An empty space and unsaid words,
I hold somewhere deep in my core;
I donno what has happened to me,
'cause I was never like this before;

I see you laugh; I see you go,
and I feel myself so low;
I donno how to say those words to you,  
I think of you and you've no clue;
and all this makes me feel so blue,
but what to do, you donno somebody loves you.. oh no!

I write for you, I sing for you,
and the days are left so few;
oh boy temme what to do,
you don't wanna change your point of view.. oh no!
and I can't get my eyes off you,
you make me feel my world so new.

But I feel so blue;
so blue.. oh no!

You are someone that something can't replace,
you are the one whose memories ain't gonna erase;
I feel so blue and tears cover my face,
and I want you to come and embrace.

Oh.. I see you laugh; I see you go,
and I feel myself so low;
I donno how to say those words to you,  
I think of you and you've no clue;
and all this makes me feel so blue,
but what to do, you donno somebody loves you.. oh no!

I write for you, I sing for you,
and the days are left so few;
oh boy temme what to do,
you don't wanna change your point of view;
and I can't get my eyes off you,
you make me feel my world so new.

But I feel so blue;
so blue.. oh no!

© Shreya ♥

he's standing by his white pick-up
she sees him swaying there,
something was off, for example, his balance
she engages him, and invites him to our sidewalk
boy staggers to our side of the street
drunkenly, i asked him if he was trippin'
she reprimands me for pointing it out
she insists that we help him
he looks terrified, or feral
we tell him he's ok
he pulls her in, desperately
she holds him, possessively
bile from his belly escapes, stealthily, from his lips
it drips it drips it drips
onto her head
"It's ok it's ok it's ok"
she holds my joint to his mouth to settle his stomach
i don't want her to because i can see the gloss of bile still on his lips
he told us his name was Savannah
it wasn't
he staggered away from us
while he walks away, she finds another circumcised **** to latch on to
after a moment of:
drunkenly watching the flirtatious introduction begin
Savannah pulling open the car door
my brain pings
she's doing the thing with her eyes to the circumcised **** guy
*******
i run to him
"you forgot your jacket, and please don't drive"
i approach him like a stray dog, trying to earn his trust
he lets me hold his hand as i explain it's not safe
he tries to kiss me with his acidic mouth
has he ever done drugs before?
"no"
where are his friends?
"i donno i donno i donno i donno"
he cranks his key into the ignition in all the wrong ways
windshield wipers start going off, blinkers, headlights, the horn
i have the thought that maybe he thinks his car is a Bop-It
"walk with us, don't drive, ok?"
he steps out of the car
"ok"
i lean into the car, finagling his keys out of the ignition
his face changes
he grabs every follicle of hair inhabiting the back of my scalp and throws me into the middle of Haight Street yelling
"who the **** are you who the **** are you"
my body bag of bones smacks down on the pavement
i've never been assaulted by a stranger, only by people close to me
i want to hurt him before he could hurt me again
but he's strong, and more dangerously, paranoid
his fear magnifies mine  
there's no one around to stop him from doing more
she's there, doing the thing with her eyes, she doesn't see me
"i'm trying to help you, Savannah"
his eyes are black
his mind crowded
that chest heaves like a rabid dog
not quite a boy, not quite a man

when there is a raging white male
who sexually assaults you
who uses violence against you

RUN

i have the keys to my car, i can just go
i don't want him to hurt me again
i want to go, i want to go, but i can't leave her
i can't leave her
i scramble to my feet while Savannah watches me
he takes slow steps in my direction

she's on the curb, talking about nothing
they stand so close to each other
i tug her sleeve
"we have to go"
she's not hearing me
"please, let's go"
she waves me off like i used to do
to my younger sister

Savannah is staring at me and in that moment
i believe he could rip me apart at any second

i'm begging now
"if you love me, come with me THIS SECOND, please"
that line always works in the movies,
but life is not a movie
it catches her attention, but not in the way i want
she hunches and steps toward me,
"how dare you say i don't love you?"
"i'm scared, we need to go"
"do you know what i've done for you?"
circumcised **** guy leave
she's stepping towards me angrily,
Savannah steps towards me tentatively,
i'm tripping backwards
"that's not what i meant, please let's go"
my eyes are shifting between them
it's 2am in San Francisco
we're yelling, in front of a bar called Zem Zem
"he threw me into the street"
she's tripping on her own feet

when there's a raging alcoholic
who questions your loyalty
who can't see the bigger picture

