You look at the sky.
You see a vast open mirage cascaded in a warm royal blanket,
with silver clouds that linger above your every thought.

I see something different.
I see a beautiful visual distinction of everyone's plausible possibilities.
The single flap of a budding bird, taking off into life's flight.
The sensational physical reaction of a rain droplet exuberating onto skin.
A natural epiphany.
The unyielding bolts of light hammering from  up above,
turning specks of sand into timeless memories.
I see a never ending scape of clarity.
An omnipotent place of livability that stretches to the heavens,
just a piece of what might be in store.

He sits next to you on the train.
Your heart flushes as he smiles your way.
There's something about him that draws you in,
maybe it's his dreamy hair,
that seems to shine in the morning sun,
or maybe it's the book he was reading,
or maybe it was his hollow eyes,
the ones with the rings under them that makes him
look like he's three weeks past bedtime.
His four patches on his blue, denim jacket,
each with sassy comments on them, stating his hatred for Trump,
or his place as a Feminist?

The colourless rainbow tattoo on his wrist,
next to a heart.

It has her name on it.
And you sit and wonder...

Am I her?

You aren't.

You're not his tattoo,
the one that sits on his wrist.
A name that is passed carelessly throughout the carriages,
The name that stops at the platform.

You are a gentle thought,
unravelled in the minds of others,
growing and nurturing,
exuberating kindness as you do so.

You are not his tattoo,
but a garden,
soon to flourish and grow stronger,
toughening through harsh winters.

You are not his.

You are an evergreen mass,
you were born to live
and you thrive as you do so.

It was a neutral, fair weathered, mid October Friday night in downtown Raleigh, the sky painted with stars, but barely visible as lights are strewn out everywhere, glittering as they are draped across buildings to create a corner hidden from the rest of the world. There are also lights from the many expensive cars lining the already tight streets; Chrysler, Infinity, Volvo, BMW, but also there’s an array of Hondas and the Chevy I am currently riding in to get there myself.  The lights continue to follow my evening as the holidays are approaching, accompanied by Christmas lights hanging from local breweries. The skyline is made up of buildings mimicking an array of Christmas trees on a Christmas tree farm in December; one my favorite times of year.

The spirit of the air is carefree as people gather to unwind from the week before and have a good time with whomever they are with or alone. The variety of people is similar to that of Candy in a candy store; all there for the same purpose, but different in minor ways. Groups of friends occupying the sidewalks outside of restaurants, breweries, dessert bars, coffee bars, boutiques, and galleries. Hipsters walking proudly and dancing in the streets owning who they are in their hometown or possibly visiting to experience the uniqueness the beautiful city has to offer. Most people dressed their best to welcome the night before them and enjoy the company of their friends, walking around to whatever comes their way.

The atmosphere is quiet, peaceful, and chill but the night is nothing short of alive just like the people I experience. Young couples and individuals line the streets exuberating their young lively spirits into the air as they exhale smoke from their cigarettes. The streets are also lined with a couple individuals that seem a little sketchy, but that’s just because they keep to themselves and walk alone, not effecting the safe atmosphere Raleigh exuberates. Everyone seems to be focused on only who they came with, concentrating on what they will do that evening. My plans included dinner at The Pit, one of the greatest BBQ places I have ever been in my life.

The first place I went to this evening was a Chocolate Shop called Videri Chocolate Factory with the most intriguing vibe I have possibly received upon coming into a store. There are lights strung from the ceiling and a glass case containing expensive, gourmet chocolates made in house. As I continue to walk around the store there is a whimsical feeling I get when I notice the coffee bar and more Christmas lights hanging around and intricate glass cups behind the counter. Continuing down the corridor there is a large glass window displaying where the chocolate is made, making the experience even more real. As I continue to look around the store I notice most of the people are middle aged to older; the people with money. The chocolate in the store is not cheap, but I think most of the people who come to downtown Raleigh are also paying for the experience.

