I'm not sure I'm even sad anymore by the technical definition of the word-
I think I just am tired of waking up to the same smells, the same sounds, the same loneliness that has become my best friend-

They say you get addicted to a certain type of sadness, but that could be just a lyric in a song I heard once-
I find myself dismissing the ideas of sunshine and wishing for the rain-
I find myself driving across state lines tossing my cell out the window and letting my darker than normal hair fly in the wind as I drive with no end goals-

I am sure I'm not sad anymore I just hate routine and want to disappear for a while-
My doctor wants to put me on anti-depressants but I flipped him off and screamed anarchy as I walked out that door-

One day I'll have the courage to say goodbye to everything I've ever known-
I'll color my hair and wear tight pants because I can do what I want-
I'll drink midori sours in the morning and sleep in my car-

My doctor called me reckless and insane -
My parents called me immature and needed to grow up-
My friends told me I'm depressed and keep trying to reassure me I won't die alone-
I say I don't give a **** anymore; let the wild take me and set me free-

Hello stranger,
Can I tell you something?
Everyone's like a stranger to me.
So; you know,
it doesn't seem hard to open up to you.
'Cause all the people in my life
are becoming strangers to me.

child of heart
but not of womb,
would i'd been
gifted to ban the
hope-thieving,
spirit-throwing
parasitic lies,
to shelter ears
& fragile petals
against bruising,
whiskey-glazed
acts and words.
would i might be
gifted now to
soothe, cradling
tender soul through
deadest night's
watery gloom.
yet firmly i know
none other will ever
be gifted to bestow
what only One balm
can perfectly renew,
and He waits for you,
my beautiful girl.

It aches,
It hurts,
And it breaks my heart and soul,
To see your face,
hear your voice,
Turn around and realise to my despair,
That you arent there,
Not anymore.

The waves of guilt and pain,
That comes washing in,
Sometimes makes me numb,
Sometimes almost, dare I say,
Finishes me off.

When I think of you,
Your being,
Your smile,
I feel lost,
I feel regret,
I feel sorrow.
And may I say, even though it’s too late
I’m sorry

I know you can do better than doing me harm
we should start over and give love a try
I'd take the risk if it meant I could have you in my arms,
baby I need you to fill this space in my bed
I want you to get these thoughts out of my head,
I could give you the best you've ever had
as long as you promise to not leave
you could be freaky and I could be bad
we could do it just the way you want it
all you have to do is giving me all your time
'cause it's gonna take more than a nighttime

Baby you're such a distraction
when we're close, can you feel the tension ?,
when I look into your eyes
all I see is love and desire
body to body, can you visualize ?
that would be hot like fire,
darling, put all your anger on me if you want to fight
but if you want more sensation, I'll just turn off the light,
I wanna give you chills down your spine
I wanna give it all while we're intertwined,

I bet I would feel your hands shaking
and you'd change the pace of my breathing
I'd do everything to make us feel at ease
I'd kiss you softly and do a little tease,
You're perfect from head to toe baby
don't be ashamed to be naked
I wanna touch more than just your body,
we could do it from the bed then down to the floor
do it on the couch then down under the table
we could do it on my backseat and just go slow
do it at your favorite spot and make it special,
I wanna do it in every place I go with you
so that you will remind me
when you decide we're through,

I had loved you.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
I had loved you.
Even if I was still too small to seriously feel.

You cared for me, nurtured me, protected me,
Yet I had never told you just how much I cared.
I had never told you how much I was jealous when my brothers
Said they loved you, and I could never say.

I never spoke to you, not even a bit.
I never thought I could ever feel so much guilt.
Even after so many years,
Even after so many tears,
I regret never telling you just what I truly feel.

I loved you with all the strength of a universe,
No one could deny.
Even after so much remorse.
Even after so many lies.

Now it is too late to tell you that I love you;
Say the the three words that now cause me pain to say.
I will forever live with the regret
Of starting to talk so late.