"abrasively" poems
amidst the decaying, black soil, a daisy
Blooms
neither a figment of one's imagination, nor abrasively prominent,
it sits quietly
Hope
defiant amongst the encumbering pain
a lone promise unyieldingly rooted
Aug 9, 2015
Aug 9, 2015 at 3:06 PM UTC
unarmored
meat bones
loves tones
abrasively chanting
hates moan
leave him alone
heavy sleep
headache
crave
me
I
will never
hold you again.
karma is greener, much meaner.
volume displacement
losing you was the punishment
of my crime.
never again
will I love you,
never again
the things that I said.
there's nothing you could want or need from, of, or because of me:
not even the memory of our best days
our first kiss or our last kiss
there's nothing I miss,
never again,
will I love with a love so blindly.
never again,
a love built on such a crumbling foundation.
never again will I run away from pain to love,
love which stems from any other source save for love itself
is not a love for me.
love again?
I will.
Oct 24, 2013
Oct 24, 2013 at 11:58 AM UTC
"Life is all about choices."
But I don't recall choosing
The struggles I've had to fight to remain moving and breathing,
The rough path I have no choice but to keep walking,
Or the situations of which I've dealt with
Some I was born into
I don't remember ever being given the option
To choose
Coming home from school, to a household that automatically changes your mood
Forget living, let's call it existing
It's all that's being done under this roof
And it **** sure couldn't be compared to any thing resembling a choice
It's rope and a guilted conscience
That keep me bound to this place that raised me
Fighting against the knots tied abrasively around my feet
Only to be overwhelmed with remorse
At even having thought about leaving
And unknowingly, I strengthen their hold
Life, once again, making choices on its own
They never tell you it'll be easy
So caught up in dramatizing the difficulty of the journey
It's forgotten how easy it is to give up
How easy it is to judge
Constantly looked down upon for things out of my hands
But the number of misdealt cards in the past doesn't control future bets
It just strengthens the desire to win
And that, Life
Is my choice
I've never wanted to roll over and die though I admit there're been mornings I rolled over and cried at the thought of ever getting up again
But I did
Low as rock bottom on the ocean floor but refusing to be swept away with the tide
I stopped living in pointing blame on trivial irrelevant things
And slowly broke the chip off my shoulder that was a mile wide
Though sometimes I still feel it's phantom weight
Taunting me about the things I cant
change
And I never had the choice
I couldn't pick where I came from, how I was raised, who raised me, I can't control the missed opportunities my upbringing has denied me, or the battle scars my past gave me
But finally living instead of existing?
That is my choice.
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 12:50 AM UTC
Do you ever feel as though the reality in which you live is just a fragment of an imagination from another life...?
My feelings drenched in watered-down alcohol...
Burning my scars and soothing my mind simultaneously...
The muzzle kept firmly, abrasively over my entire body -
Lending my limbs just a numbness sensation,
Causing the feelings I have to be morphed into an alternate state...
The things I want to be able to say...
to do...
Are nothing more than just dreams I see...
A dream in which I guess I no longer should dream for me...
Sep 13, 2012
Sep 13, 2012 at 9:31 PM UTC
Weeds that grow, wind to and fro
We cannot let them go,
I can not let them go.
Abrasively dismayed
By the ones, with whom she played.
Winding up a glaze,
To cover eyes at which you gaze.
Melting forests, tied with old
Thoughts and feelings, poured the mold,
Upon which hardships now behold.
Carry on your storm,
For it is why the sky was born.
Oct 14, 2015
Oct 14, 2015 at 10:07 PM UTC
Thank you
for removing yourself
from my day to day Life.
I can't say I would have made that choice, but
I'm sure ******* glad I now don't have to;
I'm sure ******* glad to have my headspace back.
This isn't an attack;
it's a sigh of relief
on some levels.
This isn't surrender;
it's a work in progress
on some levels.
This isn't excommunication;
it's a period of change
on lots of levels.
I'm sure you can understand that.
It takes me Time to come to terms with the things I find within my Mind;
it doesn't help that a lot of Entropy has been introduced;
pardon me for taking my sweet-ass Time.
I know I can express myself abrasively,
but, you see,
Life is abrasive.
I find
abrasive expression itself
can be cathartic, when
existence itself
is abrasive.
This isn't an attack,
this isn't surrender,
this isn't excommunication,
this is a period of renewal and growth;
moving onward
moving forward
moving upward
moving inward
all at once.
I hope you can understand;
*I, myself, tend to forget,
believe it or not*.
