I dont wanna be in the darkness anymore…*

T.B.

Does anyone really know what love is?
Time after time we give our all into somebody,
But how come at the end of the night the only one at our sides is ourselves?
You fight so hard for this feeling that seems to be lost in our society today.
We all fall into this false sense of hope,
that it will stay the way it is in the beginning.
But soon conversations become shorter,
interest starts to fade,
trust is lost,
the passion is gone.
They stop trying to win you over,
and that is when it all begins to hurt.
Your pray that every message that comes across your phone is them,
because they're all you can think about.
You begin to find every excuse you can just to spend one more minute longer with them.
You watch them stop trying,
so you push even harder to try and carry what they aren't.
You try so desperately to save whats slipping through your fingers,
but they just keep fading away.
Those long nights spent tangled up laughing,
turn into late nights alone in your room crying to yourself in the dark.
Every memory starts to flash in your head,
you can't help but to blame yourself for losing them.
You beg and plead and scream out when you're alone,
for everything to fall back into place,
but no one hears you because no ones there and have no where to go.
You want to fight like hell,
but your too afraid to fight for someone who just keeps giving up on you.
They're on your mind every day and every night,
the only comfort you can find is when your asleep.
But even some nights they're there in your dreams,
and you wake up crying at 3:00 in the morning.
At 3 A.M. is when every thing just lets loose,
you break,
you cry,
you beg,
you plead,
you scream,
you hurt,
you pray to god that when you wake up in the morning that this is all just a dream,
you fight like hell even when you hardly have anything left to hold onto.
Because at 3 A.M. is when you realize that the one you never wanted to lose,
is leaving you behind.
You're lost and alone,
and the only comfort is found wrapped up in their arms.
You just want to know the truth,
everything they're thinking,
everything they're feeling,
you want to know if you're on their mind as much as their on yours.
This is whats on your mind at 3 .A.M.,
but what do you do?
Do you fight?
Do you flee?
What do you do when you don't know if the person you love the most loves you back and if they're going to stay?
And then you remember that its 3 A.M. and that you can fall asleep for one more night, and push it all off until morning.
But how many 3 A.M.'s will it take for you feel the love that you give?

You were never good enough
Not for them
Not for him
Not even for your **** self
T.B.

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the age of the dead,
where we raise our children to be worse than the last.
Welcome to the era of the self conceited,
and the arrogant.
We've been raised in the age,
where the amount of likes on our pictures,
is considered more worthy than our own morals.
Welcome to the age of self deranged idiots,
that run amongst our streets causing havoc.
Welcome to the generation of the lost cause.
Where the teenagers are feared and cause chaos.
Have you opened your eyes yet?
Welcome to the age of the broken,
were we are believed to be the kids that won't amount to anything.
Welcome one and all to this world,
this society that has become hell.
Because you see we raise our children,
to feel as if they need to fit specific standards,
in order to be worth anything.
The young woman of this era,
believe they need to look like the girls in the magazine,
to be worth a mans affection.
Welcome to the time where being skinny, pretty, and tan,
is worth more than the knowledge in a woman's head.
Or the generation where we teach our daughters to "cover up,"
instead of teaching our sons right from wrong.
Now we can't forget the boys,
we teach our sons that they are less than a woman,
we raise them to feel like their lives are worth less than a woman's.
Or how about the fact that we raise our sons,
to believe that "swag" and "****" are the cool things to be.
This is the generation of terror,
do you not see that we are this worlds future?
The kids of today are influenced by what we see,
brain washed by what's put on the T.V.
You see we've raised our kids to believe,
that we are a failure to our society.
Is this what you wanted?
Look how warped our world has become,
the apocalypse is here.
The apocalypse where technology, and our contorted image of normal,
has overtaken the world.
Schools no longer educate,
only mesmerize our kids into lifeless bodies.
Music no longer has meaning,
its only about being on top and *******, hoes, and money.
Art is discouraged,
a splash of paint is considered more artistic than a spray painted master piece.
Do you see the problem here?
Our government slips everything under the noses of its people,
because society makes out petty things to be important.
Our society is so distorted,
and nobody even sees that us kids are your future.
So
Do I have your attention now?

T.B.

Everything she touched,
didn't turn to gold.
No it crumbled to dust amongst the palms of her hands.
As she sat back and watched her world catch fire and burn around her.
T.B.

