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6.4k · Feb 2018
Unapologetic
Rochelle R Feb 2018
The anguish in this alienating aloneness is alarmingly enlightening
I am aware as the colors of my aura
fade from vibrant to mute
A spiraling sense of self grasps at false promises of hope or help
Each face that shows itself as an ally is simply mirage or ghost
Or wisps of nothingness I probably hallucinated to cope
I am an anchor in a rushing tide
Life floods by with no more than a glance over the shoulder
Some collide from behind urging me to move on, frustrated when I don’t align with their idea of time
I need to be unapologetically ‘not ok’
Imagine my electric shock when I find that’s not an option
The anguish in this alienating aloneness is alarmingly enlightening
#metoo
5.6k · Jun 2014
Be The Sheep
Rochelle R Jun 2014
Lest you find yourself amongst the bones,
Mask your face and quiet your soul.

Flock in lines of the mundane and meek,
Zip your lips, peacful keep.

This genocide of individuality is perverting our kind, incestually.
Perfect patterns, mechanically, processed, soundly.

The flawed are pushed aside,
The individuals are boxed up, shipped out, Pariahs.

So, don your masks, one and all!
Suit up, and watch your sheeple fall.
Waiting in the car. Pariah is my favorite word... Of the day.
4.1k · Jun 2014
On Honesty
Rochelle R Jun 2014
It was early on when I knew
That my Jiminy Cricket
Was larger than yours,
Larger than you.
The guilt in me
has led every choice,
Or at least shadowed every decision,
I've ever made,
with-in memory.
A villain I've become,
For telling truths
that should have never
had to be done.
Admitting has become to me
Like breaking the rules of humanity.
Am I to be the only one,
Ignoring fears,
Owning all the words
Whispered through the tunnel of ears?
If that's the way it has to be,
I'll write again,
Expelling my inner voice
In the only way I can:


It seems to be
That honesty,
At least with me,
Is a flaw.
Faulty!
It shouldn't be...
1.8k · Jun 2014
The Redacted Life
Rochelle R Jun 2014
Led by delusion in blinders,
Stilled by shackles on my hands and silenced with a *******.
This life is lived locked on the wrong side of the bullet proof glass.
Half truths are the only truth.
Every coin, every story, has only one side.
The path before, and for miles behind me, is filled with glass and burning coals.
My mind is free, but what point does it serve?
My auto biography is a lie, redacted by the masters of the universe.
This is my world.
This catatonic existence is self made.
1.8k · Jun 2014
Ghost
Rochelle R Jun 2014
Silently, "I need to tell you something."
I approach. Falter, walk away.

I need to break this bond I have with silence,
This unhealthy affair I have with solitude.

I haven't even the energy to pull the words up from my stomach.
I heave,
Retching out nothing but bile and air.

I have so many things to say,
Passing fruitlessly through the space between my ears.

Speaking of space, that seams to be where I exist.
It's either that, or this is Purgatory.

****.
Too much conscience to be clinically depressed,
Too far gone to be "normal",
Nothingness.

"This is what it feels like to be a ghost."
To no one, again.
Rochelle R Oct 2014
She is breaking.
There's a void in her tracks
and no light ahead.
The conflict between love **** and love lost
is waging it's war on her fleshy shores.
She can't seem to choose a side,
it all looks the same.
"It's a trap" she chokes.

She is freezing.
Her frigid heart is icing over
and her brain is going numb.
A vicious cycle of meandering
through brackish monotony -
looking for a map -
leads to where it all began.
Repeat.
"Nothing changes" she sighs.

She is vanishing.
Whispered honesties go unheard
amidst the cacophony of cross talk
and empty words.
Her absence goes unnoticed
as a silvery ghost of her
robotically relives her daily deeds.
"Anchored in reality" silently.