Sep 14, 2013
Sep 14, 2013 at 1:20 PM UTC
Sometimes I get an overwhelming urge to go out in public,
but then I am abrasively reminded why it is
that I prefer the limited seclusion I so enjoy:
I can refine my skills, meditate, read, play games, stretch, or even just sleep.
In any event, it's still far more enriching
than dealing with some of the cesspools of Public:
(A regrettably large percentile of)
People are just ******* ********
inconsiderate, narcissistic,
superficial, vacuous
morons.
Some take it to physically sickening levels of sheer gratuitous idiocy.
As if a badge of honor;
some are quite foolish,
others are outright fools,
and not in a good way.
I'd call them Sheep,
but that is much to derogatory to the sheep.
Perhaps Swine,
but those too are to well mannered to be called 'people',
many could be said to have finer taste, as well.
Apr 11, 2013
Apr 11, 2013 at 12:00 AM UTC
I am abrasively myself forever and always
I come off as an awkward, perverted, introverted lady
I tend to overthink everything anyone ever says to me
I am heavily affected by things other people aren’t
I put deep meanings on things I shouldn’t
I believe every word of my horoscope to give myself a little hope for the day
I cling to my remaining friends with all of my strength because I am already lonely enough
I am a hopeless romantic but pretend I’m not cause I gotta keep up my reputation
I have a reputation for being hard to talk to but easy to get into
I want someone to love me so sometimes I believe if they get into me they’ll love me then
I know that is a stupid idea but I just can’t help thinking it because its called making love right
I get angry very quickly if people don’t reciprocate my friendship at the same level I give it
I tend to ride a tidal wave called depression that has its ups and downs
I plead with my head every day that I don’t go under and drown
I hate hurting someone’s feelings even if by accident I will never forgive myself
I don’t care if you hurt my feelings at all I have my walls built up so don’t worry
I have compassion flying out of my chest for even the most spoiled rotten people
I will take a bullet for a stranger if given the chance because they deserve to live
I don’t know if I deserve to live though sometimes I truly wonder
I still miss the people whose friendships I have lost even if it was years ago
I believe every human being is good despite their obliviousness and their selfishness
I do my best to help my single mother even when she doesn’t see it
I love my little sister like my own child and I take care of her like it
I have passion for everything I do from my job to just being in school
I grew up way too fast and I get angry because no one can understand how I think
I guess its because I have no father and try to take care of my mother and myself
I think I may be one of the only kids who do that
I was not born into a wealthy family my mother is a grocer and my father was a jeweler
I have more pride for my parents than kids whose parents are CEO’s and business people
I believe I have learned more about being a good person than people who are handed it all
I would rather die than do nothing with my life
I could never live with myself if I didn’t put others before me
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 8:50 PM UTC
Someone once asked me how I knew I loved him,
and it really took me back because
I knew I loved him when I stopped doubting
and questioning.
I knew I loved him when I didn't have to ask for
someone else's perspective
to compare it to mine.
Nowadays we become So Obsessed
with wondering
that we forget to let nature take its course.
We want to feel love so badly that
we ignore everything that reassures us.
I knew that I loved him when
he himself was more important
than wondering.
I knew I loved him when
he made me feel it so abrasively
and smoothly
at the same time.
Breezy
Don't get me wrong, though.
Falling in love can be
exhausting
confusing
and terrifying.
But
when you are in sense with yourself
you just
know.
Mar 27, 2017
Mar 27, 2017 at 1:47 PM UTC
My pen is always free
To find
When most sublime
My mind
Is still so bound
By rhyme
Each word and sound
Left undefined
By rhyme
I find
Abrasively
Will grind
In teeth
Distastefully
Bequeath
Each line
That chimes
Pervasively
In ears
And fears
Begrime
Invasively
My head
To dread
Implacably
This crime
Of rhyme
As if it were a wrinkle
In the fabric
Of all time
Sep 20, 2016
Sep 20, 2016 at 3:02 AM UTC
It always starts with the looking of bouquets of dying flowers in the grocery store
they're always by the entrance and they're always wrapped in cellophane
Moody lilies, doe-eyed star daffodils, ******* lace-leaves
My grandfather's name was Hyacinth
It's symbolic somewhere, somehow
My family's name is buried neck deep in floral epithets
not that you would notice or care
There's an attraction to be named after beautiful things
From the side of my shoulder I hear
count your hands, they might be missing fingers
I look abrasively counting in rotund continuity
one two three four five
one two three four five
when I look behind me the speaker blasts John Mayer and I go home feeling nauseous
manic begonias, sultry sweet-tooth hydrangeas
you pick a rose and it stabs your finger so you set it on fire and take a picture of it, you call it art and the leaves wither
when I sit at my dinner table eating salmon
I cannot stop thinking about mercury poisoning
I lick the table salt off my hands
I wait for cardiac arrest but while that happens
there is that friend of a foe, that voice tickling the back of my ear with it's summer tongue
telling me, beckoning that the tap water I'm drinking is laced with LSD by the government and that I'm going to have a bad trip that I won't be able to get out of. I'll be stuck in that endless loop like a record player that keeps getting scratched by the needle and won't play anything but static noise now.
