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2.2k · Aug 2015
Timeless
Yan Aug 2015
And till we've seen the last of forever,
Till we've reached the ends of far
My love for you will cease never
Even there will be no shining star
And if my life here is over
I'll grasp all hopes and chances
To be reborn and relive our life together
To resound this love so *timeless
facebook.com/theyangutierrezpoems
1.1k · Aug 2015
Foreverly Yours
Yan Aug 2015
Dear my love, we've come a long way with our lives together
We've shared almost everything, rainy days and summer
Can't compare to anything all the moments that we have
And it's worth treasuring all the memories with you my love

I started to look over the year we are together
How we made it and making it last till forever
How we were to each other and what we are now
How we change for the better as we make eternal a vow

A song will never be enough to sing how happy and greatful I am
A line from a movie will never give life to days that we shared
And I just can't get a love quotes from someone and dedicate it to thee
For the words will never verbalize the exact feelings you've given me

You will always be the reason of my smile in everyday
Of how I keep on going and striving for better in every way
Of what I decided and what I chose it's always because of you
I won't do any way of hurting the heart of my unending truth

I am sorry for I haven't given you the best
Sed tu iure optimo dare spondes
As long there is tomorrow I'll wake up knowing how I love you
You are intrinsic to me, and my heart always beats for you

Always remember that I have found love in you, and I'll always will
Even if the sun refuse to shine for tomorrow, I'll be loving you still
Like a rainbow in Niagara it has no ending
May we filled our lives with colors of faithful feelings

I may not be the best boyfriend, may not be the best in this world
But I will do anything to make 'forever' not just a word
I promise you again that I won't let go and always hold your hand
May we always find and fall in love to each other, foreverly yours, **Gian
For the 17th
1.1k · Jun 2015
Heart of a Pessimist
Yan Jun 2015
Sitting in silence, in a gloomy new year’s eve
Keeping all his burden and everything he conceive
Tears flow through his eyes and he wept there inside
With all the sadness that he’s trying to hide

How can he feel love, when he feels so alone
Wishing there could be someone who’ll love him so
How can he be strong, when his strength is gone
When the last hope he’s holding disappear in his hand

He’s trying to be happy, he’s trying to be nice
He’s trying to be friendly, and trying to be wise
But still he’s weak and can’t manage to be strong
When he knows he can make it, that’s when he’s strength can’t took long

He love his friends, he really love them so much
With all that love, he can’t win that back
He doesn’t know what’s happening, all he know he is fair
But why do the world, for him, is so unfair

In the mirror, his reflection looks forward to him
He face the emptiness they bring out to him
He tried to be numb with all of the pain
But nothing change, they are all the same

Please my Lord, please do love him
Please do have sympathy, oh please guide him
Make him remember that he’s worthy to live
He is worthy to this life and to all the blessings You will give

Make him realize that he is Your son
Please help him go on, he’s just a human
Please oh God don’t let him down
Please raise him up and keep him calm

I know deep inside – in the heart of a pessimist
Someday he’ll be strong, he can stand on his feet
Someday he’ll be true about his entirety
He will fly away to save his sanity

Don’t look at him like he’s the one to blame
He’s just so unsure, don’t think he doesn’t care
Don’t talk against him as if you know him enough
He is your friend when the times get rough

Inside, his soul is slowly languishing
His mind is fading, his body’s vanishing
But in time I know he will save his self
And in his eyes I see nobody but my self.
Yan Jun 2015
It’s been a long time since we lived together
Seems like everything is ours, seems like it’ll be forever
It’s been happy days when I am with you
The laughters we’ve shared, everything we’ve been through

Can’t compare to anything your being and yourself
Can’t compare the days we actually spent
Can’t live a day without trying to think of you
Still I can’t say the word ‘love’ without having the word ‘you’

Every time you smile, I smiled inside I am
Every time you frown, I want to feel your pain
I want to share everything, every joy with you
I want you to be my inspiration, it’s true

And now, it’s been days since you’ve been gone
I can’t feel your touch, can’t feel your warmth
And now I can’t see the way you look into my eyes
I just don’t feel the same, I don’t feel alright

For I love you, I loved you, I’ve been loving you so much
For I care, I cared and I still care about you a lot
Still dreaming the dream, I dreamt about you last night
It was all a perfect scene but in a sudden there’s no light