She is caving.
Breaking down like glass in a relentless tide,
Little pieces of her
are left to join the countless sand.
She's finding there's no escape
from this earthly purgatory
for the damaged and ******.
"There has to be more than this."
1.2k · May 2016
Waning Crescent
Rochelle R May 2016
Once I heard somebody say

"Many moons ago"
Referring to the past

It never made much sense to me
There was only one moon I could see

Now you're in the fading phase
Becoming one of many moons I knew
1.1k · Aug 2015
You
Rochelle R Aug 2015
You
You're the winter, that cools my endless summer.
You're the frost that chills my burning embers.
You're my best friend
My soul's mate
My lover.

You're the stillness that calms my restless soul.
You're the anchor that stops my wandering heart.
You're my best friend,
My soul's mate,
My lover.

You're the moon that lights my starless night.  
You're the space I need to fly.
You're my best friend,
My soul's mate,
My lover.

You're the cosmic wonder for whom I fell.
You're forever, and ever as well.
You're my best friend,
My soul's mate,
My lover.
Rochelle R Mar 2016
An Autobiography

I rise from another sleepless night
Rinse off yesterday's losses
Put on my shoes
And hats
And walk out someone's front door
I travel the same path everyday
I know it well
It's paved in shells


I go to my job as a performer
I juggle hats you see
I juggle one for love
One for life
One for order
One for peace
And even one for me
I drop a hat now and then
And lately
More now, than then.

And when the hours have passed by
And the stars rise in the night sky
I trudge the shelled path
Right back to the past
The moon will come and go
And

I'll rise from another sleepless night
And rinse off yesterday's losses
1.0k · Jun 2014
The Tepid Girl
Rochelle R Jun 2014
Oh, Tepid Girl!
You insipid fool,
Beware your step!
Your bank-less waters,
Brackish, deep.
Keep your head
above the break, girl!
You're gonna sink.
You're neither here
Nor there, girl!
Can't go back,
Stuck, stand still.

Oh, paint your face girl
It doesn't change,
Face the light!
You aren't beauty,
You're that grey area,
In between,
Smart but mute, girl.
Blinders on,
Hackles drawn,
You're neither hot
Nor cold, girl.
Can't hang on,
Quick, patch up.

Oh, Tepid Girl!
You insipid fool,
You burned yourself.
On Monotony,
So Robotically!
Tragically,
Girl.
1.0k · Aug 2015
The Great Distance
Rochelle R Aug 2015
There is a great distance
A vastly endless space
A divide that echoes longing
Separating me from you

And within this great distance
Awareness is born
These two entities are destined to be
Their bond infallible

Where is the great distance
Of which I was painfully aware
Now it seems obsolete
We are intangibly connected

There is no great distance
Separating me from you
These words are cerebral and devoid of the emotion they represent. Their honesty paints reality. These words are for you.
1.0k · Jan 2017
The Darkest Night
Rochelle R Jan 2017
I don't want to look up
At a starless night
Where the moon is absent
And silence deafens the sky
The wolves are mute
On this darkest night
981 · Jul 2015
Phantoms
Rochelle R Jul 2015
We collided like a train rushing in from behind,
Your memory and I.
My breath stuck in my throat, unexpectedly.
Tears stinging my eyes, staining my cheeks, involuntarily.
Has your ghost been lingering, shadowed,
Waiting to spring upon me like a serpent in the grass?
Don't tempt me with that shattered past.
I'd gladly place the shards of history's heart back into your hands.
Blatantly disregarding every reserve my mind fires,
Happily risking it all just to taste our youth.
Begone with you phantom! If that's what you are.
Stay only if your monstrosity lingers well into our future.
949 · Sep 2015
A Demon Called Ed
Rochelle R Sep 2015
A future projected
Vividly
I see you have arrived
I know you're here to take from me
Take and take
I understand why
I danced with you, demon
I asked you to play
Now this is the debt I have to pay
Obsessed
I became possessed
Sacrificed individuality
Signed in blood
My life away
Now Demon
Wrap my bones in witches hope
**** my stomach dry
Take my vision
Take my mind
Take it all, it isn't mine
Lie to me
Break promise me
Perfect for eternity
I'll drink it up
Purge my soul
Grow dimmer
Darker
With every goal
Shrinking, shriveling, fading fast
Denying logic
Believe my eye
I am a shadow
A mortal ghost
A projection of what I ought to be
There's less of me and more of you
Filling the space where hunger grew
I faulter
Linger
Hating you
Loving you
Hating to love you
Fighting you
I always lose
And if I escape
You'll ****** me
I find the thought
Strangely comforting
See
There's not much left
Perhaps just a shimmer
Of what was old me
Bone dust, and sinners ****
I am not much worth fighting for
So when the reaper greets me
(Demon! Say adieu!)
I'll gladly take his hand
And let him lead me away from you
918 · Sep 2015
Hopeless Sea
Rochelle R Sep 2015
Sinking beneath the surface
Of the brackish deep
Swallowing the waters
Of despair
Succumbing to the ocean
Of misery
Soaking up pressure
So endlessly bleak
Drinking in the infinity
Of the black disease
Closing my eyes to
Only escape
Surrendering to the
Demons of stollen light
Swimming to the bottom
Of despondency
I have died
In The Hopeless Sea
Rochelle R Jan 2015
I wish I could stop all the time around me.
But keep moving, myself.
So I could have time.
And see it all.
And get better.
And know what to do.

