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Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
Long and arduous had been the climb.
Fifty years or so in the making.
A pinnacle claimed but unseen for what it was.
Was it folly or push that became my past, present and future.

Falling was but a blink in the making.
No anchor to hold me and foundations removed, abandoned, lost.
Successions of ricochets from jagged rock to jagged rock.
Carved to the core by granite hard betrayal and failures.

By chance did my fingers gain purchase to slow the fall.
More of a roll downhill than the plummet that near killed me.
But still trending down into the chasm of who I have become.
The place I am, the present, the bloodied remnant of who I was.

Limbs askew and misshapen-ed, bones shattered and core exposed.
Total vulnerability to even the meekest of creatures with ill intent.
Cowered, afraid and alone in and darkness still falling.
Momentary reprieve as fingers strike stone but too torn to grasp.

Mind operating in fragmented, distorted jigsaws of thought.
No box top picture remaining to focus the picture I am meant to be.
Too many pieces in different shapes to be who I once was.
Uncertain of enough pieces to make myself a semblance of whole.

Still endless the fall and the darkness.
Creature or granite strike constantly feared.
Cowered, alone, afraid and defeated.
The darkness and fall are who I have been made.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually a sense of worth, of value, of relevance... a sense of purpose and place.
The loss of these took me here.
It is not a light that those in the tunnel control... seemingly forever beyond my reach and unable to believe in value, place or worth.
It was never the aim to switch the light off. It was the hand and judgement of others that threw the switch to off. It is why the light and the switch are on the outside of the tunnel and not in the darkness where I am.
If you give no worth...
If you give no value...
If you give no relevance...
If you give no purpose...
Then there can be no place where the light can shine.
Purpose and relevance feed worth and value... in turn self esteem gets fed. It is false that you must love yourself first. Very definitely it is the other way around.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
I walked this beach a thousand times and never was it as beautiful as when I walked it with you beside me.
I walk it on my own once more and its beauty is but the memory of when you were in my arms.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
Often when I thought myself wrong it was then that I was.
Admitting you are wrong gets you onto the path of being right again so much sooner than fighting against the notion.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
I think it truer that there is more than one light in the tunnel.
There are many exit signs... many corridors.
But... only one to which my key fits that leads to the light my eyes can focus in.
A tunnel can lead to many places... better the tunnel than a place you don't want to be, no matter how bright the lights may seem to others.
If such weren't so there would be no tunnel and my eyes would never have lost their focus.
If it holds no value you have taken a side corridor. Others can hold expectations that compel us to go through the motions.... all the while the tunnel is there. An unhappy and unrewarding life.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
Do you know that place where fears are put away?
Do you know that place where pain holds no power?
Do you know that place where clarity abounds?
I have seen there, been there... at its edge.
I have stepped across its border.
By fates hand was I drawn back.
Where fear holds sway, pain endures and confusion is all.
The door forever ajar... fate can not win every time.
There is a freedom in this that many will never accept.
But knowing and accepting it gives me the strength to fight.
I don't know how many if any can relate to this. I assure you I am rational and quite sane... well, as anyone is these days. How strong could YOU be if death held no fear?
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
I remember being son.
I remember being brother.
I remember being boyfriend.
I remember being husband.
I remember being father.
I remember being employee.
If you have had your fill can I make a memory of being me?
Have you asked yourself...."is this all there is"? I suspect we all get there at some point.
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