I am loving you... still you haven't known
Someone is loving you, someone with broken soul
He's looking through your eyes trying to tell you his inside
How he hated your eyes, how he hated your smile

But I am missing you now, I missed you a lot
Still I am hoping that we’ll going to be alright
‘Cause still I want to smile the way I smiled with you
Still I want to breathe the words ‘I love you’

It’s been a long time since we’ve known each other
Seems like everything is ending, seems like it isn’t for ever
It’s been lonely days since you move yourself away
The laughters we’ve shared, they all started to wane.
756 · Jun 2015
White Love Story
Yan Jun 2015
I never got the chance to write something for you
Never had the way of showing that you are my truth
Never in my dreams that we will be in this way
Time has separated us, and we can’t bring it back today

Sorry for I let this world took my life that fast
Sorry for I let my soul die, sorry I can’t go back
I just let this love slid away from my hands
I just let my everything be nothing now in my mind

I am sorry for I never had the intentions to save my life for you
I am sorry for I loved you and trusting all my love to you
I’m sorry for I made you be my world without asking your permission
Blame should be to me for I loved you without inhibitions

I am unconditionally in love, and now maybe I was
I am perfectly engaged, but the thread has just loosen its tight
I am kind of disoriented, and the fragments are all over again
Don’t worry I saved something for myself, but death is just one breath away

Pain is rushing down in me, tears are flowing out my eyes
Trying to be in my best content, trying to stand with a guise of smile
But I just let go of forever, cause forever is now just a word
It isn’t now an adjective of us, it is where we must have been belong

I just can’t let you to come back, for you chose to go away
I can’t keep fighting for this love for you just let it out our way
But I am saving all your memories ‘cause I’ve already made our future
I just have to erase it now ‘cause we had just lost each other

As I lay myself to rest, where I know I will be at peace
I will be somewhere in your past, I will be at ease
I will be looking down to you, I will be always at your side
Please remember me, whenever you can’t feel your heart

I hope that someone new will be good to you
I hope you will also feel the love I used to offer you
I hope you’ll never feel any resentment like what I feel for myself right now
I can’t hate you, I’m just sad for the world is unfair again somehow

And now there is no you and me, but please don’t forget
Somehow I know we were real, we gave all our best
We laughed most of the time, but the time just don’t permit us for long
You took your love away, and I just have to let my love go on

I never had the chance to write something beautiful for you
Never had the way of showing that you are my endless truth
Never could imagine that I am alone again in love
Hope someday I can love again unconditionally, I hope I can go back.
749 · Aug 2015
If I Could Just Sing
Yan Aug 2015
If I could just sing, maybe I am someone a lot way better
If I could just sing, maybe I could feel I am halfway further
If I could just sing, maybe You can hear me and heed my cry
If I could just sing, maybe there is no reason to let my dreams die

If I could just sing, my life would be something a place like home
If I could just sing, I can believe that in anything I am capable
If I could just sing, maybe there is a great chance of becoming whole
If I could just sing, maybe I can be prouder and I can do more

If I could just sing, maybe I can have a lot of friends
If I could just sing, maybe they can remember me and no one will forget
If I could just sing, maybe they will be giving me a chance to try
If I could just sing, maybe I don't have to hide and to tell a lie

If I could just sing, maybe everyone will be grateful that they have me
If I could just sing, maybe I can be someone who I wanted to be
If I could just sing, maybe I can touch one’s simple life
If I could just sing, maybe I can feel I am important, I can feel that I'm alive

Maybe there’ll be no reason for me to cover
Maybe there'll be no reason for me to feel under
Maybe I can feel that I do certainly belong
Maybe I can make myself firm and make myself strong

If I could , I will wish this what God has given me
I will trade all my poems for the chance that this could be part of me
I won't hesitate to lose all my words and I won't save any of it
'Cause words will always be useless unless you put a music in it

I tried my best to memorize every tone in every note
I tried everything just to sound good but I can't in every song
And I realized sometimes you have to stop to save yourself from bleeding
For you to live now in reality and to stop yourself from pretending

