Warning!
Her mouth spews thunder while sunken eyes flash brighter than lightning.
Warning!
The fury that stirs within her could tear down houses faster than a twister. Believe me,
no force is strong enough to stop her once the wind picks up.
Warning!
This woman is a perfect storm.
Every time she cries, tears hail from her eyes, so untamed it could drown cities.

But he loves it.
He loves that no amount of restraint can stop her winds from exhuming trees from the earth.
He loves that there are not enough words to subdue the typhoon that envelops her head.
How courageous it is to stand in the eye of the storm showing no signs of fear, even more courageous when you lie with that storm every night.

You see,
I am that tornado ripping a part everything in my path.
I **** the sun out of the sky through a straw that is my own mind and leave nothing left behind but grey.
It is not a noble feat to love me. You do not get praise for standing out in the storm.
I never asked you to wait in the rain.
I never promised you a rainbow.
When you met me I blared my flash flood warning and handed you and umbrella.
I told you that I am like nature,
layered and unpredictable.

So when you come to me,
with a smile on your face saying that you've weathered the storm,
don't say I didn't warn you
when you hear thunder rumbling in the distance.

broken glass
at broken tables
with broken hearts
and broken thoughts

no one understands the broken

broken in the inside not the out
broken is the words you speak in quiet confidentiality
to a friend who will never quite understand

broken is crying at 2am
broken is staring at the razor in agony
knowing it causes more pain than relief
broken is feeling detached and fake

broken is not seeming broken

I did it alone…
When I got my first heart break last November of 2014, I went through it alone….
At home.
I fell to my knees in the shower crying my eyes out going through a break up & at the same time I felt as if I was shot in the heart by a gun, my heart didnt shatter, it just bled out empty as if there was a bullet hole.
I tried to fix it with a bandage, hoping it can cover up that bullet hole.
It did but it just made my heart feel so heavy that I needed to get blood out.
But I decided to bleed a different way out…
Razors slided across my skin,
Not my wrist, but on my thighs.
I didnt want anyone worrying at home because I didnt want to keep them alert that I was depressed and was really hurting having them see my cuts and think I was suicidal.
Im not suicidal, I just wanted to different way to get rid of the pain without taking off the bandage off my heart that was keeping my heart alive.
I walked during the day feeling dead inside and feeling the burning on my thighs.
Walking around with a fake smile to show I was “fine”
I sure fooled everyone
Late nights are the worst though
when everyone is asleep & im in the dark getting my emotions built up and my heart feeling heavy again….
Tears down my cheeks, trying to catch my breath.
So many memories flashing through my head.
They won’t stop, they never will.
I lose a lot of sleep at night but get sleep during the day if I can.
Sometimes I just wanted to sleep FOREVER because I was going through it alone….
At Home…
Sure iv had friends text me & some took me out when I asked them to help me get out of the house, but I still went through it Alone….
At Home.
1 YEAR LATER
Im still going through it alone…
At home..
BUT doing better.
Im still depressed but less than before.
Razor blades are no longer slicing my skin,
my scars & cuts have faded.
Some still visible while others are gone.
I still cover myself because I don’t wanna get questioned about them.
I usually distract myself with music, drawing & texting my friends.
The sleeping routine has become a habit…

A MONTH LATER on the night of my 20th birthday I hung with my friends making me happy and forgetting about the past. When I went home my small family planned a birthday party with just us 5, before the party started they let me sleep a few hours. Those were my last ZZZs I caught during the day because the day after my birthday I woke up early on my own & was awake all day feeling good :) and since my 20th birthday… NO more overthinking or being unable to sleep and staying awake during the day feeling good :) I DID IT ALONE im not 100% out of my depression BUT im almost out :) I GOT THIS!  -J.Pantoja

times getting closer listen well
end of times in nearer than one thought

being called home is no lie
soon the horizon will change
life as one knew it will forever change

death camps coming water winding down
by plan not being natural weather
got changed by man chemicals

changing the position of the
coming rain for the west

rain not coming either
trains to the death comp
are in place to depopulate

a large mass of people in these United States.
Graves already dug caskets lined up in rows
guillotines sharpened in place too.

This change is less than a year away
my words are true about Agenda 21 check
yourself on the internet.

By the way the chip is next red 666 on the arm if you refuse
no buying or selling or trading.

If you take the chip you will lose your soul and
never see God.
If you still refuse the other choice is head chopping
with the guillotines