Rain water soaks us
Runny mascara, but you still think I'm beautiful
Lips so soft
Lips so sweet
We're pressed up against each other
Bare chest to bare chest
You on top
Me on bottom
Hips locked in place with the other
Warm soft sweet lips slowly caressing my body, my lips and my neck you **** on
Soft gentle hands caress my ******* thoughtfully
Finally, her lips reach my thighs, I, trembling with lust and fear
I was scared and she knew it
Her hands and lips touched me
*So softly, so gently

They were children tasting sugar
For the first time
Without all the artificial layers
The raw sweetness
Making them gasp and shiver
Anticipating for more
Turning them into wild animals
Ravaging its meal
Showing their true identities
Buried in these colors

Somewhere near the tree
a decadence of mangled limbs
Watching as the roots undo
Into skeletal remains of growth
Exhaling all that air
Just to crash and burn
A poignant point to state
As this graveyard planet resumes

Waste away all the days
On this rock up in the sky
No resistance can be met
When you're merely here to die
What we call our problems-
Are just self centered complaints
Excuses to find meaning
In this worthless empty place

Deep inside the walls are breaking and she is screaming for help.

They say life is all about balance. How she is going to find it if she doesn't know where to find. 
Each day she is losing hope. 

Depression took most of her life and turn it upside down. She was sinking and not even trying to swim, all was dark and she was trap inside. 

To depressed to continue so she gave up.  Sometimes she can laugh all day  play around but at night alone she feels lost inside. 

So God ask her to go on ride just to show her that depression is like the sun, there will be times were is too hot that burns your thoughts, others the clouds hide the sun from shine and warm up your life but even when many things happen the sunset is the proof that every day can end beautifully.


Now she has appreciate small moments of happiness and she knows that every sunset it's opportunity to have a new beginning and a new story.

I can't think of you.

******* it. I'm doing it again.

Hair tinted gold when the sun would shine just right.

I see your face when Valerie plays over dull speakers in my Mother's old Toyota.

Eyes rimmed black.

Hazel and warm like pumpkin spice.

Body spray and French manicures.

Walking through rough alleyways in the dark. Back to college, back on campus. I'll never forget that night.

You've forgotten that night. It wasn't special for you.

Half a decade ago.

Unrequited girl crush.

I know, I know we were friends.

For one semester. Six months.

You were my first, Valerie.

The first person to make me question.

To make me wonder.

To make me fear.

To make me choke.

It's going to take a miracle for me to feel again.

I don't get these people. These funny, funny beings.

Oh, I'm seeing things again.

Psychosis. Crazy. Eyes staring down from treetops.

Alien hands reaching out for you, for me, through the stark darkness of my childhood room.

Lights blind me: florescent and scorching hot-white.

He's always in my dreams. Watching me, somewhere. I search for him but he doesn't exist.

I know that.

I know that the trees don't have eyes and nothing wants to touch me.

Nobody ever wants to touch me.

Maybe it's better this way.

It's better to not be touched, or looked at.

Only imagined glances, passes, fancies.

He's right there, in my dreams again. I'm searching for him again. Imaginary love is as good as it gets.

It'll take a miracle for me to get used to the fact that I'm here to work, eat, sleep and die. Sacrifice.

At 25 I've grown old and fixed on an idea of perfection.

A perception that I can't feel breathing beneath my fingertips.

He isn't real.

This world is real.

I sure as hell wish I wasn't real, too.