I envy those who can sing and those voices that truly fly
I envy those who can flawlessly hit that high
Sorry but I'm giving up now and letting now this live into dream
Maybe I can be one of them, if I could just sing.
This is my old poem that I just rewrite. I just need to update every lines.
Yan Jun 2015
We have been together for such a long time 
Same feelings for each other, forever you are mine 
We've talked so much of our tomorrows, and we just don't care 
But all those dreams must be in secret, all mustn't be shared 
 
We've gone now so far, and been to many places 
We're making more memories, painting smiles on our faces 
We're now happily living, not thinking what may be after 
But we're too young to worry, so we just turned it into laughters
 
But how come we can be both serious and still we dwell inside 
I'm loving you, you're loving me, and still we must have it to hide 
How long will it going to be? Will be making it last?  
Will our future be our eternity? Or everything will become our past?  
 
I never felt wrong, in every seconds that I'm with you 
You always make me feel safe, every moment I'm close to you 
I never felt so empty, never felt any less 
Every time I look into your eyes I always feel blessed 
 
I know this ain't bad, the feelings that we have 
But we have to keep it in silent, and it made me feel so sad 
We have to hold it on ourselves, we can't let anyone see 
But don't forget how we love each other, how much I'm missing thee  
 
But how come we can be both so sincere and still we dwell inside 
You're loving me, I'm loving you, and still we must have it to hide 
Why we have to do this? Why do we have to be in this way? 
I hope that we could still be in forever and nothing will ever going to wane 
 
I know this is worth having, it's just we who can understand 
We don't have to explain anything, about us and who we are 
And soon maybe we can have it like what it has been before 
Living for our reality, and there's no reason for us to dream at all 
 
That there will be a day that I can be more proud, about me and you 
Though it may not be tomorrow, be assured I'll still love you.
For the one I love.
687 · Sep 2015
Havenly
Yan Sep 2015
Knowing someone is loving you everyday
Knowing that you are loved in your every single way
I just can't think of any reason I wouldn't give all I have
If everyday means forever and in forever I'll stay in love.
626 · Jun 2015
Half-Hearted
Yan Jun 2015
I'm living again the memory, living again in a lie
Seems I've been reminiscing it for century, I'm living again to die
Your face came to cross my mind and I'm hurting again inside
Still I can't be off of what you've given me, I can't go on with my life

You looked at me, I looked at you, in you I let my heart to fall
I looked at you, you looked away, you never tried to hear my call
You looked at me, I looked at you, I see your eyes captured my soul
I looked at you and now you're gone, I think I'm starting to lose my all

I close my eyes and lay in here to feel again your warmth
I close my eyes and feel the moment I actually held your hand
I remember the moments, that so many moments, we looked at each other's eyes
I've been wanting and struggling to tell you I love you but that was only on my mind

I'm trying my best to forget you and never to speak your name
I'm trying each way to undo the feeling but it's too strong to be gone in my way
I'm hating your self just to erase you but suddenly I remember your smile
I'm hating my self 'cause of still holding you and I'm starting again to cry

Though you're far away from me, though you're not here to stay
Your memory still remain in me, I'm always here to care
Though you're not feeling me and you never tried to look back
I'll be always here waiting for you, you'll always be a part of my life

I still have the pain in me, they say I shouldn't live like that
I've been struggling to **** the emotion, believing this ain't they called 'love'
Each day instead of moving on you go slowly deep inside my whole
Everything just keeps coming back and absolutely I have no control

I guess I'll have to leave it here, don't try to mend my heart
For still I will be living here and moving only a part of my mind
For I still have faith and I still believe that forever I can hold you close
I will be moving on half-heartedly, other half will still be yours.
624 · Aug 2015
Foreverly (Prelude)
Yan Aug 2015
I could take all my future
And bring back all in the past
But one thing is certain
I'm your forever and this feeling will last
facebook.com/theyangutierrezpoems
623 · Aug 2015
Existence
Yan Aug 2015
I have this feeling of losing again, I failed again this time
I think I'm fading from nowhere, I think I should stop living this life
Why does everything in me is so imperfect? Why they can't love me in that way?
Why do people can't see the real me? Why do this world is so unfair?

