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I dreaded that first Robin, so,
But He is mastered, now,
I’m accustomed to Him grown,
He hurts a little, though—

I thought If I could only live
Till that first Shout got by—
Not all Pianos in the Woods
Had power to mangle me—

I dared not meet the Daffodils—
For fear their Yellow Gown
Would pierce me with a fashion
So foreign to my own—

I wished the Grass would hurry—
So—when ’twas time to see—
He’d be too tall, the tallest one
Could stretch—to look at me—

I could not bear the Bees should come,
I wished they’d stay away
In those dim countries where they go,
What word had they, for me?

They’re here, though; not a creature failed—
No Blossom stayed away
In gentle deference to me—
The Queen of Calvary—

Each one salutes me, as he goes,
And I, my childish Plumes,
Lift, in bereaved acknowledgment
Of their unthinking Drums—
  Aug 2017 Kristie Townsend
Entry ~
By the pit of a black hole. That's how it'll happen. By the flick of a lighter, and a burnt up spoon tucked away in the corner. A half *** attempt to be discreet. It'll sit there. Staring at you, haunting you, taunting your very existence. By the death of a friend you called your family. A stupid, avoidable death at the hand of ***** needle. That's how it'll happen. You'll look up one day, at the bottom of a hole you can't remember falling into. You'll climb, and climb, clawing your way to the top. Desperately slipping back down every time you make headway. It's a hopelessly dark place. It's the kind of place that stays with you forever. Even if you're lucky enough to claw your way out for good. It's the kind of place that leaves you void of love. It's a place for broken down souls. For desperate addicts turning tricks just to get their fix. You'll find yourself there, alone. Cold. You'll find yourself wishing it all back. Wishing you never took that one little hit, never sniffed that innocent little line. You'll hate yourself for thinking just this one time, because you knew it was a lie the second it crossed your mind. You just didn't want to believe it. It was a choice. Falling to the bottom of this hole. You made it the second you chose to say yes that very first time. It was the moment you sold your soul to the devil. A signature scribbled half heartedly on a piece of charred up tinfoil. It was a choice, and you knew you were making it. It's the worst part about being this kind of addict. You know you'll die eventually. Just like that friend you called your family, but nothing is enough to make you stop. The opiates leave you hollow. A shell of a person that used to love. You'll find yourself so empty. You don't care about your family, or those friends still around that don't **** with what you're doing. You can remember a time when you were so close to them. So different. Still an addict, but just circling the rim of that hole you're in now. You weren't addicted to those drugs, but you were on your way. It was those friends that kept you in the light. That kept you from falling into those harder drugs. They were a lifeline. A silver string hanging from the stars. You held on for so long. Every time you looked down you got so scared. It was a long way to the bottom, but you had scissors in your hand the whole time you were hanging on. At a certain point, you got weak, and cut that silver cord. You fell so far down, and at the bottom of that hole, sitting in the corner to comfort you, a burnt up soon and a white bic lighter. You traded in your lifeline. It was no longer your friends that could bring you back to the light. It was a bag of tar, and a silver spoon. It was a choice, and when the day comes when you say you're getting clean, you'll reach for the hands that used to be there. Out spread, patiently hanging there waiting for you to grab them, and they won't be there.
This is not a writing about me. This is something I wrote in regards to a dear friend.
How do I sleep at night?
When you're losing this fight
Choking on candid emotions
That I can't even eat
Look at me, I'm thinning
Sure you are too
Sure it's a symbol
Of what's going to happen to you
I can't even fathom
You not being here
No more of this chasm
That you've fallen into
I'm sure if you die
I will too.
For my best friend. I hope your fire still burns. I promise I'll see you again. I have to
Who am I?
Inner most me I cry
I feel like I don't know.
So much of me I just can't show

Me the three part being
Recognize not the song I keep singing
Deeply feeling so shoddy

What a jest,me evolve
Difficult equation that I cannot solve
Yearning to change,never the same
Make the pain leave,stop the blame

Where's the Light, searching for hope
Need strength to loosen the rope
The waters have over taken me in it's mighty tide
Faith lead me on this roller coaster ride

So who am I,learning a step day by day
Being alone my choice don't have to be this way
Life and beauty can be a part of my path
Saying no to the war that has tried to claim me and it's terrible wrath
I feel at times so tired,but I have to keep fighting. I can't give up.
Kristie Townsend Jul 2017
i've decided to live my life positively happy
no more the victim of circumstance
smile and do the best that I can, always
Laugh my way through this merry dance

no need for more self pity
there are many with less than I
no more focussing on what could have been
no childish tears left to cry

I am the master of my own fate
my future, my destiny it does await
so i'll rejoice in the love that i feel
for my family, my friends, for they are real

I will venture into the big wide world
with dignity, pride & truth as my guides
my innate spirit is yet to be uncurled
from deep within my soul it idly resides

everything is well within in grasp
I believe in myself, finally, at last
no need, in greedy hands, do i need to clasp
insincere, negative energies that belong in the past

keep my eyes on the road ahead, I will
focus and achieve my goal
ignore words of spite, the less evolved have said
get myself out of this hole

like attracts like, that is a basic concept
and it is my fundermental belief, that I hold true
Negativity I will forcefully reject
in favour of experiencing what is underneath

for all humans have a heart
and some a conscience aswell
we are innocent at the very start
blank pages in a biography, no need to hard sell
I will greet each day with a loud Hello
glad that I am alive and well
I am positively happy, & a little mellow
I forgive & release myself from this self imposed hell

I trust that the universe will provide for me
all I need, to ensure I'm safe and happy
as long as i'm not too needy nor too greedy
as long as I no longer allow others to make me snappy

so today I place my cosmic order
I would like the universe to take note
a safe haven, love, prosperity & good health
Please place me on cloud 9 and allow me to float
Kristie Townsend Jul 2017
So I cut myself with a knife

just to see if I can still feel any thing in this pathetic life

But I feel nothing at all

as I watch my crimsom blood fall

I score my skin, deeper and deeper, push the knife in

nothing..... not even a sting...absolutely nothing

I fantically seek a virginal place I can carve, cut away my hate

self loathing, disgust, as I look at myself, what a ******* state

Waiting to faint, as my blood seeps and escapes

but as if mocking me, I have to wait

relief comes at a price, a deadly cost

and reminds me of all that i've lost

tired and sleepy, waiting for death to collect me

I've planned for no one to save me, finally be free

one last slice, just to ensure

deep across artery, my blood pumps no more
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