DE-ESCALATE

"i'm sorry" / "i'm so grateful for everything you've done for me" / "i really need to go but i don't want to leave you behind because i love you"/ ego stroke / ego massage / ******* deep tissue

we woke up in my little sedan on a San Francisco hillside
my shoulder and ribs were a bit sore thanks to Savannah
my mouth tasted like the darkest parts of humanity
she said we were both in the wrong
"it was the alcohol"

i could have left her

There is not a day when I don't think of you;
its the only thing I’ll forever do,
I remember when the first time you held my hand;
you were standing close to me; it was a november end,
and my tears roll down on your photograph;
when I remember the moments you made me laugh.

Boy you said you will never leave me alone;
there were the days when you used to walk me home,
I remember those bikes that we enjoyed and rode;
do you remember those beautiful paths; together we trod?
and my tears roll down on your photograph;
and just a single thought is enough to turn my mood off.

Those days are gone when we were together?
you said this love will last forever,
and now every time it makes me go shatter;
I know; for you all this doesn't matter,
and my tears roll down on your photograph;
when all your thoughts scratches my core so rough.

All the roses you gave me have turned pale;
they now sing the story of my ail,
you have got your own world, I haven't got mine;
I donno how long it will take me to feel fine,
and my tears roll down on your photograph;
when all your memories divide my heart into half.

With bloodshot eyes I search for you everywhere;
I close my eyes and I see you; I open them and you disappear,
You are the one who has conquered my mind;
I donno how and why I got so blind,
and my tears roll down on your photograph;
when it reminds me of your bluff.

© Shreya ♥

I walk the empty streets gazing at the moon;
with hands in my pocket I kick the street pebbles,
its awesome to feel the silence tune;
away from the city crowd and its babbles.
I donno where it leads but its wonderful;
I stand by a lamp post with my hands crossed,
staring at the running city from the river side;
and the beautiful high towers lighted and glossed.

I donno where I am going;
I am somewhere on empty streets,
With my shadow following me;
I am somewhere on empty streets.

I sat down that river side, gazing at it;
I tossed a stone in the river killing my monotony,
and found I have miles to go now;
and cold wind hugged me giving me her company.
Few people passed by, staring at me;
I turned my eyes off faking a smile,
They returned back the smile and moved on;
and I found a way to mend my heart for a while.

I donno where I am going;
I am somewhere on empty streets,
With my shadow following me;
I am somewhere on empty streets.

© Shreya ♥

Its been so long I enjoyed rains;
I don't remember now how to make paper boats,
I kinda lost my childhood somewhere in time;
seems like, on the sea of time those memories floats.

I donno when was the last time I made wishes;
pretending airplanes as shooting stars,
I love to be too stupid to count them on fingers;
rather being a victim of the rat race and political wars.

Those were the days when a single tear was my only weapon;
to get whatever I want and a new toy was enough to make me smile,
now there is nothing that can replace all that;
I wish I could get a fraction of that time for a while.

I donno what I am or what I've done;
all I know is, I wanna get back to square one.

I love to sleep with my teddy;
for I don't wanna grow up anymore,
I would love to fall and learn to walk again;
rather healing my heart hurt to the core.

So am gonna walk the paths of past to my childhood;
where I was as happy and satisfied as kings,
am happy in dolls and paper boats and paper planes;
so don't try to convince me with material things.

I wanna live those days again;
so bring me back my childhood,
I just can't survive in this cruel world;
I would love to be kid again if I could.

I donno what I am or what I've done;
all I know is, I wanna get back to square one.

© Shreya ♥

There is something that makes me feel sad;
I donno what but it hurts so bad,
I just wanna be alone and cry out;
I guess this is what life’s all about.

Tears do cover my eyes;
they come from where my pain lies,
it completely drains my tears;
and surrounds me with unknown fears.

I donno what is wrong;
is it something I shouldn’t but I came along?
I know I’d promised I’ll smile forever;
but I’ve to ask, cry me a river.

Bring me back to the life again;
all my joy away from the pain,
I donno what to do of the promises; I kept?
so make me cry out till no more tears are left.

I keep rolling in the bed;
nobody cares about the tears I shed,
why then it bothers me?
I feel stupid for all this to be.

