Normal people don't want to hurt themselves.

And I thought I was getting better

      but then I woke up on the tile

the water had lost its heat and the burn had moved to my throat

chew me up,
spit me out,
this seems to be
all that you're about.

pulverize me in your jaw
a crunch, a snap,
expel me on the wall.

watch me drip,
watch me run,
put me on display,
critique me endlessly for fun.

sweet tea and you are synonymous in my mind.
the taste is just right-- although,
overall,  you are both unhealthy for me.
yet i add another sweetener,
and i call you again.

This can’t be healthy how I keep blaming everyone,
for the problems I set in motion
It was my own fault
and I couldn’t see the storm coming
but instead of facing it like a man,
I ran like a coward, came back to redeem myself
and as you can see I lost
  
With every scream and stand for pride
I lost who I was on the inside
So I don’t want to die
but one day I just might
and just know before that day I will make things right
  
It’s all trapped in my head
Who I used to be
It nags just like an echo
What I wouldn’t give to make it stop
and create the beautiful picture I long for
  
I don’t have much of a soul anymore
So insensitive when friends try to tell me stories
I act like I’m so much better,
like what I have to say is all that matters
I don’t care about anyone but myself and at times I can’t even look in the mirror...
When my love turns to hate it’s hard to face the day
  
Fire consumes me, hell bound
but I must fight this
Born to lead and I have people who look up to me
I’m just so tired of being sorry and tired of being sick
I want to fight for those that need me
I want to start keeping my promises

No more tree,
No more lights,
Don’t you agree?
We miss the nights.

The house is empty,
No more embellished,
Everything was hefty,
Still smell the meat was relished.

Can’t hear the bells,
Neither the music,
Nothing else dwells.

An empty dwelling,
That’s all the remains,
There’s no foretelling,
What where the gains.

Two sizes more,
Feel like a boar,
My **** is sore,
Need to run for.

When you first look her in the eyes and admire the way they shine in the moonlight,
look deeper than the iris and drown in her pupil
as it is dark and it is deep, and it is similar to that of the Marianas trench itself.
When you get deep inside her brain, you will see the monsters that man cannot at first glance.
It gets so somber that your heart will get heavy and your palms will sweat,
you will repeatedly want to turn and you will want to run away,
but don’t.
Because these thoughts are not demons after you,
they are attacking her relentlessly and while she does not need a hero,
a helping hand won’t hurt.
She is not helpless, but she is also not safe
and she is afraid, and she is hiding from them.
So when she flinches away from your touch,
be gentle.
Like the breeze she feels when she opens her window on a late August night to feel something other than the stillness of her room
and to remind herself she is not just imagining her existence.
Remember that she has been through her share of nightmares like you, and while some may not be as bad, they are incredibly real to her.
Remember that she needs someone to love just as much as you.
Do not think this is a demand you love her when she has no one else,
just open your mind and your heart because that skinny girl with tired eyes is one of the most beautiful you’ll ever meet
and you will remember her for years to come.
Please, be gentle for she is fragile.
She is cracked, but has been dropped and broken so many times, the pain is not as bad,
the hurt is not such a surprise.
Do not let her be surprised if you stay when she expects you to go, because she will,
she will assume, she will get weak and she will picture you leaving when she needs you most
or she will try to push you away,
but remember her smile and remember her face because every actress is told they have so much to love but that does not mean they are all in bliss.
You’re the polish on her scuffed up shoes,
you’re the sun peeking through her blinds on a cool summer morning,
you’re the reminder that it will all be okay,
So long as you don’t run.
When you meet a girl
with shaky hands and a faint heart,
remember that she can get stronger again.
You are not her crutches, but you are support.
Do not think her life depends on you, because it doesn't.
Never put that on yourself.
You are not a superhero, but you can be her helping hand
If you remember
that it’s alright to stay.

I’m scared, too.

It's easy to get obsessed with something
that isn't good for the self.

For me, it was you.

You were that ****** song,
I couldn't get out of my head.
That type of chocolate,
I could never get enough of.
Those hours I overslept.
That escape I found,
every time I wept.

Those day dreams.
Those feelings.
That smile.

None were good for me,
yet that is what I'm craving.