I go to bed biting my nails until they're raw and touching skin making sure that my hands are still my own
Moonflowers bloom at night and marigolds remind me of the sun
In the morning I dream of driving out to sea in a car that doesn't belong to me and wait for the coral to overtake my brain
When I wake up I do 20 laps around my house instead
Jan 4, 2018
Jan 4, 2018 at 11:00 PM UTC
I am my own worst enemy
I could be my own best friend
but this
extrinsic obnoxious extrovert
just won't see the truth
and yet
he takes up for me
the unworthy harrier
We both think the other foolish
but I the wiser!
undying optimism
fades as reality sinks in
so I settle
for the sake of safety
in pessimism
No one sees the real me
the few who have
explained
just how abrasively
I oxidize their good humor
and so
the kid lives on
smiling
and I behind
wondering if my hidden prison
has made me...
Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 11:25 PM UTC
at least five natural phenomenon
sit within every strand of your iris.
the thrashing ocean or the
roaring skies alone aren't
enough to describe the
passion within your gaze.
the brims of absolute chaos
brush against each other abrasively,
and while the rest of the world
gapes in awe of such a rare occurrence,
you take no notice to it because
it happens every tenth of a second
within the blink of your kaleidoscope eyes.
just the simplest aspects of you
are unfathomable to me,
i could study your very existence for hours
and still be in total and complete admiration.
your exterior provides even the
least curious individual an urge for inquiry.
i may never fully decipher you,
but that's the very joy in your presence.
i never know what alcove of
your beautiful soul i'll wander into next.
n.h.
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 5:26 PM UTC
A sickness rises from my stomach
Through my chest, into my throat, making a mess of me
(i refuse to let it spill from my mouth)
Sometimes it’s all i can feel
It becomes a comfort, and one of many fears
I am distressed that i may be obvious, pesky, and ignored
But my heart fell from my sleeve long ago
And my own feet tread over it.
Silence burns in my throat and compresses my chest
Words that refuse to be said haunt my thoughts
The ringing in my ears is ever-present;
Nothing is loud enough, and silence too often deafens me
Harshness radiates from me, unwanted, but always lingering
My existence is much too clumsy.
My vanity vies for attention (and is abrasively rebuked by heart and mind)
Heart and mind are always at war, united only against me
Laughing used to help,
But it’s not that funny anymore
It hurts.
I don’t like being sick
(but i don’t try to get better).
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 2:07 AM UTC
I often blame myself
for the iniquity of others.
If they had abrasively grazed
the fragile strings which hold me together
then it is because I, and only I
have given them the thought
that wounds do heal in the end
but scars are often invisible
and I am still hurting.
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 2:36 PM UTC
Change.
The tide, turn and test of time
The twists and turns we encounter.
Sometimes change comes silently, slowly and unannounced.
As in corrosion, decay, the quiet shift from one generation to the next.
Sometimes change comes harshly, abrasively and all at once.
And we must adapt quickly or die quickly.
Whether it culminates slowly or crashes all at once.
We must never fear it, but expect it.
And accept it is apart of being alive.
Sep 27, 2022
Sep 27, 2022 at 11:47 PM UTC
I yearn to love
f l u i d l y,
yet I love so;
abrasively
Feb 20, 2013
Feb 20, 2013 at 2:14 AM UTC
I’m aching
borderline pinching with the shakes
Abrasively I’m dialing
Itchy skin fingers toy with fine dining
What do you know about blame?
And do you always think you’re definitely in love this time?
Feb 18, 2022
Feb 18, 2022 at 12:48 PM UTC
-
it was working towards me
in tiny increments with this
unusually adamant
determination
loop-scooting itself across a
hot gravel desert populated
by abrasively inert killers
scraping off bits of itself
in detail along the way
i gave it a lift—
it rolled into a tight ball,
relaxed and then died
in my hand
its last act, a lamenting as if
i had denied it some chosen
final resting place
leaving me holding
this barometer
for measuring the spaces
between those less than
lofty of goals in the better
part of my years...
s jones
2021
.
Aug 8, 2021
Aug 8, 2021 at 8:00 AM UTC