Upon leaving the shop I notice the outside of the store and this is one prime example I think of when I think that people physically impact the place in which they live. The picture shown above of the chocolate shop mimics so much of the personality of Raleigh that I have noticed. The store is made of bricks on the outside that you can tell have been there for a really long time, but displays a modern, exciting font and the final touch of bright white lights adds a perfect finish to the display of the store. The people of Raleigh (or the ones I have noticed the three years out of living here myself) tend to migrate towards vintage, old things and appreciate the beauty of unique sights that make you feel special and unique yourself upon going there.

Another key factor in the imagery of this shop that reminds me of the people of Raleigh is the artsy aesthetic that the door holds with the lights. There are so many art students who consistently go to downtown Raleigh and they are a part of what makes the atmosphere so bright and exciting. While the people who visit downtown Raleigh are looking for those vintage vibes and artsy aesthetics they are also incredibly modern much like the font the door holds. They are caught up on what is currently in style and trend setters themselves, but interpret it in a way that fits them personally. This to me is the only thing that people of downtown Raleigh have in common; they are old fashioned, vintage, modern, and unique all at the same time, perfectly mirroring the city in which they live.

I once fell asleep,
to pleasantries of sound.
As the ribbon slides,
it painted color vibrance.
An emotional luminance, that made,
the soulless whole,
and the blind blissful.

Sleeping to strings,
felt like death.
Not the regretful kind.
It felt as if laying,
in the field,
staring at the bountiful sky,
as seasons pass eternity.

A melody of,
exuberating melancholy,
was infectious.
As if my body,
gave into sickness.
Now its still,
in joyous null.

Let breath subside,
slowing to a faint whisper.
Sink into a nothingness mind,
drain all to slumber.
And listen to Prélude.

They tease and compel
Devouring into my ill eyes
Lurking beneath the wilting yellow
Murky black blends in with the night
She taunts in the lightness of the day

This bed dips a bit lower every day
In disturbed curiosity and jealousy
Goading a reaction of plea  
Staring in unadulterated penance  
Wellness improving with each interaction

Greedy to drink in the color
Eyes feast upon them
Dancing slyly in sync
Dripping in need and want
One waits to dance in my head

These chains are finally unlocked
Feet find purchase of the cold flat floor
Only exuberating the ugly drug
To tear the flesh of yellow off her skin
All the while, in a manic spree of glee

I used to think...
Uncertainty
Was exciting.
Exuberating,
"The thrill of the unknown"
Some may say.
The thrill of your unknown.
Was addicting.
Like a sudden high,
From a dangerously addictive drug.
You know the ones.
That made you into a monster.
The ones that turned that my thrill of you,
Into a "please get me off this ride".
Into a "I'm going to throw up if I have to go through another loop".
The amusement park.
All fun and games for you,
Had some flaws in the design.
And I didn't want to put my hands in the air as I took another drop.
No, I put my hands in the air to surrender.
Because uncertainty
Is not thrilling
When my heart is a slippery piece of glass,
And you've let it fall far too many times.
The broken pieces can be put back together,
But the scars will always remain.
You say you'll hold on tighter next time,
Yet you never do.
If I have learned anything,
I have learned that your unpredictability
Romanticized by my naive heart,
Has deprived me of my own strength.
I have learned to take my glass heart
Out of your dubious care,
And childish amusement playground.
It is not a toy to be carelessly tossed around,
Picked up only for your entertainment.
But rather set upon a throne
Of admiration and dedication.
As long as these selfish games of yours continue,
Then there are two things that I know to be true:
I will always be certain of myself,
And always uncertain of you.

Gun bang
Lue kang kicked
Dah ***** licked
The master told the dog to sic
The grim reapers sickle slit

Duets made a hit
While a duo took a hit
Many lost in the song they sang along with
The rafters got lost out into the abyss
An exuberating sirens hiss.
The past are lessons that we cannot miss

A bomb on doomsday
Dudes slang
Right on the road ways
Were two slaves
Men lost in the trending lust craves
Brought about in repeating historic crusades

Who dat who dat?

Tonic getting poured
Cause were bored

Herb clouds speaking loud
Encore
Wondering how
I am still spellbound

Life goes on
Insecurities
Made from
The mind
Of man
We're slaves of

Ourselves and the sons of Sams.
Who roam hell.

