When you've been burned by an old flame
You'll never treat the next the same

Less affectionate
Less intimate

Decathect and fear that I'll end like the last
So you don't try as hard and go rotten from the past

I'm scared to love you the way I loved him
You're the best I've ever had though my psyche is grim

My soul cries to stay but my mind pays the price
Why after it all burns down does the heart become ice

i hate being sober when you're not around
sometimes I question my sobriety
even in the absence
of such distant memories
were they real
or just nightmares and daydreams

now I'm turning 20
and you're not here
i hate being sober
i know on my birthday
I'll just be invisible to you
i hate being sober
i want to turn back time
i hate being sober
i want to be able to see the warning sign
the sign i missed
it was red
like the blood i would bleed for you
but yet we move
i thrive without you
somehow i manage

still, i must confess
i miss you

If only they could see the dreams that I see
Maybe they'd support me
I'm writing a book
A concept from 2016
Its a beautiful story
Yet my family and friends are not there for me
Its disheartening to be so passionate about something and feel like it is all for not
That is the curse of a dreamer
That is the curse of a leader
As my dream begins to fade, I won't give in under the pressure this time
This book, I've invested too much time into
This book to me is perfect
I just have to help them see that it's worth it

Soulmate heartbreak
I wish we never met

Wait I take that back
I wish we never looked each other in the eye
So I could forget

You caught my interest
But I didn’t catch yours
I guess that’s how life goes
And when it rains it pours

You said you loved me
But you didn’t mean it
Lost and confused

I thought we were the perfect fit

You were my everything
But I was nothing

I saw you
And you saw
Too much loving

My dream was so close to be a reality
When i found you, i found a speck of light in the dark
The light that guides me and drags me out of the abyss

I used to put this love in the deepest recess of my heart
Together we lived our own story
You created my dream
But to be honest, i only regret of my self

You crushed it all
You left me
My dream is now just pieces of our love puzzle
That cant be resolved

I had to let you go
Forgetting your smile
Everything about you, about me, about us, just a wish
Far, so far away, to what i wanted to be

I feel like my thoughts
are pouring out my ears
everyone can hear things
that i don't want them to hear
that's not a good thing
they'll make fun of me
if they hear my thoughts
they wouldn't leave me be
they'd all bully me
I'm being sincere
these types of thoughts
I want no one to hear

Hey Mom,

I just wanted to tell you about the amazing day I am having. First, I woke up to water dripping on me, as if the leaky roof were trying to improve the lumpy bed by giving it a good soak- when the brochure said I “would feel closer to nature more than ever,” I didn't think it meant so literal. After salvaging some semi-dry clothes, I went outside to realize my car window had been broken into. It was dumb of me for leaving my laptop bag in the car when I got in last night, I was just so exhausted from the drive. Well, you know how I get when I get upset, so I chunked my phone, as if it was the one causing my great morning. It landed in some bushes, and after wrestling with the branches for a bit, I finally saw him. Not even ten feet away from my phone did I see the most beautiful pelican. Something about his simple eyes, looking at me with some mixture of boredom and apathy, made me realize where I was. The cool air filled my lungs, leaving smell of salt in my nose. The sand I was sitting in was warm from the sun, feeling like that cozy quilt grandma made for me years ago.
So yeah, today was an amazing day.

With Love,

Chris