It's not an option.
So I have to do these things
while everyone keeps moving.
Which makes it all more complicated.
And confusing.
And hard.

Please know I hear your offers for help.
And appreciate them.
But I cannot accept.
Helping me is just not something that will actually help me.
I have to sort this,
with out anyone else.

But...
It's so loud.
And Oh!
It's too much.
The white interference.
A symphonic cacophony.
And I'm just more (and more)
lost than before.
Caught in a tide.
Frantic to hide.
Drowning.
And I want to stop.
Breathing.

Yours,

Trouble
Rochelle R Apr 2016
Poison
The First
The Serpent
The Water
The venomous black ink
Slithers endlessly
Silently
Until she reaches her prey
Power
The Second
The Demon
The Fire
The burning red ember
Watches now
Patiently
As her victim is drawn to her warmth
Sorcery
The Third
The Conjurer
The Wind
The Shadow Of The Night
Needs only
To exist
And her casualty swarms to her allure
A trifecta binds, seeking
A fourth
The man
The earth
The flesh and the bone
A host and a home
A willing sacrifice
Falling victim to her charm
Silently striding to his own demise
He succumbs completely
She devours wholly
The elements are in order
The black magic witch is born
885 · Jan 2015
Us
Rochelle R Jan 2015
Us
There is no "us" anymore.
There is only you.
I am but a ghostly soul trapped in a functioning cage.
But you!
You have so much potential to fulfill!
If you could see you, the way I do...
Oh well then, we would have to run to keep up.
Nothing would stop you.
Except "us".

That's why, loves, I must make my adieu.
I'm sparing you from me.
And that's the only gift I have worth giving.
Call it a parting-gift,
Though it's nothing at all compared to what you deserve.
I'm sorry for suffering you with "us".

Forgive me, my moons.
I wanted to be amongst your stars.
But I am just a comet,
My fate burns out much faster than yours.
And soon there won't even be a memory
Of  the "us" that was so very unjust.
884 · Aug 2015
Storm
Rochelle R Aug 2015
Storm

Clouds arrive like villains in smiles,
Their threat proudly displayed upon their menacing faces.
The winds are rolling, freshly born.
Waves get restless.
They know a violent cascade is looming.
The impending chaos is tangible.
The cosmos hold their breath.
Time stands still.
Fear,
Both inciting it
And cowering in it,
Is dominant here.
Lightning flashes a glimpse of what's to come.
Thunder speaks the words we instinctively know.
Calm resonates the precipice of disaster.
A vibration tethered for too long,
Shakes a warning to run.
Hesitation.
It's too late.
The eye is focused.
I am the storm.
I am here.
I am a flight risk.
875 · Apr 2015
I Am The Hurt
Rochelle R Apr 2015
Sometimes I wander
Up that shadowed path
That is the past
And I let my self wonder
Rather than wander
What would have happened
If I'd strayed left instead of right
At that forbidden fork
And as I gaze into the haze
That is left of best
I see you standing at the end
The sad and silvery ghost of empty promises.
But empty? No.
Just avoided and ignored
They linger in what could have been
Nipping at my heels, reminding me of what sort of person I am
I am not hurt
I am the hurt
And with that I turn from wonder
And refuse to wander
846 · Aug 2015
Ache
Rochelle R Aug 2015
The ache

There is a longing in me
For you
Resonating deeply
Untouchably
With no release
Adequately
Freeing me
From the ache
You've made
Of me.

