation. Certainly, I would never forget Carl’s cruel words, or sometimes the odd glances on the faces of townswomen, like they were studying me, comparing me to how I looked next to my father, or their whispers as the whole family would be out in town for an occasion. It did not happen every day, but this would happen whenever and wherever, when a couple of busybodies would pass me and my father walking down Main Street, or when we went into the ice cream parlor, or when I went with my father to the dime store, and it always made me feel very strange and vaguely sad, like I had no real reason to be sad but was anyway.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


That summer of 1954, I was a bit older, maybe a bit wiser than when Carl first insulted my estranged mother. I was eleven years old, and David was my equal, my sidekick. Feeling less like a kid, I tried not to boss him too much, and he tried not to be too smart in front of me. I held my own, though, had my own intelligence, but my smarts were more like street smarts. After all, I had Carl to deal with.

David seemed destined for something better in life. My life seemed like it would always be the same, like my feet were planted in heavy mud. David and I would talk about the places we would loved go to, but David would mark them on a map and track them out like his plans would really come to fruition. I never liked to dream that big. Sure, I would love to go somewhere exciting, somewhere where I’d never have to see Carl again, or some of the kids at school, but I knew why I had a reason to stay. I respected my father. That is why I did not wish to leave. And David respected his father. That is why he knew he had to leave.

David Ito’s father was a tailor. David’s parents came from Japan, and they hoped for a good life in their new country. Little did they know what would be in store for them. After the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, their lives, with many other Japanese Americans, were soon turned upside down. David was born in an internment camp designed to isolate Japanese people from the nation once Americans declared war on Germany and their allies. David and I were both born in 1943, and since the war ended two years later, David had no memories of the internment camp experience. Even so, David was impacted by it, because the memories haunted his parents.

There was no getting around it. David and I, as different as we were, liked each other. Still, neither he nor I felt any silly kind of puppy love attraction. David had still thought of girls as mushy and silly, and that is why he liked me. I was not mushy or silly, and I could shoot a sling shot better than he did. David loved the sling shot his parents bought him for his last birthday. They allowed him to have it just as long as he never shot it at anyone.

David Ito, being the oldest child in his family, and the only son, allowed him to feel quite special, a very prized boy for just that reason. Mr. Ito worked two jobs to support his family, and Mrs. Ito took in laundry and cooked for the locals who could not cook their own meals. Mrs. Ito was an excellent cook. Whatever they had to give their children, David was first in line to receive it.

The majority of those in my town of Prichard respected Mr. Ito, at least those who did business with him. He was not only able to get good tailoring business in town, but some of the neighboring towns gave him a bit of work, too. When he was not working in the textile factory, Mr. Ito was busy with his measuring tape and sewing machine.  

Even though Mr. Ito gained the respect of the townspeople, he still was not one of us. I am sure he knew it, too. Yet Mr. Ito lived in America most of his life. He was only nine-years-old when his parents came here with their children. Like David, Mr. Ito certainly knew he was Japanese. The mirror told him that every day. But he also knew felt an internal tug-of war that America was his country more than Japan was, even when he was proud of his roots, even though he was once locked up in that camp, and even when some people felt that he did not belong here.

If David was called an unkind name, I felt it insulted, too, for our friendship meant that much to me. How many times I got in trouble for fighting at school! My father would be called into the principal’s office, and I was asked by Mr. Murray to explain why I would act in such an undignified way. “They called David a ***** ***”, I exclaimed. “David is my friend!”

Because David and I were best buddies, we heard lots of jeering remarks. “Josie loves a ***! Josie loves a ***!” some of the children taunted. And Carl, with his meanness, loved to be head of the line to pick on us. He once said to me, “It figures that the only friend you can get is a scrawny ***!”

In spite of my troubles at school, Father greatly admired David and his father, and he thought that David and I were good for each other’s company. Mr. Ito greatly respected my father, in return, not only for his business but because my dad could fix any car with just about any problem. Jim Dunn was not only a brilliant man, in my eyes, but the best mechanic in town. When Mr. Ito needed work done on his car, my father was right there for him. It was an even exchange of paid work and admiration.

Both my father and David’s father felt our relationship was harmless. After all, everyone in David’s family knew and expected that he would marry a nice Japanese girl. There was no question about it. Where he would find one was not too important for a boy of his age. Neither of us experienced puberty yet and, under the watchful eye of my father, we would just be the best of buddies.