What do I do?
It tears my heart through,
every time I think I’ll never;
but I’ve to ask, cry me a river.

© Shreya ♥

I’m nobody’s child,
I’m nobody’s child
I’m like a flower just growing wild
No mommy’s kisses and
no daddy’s smiles
Nobody wants me,
Because I’m nobody’s child.

I can’t seem to understand
Why the folks all pass me by
‘Cause I know it’s true that
I will die and go far away in the sky.

A place I want to leave behind,
but always blaring in my mind.
I cannot run and cannot hide.
from the darkness that lies inside.
the answers I seek to find.
questions I donno of which kind.

My body so cold and eyes are dry.
No mother’s arms to hold me when I cry.
Sometimes it gets so lonely here.
I wish I could die and go there.
And I don't wanna see those face
That I don't care!

Because I’m nobody’s child,
I’m nobody’s child.
I’m like a flower just growing wild.
No mommy’s kisses and
No daddy’s smiles,
Nobody wants me,
And I’m nobody’s child.

Hey temme do you remember me;
how is your life been since am out,
do I cross your mind even for a while;
do you still care what love is all about.

I saw you today passing by;
you were busy laughing on phone,
I wanted to call you once but;
I thought the time has gone, long gone.

You have become a stranger in my life;
I just donno what went wrong,
there is nothing left between us;
still your memories cross my heart all day long.

You donno but I try to follow you;
no matter where you go I’ll be around,
I may pretend I don’t recognize you;
but I can find you even in the crowd.

If by chance, we can talk;
I’ll answer all your question you have,
and you gotta answer mine;
and decide if you still wanna leave.

I promise I won’t spill the beans;
I’ll pretend to be a stranger to you;
it will all be between us;
all your secrets old and new.

© Shreya ♥

New life..
New begining...
Ready to fly.,
No suffering...
New life..
New begining...
*Whateva's done.,
whateva' coming..
you donno.,
then why u crying..
live in today.,
coz u got the day..
forget the pain.,
& hav enjoy... . . . .
Coz its a...
New life..
New begining...

Its 2 o'clock in the morning;
I am staring at the phone and rolling,
but you hasn't called and I;
sit by my window and sigh.

Now am staring at the moon;
hoping you'd call me soon,
but its getting so late now;
imma try to sleep somehow.

And my mind goes into the flashback;
when you said you'll be with me forever,
but forever never comes baby;
so don't say forever, don't say forever.

I am crawling into the loneliness;
I donno what's on your mind and I can't guess,
I hold your memories so strong;
and I think of you all day long.

I wish you'd sweep in like before;
and make a soft knock at my door,
and put your arms around my shoulder;
I've got my cardigan on 'cause its getting colder.

And my mind goes into the flashback;
when you said you'll be with me forever,
but forever never comes baby;
so don't say forever, don't say forever.

Am sliding your pictures on my phone;
am lying on my bed and I feel so alone,
I wish you'd wake me up in the morning;
and I'd pretend that I am sleeping.

Putting your thoughts aside isn't easy;
'cause they play in my mind like symphony,
Am tryna sleep with all your dreams;
keeping phone near and gazing moonbeams.

But my mind goes into the flashback;
when you said you'll be with me forever,
but forever never comes baby;
so don't say forever, don't say forever.

© Shreya ♥

Comes quite quickly end denies
     No longer able fantasize
What a fool prioritize
     To feed myself such wicked lies
Overwhelms in tortured cries
     The only love ive known still dies
What a fool, you, I despise
     Feebly I demonize
Oh god agree **** compromise
     Take me instead this ****** surprise
So ******* wrong, internalize
     To walk your shoes arent my size
Someday dunno when realiez
     The good, the bad, and always dies

We all born will live to die
     Be so torn, we'll give our lies
Free to mourn all ****** goodbyes
     Agree adorned with compromise

I'm still here
Do they hear?
By all means what I held dear
Forest falling, no one near
I donno quite how I appear
All I know is we're

Alive
I'm still here
Revive
        good cheer
To thrive
       my dear
The drive
       to steer
Alive we hear

Alive we're here

Waking up with your dreams;
makes me slip into your memories,
you conquer my mind and;
it chills me to the bone, I freeze.  

