1/19/15
4:03 AM: why did you stop caring about me?

1/22/15
11:46 PM: I've been so alone.

1/25/15
3:27 PM: you can't give me advice about staying sober when you are always high.
3:29 PM: i don't think you'll ever understand how bad this hurts.
3:30 PM: you don't understand how badly I've been hurting.
3:30 PM: you don't know how bad you hurt me.
3:31 PM: you tore me apart.

1/26/15
4:21 PM: do you ever scratch your scrub your skin until you bleed?
4:31 PM: sometimes i feel like i'll never make it out...

1/28/15
5:03 PM: there's a gun underneath my bed
5:10 PM: i keep it within reach just incase the war gets to be too much

maybe if you texted me some other time
besides the wee hours of the morning,
when i am nestled in my bed
willing my mind to dream of anything
other than you.
maybe if you texted me some other time
besides the wee hours of the morning,
when you finally worked up the confidence
or maybe just the stupidity
to say what we both know is true.
maybe if you didn't wait
until there was no blood left in your veins
and only alcohol
to send me a message
we could have a conversation about the past and present.
maybe if you didn't tell me
how much you missed me
when i know that you will confess if all to her
i wouldn't be so afraid to tell you that i miss you too.
maybe if you texted me some other time
besides the wee hours of the morning,
you would get a reply.

If I have to worry about if I'm replying to you too quickly and seeming over eager or something, the length of my texts being too long or the content of my texts being too weird, or the amount of texts I send you at once being too much because I'm scared I'll freak you out and annoy you by making you feel like I'm talking too much and won't shut up or I'm obsessed with you or something, then we are not really friends.

It's really hard to be nice to you
I used to know you
You were the person I said everything to, I cared about you, and every time I look at you now I see the past like it's jabbing me in the chest
I missed you every day it hurt, but now the pain has lessened to a mere touch.
we did our time & like a boat sinking into an abyss at the bottom of the ocean, we're done for.

"I don't want to be alive anymore"
"I gtg my phone is dying"

how ironic
at the same time your
phone was dying
so was i.
but what was more important to you?

It's the time to act on the promises
Instead of a welcoming embrace, I receive an apology
Played by the game I made
She deserves more too
But she has no clue

I was reading old texts again
Or at least what little is left.
How I wish we could go back
To the time we talked til morning.

Typing on our phones
Like time didn't exist.
Sending texts
Like it was world's end.

We'd talk of nothing,
But something at the same time
I don't know if I forced you
Or if you truly did want to speak.

The past can bring joy and pain,
And now I'm in both.
I wish we still texted each other
Because I sort of miss you.