David pretended like the remarks said about him never bothered him, but I knew differently. I knew he hated Carl, and we avoided him as much as possible. David was nothing like me in this respect—he was not a fighter. Truly, he did not have a fighting bone in his body, not one that picked up a sword to stab it in the heart of someone else. It was not that David was not brave, for he was, but he knew the ugliness of war without ever even having to go to battle. Nevertheless, he used his intellect to fight off any of the racist remarks made about him or his family. He had to face it—the war had only ended nine years prior and a few of the war veterans in town fought in the Pacific.      

Because of the taunts David had experienced in school, I was not surprised what David’s father had in store for his beloved son.  Mr. Ito could barely afford to send one child to private school, but he was about to send one. David was about to be that child. When David told me that when school resumed he would be going to a boy’s school in Chicago, my heart sank. Why? Why did he have to go? I would never see him again!

“You will see me in the summer”, he reassured me. He looked at me as I tried to appear brave. I sat cross-legged on the grass and stared straight ahead like I never even heard him. I had a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit, and my lips felt like they were quivering.

We were both using old pop bottles for target practice. They sat in a row on an old tree stump shining in the evening sun. David was shooting at them with his prized slingshot. I had a makeshift one that I created out of a tree branch and a rubber band.

“You won’t even remember me”, I complained.

“I will to”, he insisted. “I remember everything.”

“Oh, sure you will”, I said sarcastically. “You’ll be super duper smart and I will just be a dummy”. In anger, I rose up my slingshot, and I hit all three bottles, one by one, then I threw the slingshot to the ground. David missed all the shots he took earlier.

David threw his slingshot down, too. “For being a girl, you are pretty smart!” he shouted. “You are too smart for your own good! The reason I like you is because you are better than anyone I ever met in my entire life. Well…not better than my parents, but you are the neatest girl I ever knew in my life!”

For a while, we didn’t talk. We just sat there and let the warm, summer breeze do our talking for us. I pulle
copywrited 2010
Josie Patterson Feb 2015
I’ve been conditioned
like freshly washed hair
for years
do not offend
unless the end of the sentence is “im sorry”
let the shoes and boots and heels of many make indents on you
like blueprints of demurity swaddled in insecurity
kept alive by the blurry ideas i once held about femininity
because i couldn't be a girl if the words that flew from my chords
were anything but rosy
ring around the Josie, pockets full of suppose he was to compliment your ****
when walking down a thorough-fair
busy people back and forth and grandmas with wrinkled sweaters
thank you
muttered from chapped lips and an even more chapped psyche
why must i keep my wits about to not risk making him angry
that was not complimentary but i am fearful he might spit my words back onto me
in the form of fists and slurs and honestly
im tired
of being the sidewalk beneath the feet of creeps
i am the sky and the trees and the moon
but i do not speak with the wisdom of travelling seeds
i speak with the warmth and subtlty of freshly microwaved milk
like soft silk i wish i could tatter
i wish venom soaked words could be spit in response to your “compliments”
but i would rather let you diminish me for the few moments it takes to objectify me
than to risk angering your inner beast and suffering the consequences of meninism or masculinism
whatever the word is this week
i will not be another number
ink soaked paper red with the monthly bloodshed of the sisters
every second is another unspeakable act
i see women
with tongues as round and large as planets
and tonsils the size of solar systems
birthing new galaxies in the words they speak
and shooting comets like fiery ***** of comebacks
when that slack-jawed fool sat and wished and drooled
into his monthly issue of mens rights magazine
she tore down the even minuscule belief he could have had that he had the right to comment on her body
in three seconds his pride, and entitlement
shifted into shame
and embarrassment
and i envy these women
because the only time i can take back my power
is when i am standing in front of a room
speaking rhymes and metaphors preaching independence and strength
to a group of people who now think i am a hero
i am not a hero
i put my shoes on one foot at a time
and i still manage to forget a couple days of birth control here and there
and i cant stand up for myself
in the moments after an attack i retreat into my latte and pray today will not be the day the male dominated society takes my power away
because i am small
and though i am growing every day
i still can only pray
that one way or another
i will be able to be as strong a woman as my sisters
my mother
and take back my power
and speak not with the beauty of a flower
but with the sharpness of a bumblebees sting
and one more thing
your compliments
are not complimentary
In Oklahoma,
Bonnie and Josie,
Dressed in calico,
Danced around a stump.
They cried,
"Ohoyaho,
Ohoo" ...
Celebrating the marriage
Of flesh and air.
Nigel Morgan Nov 2012
After the painting by Leonard John Fuller