I tried everything just to be seen, tried everything to be cared
Tried to be good to have your attention, tried everything to befriend
I tried to be the best in everything so that you could be proud
I even tried to sacrifice my life so I could felt I was loved

I am weak, still I am lost, and still I haven't found my path
I like to draw but I don't have the hands to paint that beautiful life
I love to sing but still don't have the voice that everyone would love to hear
I like to write an endless poem but no one would care 'bout this dream

As I'm writing these words, I can't help but to cry
I know this time God is angry with me 'cause 'til now I was blinded by my eyes
I know He has been telling me so many times that I should stand and stay strong
There are so many beautiful things that can't be seen and it's alright for me to go wrong

These rhyming words in every line are my life, my heart, my soul
Every ending, it's significant feeling will always be a part of my whole
The endless print of my undying words will always be here to stay
All will be enough just to feel He cared that is my constant pray

As I am writing in this part, I suddenly realized
That I should stop crying myself, I should now dry my eyes
For there will always be tomorrow to restart a brand new day
To continue all that I've stopped believing in, to continue to walk with His way

I have sent all my worries, lifted it all above the sky
You won't ever see me crying again, my soul will never die
I know God will always be here, I know He wanted me to go back
To where my life has used to be, I got to feel my existence back.
facebook.com/theyangutierrezpoems
610 · Jul 2015
Elusion
Yan Jul 2015
Two strangers looking at each others’ eyes
No words speaking, hearing the sound of their hearts
Urging to talk for awhile, but suddenly they hold back
Afraid to show their feelings, afraid of what's inside

Step...and they walk, strolling along the way
Making their distance closer, feeling each other's phase
Smiles in their faces as they look upon their way
No thoughts around their corners, trying to make it it's their day

Sitting down along the bench, with spaces between them
They look to each other and they hold back again
Hesitant to say a word, reluctant to start a conversation
Silence is just between them, though they do have same intention

"Hey", said the other, "Hi", said the other one
Then silence back to each other as both them turn their heads down
The first one look to the next person and there's that shine in their eyes
Then there they start now talking to each other, they now finally break down the ice

Smiles to laughters, from words to talks
Their heartbeat is the music behind their unwordly souls
Humming to singing, they're now finally in their hands
They just don't want to stop any beginnings, they don't want to stop any lines

Seconds to minutes, minutes to hours
Noon sets to twilight, as the twilight becomes dark
They never notice the time, they just enjoying hanging out
There is this feeling of happiness, but it's not in their hearts

Then it's time to go home, it's time to put things to rest
It's time to think and realize that they are just never meant
It's time to go home now, there are no more things to try
Just forget that single moment, it's time for a sweet goodbye

They never lost each other, there wasn't a thing called love
They just let go of each other, they never lost what they never had
It must have been something, but they just let it gone away
'Cause one of them is still loving the past, and the other is loving in vain.
596 · Jun 2015
Behind These 'Pink' Walls
Yan Jun 2015
There were nights inside these walls I sleep in tears
Questioning why am I living, for what do I exist?
They say all I am is not what should it be
Who I am is wrong and I cannot be freed

I lay myself crying again behind these walls
They keep pushing me on trying, they wanted me to be like all
Helplessly I pretended that I am standing on their side
But I cannot be happy, I am turning black and white

I struggled to be like them and I was caught in the middle
I have been pushed, bullied and I found my self little
I am not like who they are and I know I will never be
Why they cannot it understand? Why they cannot see?

I started to live my life alone, away from creatures called people
They always make everything complicated when at the first place it's just simple
I hide myself away in obscure place where no one will find
Where I will be safe and no expectations that I will mind

I grew numb about hatred, being an outcast, and about pain
I'm living my life in silence and being nonchalant - I am trained
I walk alone by myself and I didn't even care
Better be off alone than with someone who won't even stay

They tortured me, they punished me not in my flesh but deep inside
Not using a knife nor a needle work but it can diminish a life
My soul is really hurt and they're leaving me half-heartedly
Their fatal words were lingering,I am bleeding unendingly

Why they are all treating me like I was never ever been belonged?
Is it 'cause I'm living differently and I am never like them at all?
How come I became any less when I am capable of doing more?
They're judging me based on their ignorance, they're judging me on what they do not know

I suffered, I have been bruised and yes, I cried
And yet these walls remain silent standing right at my side
It became my witness of all my heartbreaks, of how my tears burned me
It listened on my inner madness, it saved every pieces of me

Like these walls I'll be standing tough and high
I'll be strong, you won't hear any from me, you'll never see me die
I'll stay colored, graceful and I will make you realize
I am the most beautiful, my days will be immortalized

