I have long since come to accept that you chose a different way.
I can even say it out loud to myself and my tears will stay away.

Sometimes I am convinced that I am well and everything is fine.
Yet still come days of soft shadow, remembering how you were mine.

From the moment I was born and society taught me how to live.
Expectation was given it's priority and there my energies I did give.

Through culture and my peers I was taught all right from wrong.
And without question or any form of doubt I went right along.

I learnt what I was meant to as society did dictate for me to do.
Becoming fluent and accepted because I shared their social view.

I managed all the toil and trials that was expected of my role.
I gave my every effort to what society said was my goal.

For sure I was born lucky and graced by dint of birth.
Secure, safe and protected from the terrors of this Earth.

I even watched the news each night to have a worldly view.
Despite all I saw, on the morrow, I did as I had been taught to do.

So far from my daily life and not part of my despair.
I got about my life's business and continued on without a care.

I don't know what caused a change, in how I view what life brings.
It seems that luck and randomness determine all varied things.

Through all of this I have come to doubt the culture of my youth.
I see the lives of the majority and doubt my world's so called truth.

I now see the selfish shape of the life that we are taught.
Where looking out for number one is the underlying thought.

My society favours wealth and it has an ingrained need.
To close it's eyes to despair in any form and to service only greed.

My eyes only ever were opened in a very temporary blink.
I feel the guilt and know the shame of how I was shaped to think.

Now without that social purpose that anchored my very sanity.
I feel despair at a world eyes closed, to the value of true humanity.

Why does time push us ever forward when we are the sum of all our yesterdays? Every tomorrow that once was and will be is destined to become yesterday? And what of yesterday when tomorrows are no more?

If it be that all the world is a stage and we are but players?
If its okay with the producer and director... can I just help paint the set!?
Someone else can have my role in the show.

Oft have I paused to think upon faith and what makes it strong.
The faith to be wise and to know right from wrong.
No not the faith that gives rise for Gods to be born.
But the strength and belief to fight when I am most torn.
I speak of the faith to believe of who I might be.
The faith to know with conviction its enough to be me.
A faith to be sure and a faith with no doubt.
No mumbles in meekness but a voice raised in shout.
So long since my faith was so raised up on high.
So little belief now that there is nought else but to cry.
What can be done to restore faith that is now lost.
With each thought and contemplation at additional cost.
So low now on faith... did I ever really believe?
Perhaps all along... not faith... but only... self deceive?
How can I live a life where all belief of self has faded away.
To what point, without my own faith, to greet the next day.

Of darkest obsidian like sharp shards the guilts upon my soul.
Deeply cut the wounds I carry that now make me less than whole.
By choice and deed I know who it is that I have hurt and wronged.
Through consequence of choice I made, my torture has belonged.
A price I paid and yet payment can never recompense.
As soul is tattered in self loathing and I am bereft of all defence.
There is no way to make amends or make a penance for my deeds.
My life has no more meaning and my soul eternally yet bleeds.
I cannot ask forgiveness and of salvation there is none.
For all the things I chose in selfishness, will never be undone.
Maybe priest or God will absolve me by the offering of some chant.
But despise my heart and soul, to forgive myself I cant.

I wake up to clear blue skies and the brightest sunny day
But despite it all my mood is tainted by the deepest sense of grey.

My eyes give rise to tears that are flowing from my inner core
Yet I have no clear reason of why my tears have need to pour.

Tears and darkest greyness at the beginning of my day
No reason see I for them but still the mood must have it's say.

Deep waves of souls dark despair as I wipe my tears away
I prepare my public face, to hide my heart, as I go out into the day.