I had promised I would arrive in good time for afternoon tea with Edith and the Aunt. Angela was nervous.
     ‘Edith scares me,’ she said. ‘I feel a foolish girl. I have so little to say that she could possibly be interested in.’
      She had sat up in bed that morning as I dressed. She had frowned, pushed her hair back behind her ears, then curled herself up like a child against my empty pillow. I sat on the bed and then stroked the hand she had reached out to touch me. She was still warm from sleep.
     ‘They are coming to see you,’ she whispered, ‘and to make sure I’m not fooling about with your mother’s house.’
‘I’ve told you, you may do what you like . . .’
‘But I’m not ready . . . and I don’t know how.’
‘Regard it as an adventure my dear, just like everything else.’
‘Well that had been such an adventure,’ she thought. ‘When you drive off each morning I can hardly bare it. It’s good you can’t see how silly I am, and what I do when you are not here.’
        I could imagine, or thought I could imagine. I’d never known such abandon; such a giving that seemed to consume her utterly. She would open herself to this passion of hers and pass out into the deepest sleep, only to wake suddenly and begin again.

Angela felt she had done her best. They’d been here since three, poked about the house and garden for an hour, and then Millicent had brought tea to the veranda. Jack had promised, promised he would look in before surgery, but by 4.30 she had abandoned hope in that safety net, and now launched out yet again onto the tightrope of conversation.
         Edith and the Aunt asked for the fourth time when Dr Phillips would be home. How strange. she thought, to refer to their near relative so, but, she supposed, doctor felt grander and more important than plain Jack. It carried weight, significance, *gravitas
.
       Angela hid her hands, turning her bitten to the quick nails into her lilac frock, hunching her shoulders, feeling a patch of nervous sweat under her thighs.
       ‘He’s probably still at the Cottage Hospital,’ she said gaily, ‘Reassuring his patients before the holiday weekend.’
      She and Jack had planned to drive to St Ives tomorrow, stay at the Mermaid, swim at ‘their’ bay, and sleep in the sun until their bodies dried and they could swim again.
       ‘How strange this situation,’ she considered. ‘Edith and the Aunt in the role of visitors to a house they knew infinitely better than she ever could.’
       The task ahead seemed formidable: being Jack’s wife, bearing Jack’s children, replacing Jack’s mother.
      Edith was thinking,’ What would mother have made of this girl?’ She’s so insipid, so ‘nothing at all’, there wasn’t even a book beside her bed, and her underwear, what little she seemed to wear, all over the place.'
      Edith just had to survey the marital bedroom, the room she had been born in, where she had lost her virginity during Daddy’s 60th party – Alan had been efficient and later pretended it hadn’t happened – she was sixteen and had hardly realised that was ***. Years later she had sat for hours with her mother in this room as, slipping in and out of her morphia-induced sleep, her mother had surveyed her life in short, sometimes surprising statements.
      Meanwhile the Aunt, Daddy’s unmarried younger sister had opened drawers, checked the paintings, looked at Angela’s slight wardrobe, fingered Jack’s ties.
      Edith remembered her as a twenty-something, painfully shy, too shy to swim with her young niece and nephew, always looking towards the house on the cliffs where they lived.
     They were those London artists with their unassorted and various children, negligent clothes and raised voices. The Aunt would wait until they all went into St Ives, for what ever they did in St Ives – drink probably, and creep up to the house and peer into the downstairs windows. It was all so strange what they made, nothing like the art she had seen in Florence with Daddy. It didn’t seem to represent anything. It seemed to be about nothing.
       Downstairs Angela knew. The visit to the bathroom was just too long and unnecessary. She didn’t care, but she did care, as she had cared at her wedding when the Aunt had said how sad it was that she had so little family, so few friends.
       Yet meeting Jack had changed everything. He wanted her to be as she was, she thought. And so she continued to be. All she felt she was this ripe body waiting to be impregnated with her husband’s child. Maybe then she would become someone, fit the Phillips mould, be the good wife, and then be able to deal with Edith and the Aunt.
        That cherub in the alcove, how grotesque! As Edith droned on about the research on her latest historical romance, Angela wondered at its provenance. ‘Daddy ‘ loved that sort of thing, Jack had told her. The house was full of her late father-in-law’s pictures, a compendium of Cornish scenes purchased from the St Ives people. She would burn the lot if she could, and fill the house with those startling canvases she occasionally glimpsed through studio doors in town. She knew one name, Terry Frost. She imagined for a moment covering up the cherub with one of his giant ecstatic spirals of form and colour.
       The chairs and the occasional tables she would disappear to the loft, she would make the veranda a space for walking too and fro. There would be an orange tree at one end and a lemon tree at the other; then a vast bowl on a white plinth in which she could place her garden treasures, rose petals, autumn leaves, feathers and stones. There might be a small sculpture, perhaps something by that gaunt woman with the loud voice, and those three children. Angela had been told she was significant, with a studio at the top of Church Lane.
       Edith had run out of experiences regarding her monthly visits to the reading room of the British Museum. She was doing the ’ two thousand a day, darling’, and The Dowager of Glenriven would be ‘out’ for the Christmas lists. The Aunt had remained silent, motionless, as though conserving her energies for the walk through the cool house to the car.
       ‘Oh Darlings,’ Jack shouted from the hall, ‘I’m just so late.’ Then entering the veranda, ‘Will you forgive me? Edith? Aunt Josie? (kiss, kiss) Such an afternoon . . .’
       Surveying the cluttered veranda Angela now knew she would take this house apart. She had nothing to lose except her sanity. Everything would go, particularly the cherub. She would never repeat such an afternoon.
      She stood up, smoothed her frock, put her arms around Jack and kissed him as passionately as she knew how.
This is the first of my PostCard Pieces - very short stories and prose poems based on postcards I've collected or been given from galleries and museums. I have a box of them, pick one out at random - and see what happens!
Josie Hoskins Sep 2016
I do not hate my body for the dysphoria, I do not hate it for the wrong that it is for me but instead love it for the right it should have been for someone else.