One day we'll all work hard to get paid top dollar.

So every day is not about.


Huh??

Black is a color, black is a race, black is a cause, black is a man, black is a nation, black is a state of mind hell black is life and in our current times black lives matter but to me black is my heart. Twice removed from my emotional state I have put my feelings up on a pedestal for people to see and twice I have been acclaimed, appraised, applauded but as if that wasn’t enough twice I hated, I cursed, I seethed, I raged, I raved eventually twice I faltered, I got up, I started walking, I broke off into a sprint and twice I stopped, I heaved, I cried, I was shaken and I finally ended myself. I have no emotion left within myself, no hope for better things, and no joy for the simple things and no color in my soul. This is my grey area finally resonating with my grey matter to make sure that I will always remember that life is a risk and love is black.

Black was her ideal that resonated with my mind but now black is the trail she left in the wake of her departure. Blank was my mind when I first met her dark eyes as I lost myself in her gaze as she rolled them away into a scowl. Black were my shoes as I strolled up to her path in an attempt to soak up all the light she exuded as her frame glided across the room. She had brought black back to my mind as her favored garment hung onto her body exuberating frail sounds from my throat as I tried to save face and escape her gaze. Black was her aura as her grace was apotheosized in her form which seemed to remind me that in a world of tragedy, only black roses can blossom into something new, something tailor made just for me.

Black are the indentations on this surface as I etch the thoughts of my core into this bland paper and listen to the wild screams that fill this pitch black night. The echoes of my fledgling personas’ reverb against my solid defense but their black marks are felt against my skin and trace the hairline of my back and push me to within a stone’s throw of my mortality. Gone is my incessant need to control all the variables in my environment and I find myself staring into a black hole that slowly draws me in with every breath and it takes all my pent up frustration to concentrate clearly and withstand the ruthless wind that encroaches my space.

In the night air, I am swept up by the urge to rid myself of my morality, I try and fail miserably, I cannot, no what I mean is that I can only feel and the realization that I cannot control my heart dawns on me slowly but surely as I weep silently sobs wrack my once rigid body sending it into convolutions that leave me bare and black broke, such is my disposition. How hopeless am I?
  
It is so cold and I know I should be shivering but my body does not respond as it should I am frozen solid and only my black pupils flicker vigorously as my impending demise approaches. The fear cascades up and down my body and I close my eyes in protest and to resign myself to the eventuality that I will no longer be whole. She let me go when I so desperately wanted to stay and fight, she made her intentions clear from the onset and I succumbed to the pressures of trying to please her but I quickly caught on to the dynamics of my situation and sadly could not save even myself. It’s laughable really how pointless of an effort it has been to love, to feel, to care, to imbue and to infer but the most important lesson I learned is you must never compromise your best to fulfill your fairy tale solicitations.

Black was meant to be my theme but blue became my mood and when I attempt to remember the point of writing these words it dawned on me how white my problems were and so I settled down and projected my green envy on this world and resolved to shelf this red anger for later use in my grey life. Black fire burns my soul and my heart bleeds black but blue lights hail my black love for you.

OUR AIR INDIA

A beautiful, wealthy, sleek, famous and most precious lady,  kidnapped was

Sadly, her importance, her popularity, her profitability was the cause.

On this occasion, her father, her creator, mentor , absolutely shocked and shattered was

So were all his colleagues, his employees; they all had a deep grouse;

But today very pleased must be our revered JRD; and so also, his pretty spouse

Thank you respected  Ratan, you our joy, expectations, verve n enthusiasm did arouse

Happy are we all that the kidnapped beauty is now safe n in the hands of a great person where she belonged.

To see this happy, satisfying, exuberating  day I dreamt and had earnestly longed;

May my Air India always prosper, may she again be at the very top ; for that's where she always belonged.

HEARTIEST CONGRATULATIONS RATAN. WE LOVE YOU n ARE VERY GRATEFUL TO YOU.

Armin Dutia Motashaw