Donno when did you got all the rights;
to reach and open my heart,
boy you play with it and mess it up;
I donno how to mend, temme where to start.

Your one thought is enough;
to drag me to wherever you are,
I may pretend I don’t know you;
but you are a dream, so far.

Every time you stare me and smile,
it makes me feel my world alright;
you are a song on my guitar;
that I like to play every night.

You are a tear in my eyes;
a whisper a smile and a sigh,
some how you complete me;
and I just can not deny.

Your one thought is enough;
to make a wish on the shooting star,
though it was not answered;
yeah you are a dream, so far.

© Shreya ♥

I am running for the rat race,
without knowing where this way goes;
every road brings me unexpected hurdles,
I fall and pick myself up with bleeding toes.

Oh! this journey seems never to end,
I feel tired but I fix my knees and run again;
people around me try to elbow me out,
I stumble and keep running in the pain.

I may be right, I may be wrong;
Oh Lord! Temme where I belong?

The road am running, leads to the crossroads,
and I donno which way to choose;
and imma find out where to step,
but I donno whether I’ll win or lose.

God knows where I’ll be reaching,
and I can feel myself wounded so deep;
but I still carry on, ‘cause I have no option,
I feel hurt and the pain keeps me away from sleep.

I am fragile and feel no more strong;
Oh Lord! Temme where I belong?

© Shreya ♥

After a long time I joined my hands;
and went on my knees,
made a prayer to Lord;
followed by an Amen and a please.

The flashback runs me through;
my whole life for what I have done,
missed opportunities and regret;
locks me in the chains of its own.

It chokes me deep to the core;
I wonder if I can get an Amen once more.

I donno where am going;
temme which way to choose,
for I know I gotta miles to go;
and I have no option to lose.

Everything is gonna be fine they say;
I donno how, for I am feel like Zombie,
if you are not drunk, answer it all;
or let me whatever I gonna be.

It bleeds my heart so sore;
I wonder if I can get an Amen once more.

© Shreya ♥

In life, there are so many instances where we see some of the most amazing scenes but regret of not having an SLR camera with us to capture 'em. I have so many such beautiful pics captured in my brain and just wanna put them out here!! ;)
It was a beautiful sunny day in spite of being rainy season…I got ready to office in a very typical hurry – burry leisure and came out to bus stop. I have one good habit of not getting i-rated even if the bus does not show up for half an hour or so. That’s mainly coz I start observing every minute thing during the wait : P Like the way people walk, the patterns on morning sky, various fonts used on shop names, people’s expressions in vehicles…what not :D .
Amidst these inspections, one view caught my sight in delight. I saw a middle aged lady in her dusty clothes. She looked pale and thin with curly hair that looked not so neat. She was sweeping the shoulders raising a lot of sand. While all was nothing so special, came a little girl running from where I donno!!.The lady looked at her keeping aside her broom and took over her on her shoulders.
        As I moved my eyes a little to the right, I saw a dirt cart which is usually kept to throw the garbage. Here follows the most astonishing scene. To my disbelief, the lady placed the kid in it. She continued sweeping. From the background of many huge trees, the sun rays escaped out and lightened up the whole natural setting that was created. Now all I saw was laughter on the little angel not bothered about anything in the world but the dust that was rising. She clapped and clapped her hands while it looked like the sun rays also joined their hands to make an unheard tune. So unintentionally and innocently, did her movements create various stunning patterns of dirt that created a foggy look.
This was the moment I wanted to click it J

I remember the eyes that used to stare me;
the dimples that used to get deeper with smile,
I remember the way you used to walk around;
all that used to make my world happy for a while.

Donno how we parted our ways so far;
time passed you changed but haven’t changed I,
you must be happy in the world of your own;
but I still feel the same, I just cannot deny.

And my heart bleeds like skin between thorn(s);
I feel so bad, hurt to the core like lovelorn.

Why you gotta go, so far away;
it still gives me butterflies to think of you,
I guess it doesn’t make sense to stay;
‘cause I know you never felt the way I do.

So temme, how to get you back;
‘cause I long for you all day long,
is there any option left for me to choose;
or you are someone who to me does not belong.

I wish somebody could be there to make me warn;
before I fell for you, hurt to the core like lovelorn.

© Shreya ♥

I know Cassius is around me;
planning me to back-stab till it digs my heart,
I wish I could unfold the conspiracy;
and again get back to the start.