I treasure my arms and my legs, my face and my chest, and I work to mold them into the kind of perfection I will never desire, because the only alternative is stepping into a pyre and proving to the world that this birth was not for me by trial of fire

I respect the body I was born into, even if at times it mixes the black and it mixes the blue, even if I recognize that all this forced-on love perpetuates the crimes of gender that I have worked so hard to hide

I hold myself with the strength that my dream self carries, and slip away into the mind-ferries that take me back to the days when I would pick black-berries and realize that like my lips they would look fine as hell colored with cherries

I do not hate this body for the dysphoria, I just feel the sting of eyes that immediately think ‘male’ when I wear a dress, like, do I have to write it on my forehead that ‘she’ is how you need to address me?! Do I have to rip off my ***** and sew on a different *** for you to learn how to respect me?

I cry this body to sleep, rocking it in my arms because I know that like my brown father’s black baby it’s not wanted. It’s perfection is a defection that I wish I could love, but when I don’t watch my thoughts I just find myself wanting it to leave.

I do not hate this body for the dysphoria, I just feel like I should have been given a body in which I could get cozy, one that fit me, one not for Tom, Or George, but instead for Josie.
Egeria Litha Feb 2014
We wore sport bras
And smoked out of an apple
She kept handing me the temptation
After every pull from her lips
Until I opened my eyes and desire
Was inside of me
******* the **** out of me
My first time with a girl
That lion made my head swirl
White Russians hitting on me harder
Than the bouncer outside
Pouring the drinks on the bar
As I watch her roam around
in pig tails and sweatpants
As she makes me wet
Still in love with her ex
But I'm determined to be next
Daniel Kenneth Mar 2013
i loved a girl
with broken eyes
deep, sad
you could drown in them
and so i did
gasping for breath
as she pulled me under

i loved a girl
with too many scars
reminders of battles i could not help her win
with every tracing by my fingers
i wished to erase
any and all of her pain

i loved a girl
from a broken home
yelling parents
alcohol consumed
i tried to be an island
a steady rock
an alternative to the misery of her house

i loved a girl
and gave her my all
so it killed me harder
to watcher her fall
into this pit of sadness and addiction
and as i sit here in pain, wishing i could have saved her
i wondered if loving anyone
was worth it
Jim Kirk Feb 2020
Elizabeth And Josie

Her weeping tears flow over her eyes,

Only because her love surpassed her hold,
I felt passionate love myself, but you are mere lies,

DIVINE LOVE!,, You betrayed our hearts, the fiendish lies you told,,
 

My beloved, see flesh and blood, truth not illusions,

I do know the truth, and all my passion cries for her, another,

She a picture, not Love, to be loved, YOU!  created this conclusion,

She cried our love IS divine, we DO complete the other.
 
I love her more
🧍🏻‍♀️
Shorter rewriting of earlier poem of mine.
Mari Carrasco Dec 2013
I know a girl who is
walking poetry
walking lyrics
walking inspiration.

I know a girl who is
lovely inside
lovely outside
so lovely
she puts diamonds to shame.

I know a girl who is
rhythm and meter
rhythm and rhyme
a rhythm encompassed with love.

I know a girl who is
walking poetry.

