So much influence
Do I make sense?
I think not.
Even my own words don't make much sense to me.
My eyes see.
My brain analyzes, collects evidence to assure me of my existence
in this hallway,
on this grassy field,
throughout this dimension.
My steps remind me of
and my movements through the air,
thick with swarms of friendly and unfriendly,
Quickly, they attach,
they swarm—the feelers,
the projectors of reality.
I sense we move backwards through time,
too many eons to count,
too many mistakes to fix,
and too many breaths taken, unwillingly.
Conscious only to the level of awareness,
but not awake enough to really see past the fog—
I see myself cluttered with thoughts of self acceptance,
material, and form, dense and crowded.
Easy to get distracted, easier still to pretend you're just sad,
easiest to fixate because we were planted
into these animal clothes,
and we just
Dense and dumb but also beautiful with flaws,
and beautiful with limited capacity,
and so tender and sweet.
You can't fault us;
I can't fault me;
so we just exist.
Trying to do better,
eyes fluttering, navigating,
swimming through creatures,
and feeling forgotten, and lonely,
and blind to the interconnected web.
I count days
and live in boxes
and eat sweet, frozen green grapes
and days pass backwards
until I am born again.