I'm trying, I swear.
I'm stuck. Trying not to dispair.
It's bitter cold, inside this whole affair.
Frozen words, the only repair.

Help is near.
But I'm swallowed in fear.
Inside out, not one tear.
So close, yet so far, from my soughten cheer.

My instincts abandoned.
My emotions are stranded.
I'm at the precipice of where I've landed.
And nothing is ok, from where I'm standing.

I'm unfolding again.
I watch it begin.
So hold on my loves,
For the girl within, (the original sin).

I've woken up haunted by the ghosts of my own demons.
An ominous presence lurks just outside the edges of my peripheral vision.
The impending chaos hovers over my head like an untapped thunder cloud.
The fragile calm inside my head is eerily similar to an abandoned hospital.
Each room holding the possibility of a new fear,
Threatening to burst forth like a jack-in-the-box.
I know I've arrived.
There's no direction, no forks left in this road.
I must move forward.
My next step will take me right off the edge of this cliff.
I can't see the bottom, but somehow know that once I reach it, I'll survive.
The forces holding me back are the vacuum of a vortex.
******* with all their might,
pulling me back to the past.
That past.
That déjà vu.
That endless pulse of a lifeless cycle.
Just one step.
Inches!
I will myself to move,
Paralyzed in my current existence.
The nightmare is a lie,  
I am awake.
This is the lull,
This is the calm before the storm.

I fall
in love
with the way
his eyes become stars
that shine in the
dead of night
when he voices his passions.
Feeling the burn of his
soul radiate
off his skin.
Savoring his energy
like a freshly baked cookie.

I become infatuated
in the way he cannot
control his expression
when his smile consumes
his entire face, overpowering
the words exploding off
his lips.

I become engrossed
in the way he can be
unapologetically himself,
wearing imperfections like
a snug sweater
making the cold irrelevant.

I fall
in love
not with the temporary
beauty of him
but with the essence of the world  
that lives inside his shell.

Arrange my mind's galaxies and planets.

Sedate angry asteroids and burning comets.

Align for me my heart's constellations.

Clear the clouded nebulae in my intentions.

Turn the moon gently to look upon me,

So I may find the sea of tranquillity...


                              Tonight.

I'm bending at an impossible angle.
Over backwards,
to appease such erroneous behavior.

An implausible feat,
to gain a few meager feet.  

Eye contact
As our bodies touch.

Once again,
I've become the malleable traitor.
Bending over backwards,
placating your itchy trigger finger.  

That's why I'll take you back.
Oh no, that's the price I must pay.
With nothing else to give.
I'll spread my confession.

I could almost taste the anger,
lingering on my tongue.
A paper thin relationship,
ripped with a flick of the wrist.

I should leave you with nothing,
instead I'm giving you my heart on a silver plate.

Oh no, that's why I'll take you back.
Oh no, that's the price I must pay.
Oh no, it will be alright...
if I give you nothing to shake off...
I'll be alright.

Just have to remember,
your words cut like knifes.
Into my skin, carving lines.
Ownership marks.

MINE

There's several ways to thinking about.
Deriving it according to principles and theories.
Remembering there's tomorrow,
and a day after...

No matter what happens, will you take responsibility?

Oh no, that's why I'll take you back.
Oh no, that's the price I must pay.
Oh no, it will be alright...

Fading into a blue ball of anxiety...