- m.c.
Tina ford May 2015
She's such an elegant lady,
Her walk defines her well,
She speaks with such intelligence,
I know her very well,

She tells great stories of her youth,
I could listen all day long,
She's interesting and very unique,
Just like a classical song,

She travels all around the world,
And learns from cultures new,
She takes all things in her stride,
I wish you knew her to,

I appreciate all her company,
It's seldom we meet that's true,
And so I write this poem for her,
Just to say, thanks for being you.
At the stroke of five o’ clock
The crew begins to trickle in the door for
Josie’s Slumber Party.
Hand cut finger sandwiches adorn
The chestnut coffee table already brimming
With nail polishes and eyeshadows
In hues of peacock blue and bubblegum pink
And temptress scarlet red. The girls
Romp around the room like ballerinas
Dressed in everything from soccer shorts to
Mama’s high heels. Two sizes too big.
Practically ladies as they gloss their lips but
Girlish giggles and squeals reveal their
Youth: Age ten; age eleven; age twelve.
And in the middle of this fine affair
Polished nails are used to pick at teeth;
Makeup adheres to bangs, braids and ponytails.
Bare hands brush through the knotted hair of
Any and All. Beauty  – of course – is collective, yet
Dignified.


As if to call the girls over, lure them in so painfully slow,
The sprinklers awaken on the front lawn and spill forth
Waterfalls of childhood memories. Running barefoot
during the searing summer dusk. The girls are under
The Spell. Feather boa and lipstick at hand, they make
A mad dash for the lawn. The squeals are louder, more
Vibrant than before. With grass stains on their gowns
and water re-tangling their freshly styled hair, these
Ladies could not be any more proper.
Raj Arumugam May 2014
I was at the entrance
of the high-rise apartments
and I phoned my grandma upstairs
and she offered me her instructions:
“Well, Josie…I’m at 354
you got to hit the green, square button
with your elbow
at the entrance where you are;
and I’ll release open the glass doors
and then go to the lift on the right
and punch the button with your elbow
and then get in and punch 3
with your elbow
and then when you are up on 3
look for Unit 54
and punch on its button with your elbow
and I’ll open the door”


“OK, easy, grandma…
But why am I punching all these
buttons with my elbow?”


“What?” my grandma screamed.
*“You mean you are coming empty-handed?”
Dia davina fan Jan 2016
Real questions I've been asked by the 3 year old I care for
Dia do you have a mancave
Dia did you get new toilet paper
Dia are those antlers for the cheese
My answers respectively are fairly straightforward
No I don't but I sure wish I did
Yeah I got the really soft pillowy kind thanks for noticing
I have no idea if those antlers are for the cheese but I don't see why not.

I am generally confident with the answers I provide
However once in awhile she asks me
Dia do you have a ***** today
And I'm stumped because the answer Josie
is so much more complicated than no
Because I want to say someday you will learn how that no matters every single day in more ways than I can tell you
That no has everything to do with the way I take up space
That no is my mother's refusal to buy me bow ties in favor of silver necklaces
That no is the cringe in my heartbeat when people call me a lesbian
That no is the source of fear I carry as a shield when I *** in public restrooms
That no is what I use to bind this chest to prove something I can't prove with a yes to that question
A no is the answer that sales person gives when I ask for those shoes in my size
That suit in my size
That body in my size
The mirror in my eyes
I've had a home in the lies I've told instead of no

The world asks that question every single day and I never have the right answer
It would be so much easier if the world asked if those antlers are for the cheese.
-Dia davina
Audrey Jul 2014
There we were.
A dozen and a half middle-class white kids from Chelsea, Michigan
Who had convinced our parents to pay $175 to let us go down to Chicago and help homeless people in the name of God.
There we were.
Including the tall, gangly kid who had never been out Michigan and who held
His backpack in front of him as if he
Thought it might make a good weapon,
The ****** girl who was only there because her mom ran the church office,
And me, there because I honestly had nothing better to do over spring break
And I thought it might look good on a college application someday.

