Let's get tangled up
Between the sheets
And wrapped in sins
Irretrievably lost
Happily dying
All for you

We are all creatures of grief and despair
Some may recognize that these cracks and fractures
Are more like patterns of colors and delights
While some will look at them as shameful scars

My heart was once whole and fully intact
It has fallen and broken and shattered into small fragments
Most I managed to retrieve from the abyss of the unknown
Yet they cannot be made into the shape that it once was

The warmth of your embrace is now dead as winter
But time betrays not the believing soul
For while I mourn for the loss of a stone-cold heart
The sun will rise again, once more, and you will heal, too, someday

In the land of angels and demons
Most angels with the purest soul
Have the darkest demons
Inside their minds
Waiting for the right time
To trap you in your own head

Come away with me
I know places
Where you can be
Who you want to be
Without having to worry
About anyone knowing
Who you truly are
There is only you
For me
And there is only me
For you

Do you love me?*

Which answer would you like, the truth or the lie?

Whenever he plants a kiss on me
I find myself not knowing exactly
Whose wish is being granted at the moment

I never knew
How badly I wanted
To be seen as beautiful
By someone
Until you told me
That I am beautiful
With your embarrassed smile
And hopeful eyes

At night before we fall asleep
He tells me he is in love
Sometimes it is easy to believe it
But lately I cannot tell
If it is with me or merely a dream

I don't know why or how it came to be but at this very moment I find myself missing you.
I don't know what this means or what you mean to me. I don't even know what to say to you.
I don't know if you think of me the way I think of you, but I like the way you carry yourself around me.
I don't know if I could show you the less pretty side of me just yet, but I know at some point I will want to.
I don't know how you see me but I like to feel your eyes on me. I like how your gaze makes me feel.
I don't know if you are for real or not but I want to just enjoy any moment we may share.
I don't know why you treat me like this, why you keep to yourself, why your fingers fit between mine.
But I know that I wish I could see you again soon.

It takes a great deal of courage
To wake up every morning
And put a smile on your face
Even when the only thing
You feel like doing
Is going up to the 36th floor
And letting yourself fly

Watch me
As I spin
And turn
Your heart
Against those
Who love you
The most

I want to lay my head on your chest
As you sing to me something from your childhood
In each other's company our souls are bare
Your heart accustomed to the rhythm of mine
And your fingers messing up everything that I am
We are a dance of our own making
In sync while the world goes out of tune
Only you and me into the oblivion

There is an infinite number of reasons
To take my leave of your world
For an instance, our numbered days
The way you sip your liquor before dawn
Or the upbringing that has messed me up

With every passing day
I find new reasons to fly away
Perhaps into the arms of another
Or to a mystical land of the unknown

My time is running out, is it not?
I have been desperately delaying my own departure
In the faint hope that I may not need to go
Maybe suddenly I will be something to you

You said your goodbye to the thunderstorm
Perhaps when summer leaves
I will find my way to leave, too
One of us has to, anyway

Do not treat me like a princess
Though I enjoy the pretty things in life
And the joys that money can buy
I know that there is always a price to be paid

Do not treat me like a princess
I may read and write poetry in the morning
With Schubert playing in the background
But let me have a moment with my Scream Queens

Do not treat me like a princess
You may love me and think I am perfect
With all the grace and beauty in the world
But to love is to understand that perfection is a façade

And the truest love of all
Is when you love me
Without my perfection

Save me
From drowning
In a sea
Of the unknown

Too much joy and ecstasy
Would be the death of us
And I was too foolish
To ignore the warning signs

The worst thing is knowing that being loved by someone does not necessarily make you feel you are enough.

He loves me and yet I keep on doubting everything, believing that I will always be the one who loves more, who asks for something she barely deserves, who is not supposed to want more.

How do I make myself believe that I am, in fact, already more than enough? Only time will reveal the answer to me.

All the world's a stage
And I am your entertainment
Tell me the kind of show you want tonight
I will give you my best performance
No need to ask for encore at the end
This medley of mine will keep you alive
Nobody does it better the way I do
I will win your award
You will give me my reward
Let the curtains close
And set your wonders free

This is me hoping
That I was the reason
You silently prayed
To a God
That you never believed in

You lie on your stomach
And I sit upright on the mattress
We'd turn on the TV
You put on a movie
Something gory and violent
We'd laugh at the characters
And we'd analyze the plot
And you'd tell me a thing or two
About the corrupt bureaucracy
Or how money rolls in the court
We'd talk long after the movie is over
Perhaps I'd fall asleep first
So you hover over me
Thinking all the things
A gentleman is not supposed to
And doing all the things
A gentleman will do to his lady
Come the dawn and I'd find you
Arms around me, face of an angel
So I'd slip back into where I was
Take your scent into my lungs
Praying that this can be our forever

I'd choose you over her
Hell, I'd choose you over any other girl
You know what? I've always loved you
Somewhere within me
I know that you've never really left my mind
Perhaps that's the thing about us
We spent too long not talking to each other
But I always knew that if I could've been sure
I would've chased you down and asked
If you'd want to go out sometime
And I know we live different lives
But perhaps that's why you've always been
A great mystery to uncover
I've seen your faults and you've seen mine
Let me set things right now
Let me do what I should've done years ago
Would you like to have a quality time with me?