But fear

There's a weapon
Inside me
Proceeding we
A history, a knife
And puncture wounds
Highlight
The mistakes that are
My life.
Constantly reminding me
Of how sharp I am
By the scars I've left.

So ache

That's all there's left
Of me
Without you.
this is the fortune that comes with me
Rochelle R Jan 2017
It's cold here, but it heightens her senses. The rustle of the wind in the fallen leaves and the crash of waves on a distant shore tell her she's at home. But this dream is a lie. There is a huntsman on her tail. His mark is untraceable. But to her it's undeniable. He is here. Silent, patient and resolved, her would-be captor knows her as his own reflection. She is aware of intentions, but also of his hesitation. So, in spite of being in his sights, she paces on. Steady, her gaze remains ahead. And though the ranks of cypress trees pass one by one, for what seems to be eternity, the search for her moon moves her on.
I have to believe there are several realities existing at once, on different planes. Or else, this one is cruel.
826 · Dec 2016
Fated (8w)
Rochelle R Dec 2016
Curse the stars!
For ours were not aligned.
820 · Jun 2014
Absentee
Rochelle R Jun 2014
Absent body, absent form.
Absent absolutely,
As if you were ne'er born.

Absent voice, absent deeds.
Absent frames,
Of histories ne'er seen.

Absent opinion, absent feeling.
Absent choice,
There's nothing left to be.

Absent, me.
On fathers, some fathers, but not my father.
Rochelle R Jun 2015
I exist in a space somewhere between complacency and sheer panic,
With the very tangible happiness just beyond my reach.
And as my fingers yearn, outstretched and writhing, my mind wonders why bother, let go.
The fact is:
Happiness, though it may be real, was never meant for me.
784 · Sep 2015
No More - 15w
Rochelle R Sep 2015
I wish I could just
Evaporate.
Slowly fade and fade
Until I was no more.
766 · Nov 2014
The Lull
Rochelle R Nov 2014
I've woken up haunted by the ghosts of my own demons.
An ominous presence lurks just outside the edges of my peripheral vision.
The impending chaos hovers over my head like an untapped thunder cloud.
The fragile calm inside my head is eerily similar to an abandoned hospital.
Each room holding the possibility of a new fear,
Threatening to burst forth like a jack-in-the-box.
I know I've arrived.
There's no direction, no forks left in this road.
I must move forward.
My next step will take me right off the edge of this cliff.
I can't see the bottom, but somehow know that once I reach it, I'll survive.
The forces holding me back are the vacuum of a vortex.
******* with all their might,
pulling me back to the past.
That past.
That déjà vu.
That endless pulse of a lifeless cycle.
Just one step.
Inches!
I will myself to move,
Paralyzed in my current existence.
The nightmare is a lie,  
I am awake.
This is the lull,
This is the calm before the storm.
758 · Jan 2017
A Post Box In The Sky
Rochelle R Jan 2017
I dreamt you wrote me letters with fire
And sent them to the sky
So I could reach up and pluck them out
Like stars in the night
Rochelle R Feb 2017
I wished upon a thousand stars
That they would align
And a world would be ours
But the stars are untamably wild
And I couldn't be farther from you
If I was standing on mars
712 · May 2016
Breaking Words
Rochelle R May 2016
Obviously
I read your words

Don't know what to say
Reality hurts

Won't write you back
Forbidden words

Know it *****
You're better off

You
(And I)
Have cast me out
Rochelle R Jan 2017
Down in the belly of The Angel of Defeat
You'll find war waging over only Gods know what
And she's not the one fighting for all that is good
She has shadows in her eyes and demons under her red hood
She rages her lupine armies against Paladins armed with The Light
This battle was foreshadowed before mans dawn and laid in the stones this world was built upon
There's no avoiding what the stars have aligned
And this fight won't end until there's either dark

Or light
This is a prologue to a story that sits in my mind
666 · Jan 2015
Original Sin
Rochelle R Jan 2015
I'm trying, I swear.
I'm stuck. Trying not to dispair.
It's bitter cold, inside this whole affair.
Frozen words, the only repair.