The soup kitchen was a place I would have never eaten uin a million years.
The ceilings were low, too low, oppressing the already oppressed with their
Chip board panels and bright, sterile lighting,
Table of sticky Formica that had clearly seen better days  
Surrounded by hard, plastic mismatched chairs, and
The food was no better,
Number 10 cans of dreariness and shame and just-one-more-day-til-I-can-get-a-job.
We were instructed to sit at a table where we didn't know anybody.
The gangly boy held his backpack on his lap as he sat with a group of grey-haired old men reminiscing about having
A great life, a good life, a better life, a not-terrible life, a life at all.
****** girl sat at a table with a collection of ***** children, and was instantaneously on her phone.
And I went to a table with a middle-aged black woman with a little boy.
I sat down.
The plastic chair dug into the backs of my thighs and the lighting units hummed and flickered like a
Hoard of discontented bees.
The woman looked at me, then at the bowl of soup, grey-brown with un-identified meat.
She was overweight, and she smelled. I almost choked on the
Scent of body odor and oil, cigarettes, alcohol, city streets, homelessness, despair.
She looked at me again.
My name is Josie Gonzalez.
I know that sounds Mexican but I ain't no Hispanic, she said.  
She went back to eating.
Silence.
Uncomfortable, awkward.
Silence.
I looked at her little boy, joyous, handsome, and
She looked too,
And I have never seen a person change as much as she did when she looked at her little boy
From a sad, lonely, homeless woman she became the proudest mother in the whole world.
She was the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
Her eyes lit up and I saw that they were the
Prettiest chocolate brown.
She smiled,
And far from noticing the stained, yellowed tombstones of her teeth
I saw how wide and honest that smile seemed.
I smiled too, I couldn't help it and suddenly
I felt like I'd known her my entire life.
We are all human. We will at one point all be
Homeless, lost, lovelorn, broken, or confused,
Stranded in a bad place with almost no options.
So be forgiving.
Share a meal, share a hug, share a smile.
Share hope, share love.
Share life.
Here we are.
If the only sound we had to hear at night
Was the sprinklers
Wouldn't things be so easy?
No, we just have to have those pesky kids playing Josie at 3 AM
Karijinbba Oct 2020
More often than not
one is fated to continue loving
a lost great love misunderstood
as regrets teaching self love
expanding to others
is healthier to living
then surviving in daily
worthless pain that hating is.

I wanted to know true love
in this life time.
To meet great wise souls,
but mostly haters came to me as
stranglers boa constructors
mendicants greedy blood
hungry Alien moths
attracted mostly to my light.

Snakes slidered around
my tini cradle in my parents
forestlands, one bit my leg!
Through life, it was the most benevolent of my attackers!
My uncle's malignant
child predator his jealous
viper wife Roselia was as evil
marriage to my spoiling paternal uncle didn't change her ways.
.
Roselia murdered my two baby brothers David Sanchez and half brother blue eyed Antonio Chavez G.
She devil left me
internally bleeding dying requiring surgery to save my life
.
I ran away at age seven
surviving that ugly predator
in her jealous rage towards my
naive un-protective ignorant
unfit widow mother!
Later on, running from this nightmare two human predators
fathered my three precious kids
Jealous Greek Medeas tortured
my newborn babes in Calamata and Athens Charalambos
(haralobo) Kiriaki and her family
poisoned us three for years and
a lifetime trashed me to those who were deafly jealous of me in USA.
Henry R, W remained
a Charles Manson advocate in CA
he is and his evil sister Liz his sterile ex-girlfriend all high on ******* almost turned me into Sharon Tate!
trashing me for being an RH -O-
Back in 1983 to steal my children and sell them for ******* dues to whom ever bailed them out
a hate crime against me a Mexican born a Mom struggling to stay alife all alone beautiful in and out purple heart Mom;
an immigrant running for my life saving whatever the vipers left of my 3 baby girls and myself!
I couldn't find a single friend in USA
My Josie-Rosie my sassy, required surgery on her sternum chest
to save her life.
We are hated for surviving them all
foes ditching their death dice each time they tried stocking me and baby girls everywhere we went.
Elizabeth W G even bought me a fraudulent life insurance sold my medical records to thugs in the medical LA care fields
in LA CA USA hating me
for succeeding in all they have failed.
For my heart, my perseverance!
for my lovev to my children.

I was so battered myself I feared going public but my silence allowed enemies to return to trash me to my kids and harm them some more I couldn't save them they were assimilated drugged compromised and blackmailed.

I have not seen my grown kids in eons
just to not to spike the demented jealousy in those thugs
they now call friends enemies
who took my place in their life.
the witch hunt must end
for God is stronger then evil doers.
That deadly enemy used drugs to lure my 2 sons in law trashing me
  to them too beyond repair.

They think they won but God's justice shall prevail to avenge some justice
for me and my blindsided children
whom I birthed adored raised schooled my gifted high IQ'd kids.
I saved their life a million times
my motherly rights shall resume.
as God is my witness
evil just can't prevail forever.

True love divine found me too.
in all areas of life that may matter
the all wholly good ways.
That unforgettable true love
had left me behind shredded.
alone misunderstood;
Afterwards misery and pain
was all I found as you read above.
but my heart of gold knows how to love no scorn in me hides only love.
Is it better to have love and lost?
This purple heart Mom knows
what true love is though.

What to be in love is like,
when a special human being
fell in love with me too.
When my children deep down understand we are all victims of same evil enemies
my kids love themselves and me their good life saving caring heroic Mom.
deep down, my children adore me Angel Mom, remembered well.
their Mexican-American Mestizo French mix Mom pride and joy
Mexican lives matter too!

