Scrolling through the past
Is informational
It reminds us of who we once were
And who we've become
Rediscovering feelings
We had almost forgotten we had
And we'd shared them with the world
And we didn't do half bad
I thought I'd never escape her
Her iron grip leaving bruises where she held us
But we did
We made it
Life got a little better for it too

We aren't fixed
We are still sad
We still have depression
But it's not as bad as it was
She's gone from our lives
Our abuser
Tormenter
Stepmother

And she dares to call herself a fighter

I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from the delights of this world.
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
as long as she dwells within.
Show me, my life's end
and the number of my days.
Each mans life is but a breath
man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro;
He bustles about, but only in vain.
Your invasion consumes me
You rebuke and discipline me
You **** every last breath out of me.
Slowly trapping me, until i become  no more.
Look away from me, that i may rejoice again
before i depart and am no more.

Reaching from my bed,
disguised as safe space,
gradually releasing its poison.

Paralyzing my mind, body and soul
and inexorably imprisoning my whole.

Eventually dropping out of bed,
I continue my daily walk to the toilet.
A gnomish little space.
No windows,
no colours,
no sink,
no outside world.
Merely three walls and a squeaking door.
Isolation at its finest.

Progressing to the kitchen,
I find a room filled with triggers and false comfort,
followed by attacks of anxiety, loneliness and failure.

Eventually ceasing back
to my seemingly soothing safe space.

Yielding into reoccurring patterns
of soul *******.

Drowning in feelings of guilt and self-harm.

I’m stuck in my dungeon,
trapped with no way out.
Nothing to do but eat, sleep and think
I messed up,
But nobody deserves this.
No phone, no car...
Little contact with friends.
Lindsay can’t come to St. Louis.
I can’t go to Buffet
I can’t wait to go back to school!

I’m drowning in my self pity.
It’s a downright shame.
Where do I go?
Who do I blame?
Myself, but not completely!
I’m banging on the door,
Trying to pound my way out
But there is no answer,
Just ignorance and pride,
On the other side!

Do I stay or do I go?
Do I stick around or do I flee?
Do I think of them or if me?
That is the unanswered question
I might know the answer; I don’t recall...
They make themselves feel BIG by making me feel small.
Who needs counseling again?
That just isn’t healthy!
Man, how I wish I was wealthy!
Then there would be no questions on what to do!

That’s what makes me happy, them.
No place to go,
I wish it wasn’t so.
I’m stuck and imprisoned,
A prisoner in my own home, with no key.
Rock bottom is what I just hit
It’s a new destination,
A new and different place,
And I just can’t escape.

free as a bird I found myself out of the cage of love
a display of unrestrained delight
released from physical obstruction
only to realize freedom smelled like floral notes of sambac,
jasmine and tunisian orange blossom just like you

With too much time on my hands
I think of you
It’s funny how these cycles
Keep on spinning
Cobwebs in my mind
Still catching lies

And love feels a world away
Behind glass
It’s easy to feel trapped
The line between observer
And observed
No longer exists