I will fight till the last drop of my blood;
so am gonna roll up my sleeves and pull up my socks,
to give the best of whatever I can;
to leave no stone unturned and unlock the life box.

But temme how to escape these paranoid humanoids?
who are fair weather ***** and unfaithful guides.

All I can do is to redeem myself;
to mend my shattered heart if I can,
I donno how will I make all this happen?
but imma work out for this plan.

So am gonna burn midnight oil;
when the rest of the world sleeps; then work I,
to winnow the overwhelming odds out;
and make most of the time that passes by.

But temme how to escape these paranoid humanoids?
who stab my heart till into two it divides.

© Shreya ♥

♥
                                                                         You
                                                                    promised
                                                                me that you'll
                                                         never leave me alone;
                                                     but I know you are leaving
                                               me without letting me know, oh!
                                       And what about the things that you swore.
                                everything was fine, where all those days are gone?
                         When I asked about it, then at my face you slammed the door.
                So am not gonna ask about it, no matter if its gonna hurt me to the core.
                          But I'll miss you forever, I donno how will I live without you;
                                I don't want you to go, 'cause you are my world.. oh!
                                       So what can I do for you, to make you stay?
                                             Oh boy you are the only one I love;
                                                  gimme a chance and we can
                                                      make our life like the
                                                            heaven above.
                                                              so stay, my
                                                                   love.
                                                                     ♥
© Shreya ♥

Life is fleeting so fast; a year seems to be a minute,
I travel the paths of my dreams with handful of hope;
Oh this journey seems never to end,
like am lost in the labyrinth and there is no way to lope.

All I can feel is numb; as if life & death became friends,
I am confused whom to prefer, for am somewhere in the middle;
days & night pass on but am here with no where to go,
seems like am never gonna unfold this riddle.

As the pendulum swings; it takes me to the dark paths but divine,
Oh am trying to crawl back to life with the sands of time.

I wish I could hold the pendulum and never let it swing,
but the time passes by and I begin the countdown;
I donno what is gonna happen; cause
this is the untrodden path we have to travel on and on.

We born, live and die just for a shroud?
or for two meters of coffin to cover us?
We come and depart with no hope of coming back
seems like we the puppets of skin are things.

As the pendulum swings; it takes me to the dark paths but divine,
Oh am trying to crawl back to life with the sands of time.

© Shreya ♥

Boy I close my eyes and dream 'bout you everyday,
when I open my eyes they shatter and tears flow 'em away,
all these things I wanna letcha know,
but am afraid of your answer and I just can't letcha go,
I never wanna all these things get over,
'cuz you are more than a friend, less than a lover.

When I strum the guitar; I wish you could hear,
I write only about you; no one else, I swear.
Boy you cut me to the core;
and its only you; I adore.
I can't breathe when you come closer;
'cuz you are more than a friend, less than a lover.

I donno why I fall for you every time?
me a **** and you a sublime.
I know you ain't after me;
my heart is the only place you'd rather be.
All day long your thoughts hover;
'cuz you are more than a friend, less than a lover.

You gimme butterflies every time I see you come;
your every touch makes me go so numb.
Now people call me crazy,
and all your thoughts make me go dizzy.
I have kept all these feelings under cover;
'cuz you are more than a friend, less than a lover.

I go into pieces whenever you try me swerve;
even a single girl around you gets me on my nerve.
You are on my mind 24x7,
and it makes me feel like heaven.
I want you to be mine forever;
'cuz you are more than a friend, less than a lover.

© Shreya ♥

You cut me to the core and,
I bleed, but I love the scars;
they remind me of you to adore and,
I make wishes on shooting stars.


Oh! Am lost in you completely,
I won't regret if there is no tomorrow;
am just happy to have you around me,
and I can feel there is no sorrow.


I fall for you; donno how?
I feel smell of your perfume, it lingers;
and hope you feel the same now,
I close my eyes and cross my fingers.


Oh! I can't fall in love again,
'cause I know its the final cut;
I hold your memories even in pain,
they make me feel keep going but;
you don't wanna understand, how can I explain?
baby I can't help it 'cause its the final cut.


I've caught myself smiling alone,
thinking of you and your voice;
I feel so good when you flash up on my phone,
Oh! I am left with no other choice.