I do not fear death,
no not one bit,
for death has been by my side.

No what I fear the most,
is life its self.
How strange isn't it?
That a young girl who has hardly lived,
fears life already?

You see I fear losing people,
people who have become so close to me,
people who have meant the world to me.
Because you see all those people,
that I have ever let into my life,
or get anywhere close to me,
they left…
they always do.

I fear being the one to always ruin things,
because I always do,
its always me.
I am always the one to blame,
I fear messing anything and everything up,
and ruining something close to me.
I've become pretty good at that….

I fear the feeling of
sorrow,
betrayal,
loss,
pain,
worthlessness,
and the feeling of all the blame.

I fear that one day,
I'll be left alone with no one by my side,
because of my fear,
of ever letting anyone in.
I fear that it is always my fault.

Or what about the fear,
of everything you became accustomed too,
being ripped away and having to start new?
Or every plan you ever had for your future,
come crashing down?

I fear the constant linger,
of a dark shadow over me constantly without my consent.
Or the fear of my constant anxious self,
and how I skip a few breaths,
or the cuts and scrapes amongst my skin.

In those moments I fear myself,
and what I could do,
for I am a child,
who has experienced pain and sorrow,
happiness and laughter,
loss and death,
fear and anger,
betrayal and hurt,
and yet I am a child,
who fears life more than death.
T.B.

He left you alone,
standing there in the pouring rain.
He wore away at you,
piece by piece ,
he wasn't there for you when you needed him the most.
No,
you didn't matter,
darling you weren't **** to him.
He had more important things to do,
like play with his little girlfriends.
Darling he never loved you,
just look at yourself,
you're a mess.
Darling you meant nothing to him,
you were just a temporary time holder.
Until you became a bore,
and he found a new one.
All you ever were,
was something for him to keep himself entertained with.
Oh yes darling I know its, sick
I know its twisted ,
but do you honestly think he cared?
No, because he doesn't.
Darling he claimed he loved you,
with his sweet lies like poison,
when we all knew in reality,
he was ******* the girl next door.
Oh foolish girl,
you really thought theres such a thing as forever?
That was an illusion he made you believe,
just so he could have his temporary satisfaction.
His satisfaction of destroying you,
tearing you apart, and ruining every part of you.
Oh darling you deserve so much more,
you deserve to feel what real love,
when its shared from both sides,
Foolish girl,
you believed him all along,
you were the puppet in his hands,
and he wasn't finished playing his games with you,
oh not quite yet.
But darling you're not so foolish anymore,
and we both know,
who will come out stronger than ever.
T.B.

You broke my heart,
But here I am helping you heal yours.*
T.B.

She's lost.
She's lost between loving someone,
who has left her in the dust so many times before,
or loving someone new.
She tells herself,
to run away from the darkness of yesterday,
but yet there's something so alluring to it.
It pulls her in and swallows her whole.
This man,
that once was her whole world,
had gone away,
and now he wants to return.
But when he left her,
she thought it was time to move on.
She found someone new,
but yet he wants to come back?
Like nothing ever happened at all?
Now she stands in the middle,
lost between the light and the dark.
Contemplating her fate,
she can hardly breathe,
what shall she do?
She stands there,
on the verge of tears,
lost between loving him,
and loving someone new.
She's slowly being torn apart,
and she can't help but,
to look to the sky,
and ask God why?
T.B.

the smell of cigarette smoke still lingers on her breath*
T.B.

I feel sorry for you,
because she's moved on.
You finally lost the girl you never thought you would,
and I feel sorry for you,
because at one point in time,
she would of given you the world,
but now you're lucky if she'll even give you the time of day.
You  lost her
its no ones fault but your own,
because that girl tried everything for you,
but you weren't willing to fight for her.
I feel sorry for you,
because she finally realized she deserves better than you.
She gave up on trying to make you happy,
no now she cares about making herself happy.
You're no longer who she thinks of at night before she goes to bed,
and you're no longer the name she smiles at when she hears it.
She's found someone new,
someone who is willing to show her what she deserves,
because you see,
she's found someone who gives her life,
when you showed her nothing but the cold darkness.
She no longer thinks about you every second of every hour,
no you're nothing but a memory,
a lesson she's learned from,
maybe next time you'll learn,
to not go after rocks,
when you had a diamond in your hands for so long,
and maybe one day,
you'll learn how to love,
with that cold rock you call a
heart
T.B.

