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Naomi May 10
A bond.
2. A love.
3. A touch.

1. I was born into a family with a sister already 12 years older than me. Growing up, you could say she was not only my mentor, but my role model. And my friend.

1. My sister and I have the exact same freckle on the left side of our chin. Same color hair. Same eyes. I think you could say we looked like sisters.

1. My sister died on October 24th, 2017.

1. Her friend, whom I had never met, began crying the moment he saw me at the cemetery. I made him cry because I looked so much like her. I don't know why, but to this day, it still haunts me.

2. I knew love was powerful, but I never fully knew its strength until I met him.

2. In part, when he relapsed, it felt like I had lost him too. Sometimes I find it harder to grieve the living than the dead.

2. Through all the confusion. The "I love you's" and the "*******'s." The kisses and the bruises. The toothy smiles and the trembling frowns. I fought to find where that powerful love had gone.

2. Now, after experiencing true love for the first time, all I can say is that sometimes, it is still not enough. It's power is truly deceiving.

3. I told myself that exploring my sexuality would be a good thing. That meeting men who appreciated my body would make me appreciate it more too.

3. When he pinned me down and told me "You invited me into your room. What did you expect?" I believed him. It shut my mouth and muted my cries for help.

3. When you've always been daddy's little girl, how do you look him in the eyes and tell him you've been *****?

3. I no longer view intimacy as a warm, exciting, and arousing touch in the hands of a lover. I view it as a tool of mistrust, personal gratification, and shame.

1. How special it is to have a blood bond with your favorite person. How swiftly the hands of death rip it away.

2. The easiest way to describe falling in love is that the butterflies in your stomach never stop. No matter how much time you spend with them. If you believe the butterflies can lift you up and carry you over any trouble in the relationship, you're wrong.

3. I never pictured **** to happen the way it did to me. I never thought I would blame myself as much as I do. His invasive words were even more harsh than his invasive body.

What I've come to find is that a bond, a love, a touch; thee beautiful concepts can become so tainted, so painful, in the too-rough fingers of this world.
Naomi May 2
Truth is,
he always belonged to another.
Another girl.
Another drug.
Another drink.
Naomi Feb 13
Dear Valentine's Day,

I hate you.

You hallmark-created
Socially-constructed
Marketing-schemed
Holiday.

You say "flowers will make any girl smile"
I say "flowers die just as quickly as falling out of love does"

You say "a big teddy bear will help her sleep at night"
I say "his side of the bed is cold now"

You say "everyone loves indulging in chocolate"
I say "he fed me lies that tasted oh-so sweet"

You say "write her a heartfelt love poem"
I say "reading back on those words only makes me weep"

Who are you to say what love should be?
Naomi Jan 29
Being kind
is a trait
with a little bit of blessings,
and a whole lot of curses.
When you cusp your
chipped, bruised, and bleeding heart
and hold it against your chest
sobbing in the corner of your room,
wondering why someone took advantage
of a heart with pure intentions.
I will have to ask myself this question every day
for the remainder of my existence on this planet.
Why do the ones who decide to be
pure
and sweet
and loving
end up the most broken?
From the selfish ones
who take advantage of their goodness.
Maybe...
Kind people are more cursed
not because they are,
but because of what they remember.
It has been psychologically proven
that tragic events will stand out more in your mind
than happy and joyous ones.
That's pretty ****** up on creation's part.
They will remember...
How you were against them
when they were for you.  
How you knocked them down
once they picked you up.
How you said "I love you"
then screamed in their ears and bruised their bodies.
I am confused by the meaning of love.
But one day I hope
the stars align
the sun comes out
the world may finally make sense.
And us good people...
we will get the kindness we deserve.
Naomi Dec 2018
"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart"
When you called me late on the phone,
There was something that sounded different.
You tone, your mood, your words...
Slipped so smoothly from your tongue.
I almost didn't realize when you uttered the phrase
"I love you".
I had been waiting to hear those words
My whole entire life.
And suddenly, there they were.
Sending my brain into a frenzy of thoughts,
A moment of chaotic silence sitting in my bed.
As I told you "I love you too".

"But the very next day, you gave it away..."
I should have known better
Than to invest my heavy heart
Into the hands of a gambler.
You had already placed your bet on me and lost.
What made me think
You would be smarter than to throw it all in
And take your chances again?
Goodness, I was quite mistaken.
Those sweet, sultry words that promised a commitment
Sure didn't last long.

"This year, to save me from tears"
I decided to block your number.
It was the only way to stop myself
From picking up the phone,
And begging you to come back into my arms.
I determined that love was an experience
Made for people with luck on their side,
And the odds never seemed to be in my favor.
So I built a wall
Tall enough to block out a boy
6 feet tall with bright blue eyes,
Who claimed I was the light of his life,
While still playing tricks on me in the dark.

"I'll give it to someone special"
A man, not a boy.
Who honors, values, and respects me.
Who follow through on his word.
Who knows my heart has been damaged,
And wants to mend, nurture, and restore it
Rather than leave it even more bruised and tattered.
Who doesn't follow every ****-up
With the pathetic excuse that 'hurt people hurt people'.
Let me tell you something.
I am a hurt person.
But I sure as hell would never dream of harming you.
So "Maybe this year"
Just "Maybe this year"
I'll give it to someone special.
Naomi Dec 2018
You are
A beautiful soul
Trapped in a tormented mind
Living in an unforgiving world
Naomi Dec 2018
I want to smile,
I want to laugh,
I want to crinkle noses,
I want to touch fingers,
and play with hair.
I want to do it all again.
But this time,
Not with you.
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