He's found himself in the closet
After he lost to himself in a game of tic-tac-toe
And tied his lobster bib tightly
Then hid his cheat sheet, for the pop quiz he knew was soon to come

It's curtains for her
She let the cat out of the bag
And now she's up **** creek with ****** for paddles to go **** herself with
Right in the birth canal

Then we'll auction off the ******
We'll pass them off as European defibrillators
Maybe some extremist will want them
If we spew out enough mindless dribble

The All Time ****-Show is about to begin
We have
The Chronic Masturbater
The Hypochondriac
And The Pathological Liar

It was either sometime yesterday
Or sometime tomorrow
Or was it sometime today?
That you were all going to make fun of the boy with the cleft lip down at the laundromat?

Out of the three of you The Pathological Lair sticks out like a sore thumb
I can tell he was the runt of the litter
Who always bites off more than he can chew

I see the Hypochondriac has convinced himself he has eczema  
He rattles off all his symptoms
Inordinate filibustering  

Now there's the Chronic Masturbater
He looks like he's over the hill
He's only twenty one
But the blue circles under his eyes and the deep defined lines on his forehead denote his inelegant aging

I sign all your lives away in my horrible cursive
And now you belong to the ragtag trigger-happy posse of gun-jumpers
My billfold his happily filled
So I must go do some reconnaissance
Spy on those who have quit their day jobs
The fish out of water

You must find that thing that really rolls off the tongue with a nice ring to it
******!
*******!
*******?!
....*******?

No...
Go hang youself with dental flossed you home-schooled fool

Indentured servants we're just an after thought

A line has been drawn
And you have nothing to say about the height chart in the door frame
***** smocks
The ebbing and flowing of passengers in the middle seat
Who do nothing but leave coffee rings everywhere they've been
And say, "my left shoes has a sturdier soul than I do!"
Then forget to close the toaster oven
Rusted lamp posts and artificial flavoring
The Kettle telling The ***, "don't do me no favors"
I see clear coasts and those who've missed their boats
They should have taken their piece of cake
Now, this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you
Getting back to business and usual
Better make that eyelash wish count
It's a free for all
It's sibling rivalry
For all the brown-nosers
Who live up to their reputations of raised leg urination
Give me a pull start
And then demote me to cabin boy
       -Tommy Johnson

I nominate the *** that's been brought to a boil
Our plans fell through
And we're about to go under the knife

Rise and shine
Like peas and carrots
Like loaded dice and the counting of cards

Aw, you beat me to the punch
You are not some run of the mill curator
With a reduction in pay, you know your stuff

I blame my dichotomous thinking

Well, Skanky Kelly V.
How could this even be?
You're bleeding down Washington Ave yet again
That new man of your's, he beats you
He cheats, talks down and mistreats you
Because he knows what you are Kelly V.

Me, I'm not too sure what I want
I *** around the town of Dumont
I live a life of echoed apathy
With not much on my mind
I looked for a good time
And you offered Skanky Kelly V.

If you ever met Kelly
Your jaw would hit the floor
She looks like a model from a magazine
Curves in the right places
One in a million faces
Everywhere she went she caused a scene

That night I fell asleep
She left and hit the street
To get off by any means
She found a willing man
And the cycle starts again
For that Skanky Kelly V.

Here's to absent friends
Who have to had the wool pulled over their eyes
Causing them to take unneeded detours
That delay them to their appointment at the mortician's

As their conversation went something like this...

"Who took the cookies from the cookie jar?
Was it you?"
"Yeah! And I'd do it again too!
I just want to watch the world crumble"

"Hurry, get this on tape!
We're gonna be famous!
This can't wait
The not so innocent will remain nameless"

"One lump or two?"
"Seven"

"There's no place like home"

"Unbeknownst to me, my rose has been thrown for me"

"I don't know you, but that's where you are"

"Bad form"
"Poor character"
"Unsportsmanlike conduct
Yellow card, take five in the box"

"I've spared Jacopo  
He will be my right hand man
Let's hop in the hot air balloon
And get my revenge"

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity times eight

Operating on sleep mode
Missing out on everything
Tiring being yourself
But it isn't that big of a deal

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity time eight

They won't get it
I'm not so sure if
Then again
We all have our up's and down's
I mean
If you want
You can
If not
It's okay

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity time eight

Never, once
Occasionally
I'll blame myself
Then I see
That you see
Idiosyncratic neuroses
I feel, I hear
Once in a blue moon
And accept
The faults
And different points of view

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity times eight

I turn on the TV and see
Riots, looting and destruction
I was confused at what I saw
Tear gas and the national guard
Rubber bullets, for what?
An unarmed man was shot and killed
At the wrong place at the wrong time
They had a candle light vigil
Just a day before
They began to act out in hate

This documentary on Netflix
Shows life and lives around the world
Mundane to miraculous
The opportunity and essence
Unspoken
It gives me hope

Wakened by a nightmare once more
I have my morning dosage of nicotine and caffeine
Hop the turnstile
Forgot my wallet and my keys
At least I'm right on schedule
Running up to the office
Lying down on the couch
And unfurling my troubles

Now, I see the linked headlines
Almost 2,000 dead in Africa
A horrible outbreak
Some think it's a hoax so they protest and attack
Casualties and quarantines
International epidemic disease
And I'm sick just hearing about it all
I'm so sorry