I'm ******* losing it,
its tearing me apart,
day by day,
piece by piece,
im drifting into the dark.
But they don't get it do they?
Oh no not a single bit!
I'm silently deranged,
from the quiet little nice girl,
thats somehow gone insane!
Oh but they don't get it do they?
How words like poison work?
Or how about the knife,
that gets shoved right through my heart.
But they don't get it do they?
How this game ******* works,
this game called life,
how it's so sadly become warped.
But what they don't really get,
even if its sad to say,
is that a simple word, action, look,
can cause someone so much hurt

I wish you could see it through my eyes maybe then things would be different. Maybe if you saw and felt everything exactly how I did maybe you'd understand.

All the pain you've caused you don't even realize it. I wish you could just look into my eyes and see the pain in them the pain that you placed them. Maybe you'd finally get it and youd finally understand. Because you see through my eyes I see nothing but the darkness anymore. I've grown accustomed to the dark it's been my friend for quite some time now.

Oh how I wish you only knew. Maybe if you looked into my eyes and see it all youd understand. Those late nights of nothing but my overwhelming thoughts swallowing me whole. The many tears that was shed that I tried so hard to choke back. All those stress induced anxiety attacks caused by the words you said words that were like blades cutting through my skin.

Maybe if you could've experienced every last thing you have done to me the way I had then maybe you'd finally understand.

I've been fighting this battle for so long all for what? Love? Love that I can't even tell if it's mutual any longer? I tried to run and hide but every time you find me. Every time you were right behind me with the knife that had been driven through my heart, and my wounds reopened by the words that you spoke.

It's become so hard for me to determine what lies true with you. The words you speak like poison that runs through my veins. I believe when I hear for a short while unable to determine what's true. Anytime I try and run I'm pulled right back in by the whispers of sweet nothingness something I know too well.

Sometimes I wonder how man of your age could do this to girl you claim to love. I wonder how you sleep at night knowing what you've done to me. Are you satisfied?

Are you happy knowing you destroyed this girl the girl who had fallen madly in love with you.

Sometimes I wonder if death is better than this because I'm no longer the girl I once was. I have walls built high up around me to try and save myself from ever feeling like this again. I shut everyone out and always put myself low because I feel it's safer that way. Maybe if you saw all this through my eyes then you'd realize how strongly I truly love you but how much pain and tears youve truly caused.

Because through my eyes you've torn me apart.
T.B.

She's trapped in her own mind,
and she's trying to escape.
This constant battle she faces,
a battle against her self.
Because you see at one point in time,
that girl had nothing to fear.
But one point in time,
she was broken into a million little pieces.
She remained shattered,
unable to be fixed,
and you see,
that girl still faces the consequences,
of her almost lovers actions,
to this day.
She hates having to battle herself,
and fears that black shadow that hangs over her.
She's unable to function the way she once had,
because of too many people taking her for granted.
She let them in when she saw no good intentions,
for the animosity of others.
They used her,
and left her there to lay more broken than before.
That girl fights with herself,
everyday in her own mind.
She dwells on topics that could be the tiniest thing to someone,
but could mean the world to her.
She's afraid of her own feelings,
and she's trying to fight against that fear.
But when she's living in her own mind,
unable to comprehend the truth of things,
all because of someone who lied to her,
someone who used her and manipulated her,
and played her like a pawn in a game of chess.
She creates her own living hell.
She comes up with these situations,
that haven't even happened,
yet still acts upon them.
She's afraid of someone else hurting her like that,
thats why she gets so upset.
She will sit there and second guess everything said to her,
Do they really like her? Is she really beautiful? Do they just feel bad for her?
She has trouble seeing the brighter side too things,
she's incapable of not over thinking.
Because she's so afraid,
that they'll leave her there broken.
She lives in fear of herself of never being good enough,
of never being anything anyone ever wanted.
So there she stays,
in her own little mind,
hating herself for every little detail she second guesses and over dwells upon.
T.B.

Flowers in her hair
Demons in her head
Drugs in her veins
Madness in her mind
Love in her soul
Storm in her heart