When we laugh together,
everything seems to be alright;
I want you to be with me forever,
'cause you make my world so bright.


So I make a little prayer,
I hope my wishes will heal my heart;
and you will find me right there,
where I was; until the death do us part.


Oh! I can't fall in love again,
'cause I know its the final cut;
I hold your memories even in pain,
they make me feel keep going but;
you don't wanna understand, how can I explain?
baby I can't help it 'cause its the final cut.

© Shreya ♥

Oh it feels like love has finally found me;
and I find myself unable to escape anymore,
but am still tryna walk away from it;
with bleeding knees, hurt so sore.

You are there in every thought that passes by;
like a cruel king you conquer my mind,
I wanna travel oceans with you but;
I donno I'll follow you or I'll be left behind.

So temme what to do with this heart shaped box?
where once you lived but now where nostalgia knocks.


Come and see it floating;
and tossed between violent waves of calamities,
will it ever swim outta it;
or it will be a victim of missed opportunities?

I scratched your name, as it belongs to you;
am gonna give it to you without anything in return,
and I want you to make it work like before;
or else fire it and let it burn.

Or temme what to do with this heart shaped box?
for no longer its mine, as after you it walks.

© Shreya ♥

I just wanna be alone;
in the world of my own,
away from people –heart stone;
I know I gotta reap what I’ve sown.

I wanna escape somehow;
and travel those untrodden ways ,
where nobody knows me;
and I’ll spend some nomadic days.

I walk the paths of loneliness;
away from the world –so brute,
I donno which way to go now;
and I follow the shadows of solitude.

Nobody cares, neither care I;
and it doesn't hurt me anymore,
‘cause I know how to deal with it;
I don’t let it reach my core.

Its been so long, nobody asked ‘bout me;
why do I care ‘bout the people around?
I gotta be happy with what I am;
I’ll too forget them like I’ve never known.

So I will keep going on;
against the world –so rude,
It doesn’t exist for me anymore;
and I follow the shadows of solitude.

© Shreya ♥

How to expect a day without you.
Even if the memories between us are very few.

I used to go again and again through our conversation.
They all undergo into my heart for preservation.

I donno whether you think of me or not.
But not forgetting you even for a second is the fact.

There are no units to measure my love treasure.
Having u in my life is all time pleasure

I stared at you and you caught me;
I froze there for a while,
you smiled over me, I got melt;
and I too faked you a smile.

You got me completely lost;
I moved on and pretended to be okay,
I acted completely insane;
every time I tried something to say.

People ask me are you okay?
and at my back they pat,
they ask me are you in love?
I smile and say nothing like that.

Even though I doubt it;
but I donno what to name this?
I am confused and outta my mind;
for all the time I try and guess.        

Imma make an attempt;
to ask you to explain,
do you feel the same?
or temme whom to complain?

‘cause people ask me what’s going on?
I find myself speechless when they chat,
they doubt me if I am in love?
I smile and say nothing like that.

© Shreya ♥

When I fall, nobody comes to pick me up;
people stare at me and laugh and laugh,
they elbow me out but I pick myself up and stumble;
and still people expect me to be humble.

I just pretend to be good;
why shouldn’t I if they could?
they play games, they lie, they flatter;
and every time they do, I shatter.

I don’t wear heart on my sleeve;
even when I tell truth they don’t believe,
So I stay quiet, I stay alone;
and they think I am a heart stone.


I can’t be sorry, for I donno how to flaunt;
I just can’t be the way they want,
I have no regrets for the way I am;
So I chuck it when people start to blame.

Don’t temme what to do;
‘cause I already know,
all I ask them is to mind their business;
but they just can’t, I guess.

Let it be, I just don’t care;
now it doesn’t matter for me if they stare,
they won’t understand me till am gone;
so why do I care for such heart stone(s)?

© Shreya ♥

All your thoughts keep on playing
in my mind on loop all day long,
I shuffle them and again it starts
from you, like a favorite song.

There is no stop or pause either
donno how it keeps playin' on and on,
Oh I wish I could jump to next
but I love it like a favorite song.

Even when I set it on mute
it echoes in my head so strong,
I get completely lost in it
and sing it like a favorite song.

I know when it'll not in my mind
then also it'll b in my playlist at one,
I'll curl back to loneliness
and play it like a favorite song.