An apartment overlooking the city
Lazy Sundays, messed up sheets
Books here and there all over the room
Protein shakes and green tea
Your hands around my waist
My favorite T-shirt lost somewhere
Plans to have no plans for the day
Escaping whatever responsibility we have
Your hands fitting mine
What a perfect life

I would leave in the morning
And you would follow me a while later
We would keep quiet to keep it a secret
No one needs to know about you and I
And we would take the train
Going to someplace you love
On the train, our fingers found their way
Into each other amidst the crowd

Driving to the city
Under the blazing lights
We stop at a little ice cream shop
Chocolate rocks for you
Strawberry kisses for me
You tell me about your parents
Your mother's secret recipe
I tell you about my dreams of flying
Dancing on the beach
All only for the blissful summer
And all of a sudden
Dusk has fallen upon us
The night no longer so dark
When your eyes light up my fire

The day is done
And the time has come
So there we are
At my place
Just a little messed up
Your laughter fills the room
While I lazily lie
Over pillows and blankets
All of a sudden
You lean close to me
And kiss me once
We laugh at ourselves
Because we know
What kisses mean
We are past
The sweet words stage

You show me the effects of seeing the world only as a cruel, dark, unhappy place.
You show me what can happen to someone who treats others with little care
You show me how protecting your loved ones can eventually suffocate them
You show me how far insensitivity and anger can get you
You show me the importance of having a kind, gentle heart
You show me the value of being compassionate and considerate
You show me everything a person should be
By being someone whose grip is too strong to be calming
By being a cold, unhappy soul who does not want to attempt any tenderness
You were supposed to be my first love
But now I see you with a heavy heart
Yes, I love you
But that doesn't mean I do not feel anger

Far better than any fantasy
Born out of a daydream
Is one made of flesh and blood
With eyes that speak the truth

This is not a poem.

I am simply thinking of the kind of woman I am. I think of the future that I want. I think of the children I hopefully will have with my husband someday. I think of the kind of mother I want to be, the kind of mother that I could be.

I will not be a perfect mother; I will have flaws and there will be an aspect of my child's upbringing that I will not handle perfectly. That is inevitable and I have accepted it. However, I think of the values that I want my child to have in his/her life. I desperately pray that I will be able to treat my child according to their age. I do not want to treat my 20-year-old, who is supposed to have some sense of responsibility and understanding, as if he/she is a 15-year-old who still needs to be guided step-by-step.

I pray that I can force my children to not marry and have their own children before they have an understanding of their own selves. I pray that somehow, I can make my children understand the consequences of their actions and independence. I pray that my children, too, can act according to their ages.

And I pray the father of my children can complement me.

He is gone
Though he was never here
To begin with

He is gone
When I am halfway through
Our unfinished tale

He is gone
Just as I am about to turn around
And give it another shot

He is gone
But I am here
And he is there

Whatever happened
To the boy I loved?
It seems he has gone away
Only to be replaced
By the man I have come to love
As it turns out
I like the man in you
Better than I ever did the boy

I am everything you want me to be
Good girl
Good grades
Good school
Good friends

I am everything you made me into
Brokenhearted
Doubtful
Restless
Disappointed

Believe me, I am everything you wanted me to be
And everything you had not expected of me

I'd tell you every little thing I want you to do to me.
But it wouldn't be fun, no?
Let's see if you can hear it through my songs.
I bet you want to know all the ways I can sing through the weekend.
Nights, days, in bed, after coffee, everything and everywhere.

Your joys and sorrows are yours to keep for now
One day they will be half of another's heart
The way she calls for the moon will be your favorite song
A thousand words will not suffice to describe her
She holds the answers and unleashes a thousand wonders
The sun will rise when she opens her eyes
Gravity is she and your fingers will find their way
Everything that you are will be her greatest desire
Until the time comes, however, allow me to send you my kisses

It's funny how three weeks of not seeing him could change a lot of things. Three weeks of me focusing on other things, being with other people, seeking other opportunities. Three weeks of losing him to life.

I saw him, finally, after three weeks. He was truly someone I remember him to be. He had his passion and vision and charisma. He did what he loved. I had done whatever possible to be distracted.

