Clowns have always terrified me
with their hideous evil grins

"I am in love with you.

it's strange to say such a thing without hesitation, but it's also brings a feeling that's indescribable. There's always been the thing where he ignored me when he was with other people, or when he took books from libraries and never returned them. But you, there is absolutely nothing that is not pure perfection and it terrifies me. There's nothing I'm more afraid of than you. you are the glue that holds me together and your arms is the place I call "home", but you are what I fear most. bizarre isn't it? it is so extremely terrifying because as much as every atom and part and vessel in your body is perfect, and though all I do is work on myself and work myself to go a little faster, move a little longer and push a little harder I won't ever have even one flawless feature. my freckles look like little spots of dirt while the slightly darker spots on your skin look like gorgeous constellations in a night sky full of stars, and my face has always been accompanied by a tad of chubbiness but somehow, You have a perfectly sculpted face complimented by your porcelain skin. I'm terrified because I won't ever be the flawless thing
you think
I am."

Buried alive in a worm box
As he smuggle stood on top
"***** I'm burying you alive"
"No one will hear your cries"
The worms wiggled around behind my back
I struggled there in the pitch black
The smell of freash earth was so overpowering
And on top he just stood up there towering
I clawed at the lid
Of that old frig
But he was to heavy it did not give
My oxygen was soon depleted
I knew then I was defeated
Buried alive in a worm box
Who would of ever thought

As you can see I survived that day
But when at last on a cold slab I lay
And when they put that tag on my toe
It's off to the crematorium I go
Because being buried once is quite enough
I really am not all that tough

I can hear myself getting more and more annoying
Because the only thing I speak about
Is him.
I can see the people I talk to getting tired of hearing about him.
See the exhaustion on their faces as I go on and on about this man I claim to be so in love with.
And I can't stop myself.
Not for one second.
Because if I stop myself
Maybe the spell will break.
Maybe I only love him theoretically.
Maybe my love for him is contingent on being able to talk about him.
Maybe if I stop talking about him every second of the day
I will cease to love him
And then I will have nothing.
Nothing to talk about.
No one to be with.
And that's so absurd.
Because I love him.
I love him with all my being...
But here I am.
Still talking about him
Because I'm too scared to find out if I'm right.

For all the things that happened in the past
It left me, for once, terrified
Of the idea of love
Yes, love.

It is something that almost everyone is scared of
But I was never terrified of it
Until now....
Things do really change

I am terrified that I would always be let down
Terrified that I would never be good enough
Terrified that I would never fine it again
In totality, I am terrified

Love is really not something to be afraid of
It is something to cherish
To enjoy and to be thankful for
But, sometimes, something breaks the idea for you

However, I still keep a positive thought
Of the idea of love
I know one day I won't be terrified again
I would embrace it again with no hesitations

I don't want to lose you
But I'm scared
That you will never talk to me again
That I'll never hug you again

And I'm terrifyed
Completely terrifyed
That you aren't scared
That you wouldn't mind if we never crossed paths again
That you could happily live on knowing I died

All I've ever wanted to be is a hero
I want to be a good person
A kind person

But to you Im a monster
Im the villian and far from being a good person