I may forget its lyrics but never its music
I'll play it when something will be wrong,
It'll magically heal me to the core
just like a favorite song.

Yeah.. like a favorite song, ♪
Hmm.. like a favorite song. ♫

© Shreya ♥

I interrogate art,
It's just my nature
And you are art,
So inhale deeply on those cigarettes that you love so much because I always quietly imagine what it must be like to be nestled so tenderly between your full lips.
Inhale my love,
because I love how calm you become when you strike a match against the Lions match box as if this is the 80's and you're
Kurt Cobain because I know his songs don't quite capture the angst that rests just below the surface of your grin.
And God when you grin it's like watching a ******* make love to a client,
It's like breaking all my own rules
I feel like I'm watching something I shouldn't but I can't walk away because I am the client and when you look at me like that it's like I'm set ablaze.
And I haven't even described your touch
and in all honesty I can't
because who would be bold enough to claim that they have wrapped their hands firmly around the wind.
How could I begin to describe the way it feels when you touch me because something about your presence alone
is intimate even if we're standing next to each other in a packed room.
Your touch is like a scalpel against treated flesh, precise, intense, purposeful but most importantly healing.
You hurt
almost with the intent of healing
because how else do I describe the fact that I am a woven tapestry and with one tug of my thread you have me unravelled.
I still haven't figured it out,
when it was that you figured out how I worked.
Perhaps it was in the moments where I was so engrossed in studying your every action you realized that you had created your own personal anthropologist but that implies that I had the upper hand
and we both know that isn't the case.

You are my muse and even your lipstain left on an empty glass of lager is enough to keep me occupied.

You are my muse and every emotional outbreak fuels my desire to document all your actions even faster, like a deranged professor I detail your actions trying to calculate when exactly it is that I became engrossed within the art work that is you.

You are my muse and every utter of your lips is like you wrapping your hand around mine and running the pen along the page.

You are my muse and I enjoy watching you smoke because I always wonder if I'll savour the taste of your lips the way you do those cigarettes. Somehow I'm sure I will.
It's an addiction really, to the way you occupy space,
like a curator in a gallery with one artwork alone -
I am completely absorbed.
I feel like an artist charged with restoration of something magnificent except I donno where the restoration is taking place, within You or I.

You are my muse and God I wonder why no one warned me that art speaks back.

Staying up, talking on my bed,
Speaking gently, patting your head,
Comfort you, it is all alright,
I'm with you now, here tonight,

Come here, come closer,
My arms enclose her,
Put your head on chest,
I've got you, you can rest,

All else block out,
Squeeze your eyes shut,
To me you can run,
Cuz' you know what,
Always we are  One

Out in the world, pulled appart,
We are bound together, at the heart,
I cannot help, my need for you,
When you leave, I donno what to do,

You are my fix, I can't go without,
A sea of question, swirling about,
But my anchor is set, In your love,
It showers down, on us from above,

All else block out,
Squeeze your eyes shut,
To me you can run,
Cuz' you know what,
Always we are  One

Darling this is the end, of our lives,
Our names were written, in loves archives,
Our times have shown, brighter than fire,
That true connections, never tire,

Ee'n through a blackened veil, in death,
I need you to see, the size of my soul,
I need you to feel, the heat of my breath,
I need you to call out, and make me whole,

All else block out,
Squeeze your eyes shut,
To me you can run,
Cuz' you know what,
Always we are  **One

10/31/2017

Why did I say that thing just now
And how do i manage to sound so proud around the people i want to impress
Im sure they can tell im just a little too loud
I talk a little too fast
Is it anxiety or mania that makes me act like that?
And why wont he respond?
Wait, which he am i on?
My hope for a lover shot down on the daily
But still i manage to feel ok when im not focused on waiting
Entertaining myself in other ways
Playing with words
Word salad, tossed in a ballad, tossed salad
Oops, did i say that?
Donno what im playing at
Dont mind me
Im finding it hard to wind down
If i run, my problems wont find me
Staring at the sun prolly wont blind me
If i pretend to be fine now
Will my demons remind me?
I just wanna share my poetry with someone that thinks like me
Whos likeminded, inspired, desires to climb higher
If knowledge is fire
Then my mind is a lighter
But my soul keeps tripping over her own shadow 
Boxing with my demons in the shallows
Maybe today I let them win
On the Eve of All Hallows, the winner is sin