Help is near.
But I'm swallowed in fear.
Inside out, not one tear.
So close, yet so far, from my soughten cheer.

My instincts abandoned.
My emotions are stranded.
I'm at the precipice of where I've landed.
And nothing is ok, from where I'm standing.

I'm unfolding again.
I watch it begin.
So hold on my loves,
For the girl within, (the original sin).
643 · Feb 2017
LIFE
Rochelle R Feb 2017
LIFE

Is a bunch of wild guesses
Strung together with long bouts of monotony
A spiral labyrinth winding endlessly
Round and round and up and down
Dizzy and lost
Desperate for direction
Hopeful for destination
Seeking validation

All while
Living
Rochelle R Apr 2016
Silence


Digging
The search for words
Leaves me empty and blister-handed
Despair and thought swirl in a voiceless dance
Between my ears and
Any will I've had to speak
Disappears where my breath meets my lips
Guttural instinct has me know
There are things that need to be said
Words to be exchanged
Explanations waiting
Perched
Perilously on the edge
Of solving all
And no going back
And yet



Silence. And everything is dead.
620 · Apr 2016
Lunar
Rochelle R Apr 2016
So together
We are alone

And the stars freckle the night
As separate souls howl for the same light
There are many moons, but this one is mine.
620 · Apr 2016
Forget Me
Rochelle R Apr 2016
I hope you sleep
In a dreamless state
And wake to find you forgot my face.

I hope you swim
In the clearest sea
That rinses you of my memory.

I hope you bask
In the summer rays
Free from my moonstruck craze.
I hope you forget you learned my name.
613 · Apr 2016
The Captive
Rochelle R Apr 2016
When the wind clears the murky haze
That has clouded my eyes for a thousand days
Keeping me chained and confoundedly dazed
I'll emerge freed from the tortured craze
Under the most cloudless sky the sun ever raised
To see my direction lit in the rays



Let's hope this self-reflection stays
596 · Apr 2016
Wolf Light
Rochelle R Apr 2016
It isn't dust to dust
But rather dusk to dusk
As the full moon rises
And calls upon her blood ****
Her pupils grow wild and wide
As her chest grows tight
This instinct is animal
A predisposition of flight changes to fight
With hackles drawn and teeth bared
The she-wolf rises
Not a soul will be spared
I'm filled with such an unfamiliar thing. Rage.
573 · Mar 2016
Plague
Rochelle R Mar 2016
A speck
It festers

Silently
Growing

Leeching
Unnoticeably

Raspy voiced  
Less than whispered

Barely noticed
A pesky itch

Ignore
A twitch

Ignore
It won't exist

Ignore
Fade away

Please
The edge is turning grey

The plague is back
Black

And here to stay

In truth
It never really went away
570 · Jan 2015
Angels
Rochelle R Jan 2015
Angles

By The ** off their album Coexist

Light reflects from your shadow
It is more than I thought could exist
You move through the room
Like breathing was easy
If someone believed me

They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
In love, love, love

And everyday
I'm learning about you
The things that no one else sees
And the end comes too soon
Like dreaming of angels

And leaving without them
And leaving without them

Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

And with words unspoken
A silent devotion
I know you know what I mean
And the end is unknown
But I think I'm ready
As long as you're with me

Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love, love, love
This song, this song sings the poem my heart can't express.
561 · Jan 2015
In Her Wake
Rochelle R Jan 2015
She's a thousand miles from where she needs to be,
With a hundred and seven things to do.
And the only things she manages are
"Wince, breath, hold it in, and turn blue."
Exhaling,
She turns to see a path carved of her own destruction

In her wake.

