foggy memories arise as the sun speaks
good-morning

peace of mind falls as the moon winks
good-night

                                                 - ups and downs
                                                 a life of balances

                                                      ­                  …

Life is a big road trip

nothing is set in stone, cause
every day is a new sheet of paper

you choose what can make the paper
look good or bad


just like life, it can be you eating a nice meal
or you making bad deals and not getting
the best meal

Life is pain.
But I wouldn't say
I've always felt this way.
Pain is a cruel and hateful teacher,
Demanding I fight for each and every breath.
I'm grateful towards death,
That it will all end at some point.
It's a ******* shame
That life has no real reason or aim.
What a peculiar thing

Please.
Could u find it in your heart
To give me back all those vulnerable moments?
Because I feel so stupid now
I feel stupid for going against every fiber of my being and exposing myself
For daring to say those things that come from a place so deep in my heart that it terrifies me.
Knowing that when they rise to the surface
When they escape the warmth of my chest and meet the warmth of the sun they become real
They become present
And tangible
And I need you to give them back because I regret it now
Because I dared to trust and you did exactly what I expected
Because I spent my life building walls and was so well protected
But I leapt
I dared to love fully and relentlessly
And I was all in so I put it in ink.
I put it in air
I put it in touch
I cemented it in time and space.
And I regret it.
I don't regret the relentless love but I regret letting it see the surface
I regret letting you see all those lisa Frank feelings.
So colorful and magical and childlike
And I'm embarrassed.
Cause in the end you didnt deserve it
But now it's yours
And for the rest of your life you have the privilege of those memories that were birthed from a trust you betrayed
You'll get to look back and see how much I loved you
How hard I loved you
And I'll always see how it was too much
I'll always be mad that I went all in
Yet it wasn't enough for you to go all in for me
Staggering inequity
Now how will I dare to trust again?
How will I not temper the reckless abandon that makes it so exciting?
Love Is easy,
But taking that love. Those words. Those memories
and giving it matter
Depth
Sound
Touch
Color
That's a gift. It's the purest art.
So please just give them back so I can protect it better next time.
I think
Next time I'll just keep love in my heart.

we knew it couldn’t work
i followed her into the hole in my heart and
she built a home there right from the start
she led me to the city’s edge
and i followed right to the end
we kept a mutual knowing between growing distance
between the coffee dates and
stolen glances
and restless ways
we’d wring out our hands
and i knew it couldn’t work
i told them about you
and it felt good, it felt new, it felt different
but i let me get the best of you,
and you faded away with all I couldn’t give you
our love was as good as dead and
we didn’t last anywhere
just in new york, in my dreams
in the world in my head

in a couple of years time ill ask if you understand
and we’ll do it all again
knowing we’re done before it ends

She left me like
Brutus left Caesar
like a shark attack.
My back was bent and
bleeding, and I was well
versed in delirium.

She had the electricity
shut off the day after
she abandoned me, and I drank
myself into a new oblivion.
There were kittens in
the wall--shadows tall and hot,
and I was well versed
in delirium.

I stole Four Locos' from
the convenience store, but
not enough to keep
the goblins at bay.
They chased me through
my nightmare--molested
me at dawn.
The elixir exorcised the monsters.
But I often misplaced it,
in the dryer or fireplace.
Meat began to rot in
the freezer, and I was
well versed in delirium.

My moon flowered brain thought
the cat tree was
a person.
I paced the floor and
talked to it; asked questions,
sought solace.
Degradation of the
mind reached critical mass.
And I landed in the
psych ward again.
The bats brought seizures,
and cheesecake, and yogurt
berry parfaits that were
to die for.
I was well versed in
delirium