I may be destroyed, manipulated, grew up confused
I am who I am, to stay the same I will choose
I can show you I can be the greatest, and everyone will be amused
You can insist that I should be someone else, but I'll fight, I'll refuse.
For LGBT, stay colored guys!
554 · Jun 2015
Epicene
Yan Jun 2015
Am I the rose? Or one of the thorns?
Can I be both? For that’s how I was born
Am I the sunshine? Or should be the rain?
Can I be that together? For there’s a rainbow in the end

Do you look like him? Or sometimes like her?
You’re so into him, and can live without her
Are you one of ‘him’? Or a part of greater ‘her’?
Living on both sides which sometimes you cannot bear

Can we be called the same when we felt so different?
We have the right to live, but to leave cause of their resentment
We keep on telling ourselves we are who we are
But sometimes ‘are’ has to be ‘were’, and change just for their arms

I tried to hide myself, but still I just can’t
Whenever I am in my best, they’re always there to comment
They always trying to put me down, or making fun of me
That’s their way of handling me, they’re questioning my reality

I just can’t defend myself, I know I can but maybe I’m just tired
My existence is like a game that I haven’t gone too far
Expecting any sort of disappointment, every night and day
Sometimes I have to sing these words, ‘baby I was born this way’

Acceptance is just a word, and sometimes can no longer be found
You feel so sorry that at times you just can’t hide your heart
You put your mask on, so no one will ever see
That you are a boy loving a guy, you’re afraid of enmity

This thing is a choice, they say, but inside of me it is not
There’s no man ever wished that he will be living in this life
Full of hatred, full of pain, full of agony and despair
You cry, you smile, but you still strive to be in fair

This is a tough world, and I should be a tough one
Withstand all the anguish, and don’t let them make my walls down
Please don’t get me wrong and talk as if you ever tried
How to love unconditionally, how to live in a different life

Oh yes! I am ‘pink’ at least I know I’m not fake
I know I am unique and this thing you cannot break
I am too much to conceive that you just can’t even take
Try to understand and there your soul will be awake

I do still have feelings, don’t judge where I should belong
I have all you have, and I have more, and that’s make you think I am wrong
I can do more of what you did, and start what you haven’t done
Being a survivor of this world, that’s how we measure a true man

Sometimes I am red, and most of the times I am blue
See, I am colorful and it is something that you cannot do
I have been burned and my wounds were the living proof that I survive
I’ll be fighting till I can make it, and my strength will be revived

I may be far away of being a real man
Or not enough to be a good son
But I’m still part of the brethren and of God’s plan
I’ll be the most beautiful flower, and I will not be gone

Am I the rose? Or one of the thorns?
Can I be both? For that’s how I was born
Whoever I may be, I know I’ll be proud of me
And there's no one can ever play the best part of me except me.
Epicene is an adjective (sometimes substantive) that indicates lack of gender distinction, often specifically loss of masculinity.
484 · Jun 2015
Epicene
Yan Jun 2015
Am I the rose? Or one of the thorns?
Can I be both? For that’s how I was born
Am I the sunshine? Or should be the rain?
Can I be that together? For there’s a rainbow in the end

Do you look like him? Or sometimes like her?
You’re so into him, and can live without her
Are you one of ‘him’? Or a part of greater ‘her’?
Living on both sides which sometimes you cannot bear

Can we be called the same when we felt so different?
We have the right to live, but to leave cause of their resentment
We keep on telling ourselves we are who we are
But sometimes ‘are’ has to be ‘were’, and change just for their arms

I tried to hide myself, but still I just can’t
Whenever I am in my best, they’re always there to comment
They always trying to put me down, or making fun of me
That’s their way of handling me, they’re questioning my reality

I just can’t defend myself, I know I can but maybe I’m just tired
My existence is like a game that I haven’t gone too far
Expecting any sort of disappointment, every night and day
Sometimes I have to sing these words, ‘baby I was born this way’

Acceptance is just a word, and sometimes can no longer be found
You feel so sorry that at times you just can’t hide your heart
You put your mask on, so no one will ever see
That you are a boy loving a guy, you’re afraid of enmity

