I feel like a stranger in my own body
I lay awake
Feeling like nothing
but a fake
Wondering if it would be painful
to drown in a lake
Pain has already consumed me
I no longer know what I am meant to be
For I am no longer free
I am no longer me
Just..
A stranger in my own body!

I have been through hell, beyond what anyone will truly understand.
There’s emotional damage that’s been done as consequence for having such an open and trusting heart.
I’ve fallen too fast, I’ve loved too easily, and I’ve trusted too many.
I am damaged and broken in ways that will never be mended.
I will never be who others want me to be because that is all that I’ve ever wanted to be.
My friends need me to be their crutch, my parents need me to be their perfectly well-rounded daughter, and the man I’m falling for,
well...
I just want to give him the best of me.
How does one pick and choose who to be for the ones they love, when regardless, the love almost always remains unreciprocated?
I would love to be their perfect daughter, but that’s not who I am.
I would love to be the perfect friend who picks up every call, but for reasons that I cannot control, that cannot be me.
I would love to be cared for, protected, and eventually loved unconditionally by the man who’s almost too perfect to be real.
But, I can't have the one person that makes me truly happy because everything else remains in my way.
I've been damaged,
broken,
bruised,
and used.
All I want is happiness, yet she shall remain a stranger to me until I find my escape from the overwhelming demands of everyone that I care for.

I came up to the ocean, I fell asleep.
I’m a newborn in the ether. Feel nothing.
Poseidon is calling for me. I breathe my last.
Feel nothing.
Thanatos whispers:
“endlessness, wilderness, might”.
Forever and a day of mort came.

I was ******* to my bed.
I stood over deep abysm.
There was a morn,
Full of fructuous hope.
You brought me to life.
You showed my this world,
it came out to be heartless.
My hands were freed,
Freed but cold, dead, limp.
Death breathed few words.
Its echo murders me.
Untill last sunray is seen.

******. ******. Little. Drop.
Ripping. Tearing. Never. Stop.

Losing control poisoned me.
But in your torment, I was free.

Butchers slab, hard and cold.
Another victim, never old.

******. ******. Little. Drop.
Drinking glass, filling up.

Travel to the loneliest
Part of my mind
So dark
That it’s hard to see the light

There lives
The hope I once cherished
The dreams I once adored
And the pain I fear
Cannot be escaped.

Why is it so uncomfortably comfortable
to drown yourself in your emotion
by basking in the sadness of a song
torturing yourself so much by having it on repeat
but you can’t pull yourself together
long enough to change the song
you just wanna cry all the sadness out
but then you do it so you feel numb
so you don’t have to feel

You stand there accusingly
Saying rude things
Spouting nonsense
About breaking necks

About ****
Childhood and pain
Yet you don't know
About their past

You don't know
The pain they endured
The suffering they bare
Or the sorrow in their heart

Learn to open yourself up
Before you speak ill
Because what if they
Were ***** as a child

What if their mother
Curb stomped them
What if the only sense
Of peace is death

What if life is meaningless
What if everytime
They see a van
They freak out hysterically

What if a pitbull comes charging
Do you think they run
Or do you think freeze
Right in their tracks

What if they scream at night
From the dreams they get
Or cry themselves to sleep
Because they don't know what love is

What if their pain
Is so great
That the only way
They can express it

Is to hold it in
And never let it show
For fear that
It shows great weakness

You have no idea
What other's stories are
So before you judge or laugh
Take the time to know theirs