I am glad I was your Mother
(my lala, my sassy, my coco)
Patricia Angela, Josephine Rose,
Michelle J San-Gutier.
I am giving you three new names
for good luck, new beginning!
kiss my grandkids for me
their true maternal grandma.
with much much love.

And to me all, all this,
it made all the difference.
sigh..
~~~~~~~~
By:Karijinbba
Copy Rights
2020
To the loves of my life my grown daughters my grandkids and my first
and last love JPCRk
as for my unprovoked jealous enemies.
My children and grandkids belong to my heart to God not to you snakes in our paradise!
we aren't dogs nor cats not for sale!
your evil deeds are destroyed with truth.
Charalambos haralobo serial killer human trafficking predator: Kiriaki Mantalozis, Elizabeth W G Henry R W
Arthur and Susan W. Raitano
chikd tiryurer Judy A
you are trash thieves human ptedators racist biggots
human trafficants with agendas
sociopaths I give you all ten traits of narcissist personality. I didn't make you sterile you were born that way God is wise in who to make a Mother and who not to but the devil births and feeds thugs like yourselves
to steal treasures and feel important because without victimizing innocents you have no life at all.
As God is my witness you all shall rip what bitterness you inflicted unprovoked..
Laurel Stone Dec 2013
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Jake and Brita were searching for not just a mouse.
Their stockings were hung by the fridge with care,
In hopes that mom Laurel would willingly share.

In just a short time they were snug in their beds,
While visions of chipmunks danced in their heads.
It wasn't just chipmunks they dreamed of that night,
But also the rabbits who they made take flight.

In a short time there arose such a clatter
They jumped from the couch to see what was the matter.
And there to their wondering eyes did appear
The spirits of others that used to live here.

First, there was Josie who made the most noise,
Chasing the others, especially the boys.
But Ari and Teddy would not let her run
Because they decided she'd stifle their fun.

Tori was circling to see what to do
When Kobie and Liver quickly ran through.
Then they ALL came together to join in a song
While Brita and Jake, wide eyed, looked on.

The message they brought on that night of a birth
Was of PEACE and GOOD WILL to all on the earth.
This message was clear to those who would listen,
As clear as the snow which often would glisten.

And then, in the distance, was the sound of a whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But they were heard to exclaim as they flew out of sight,
"Peace to all of God's creatures, and to all a good-night!"
How unnecessarily complicated, my Trotskyite enemies, it is to tell
that your city was destroyed by a ******, wire-guided 3M6 Shmel
Better still to take it on the lamb when against a T-12 anti-tank gun
or to seek shelter facing a naval B-34, over nuclear winter sans sun
or **** ***** & Josie, 2 of Stanley **'s 11 daughters, just for fun
or date 3 nurses simultaneously with a net weight of one harbor ton
while hatching schemes, for goodly Christians, that demean & shun
Jillian Jesser Nov 2019
I've never liked my name,
so I tell you to call me Josie.

The O, an arc over the roses of my childhood
the garden in the front yard
where I fell asleep listening to Ravi Shankars' sitar.
Slipping, dead to the world, among the night blooming jasmine.

A beautiful thing.

Tonight,
future uncertain,
the stone weight of your head, adrift in dream on my hip,
feels a comfort to my blues.

A beautiful thing.

Napoleon for his Josephine,
can feel
the breath that you leave heavy on my thigh.

A beautiful thing.
Sophia Granada Mar 2019
Strong dose, that girl
Taken on a spoon and you'll fall
Writhing to be the first to apologize at her skirts
Confessing sins known and unknown
Screaming them half-mad in the night
As the sweat drenches your sheets

Did the spoon clear those sins from your lungs
Did she build them up there
Brick by brick in the bronchi

You dream of her standing impassive
In the midst of the bacchanal
Object to be worshipped
Effigy to be burned
Single sane survivor in the whirlwind of tarantism
She engineers such hurricanes

Hair shines down from the cloud-pale face
Solid bars of sunlight through a hole in the sky
The palpable yellow beams of God's arms
As her fingers pluck the wind to send it roiling
Vermillion long before



and long before..
any of those invasions
like pain
or crashed windows
or lost hidden locked doors
from the steps of the diffused domestic clan..
which became my future memory
Listen:
she saw it all like through a train window
trained Catholic to be guilty in shame
beyond any proper tribal guilt and false
like gods of not-men; gain, loss pity
the envy of men to trees and smoke and beauty
when all she needed was a twenty-gage
or a hero like me-Da, with some Texaco-gas
to light flames of justice in the border-town
and the war-time foundations of clay
with no basements
and just let the blocks burn
to infinities. And the right kind of dreams
