Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Tony Tweedy May 2019
I tried to be what I am meant to be.
The shape the world tells me by shout.
And no matter how I fight at getting in.
My thoughts are turned back to getting out.

Did you see me fighting demons?
Did you note I'd left your space?
Do you know the wounds I took?
Or had I left you with no sign or trace?

Do you know the demon "black dog"?
Does it wait outside your gate?
Do you have strategies to fight back?
Or do you let the "black dog" decide your fate?

For now I keep the dog at bay
In early days it visited so much more
And though I am still winning right now
The dog seems so much stronger than before.

I don't think that deadly "black dog",
will ever allow me to get back in.
But each day I have the courage to chase it off,
I need to believe there is some reason for me to win.

It knows my thoughts and uses them against me.
And I know I will need to fight on so many days ahead.
I cant see a time when the dog will call on me no more.
But if I stop the fight ... the "black dog" will make me dead.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
Isn't it odd.... the scars in my heart have the same names as those who made my fondest memories.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
When someone tells you that you have wounded their soul you can't mend the wounds by denying or arguing you didn't.
Their soul, their wound... your conscience.
Its a personal thing... not your decision.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
Long and arduous had been the climb.
Fifty years or so in the making.
A pinnacle claimed but unseen for what it was.
Was it folly or push that became my past, present and future.

Falling was but a blink in the making.
No anchor to hold me and foundations removed, abandoned, lost.
Successions of ricochets from jagged rock to jagged rock.
Carved to the core by granite hard betrayal and failures.

By chance did my fingers gain purchase to slow the fall.
More of a roll downhill than the plummet that near killed me.
But still trending down into the chasm of who I have become.
The place I am, the present, the bloodied remnant of who I was.

Limbs askew and misshapen-ed, bones shattered and core exposed.
Total vulnerability to even the meekest of creatures with ill intent.
Cowered, afraid and alone in and darkness still falling.
Momentary reprieve as fingers strike stone but too torn to grasp.

Mind operating in fragmented, distorted jigsaws of thought.
No box top picture remaining to focus the picture I am meant to be.
Too many pieces in different shapes to be who I once was.
Uncertain of enough pieces to make myself a semblance of whole.

Still endless the fall and the darkness.
Creature or granite strike constantly feared.
Cowered, alone, afraid and defeated.
The darkness and fall are who I have been made.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually a sense of worth, of value, of relevance... a sense of purpose and place.
The loss of these took me here.
It is not a light that those in the tunnel control... seemingly forever beyond my reach and unable to believe in value, place or worth.
It was never the aim to switch the light off. It was the hand and judgement of others that threw the switch to off. It is why the light and the switch are on the outside of the tunnel and not in the darkness where I am.
If you give no worth...
If you give no value...
If you give no relevance...
If you give no purpose...
Then there can be no place where the light can shine.
Purpose and relevance feed worth and value... in turn self esteem gets fed. It is false that you must love yourself first. Very definitely it is the other way around.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
I walked this beach a thousand times and never was it as beautiful as when I walked it with you beside me.
I walk it on my own once more and its beauty is but the memory of when you were in my arms.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
Often when I thought myself wrong it was then that I was.
Admitting you are wrong gets you onto the path of being right again so much sooner than fighting against the notion.
Next page