Sleep is a trial period for suicide
You lay there, try to fall asleep
trying to end it all
Your mind doesn't quiet down
You run through everything from that day
everything in your life
And slowly the talking quiets
Slowly you start getting peace
slowly you start to hear everything around you less and less
every voice, every noise is fuzzy
Your eyes get heavy
your eyes get heavy
You let the idea of temporary sleep take over you
you let the idea of sleep take over you
You sleep, for however long you can
you sleep for forever
But you wake up
you don't wake up
And you get up and you live your life
Because you're too afraid of what suicide means
You're too afraid of what you leave behind
You're too afraid of leaving your mom
To leave her to grieve her only daughter
Her world
You're too afraid to leave your cat
Who loves you dearly
And wouldn't know why you abandoned her
When she was sent down from heaven
To save you
But you can only put so much pressure on an animal
But know matter how sad you get
You know you could never take your own life
So you go to sleep
Because sleep is suicide for the scared
I don't know what prompted me to write this, maybe it's knowing I have to go back to school and I haven't done one thing to help my anxiety. That I'm sad more and more often but it comes in waves and I refuse to self diagnose myself with anything but also refused to go get diagnosed because I feel like I'm making it up. So I turn to this, writing because it's the only healthy coping mechanism I have.
