I found home
in the numbing sheath wrapped around my heart
covering it like the snow that hugs the hillsides in December
That I look upon and envy
For they are simply resting
Their snow shall melt, and they will be comforted by the warming rays of the winter sun,
They will flourish, bloom and serve their purpose.
I will wither, fade and be erased, bit by bit.

if fear were [fate]

          fate (were [fear])

                     [fate is fear] when drear is near

                                                    ->tears fall when we fall

                                                      and an end would call our intentions

                                                     ­                                            [fear is] near

                                                               ­                   when fear is drear

                                                          ­                                    [I] fear my life

                                                           ­                         [I] fear myself

                                                         ­              [I] fear our lives

                                                         [I] fear ourselves

but if [far is (near when fear is) drear and] tears are all that fall

                                                       then [fear is near (you) have no] fear

                                 (you) will succumb to all.

with each day that slowly trickles by
i try not to give up on the hope of the
effervescent tomorrow

This one is for you,
Quiet girl,
Smart girl,
Shy girl,
You.

Not for the,
Funny girls,
Ignorant girls,
The girl that doesn’t acknowledge,
You.

Because you may be quiet,
But I never had a problem hearing your voice,
And you may be timid,
But when you speak I will always listen.

This one is for you,
For the day I saw you cry and thought that a
Quiet, smart, shy girl,
like you should never cry.
But does.

I know you cry when you are home,
And escape to your room where no one else sees.

You never answered my text,
And I am worried,
You tell me “I don’t have to”
But smart, shy, girl,
you never did realize,
That I always cared about you.

And I listened,
And I worried,
And I hugged,
This ones for you.

So little time I have
To do all that I want
Even though I’m relatively young,
I cannot help but think about
How limited my time on this planet is.
Much time is spent worrying,
Either about the past,
Or what is to come in the future.
If only there was a way to stop
Thinking about this-
It makes me go mad

I try to teach myself to stand on my own two feet
But i don’t know how well i can anymore
“Your grades are great”
“You’re really pretty”
“What do you have to worry about?”

I have to worry about how long i can push myself and how much of that studying i have to do tomorrow because i can’t stay awake on four hours of sleep through another day

I have to worry about how much this will bring down my grade compared to that because i don’t know how much homework i can force myself to do when i don’t even feel like leaving my bed

I have to worry about talking to my boyfriend for at least thirty minutes just so he doesn’t think i don’t love him anymore

I have to worry about sounding happy and looking happy and smiling happily and laughing happily

I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY

I have to worry about what to wear tomorrow
And the next day
And the next day because heaven forbid i come to school in my pajamas because i would loose all my social standing

I have to worry about how long it takes me to make that shake in the morning so i have time to have SOMETHING, just SOME calories in the morning so people can’t say “that’s why you’re too skinny” and just enough to keep my stomach from sounding like a whale, because God, do i know how people love to laugh at that

I have to worry about when i want to wear my makeup and when i don’t because i don’t want people to always expect makeup out of me but i still want to look nice

I have to worry about how i do my makeup because oh do i know how too much for a normal day or a simple slightly off shade can make everyone see me as a terrible monster

I have to worry about the color of my hair and the colors that i wear, does it bring out my eyes? who even cares?
Me.
Everybody.

I have to look perfect i have to seem perfect my grades have to be perfect my outfits have to be perfect
I have to be
Perfect

Ladies and Gentlemen,
That is what i have to worry about