I thought the test was done and over
I thought that there was no more need for a mask
Yet I only proved how much space is seeking for something like the usual knowledge that fills it
I thought the ****** has already peaked
That peace is always what comes after war
That I was finally allowed to break face and stretch my cheeks
I never once thought that there was space for more
That I haven't yet escaped the forced normalcy everyone is insisting to keep
That I've always played around in the palm of their hands with no chance to get away

The birds are chirping continuously in a rhythmic beat
Found in the chamber where I keep everything I hold dear
With each chirp loudly echoing in the nothingness it is encased in
I can feel it around me
The growing goose bumps on my skin
The ghostly presence I still consider tentative
The piercing silence that I am afraid to break

I am still looking for that four leaf clover
The one that can finally rearrange the stars according to my sign
One that can make a bench warmer like me worth something

Yet a doll that holds no importance whatsoever
Is only a useless way of using space
Where a shiny medal or a bright smile can be placed
How much even is the worth of a doll
That is burnt and chipped all over that the child who once held it dearly
Now looks at it in shame
Shoved far away and below everything else
Even below baby pics and year old mints

What use are they anyway in a world where everything must be convenient and valuable
What is the purpose of staying in this world that makes you feel no longer needed
It doesn't matter if you are unique
Cause if you are useless
You are worthless

How do you
Forgive yourself
For all the
Things that
You never
Became?

Salted, flimsy orange rinds,
bittered instead of sweetened:
these are all I eat nowadays.

Crystalline textures coat my insides,
my blood pressure’s at an all-time high,
and my tensions are shooting through the roof.
By god, I’m so naïve,
So untouched by anything other than this,
it seems unlikely
that I would taste such saccharine things,
I’d be much more inclined to shrivel up my insides,
dehydrate all my limbs and pack them
like raw meat in a harsh winter.

I feel useless again.

slob for no job
going for a second degree, yet cant take a number 3
what will become of me, I wonder
Left pondering on my own since words I hear are mixed
So brilliant you are!
Thanks
Try here and here
Did
O
. . .
What good am I?

I wish i could do
The right ******* thing for once
But i guess i cant

Look at me
I'm not wax. I'm still because I'm sad
And I want you to hold me.

Don't put a lighter by my legs
I'm not a candle that can melt
But I am stuck in place
'Cause I want you to hold me.

Look at me, those purple welts
Are there because I carved them
Into me, my flesh, not wax or dough.
My lips are lilac with infection.

All I want is for you to hold me.

Why do you think I'm wax?
Plastic doesn't melt as fast as me
Because I'm made of weakness
(Weakness and bad decisions)
And it's true I'm unresponsive

But your voice gives me goosebumps,
And goosebumps are real.

Surely? Surely you'd reply
If I told you I'd nearly died, wax can't die

Wax can't die or *****.

I'm waiting for a response because
Its 3:19 and I want you to hold me.