I saw a side of him I had chosen to overlook for the past few months. One of the biggest reasons I knew I did not want to be with him, long before I even truly fell in love with the man that he is. His passion was like fire, burning through his veins and igniting the flames within me. His fire not only gives life but also burns too deep. One day the flames he put inside me will be the cause of my sorrow and resentment. Would I want that? No.

My love, you are loved and cherished, make no mistake. But just as you who decided to let go, I am now closer to letting go as well. You're about to lose me and I know that's exactly what you want and what I need.

Every once in a while
The moon finds her strength
To be reborn
Amidst the void
That the sun leaves behind
It is always a game
Of hide-and-seek between them
Never truly knowing
Who is hiding
And who is seeking

Truly, the cheering crowd
And the blinding lights
Are the best places
To hide all your secrets
For no one will hear
The screams in your head

Waste the rest of your youth with me
Let's pretend we know the ways of the world
We can forget where your money is from
And act as if we were the cool kids

Spend the rest of your life with me
Let me fall asleep with your arms around me
I will do what I can to give you serenity
And you can find your home with me

I can hear your heart's roar
And the gentle whistle of your soul
It will be our home, you said
By the river underneath the pine trees
Your dreams entangled with mine
A cup of tea on an idyllic afternoon
Messed up sheets for a typical Sunday
My head is in the clouds, I know
But for a moment, I am home with you

The way your eyes light up in wonder
Mesmerized and perplexed
Ever so slowly asking questions
Mysteries of a lifetime
Hold me with all your heart
Share the joys of your life

If I could I would give you the world
I will make it your playground
Where you can find love and kindness
If justice is served then be the first to taste it
All I want is the world for you

If ever you loved me
Then I pray to God above
That you will wake up one night
With the memory of my voice
Echoing inside your head

If ever you loved me
Then I pray to God above
That the next time you see
A turquoise rose on display
You would remember my lips

If ever you loved me
Then I pray to God above
That the next girl you fall in love with
Can never kiss you or love you
The way I did with my soul

If ever you loved me
Then you will know
That you lost me

Since 2016 is about to end, I would like to say some things that otherwise I would never have said in real life to you. After all, we are two people who know each other but would never be in each other's world.

I am grateful and thankful. I loved you, genuinely. It wasn't the best of times in my life but I am glad I loved you, even with all the unexpected twists and turns. I am thankful because now I know I could love someone just as he is. With or without all the floss and glitter, I had loved you, the boy in the blue shirt, the man in the worn-out T-shirt.

And now, I do not.

All the world's a stage
And tonight is your big night
So make me a part of your show
I will give you my best performance
Oh, darling, how you will be proud of me
Your little harlot-minded ingénue

To trace the lines of your smile
And feel your skin against mine
It may have only been a while
But everything about you feels right

Perhaps I had seen you somewhere
And The Universe has a plan
Of uniting us at the intersection
Between what is past and what is to come

So let me fall into your embrace
I will admit that this terrifies me
But gently hold me close, my love
And I promise I will never let go

I still see faces like his wherever I go. It does not mean I still love him or constantly think about him, though. It means all the things I had thought was special in him could be found in anyone else; he is nowhere near irreplaceable.

The feeling that I have been longing to feel
The longing that I have been feeling all this time
The arms that were meant to hold me close
The face that I have been looking for in the crowded room

It has always been you
Now I can put a name
To the dream that you were
And what you turn out to be

I will say your name
Before I slip into the oblivion
I will say your name
Before I fall into the deep waters
I will say your name
Before I say my morning prayer
I will say your name
In every breath that I take
Until I become nothing

The cleverest game in life
Is where you know not
Who the winner is
Nor who lost everything

Hand in hand into the sunrise
In laughter we make our way
Into your atmosphere and my air
We are bound by each other's presence
Your voice echoing inside my head
My songs playing in your ears
When the sun goes down
We fly back to our nests
Soundly asleep and only half awake
We are one, and yet we are all alone
For it is another's name we whisper into the night

I will ask for nothing in return
Once you put your lips on mine
Your coal black heart on fire
With eyes made of winter storms
All I want is your hand in mine
And your poison against my skin

I don't want you to fix me
And I don't need you to tell me I'm worthy
I know that some things aren't meant to be
I'll have my own drink when I'm thirsty

You don't need to say you're sorry
When we know the fault is mine
You could ask me for a helping hand
I don't mind to give an effort to it

If you think I'm all about that glam and glitter
I think you're mistaking me for someone else
It's fun and mesmerizing but it's not everything
You know I just want you to love me enough

I don't want you to love me more than yourself
'Cause you know love's about loving you too
I don't need to be in control all the time
So long as I know you love me and it's enough

Hold me when I'm breaking but that is all
Stay when I'm feeling low but let me rise again
I don't want you to fix me like I'm broken
'Cause I'm whole enough for myself

So let me be who I need to be
I'll fix myself with you by my side
I don't ask you for anything else
I just need you to love me enough