Unaware of how she got here, and now:
Her heart is torn in two.
You think it's wether it's him or wether it's you.
But it's wether it's to sleep forever or stay 'til forever gives up on her.
Involuntarily,
She stumbles on the trail of bodies

In her wake.

It's months or maybe millennia later,
Time has no compassion here.
Her immortal face is as unwavering as stone.
But the scars she's counted have undoubtably grown.
Her bones hide secrets the whole world knows.
And though she'll burn from the heat of the stones they throw.
Everything is still drowning amongst waves

In her wake.

But she knows how to make time and all of everything stand still.
She can ease the world of her venomous touch.
With a single bolt of lead and palm full of small white relief,
At last,
All of us can be put out of her misery.
Only the obligatory tears will fall
When the guest books from her history spill from the celebratory halls

At  *her wake.
If only that was the end!
But this is where it all begins (again).
As her bones turn to ash and summer to autumn,
A single drop of blood ignites a light.
A new dawn has begun.
And now there is only a bare foot print molded in the mud from her ascent.
With the only premeditated thought she's ever had,
This time there will only be ghosts left

*In her wake.*
527 · Mar 2016
Perched and Weary
Rochelle R Mar 2016
I saw you
Perched and weary
Resting near my barred, abandoned soul
I felt your eyes slide into mine
Blackened and worn
Their faded dimness
Pierced through my stone grave home

And two become one
We cleanse each other's sins
In blood
spilled and collected
In our separate trails of dust
I trust the safety
I thought you sought
And felt the same
Terror struck
You waver
But it's late
And I tear through my walls
Let you refuge inside
Watch my demons show
I frighten
You run away

I watch
Perched and weary
You turn to the ghost
510 · Apr 2016
Untitled
Rochelle R Apr 2016
I hope these words have found you well
Better at least
Than when there was a dream of we
I'd hate to find
That your state is that of mine
Haunted endlessly
By an imagined existence of you and I
Rochelle R Jan 2017
It happens when I'm unsuspecting
Painful memories of the most inconsequential things
Slippery glimpses of histories left untold
My breath trips on reminders, catches its self on forbidden thoughts
I find myself stuck-still
Stopped in my track
But I'm shoved forward again by the momentum of a life that doesn't wait for dreams of days that never came
Moving on as if nothing happened
Yet
I look over my shoulder
Eyes desperately searching for that ghost
The one left behind by something
Haunting
Rochelle R Jan 2017
I look up to the moon
Smile a hello
Ask how you're doing
Just to let you know
Here we aren't together
But I never let you go
462 · Jan 2017
Untitled
Rochelle R Jan 2017
There is a wolf-moon in a starless sky
And were-claws braced to fight
456 · Apr 2016
What (7w)
412 · Apr 2016
Decisions (17w)
Rochelle R Apr 2016
She's decidedly in love with the morning moon
And she decided today would be good before noon
382 · Sep 2015
Wasteland
Rochelle R Sep 2015
I am the wasteland.
My chest,
A cavity shoveled empty,
Filled with infinite space,
Devoid of blood and bone,
Is host to cosmos and ghosts.

And where I once had heart,
Black holes,
Punched out and multiplied,
Empty and expanding,
Aching under the weight of eternity,
Riddle the cavity where my soul once lived.

And shackled to the weight of fate, I watch as:
Shovelers and boxers,
 Blind and unaware,
 Consciously choosing not to care,
 Speaking iron words of weaponry,
Turn my body into a canyon.

And as this scene is comes to a close.
My death,
Foreshadowed early on,
Also barren and filled with despair,
Beckoning and luring,
Is clearly laid out on a horizon.

And though it's true I have been hollowed out,
The void,
Absent hope,
Blank and staring over the human race,
With only wisps of thought to run my head,
*Is the comfort I've learned to be.
378 · Apr 2016
The Precipice (9w)
Rochelle R Apr 2016
Statuesque
Watching
Rage in her veins
Justified
Growing

Restless
The verge of a revolver or revolution, who knows.
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