This thing is a choice, they say, but inside of me it is not
There’s no man ever wished that he will be living in this life
Full of hatred, full of pain, full of agony and despair
You cry, you smile, but you still strive to be in fair

This is a tough world, and I should be a tough one
Withstand all the anguish, and don’t let them make my walls down
Please don’t get me wrong and talk as if you ever tried
How to love unconditionally, how to live in a different life

Oh yes! I am ‘pink’ at least I know I’m not fake
I know I am unique and this thing you cannot break
I am too much to conceive that you just can’t even take
Try to understand and there your soul will be awake

I do still have feelings, don’t judge where I should belong
I have all you have, and I have more, and that’s make you think I am wrong
I can do more of what you did, and start what you haven’t done
Being a survivor of this world, that’s how we measure a true man

Sometimes I am red, and most of the times I am blue
See, I am colorful and it is something that you cannot do
I have been burned and my wounds were the living proof that I survive
I’ll be fighting till I can make it, and my strength will be revived

I may be far away of being a real man
Or not enough to be a good son
But I’m still part of the brethren and of God’s plan
I’ll be the most beautiful flower, and I will not be gone

Am I the rose? Or one of the thorns?
Can I be both? For that’s how I was born
Whoever I may be, I know I’ll be proud of me, I will be strong, androgynously, with dignity
And there's no one can ever play the best part of me except me.
EPICENE - adjective (sometimes substantive) that indicates lack of gender distinction, often specifically loss of masculinity
472 · Jun 2015
I Have Found Love
Yan Jun 2015
I never imagined that you and me will be together 
That for a long time of being single I will now be living in love with a promise of forever 
I have lost all the hope in this world and started not to believe 
But you put again my trust and make my heart again start to beat 
 
I don't know what you've seen in me, I don't know what you have found 
My physical is not impeccable and my existence is sort of unsound 
But you've given me everything like I don't deserve to feel any less 
And now you've made me your everything, you and me, we are the best 
 
I have written almost all about anguish, all about broken heart 
I have almost made my self sick of love story, allergic of being loved 
I always tell my self for sure love is not true and definitely not made for me 
Until those were now my yesterdays, those were now in my history 
 
You never gave up on me, you never let go 
Though my life is so imperfect, in you it never went wrong 
You're always making my night be almost like a day 
Whenever I'm in the verge of breaking, you're always there to stay 
 
Now you don't have to say that you love me 
Just to let me know how much you care 
You don't have to say how much you miss me 
Just to let me know how you wanted to be there 
For me, ‘cause I know that whenever you're looking at me and I gaze upon you and look back 
That would be enough for a lifetime to know that I've actually found love.
For the one I love.
451 · Aug 2015
Invulnerability
Yan Aug 2015
I was shattered, I was hurt, in my mind I know I'm not alone
And there You are my Lord keeping me safe in Your home
Eyes are looking at me, pointing at me, killing me
People judged me, punished me, they took away my means of serving Thee

But God help me to understand, give me Your peace
May I still live in Your image as I go at night to sleep
Help me not to have thoughts of harm to others
And save me from the fire that put this life to wither

Help me to sing of Your hope amidst the storm
Between lightning and thunder, in the mist I can still see Your form
That I will not be blinded by brightness of all material lights
That I can be brave for any madness, I can stand and I can fight

May I still speak of Your justice as I continue to walk in life
To withstand those I thought who dwells in You but I was wrong, it's just a lie
To believe they still have goodness and it will be worth the wait
To feel Your love for eternity and with Your love alone they'll change

May I pronounce Thy faith with full certainty
No room for questions, no space for enmity
Through hesitations, all the pain, all animosity shall wane
All anguish shall diminish, only Your truth and love will be gained

As they continue to push me over and counting me out
Don't let me fall far under, don't let me filled with doubt
Teach me to turn all uncertainties to beautiful path that leads to You
Teach me how to rip kindness in every cruelness that I've been through

I was shattered, I was hurt, in my mind I will never be alone
Here I am my Lord, I know You'll be taking me back home
I will continue to live, to praise, to serve You and You alone
Let me be the way of Your Words, the rock of Your mighty throne.
Incapable of being wounded.
Yan Jun 2015
Bells of churches start to play
Clouds of rain start to pray
Lights are dying, promises are fading
Faces of friends will never wane