and metaphors
like a rough and tumble dog
to bite the thumb off of the scales
of some injustice
that had passed her on eventually
in proper form to heavens,
her birthplace of hope
and so add essence to the parish
and the saint of Guadeloupe
or maybe you and I like gods
could have been there to tie coteries to trees
or just hang them like curses
or take the kisses of betrayal to whom
and who knows where
and make weapons of separations
between the essences of fallen natures
and the gods who find comfort there
but mum and dad and the reality
of their both anxious desire
To make mustard seeds of faith
and turn mountains of desire like Vermillion fire
on their ***** into the nearby rivers and lakes
could have made new born beauty
of entire landscapes
and cancelled differences between earths
and skies to proper impressions
but so this is what really happened:
she got knocked down and down and finally
she cracked in perfect halves like love
like my eggs for long after and before
and wine became church, for the bluegrass
and dandelions that Dad missed at midnight
the only time he had leisure to prune
or those false impressions may have been lain down
like me and Mum on the same grass
in the backyard on Prado,
the place looking at the seasons
inside the stars and sky
and then holding hand in innocence
for her late learned lessons
and her saying philosophy to me
and the number pi-infinity
that when squared like perpetuity
will ??? separate
and my mass, later became my name
from the prophet and crazy blind love
like brail lines in sand’s particulates
available in the moment
created right there and then
from our substance
and like catechisms in tongues,
useless without someone to interpret
or love’s lessons come lately, too late in general
to cover anyone or any multitude of past,
and any and other’s sins
like love found, lost and acted to purpose
but the saint’s sins..
listen:
sometimes as through glass
the world darkens to focus, diffused passion
where light seems the enemy
like charity
and if outside
green from lawns
reflects blue to eyes
and to the free will of the beloved
WHEN THE LIGHT FORMS BEGAN
THE light WAS dim AND pleasant
And eyes were full of the essence sand
And comfortable

And all roads led home

the found way pleasant to the touch
found water, the water again
lovely from the great wonder
the wonder that formed the fireflies and wisdom
the fireflies are in formation again
and John died
dad. 1980
in my arms, like I said before
dangling like participles
to the end of his will
the information was remembered
i never had a mic, a deck a board
too bad,
to put the sweet music of him
to proper form
instead:
listen;

remember,
and if you can’t remember,
imagine.
memory is bone deep
likened to a dream forgotten

ok
I was already 21. All ready
to go back home. Josie
was not on the hood of the car
with Dad and me. She was
there for the funeral.
his will left that day
and saw the grand display
the fireflies.
I told you before, he loved Virginia
the mum who gets the high candle
the one who raised me by hand of will
synonymous with me
symmetrical to the doings that Dad did
that he lived, breathed in me
that was mum’s will too
one flesh remember, listen..
imagine
and you and I, if we listen with right ears
to what’s left
and Dad died
and made the fireflies be born

the setting:
me and dad sitting on the hood of his car
a cigarette dangling in the marsh
we were camping
smoking. Right to the end that one
and Dad told me that he had a pain
an ache that wouldn’t spend itself in age
and lie a death, to the obvious passions
dead long since any rage, and Virginia

my mum was a lot to look at
long
dark
like black and silk and
silver with light
upon a screen she was in me
and the dreams of men as boys
are always of pretty-mum, mine was mine
mine was Mum
I’m sure
when she worked
at Champion Spark Plug after the war
at her wits-end,
that when she visited the legion
and the live soldiers there
that many sons dreamed of her
beauty
attrition
wealth
want
and bundles of late formed dreams
from steel monsters
war ships on seas
Her face was like angels singing to angels
like the sound of the sight of a cherub
who watching the gates of the city
takes time to sigh
and absolve vows for five simple senses
like Vermillion long before..

Mum wasn’t there either. I
asked Dad like before.
I asked him, “Did you love her?”
He said, “Yes, I never stopped.”
the woman:
who stole his eyes at birth.
like from dreams of her.
(Dad did dream).
he was standing as near a new birth
ready to play some game there
in the larger ballpark near his yard
waiting for the rain to start
to delay the inning
and Virginia stood silent in his dream of her
his imaginings, want, and faith
too red faced to speak
little dimples sixteen to the day
and him thirteen in a cotton outfit
pinstripe, like the ‘yanks
and leather hand catching the ball
and the girl, standing five feet into the dream
and the whole game disappeared
and he loved The Epiphany of Her
and held her like proper-pride
his Virginia.

— The End —