Never forget the root that fed you,

for no matter the height you attain

remember the earth beneath your feet..

No matter your height,

                       you forget what
    you grew from...


you'll easily fall and no one will hear it.

I walked around, arms always crossed,
never speaking until I was spoken to.
I kept my head down, subservient to a ruler
who knew and preyed on my every weakness.

Lately, I've been fighting back.
My arms are outstretched, accepting what comes.
I released the anchors that sank my heart for years
without waiting for anyone's approval - only mine.

My head is held high.
The ruler can't weaponize the truth anymore.
My acceptance drained the poisonous power
of the ruler's previously potent weapons.

Now I am not ruled by anyone.
Try as they might, they'll never trap me again.
I'll never let them for as long as I draw breath,
and my spirit can finally soar to the greatest of heights.

you envy me for my resilience,

but you forget
the way I break harder than needed.

You’ve come a long way.
Don’t rise up until you feel the strength
Rise in you.

You’ve given yourself to everybody around
Now you are on the ground,
So lay down.

Birds won’t fly until you stand,
Understand the need of living and giving
Believing and grieving,

Completing

Each task on your way.

It’s been a long one.
Let weakness capture you —
You are the one to fight for.

While you’re on the floor,
I will lie with you.
Until you are strong enough again

To gain every thing you’re worthy of.

I talk myself out of having feelings for you every night.
I make a long list of how under-qualified I am to be yours.
My weaknesses far outweigh my strengths.  
It’s like someone with just a high school diploma applying to be a doctor.
I am severely unmotivated,
Terrible with finances,
And I do not work well under pressure.
Apply any pressure at all and I break.
You’re different.
You have accomplished so much in your 30something years.
Career.
Family.
Faith.
And you did it all on your own.
Then there’s me,
I don’t have anything to show for my 25years that I’ve existed.
I have books and movies to escape.
I read and watch life happen rather than live it myself.
Journals and papers filled with all my useless emotions and “experiences.”
Tear stained pages to remind me of all my heartbreak.
I have clothes that make me feel like I’m a woman.
Even though I’m a poor excuse for one.
I have makeup of all colors and finishes.
The only talent that I have.
Useless.
Not only do I have nothing to offer you,
I have nothing to offer anyone.  
But although I know all this is true,
I will still anxiously wait for you tomorrow.
I will still daydream about the conversations we will never have.
I will hope during the day,
And break my heart every night.

You can think of this
pandemic as an novel
slowly unfolding.

We are characters
caught up in the plot - we're the
heroes and villains.

We bring our desires,
educations, biases and
social reflexes.

All the small sins and
great vanities of mankind
have a home in us.

The challenges we
face, in chapters yet turned
would scare the angels.

Will, we, the people,
psychologically flinch
in this, our great hour?

If so, expect no
Crispian Day speech of legend
to mark our passing.