Courage and sorrow collides together
Because of someone who've hurt me forever
Never knowing how does it feels
Standing alone and nothing is real

You have shown me that I am afraid
But I will tell you, you're the one who's afraid
You are not true and I'm not like you
Don't ever tell me what I should see

Dig now and make me a grave
Where you want to put me
And will never see me
'Cause I know that's all you've wanted
To see me cry, to see me die

I let you soar far away from me
Leaving me hear amid the misery
Letting me fall into the grave you dug
Holding nothing but a very little spark

Looking at you so far away
You are free flying again and again
And now I wish that you will fall
Into the grave where you leave me alone

You will fall, you will fall
You must experience how to cry
You must experience the hurt
I've held here inside

You will fall...you must fall!
And see me here
I'm slowly fading
And I'm now unclear

Please watch the wind
As it goes by
And I'm so young to die
How could I let life passed me by

The fragments of my broken heart is not yet done
For still there's a misunderstanding you left undone
And still there's anguish you left behind

And for all the pain
You've put me through
It will all come back to you.
I use this as a declamation piece when I was in high school.
371 · Aug 2015
Here In The Rain
Yan Aug 2015
I am tired, as if this breathing is now getting hard for me
I am suffocated, many things going on my mind unendingly
I want to lay my self down where there is no pain and fears
I want to cry but there's no tears left to wash away my grief

I am cold, I can't feel any peace for every day
I am soaking in nothingness like I'm walking in the rain
I want to stay away from all of these, I want to have everything back
I want to stand against all atrocities, but I just can't, there's no luck

I look into the mirror and I just can't see my self
My soul is lost in nowhere, I'm in the middle of emptiness
Killing all the feelings, pain, hurt, even the slightest joy
I have to vanished everything so there's nothing left to me at all

I don't want to feel any joy for soon I know I will cry
I don't want to feel I'm alive for tomorrow I might die
Everything has it's own price, when you take you should give
You just have to choose in some moments, will you stay or will you leave?

I am losing now my mind and any ways of holding
I am in the middle of waning, in the verge of dying
Cause Lord You're giving me so much and now I cannot bear
Lord I need Your voice to hear, please tell me that You still care

Seems I lost now everything, I just lost all desires in my life
Should I be picking up the pieces or let those all wither on the ground
In an ordinary day, the sun will rise and soon will set
Our today will be yesterday and soon we will forget

Everything is here and soon will be gone
Clouds are hovering and in a moment will shower down
Why is it raining in me when everyone's enjoying the sun?
How come You're always with them and for me You are gone?

I'm looking up above and watched how it pours on earth
How it watered the dying and washed away all the dirt
May it be like Your love that can take away all my pain
If that's the way how You'll be saving me then I'll be waiting here in the rain

Help me to stay firm and still through it all
Help me to believe that you're still in control
Help me to regain everything and bless me with whole faith
I'm lifting up now my 'rains', O Lord take in charge of my fate.
A prayer.
364 · Jun 2015
3/14 (You, I Love)
Yan Jun 2015
It's worth all the waiting, it's worth all the pain
It's worth all the tragedy 'cause it led me to your way
It's worth all the heartaches that killed me inside
I found my self reborn when you stayed right by my side

I thought we won't make it for tomorrow but look where we're now
You've shed light on my sorrows and saved the pieces of me somehow
You brought new perspective of how I look about my life
And I found my self looking at you and every who I am is now enough

You've never asked me to change, you just wanted who all I am
You've never asked me to be someone else, you just let me to be the same
You've chose to love me, the whole I am without asking me in return
I don't know what you've found in me but I'm grateful that I have you for my own

Thank you for every who you are and for all you've imparted to me
Thank you for my simple life has turned to be amazing with thee
Thank you for the crazy moments, for laughters and even for unwordly times
We can use different words on how we are feeling but only you can make it rhyme

There is no need to tell anyone, we don't have to tell the world
Because we have what cannot be touched by anyone, sometimes cannot be described by words
And we cannot pleased everyone that all we have is real
'Cause this feeling is supernatural and every moment with you is surreal

I will treasure every inch of you, I will memorize the sound of your voice
Of how you whisper to my ear that you'll be always here even on the worst
You and your love is evidently enough to lift me up above the sky
We will face anything with our hands together and every memories will be you and I.
For the one who I love the most.

— The End —