Abel died
After three days
He appeared
Wheel within wheel

Brains and wheels are twin

Oscillating; keeps running

But brains don't have brakes.

I need some space
I need some help
I need to put
Thoughts on the shelf
They circle round
My ferris wheel
Dark memories
And fear I feel

We met in middle school
And you helped this riddled fool
Through my little duels
Becoming an indispensable tool
As a burden carrying mule
But you recently found someone more important
And I feel I can’t afford it
So I want you to abort it
Or them to be deported

You attempt to shield
The way I feel
With a third wheel appeal
But I need the whole deal
To stay on an even keel

We have so much history
So it’s a total mystery
Why they claim victory
When they seem sick to me
But you’re not picking me
Even though we connected as kids
You now want to get rid
Of all that we did
On another’s bid
I see my stock slid
Down your priority grid

I explain it’s up to us
To stop the succubus
But you say I must
Quit my fuss
Before I bust
Your friendly trust

It hurts my sense of pride
When I feel I’m defied
So I make you decide
And you choose the less aggressive side
Creating a divide
As I run and hide
From a newcomer’s stride

Treat me like I’m royal
Or be branded disloyal
Your relations I’ll foil
With malicious toil
Becoming angry and bitter
Of new additions to our litter
Exclaiming they slither
While I rapidly wither

Why does this bother me so much?
When did you become my crutch?
How did I fall
Into a pit so banal?
Do you want me around?
Because to you I’m bound
Hearing your glorious sounds
Makes my heart pound
So I feel like I’ve drowned
When you’re not in town
And I travel an empty path
After doing the toxic math
Of your subtraction wrath

I wanted you selfishly for myself
Which wasn’t good for your health
So you set me on the shelf
Because I never knelt
Or weathered welts
Of humility
Now jealousy is filling me
And I let it willingly
So you’re the one billing me
By slowly killing me
With correction
Through rejection
Going a new direction
Beyond my detection
Away from the detention
Of my arrogant prevention
Of your social ascension
Which was my intention
To hold all your attention

So now I’m all alone
I probably deserve it
Our friendship had grown
I should’ve preserved it
But somehow reversed it
Because I’m so worthless
And value you so highly
Yet I refused co-signing
Treaties you were writing
I wrote off as whining
And now I am finding
Loneliness binding

Burning eyes.
Heavy eyelids.
Pounding head.
All indications of too little sleep.

Curious.
Relentless.
Won’t shut up.
All descriptions of my too active brain.

If only my brain were as determined to experience
Sleep for an entire night,
Instead of pondering age-old questions,
Such as what will tomorrow bring?

Unfortunately, I cannot convince my brilliant, yet misled, brain that:
Lack of sleep will just increase tomorrow’s challenges, and
Thinking about potential events cannot minimize that simple fact.

Oh where can I get a hamster wheel for my brain, so the rest of me can finally have peace and quiet in which to sleep?

Draw the curtain
I’ve learned my lesson
To keep little dreams
In plain sight
Spin the clay wheel
And find your real deal
Keep little thoughts
In your mind
Of Little Heaven
Family, star-side

Eyes open, awake in exhaustion.
Bones ache, can't catch a wink.
Pretty love songs
sing my worries away.
Still my teeth grind,
grind, grind.

It's late.
The cars have stopped honking,
but the wheels of my mind turn on and
on and on.